5 Ways to Support Your Loved One With PTSD

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PTSD affects a person’s mood, physical health, and outlook on life. It can take years to heal , and it affects every aspect of a person’s life. Loved ones can make all the difference in a person’s journey through PTSD, but it’s not always easy to know how to help. Sometimes, we may think we are doing something good when we are unintentionally causing harm.

There are five things everyone can do to help their loved one navigate PTSD. These things might not feel natural to do and some of them take practice and patience to implement. What counts is that you are learning, trying, and being patient as you try to help.

How to Help with PTSD

Go slow and let them determine the pace

After experiencing trauma, most people want to feel safe and comfortable as they process the experience and try to heal from it. This might cause them to become insular or even isolated. In the context of a relationship, they might seem cold, distant, and detached.

It’s alarming to feel distance from a loved one. What is important to remember is that their actions are not personal. They are simply trying to cope with the aftermath of trauma. If it is their first time dealing with PTSD, they likely don’t know what they are doing and might be afraid, overwhelmed, and unbalanced. Let them take the lead and set the pace so that they can begin to feel in control of their lives once more. This is their first step on the path to healing.

Don’t be surprised by outbursts or unusual behavior

One of the effects of PTSD is on a person’s nervous system. Ordinary places like shopping malls or crowded venues like churches might suddenly trigger them. Certain smells, flavors, or sounds might make them jumpy or repulsed. They might even display symptoms of dizziness or clumsiness from time to time.

It’s worrying to see these behaviors in people who previously never acted like this. PTSD causes many triggers that are impossible to control at first. Your reaction to this behavior can either help or harm them as they try to understand their triggers and how best to react to certain stimuli. Reassure them that you are not judging them and try to help them as they learn their triggers.

Remind them that they are loved

Our grandparents once taught us that “words will never hurt us,” but sadly, this is not true. People are often ashamed to be dealing with PTSD on top of the existing emotions stemming from their trauma. They might feel deep embarrassment, shame, guilt, and even self-loathing over the events in their past. It is often these emotions that present the biggest hurdles to healing.

They need to hear your verbal affection and pledges to stick with them, regardless of the complications. They need to hear that they are loved and lovable. Any promise must be backed up by action, so show up for them again and again.

Encourage them to get extra support or treatment

Shame and guilt often keep people from getting help, although there may be several reasons why your loved one does not want to get help. Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of not knowing where to go or what help is available.

You could help them by talking to them about therapy and counseling. If they are open to it, you could help them look into the availability of therapists, support groups, counselors, and other resources.

Educate yourself on PTSD and complex trauma

PTSD and CPTSD are complex issues. One of the best ways to help a loved one is to research these topics and learn about the science and emotional impact of them. This will help you understand what your loved one is going through and why they are acting the way they are. It will also help you know how to communicate with them and give them the specific care they need most.

Caring for a loved one with PTSD can be difficult, and many people are wary of adding to the trauma their loved one is facing, even accidentally. Sometimes, we just need to know that everything is “normal” even though it doesn’t feel like it.

Finding Support Through Trauma Therapy

Every helper needs support of their own. A counselor is an important addition to make for both your loved one with PTSD and for yourself. A therapist at Newport Beach Christian Counseling can give you the assurance you need, as well as long-term support.

If you are interested in meeting with a Christian counselor, contact us at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California today. We will arrange a visit with a qualified therapist in Newport Beach. They will lend their support to you as you care for and cope with your loved one’s PTSD.

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4 Tips for Surviving Infidelity

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Infidelity and affairs hurt more than the relationship between a husband and wife. It breaks down trust, feelings of love and acceptance, and self-confidence, and increases insecurity and fear. These are obstacles to tackle if you want to stay together. Ignoring these emotions will only cause them to fester as the weeks, months, and years pass, trapping you in the past. Surviving infidelity is possible with hard work, patience, and recommitment to the union.

4 tips for surviving infidelity

Surviving infidelity and remaining married requires work from both spouses. This may not seem fair to the hurt spouse at first. If you are the one who was hurt, you might feel that the other person should have to put in all the work to fix what they broke. This is a natural reaction to injustice.

However, surviving infidelity means acknowledging that things will never truly go back to the way they were. The affair changed you, your spouse, and your relationship. You must discover and navigate this new relationship to rebuild and strengthen it.

Take your vows seriously by recommitting

If you seek reconciliation only because you are afraid of the future, being alone, or “for the kids,” you should reconsider. A marriage can only last if the couple is 100% committed to making it work against the odds. Read over your marriage vows and recommit to the relationship before seeking help.

Seek help to overcome marital issues

Although you can heal a marriage without outside help, seeking advice from knowledgeable and experienced people can help repair the bond. That advice may come from your pastor in the form of marriage counseling or a mental health professional specializing in surviving infidelity and affairs. You need guidance during this season, not judgment. Be discerning in who you choose to confide in about your marriage.

Look to improve yourself

Although pointing out your spouse’s flaws is tempting, especially after an affair, when rebuilding the relationship, look to improve yourself. If you seek marriage counseling, the counselor will work with both of you, but think about what characteristics you want to attain. What are your values? Do you reflect them? You cannot change another person. You cannot “fix” them. Only they can do that. The only thing you can control is bettering yourself.

Bring God into the equation

Often, our lives are busy and chaotic, and when the storms hit, we leave God entirely out of the problem. Yet, God holds the solutions, the healing, and the peace. Bring God back into the marriage covenant, asking Him to lead both of you by His Holy Spirit to make the right decisions and open your hearts to healing and trust.

How counseling can help

Following an affair, the feelings of betrayal and hurt are too raw. The hurt spouse may be shocked, angry, or sad (or all three). The spouse who cheated may feel hopeless and desperate to make amends and save the marriage. Having an unbiased third party who can offer advice and suggestions for surviving infidelity can be invaluable to your relationship.

Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California can help. Your counselor in Newport Beach, California will work with you as a couple to overcome obstacles and manage setbacks. Call our reception team today to schedule a session with a Christian marriage counselor in Newport Beach. Don’t let go of hope. Lean into God, ask for help, and keep the faith.

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“Poppy Field”, Courtesy of Marina Reich, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Grieving and Making Use of Prayers of Lament

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Grief and loss come to us all at one point or another in our lives. In those moments, we can find ourselves struggling and without the words to express the deep and complicated emotions and thoughts we’re experiencing. Holding your grief and honoring that experience on one hand, while holding onto trust and hope in the other, can be difficult. This is where prayers of lament can be helpful.

When you’re grieving, you are trying to process loss in your life. Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s important to allow yourself the time and space to grieve. Using the prayers of lament from Scripture is one way to process and express your grief.

The various causes of grief

Loss can happen in a variety of ways. We often think of death, but it applies to many things. We form emotional attachments to other people, things, and places, and they become part of our everyday life. You could even say that they help shape who we are, and so when we lose those things, it affects us in profound ways. These connections and attachments can be broken or disrupted in numerous ways.

The kinds of loss that can induce grief include the loss of a relationship through the death of a loved one, a bad breakup, or a divorce. Loss also occurs when you experience significant failure, a cherished dream gets shattered, or when a loved or deeply respected person betrays you or lets you down. When you move away from your childhood home or the community that has nurtured you, that can also fuel a sense of loss.

Grief can come in various guises, and it is connected to the loss you’ve experienced. For instance, if you lose a loved one due to a natural disaster, an accident, or through some form of violence, which can lead to trauma and traumatic grief.

This type of grief involves losses that happen under horrific or unpredictable circumstances. Grief can also be anticipatory, in that the loss hasn’t yet occurred, but the feelings of loss and grief set in, in anticipation of loss. Grief can thus be complicated.

Allowing prayers of lament to be part of your grief

The process of grieving is unique to each person, and how they make sense of their loss won’t look the same as it does for another person. You may have heard of the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages don’t delineate a straightforward process that runs in order, and when you get to the other side of it, you’re done grieving. Rather, it indicates the kinds of emotions you may experience along the way.

Scripture offers many prayers to address grief in its many forms. One of the kinds of prayers in the Bible is lament. This sort of prayer can be helpful when a person is grieving. A lament is an honest, raw expression of our sorrows that’s directed toward God. It is an expression of your pain and a way to mourn loss. A sizable portion of the Psalms is made up of laments in various contexts.

Many people who follow Jesus assume that they can or should only pray happy prayers, or prayers that are full of hope. This often means that in practice they feel the need to suppress feelings of angst, sorrow, pain, distress, anger, depression, and more. Jesus, while He was on the cross, quoted from one of the Psalms of lament, Psalm 22, when he said, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1, Matthew 27:46, NIV).

It’s okay for a believer to feel sorrow and grief, to experience a sense of abandonment. Jesus, and the rest of the Psalms, show us the way. Those feelings can be directed at God and addressed to Him. The Lord is big enough to handle our most complex and painful emotions and experiences. The Psalms show us how to hold our grief and thankfulness in tension, as in Psalms 13, for instance:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?… But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. – Psalm 13:1-2, 5-6, NIV

You can tell God how you honestly feel, knowing that the heavenly Father welcomes you and wants to hear from His children. This is one Psalm, but we don’t know how long it took David to move from the emotions of the first verses to the utterances of hope and gratitude in the last verses. It can take time. You don’t have to rush toward expressing gratitude, but you can trust that you’ll get there. In the meantime, you can be honest with God about your grief.

Reaching for help

The psalms of lament can help to give us the language as well as permission to take our grief to God. Likewise, you can also talk with a grief counselor in Newport Beach, California, who can help you to process your grief and make sense of your experiences. Reach out to our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California and we will schedule an appointment for you with a qualified therapist in Newport Beach who will help you to cope with your loss.

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“Flower”, Courtesy of Lidia Stawinska, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

How to Deal with Guilt and Not Feeling Good Enough

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Sometimes in life, you swing big, and you miss. That’s okay because without taking risks, we wouldn’t be able to accomplish meaningful things. When things don’t go the way you anticipate, however, it can be unhelpful to internalize that failure and tell yourself that you are a failure. Yes, we can fail, but at other times we succeed, and the risks we take pay off. Who you are as a person, and the value you possess goes far deeper than your failures, successes, or guilt.

Guilt is a feeling of unease or unhappiness that settles on you when you feel that you’ve done something immoral or wrong. Persistent feelings of guilt can end up shaping how you perceive yourself. You can end up feeling as though you haven’t only done something wrong and feel bad about it, but that you yourself are bad. It’s important to know how best to deal with these feelings.

The roots of guilt and not feeling good enough

Feeling guilty and not feeling good enough often derive from the same root. When there is a standard of conduct that one has failed to attain, that sense of failure is what causes the unease or distress we often call guilt. That standard may be derived from one’s family, surrounding culture, or from one’s spiritual formation. Failing to meet that standard may also make one feel as though they aren’t good enough.

While a person can feel guilty or not good enough for various reasons, it’s also possible that they can feel these things unnecessarily or excessively. A person can irrationally feel responsible for something that is outside of their control, or that wasn’t their fault. This is known as false guilt.

This can be the result of:

  • Holding onto unattainable and unrealistic standards or expectations.
  • Taking on way too much responsibility for the actions of others.
  • Deeply internalizing unfair or unrealistic familial or societal expectations.
  • Misinterpreting a situation by mistaking or misattributing causes and effects.
  • Constant negative self-talk that induces a sense of guilt.
  • A lack of self-compassion.
  • Past traumatic experiences.

This can have many negative consequences in a person’s life such as self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and stunting personal growth. Thus, false guilt can create an unhealthy sense of self as well as affect a person’s mental and emotional health. Recognizing and addressing false and other forms of guilt helps promote well-being.

How to deal with guilt

Guilt has its place in our lives because it helps us be aware that we’ve done something that we shouldn’t have done, or not done something that we ought to have done. This gap between our actions and our ideals can drive us to act to rectify the deficiency. To address your guilt, the best way is to act, by seeking to undo what was done, to try and make amends, as well as to apologize for any harm caused.

Handling guilt can be difficult because it requires you to come face to face with your inability to meet a certain standard. There are healthy ways to deal with guilt, as well as unhealthy ways to address it. Some of the healthy ways to work through your feelings of guilt include the following:

Acknowledge your feelings

Instead of trying to pretend that you aren’t distressed or that there’s no reason to feel distressed, recognize and accept your guilt. Avoid either denying or suppressing your emotions, as this can only serve to prolong the process of addressing the root issues.

Identify the root cause

Take some time to reflect on the situation or action that’s the source of your guilt. You need to be honest with yourself about what could have led to your feelings of guilt.

Take responsibility

Guilt is often the result of having made a mistake and fallen short of certain expectations. If you’ve made a mistake, own up to it and apologize if necessary. If amends need to be made and can be made, then make them.

Practice self-compassion

Taking responsibility for your (in)action can be hard, but you can approach it with kindness and understanding toward yourself. We all make mistakes and fall short of our own standards and those of others, especially God’s standards (Romans 3:23, 6:23). However, you can deal with yourself truthfully and lovingly, just as you would a friend in a similar situation.

Learn from the experience

Instead of getting stuck in the feelings of guilt, you can use your guilt as a growth and learning opportunity. These situations can help you to pinpoint what you can do differently in the future. You can let go of any self-recrimination, as there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), and there’s no benefit to keep holding onto guilt that has been addressed already.

Move forward

Create a plan to help you move forward. This plan can help you avoid or prevent similar situations in the future, and as you pursue your plan you can be patient with yourself, recalling that it can be a long process.

Seek support

You don’t have to face challenging situations alone. Speak with a trusted loved one or talk to a mental health professional about your feelings of guilt. While guilt can be helpful in moderation, prompting personal growth and positive change, excessive guilt can be harmful to your well-being. If your feelings of guilt are overwhelming or persistent, seek help from a counselor.

Reach out for help

If you are ready to speak to a counselor about guilt, mistakes you feel you have made, unhealthy patterns, or anything that is keeping you from living freely, please reach out to our offices today. We can arrange an appointment with one of the qualified therapists in our practice. Take your first step toward living free of unhealthy guilt.

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“Stormy Bay”, Courtesy of Quino Al, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Five Natural Remedies to Combat Anxiety

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The number of people who’ve been diagnosed with anxiety has risen significantly in the past few years. COVID-19, an unstable economy, and healthcare crises contribute to people’s fear about the future.

This can cause a rise in anxiety disorders. Most people think medication is the easiest way to combat the problem. However, there are other natural ways to keep anxiety at bay as part of a regular health routine. Here are five natural remedies to combat anxiety:

Deep Breathing

Meditation is widely known to combat anxiety. Deep breathing can be even more effective when it comes to combating anxiety. Sit in a chair in a quiet space. Set a timer for thirty minutes. Inhale for ten seconds, filling both your lungs and your diaphragm.

Hold your breath for ten seconds. Then exhale for ten seconds, emptying your lungs and diaphragm until they are empty. Do this for ten minutes. Do not allow distractions or other noise to prohibit you from doing this in complete silence. After the ten minutes, ask yourself how you feel. Your body will go into a natural, relaxed state.

Your heart will slow down its rhythm and breathing will become deeper. Shallow breathing is also a sign of anxiety. By intentionally breathing more deeply, people allow their bodies to reap the benefit of deep breathing.

Supplements

There are anxiety supplements that are available over the counter to help combat anxiety. For example, an over-the-counter drug called AnxioCalm is a natural supplement that will curb anxiety. Although it may not completely eliminate the anxiety, it will help you feel less anxious in the moment.

Furthermore, natural remedies such as Ashwagandha, and Slippery Elm bark are other natural supplements that, when taken routinely, can help reduce the body’s response to elevated levels of cortisol.

Massage

Massage is a great way to relax the body. Treat yourself to a 30- or 60-minute massage. It can be exactly what the body needs to calm itself down naturally. Not only does massage help calm inflammation throughout the body, but it also resets both the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.

Both nervous systems must be working properly to reduce stress. Stretching and Reflexology are also two great ways to reduce stress without the need for medication.

Exercise

Although exercise may be a part of your daily routine, a great way to combat anxiety is to take a walk or go for a jog after a stressful day. This not only raises the natural receptors to reduce stress but also lowers levels of cortisol in the body.

Cortisol is the body’s natural response to stress. Elevated levels of cortisol not only contribute to chronic anxiety, but also increase stress-related symptoms such as weight gain, headaches, and other chronic pain. An elevated cortisol level can also contribute to a lack of sleep.

Exercise helps the body to move freely, clear the mind, and prepare it for sleep and its natural rhythms. Exercise can be a great way to forget the temporary stresses of life and improve a person’s mental health. Additionally, not only does it have mental health benefits, but can also improve their physical health such as strengthening the heart, alleviating pain in the joints, helping with weight loss, and getting natural vitamin D that is necessary for the body.

Therapy

Enlisting the help of a professional can be a great way to reduce stress. If you find yourself prone to anxiety attacks or other chronic anxiety, seek help from a professional to help discover exercises that can help reduce stress.

For example, a therapist at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California may give you specific journaling exercises to analyze your thoughts that may be contributing to anxiety. A therapist can give some insight into the different types of thoughts we have. For example, catastrophizing thoughts are ones in which we think of the “worst-case scenario.”

A person may automatically think this when they’re in a stressful situation. This creates stress on the physical body that doesn’t otherwise need to be there. By analyzing this thought and re-framing it so they don’t assume the worst will happen, an anxious person can take every thought captive as Scripture dictates and allow the person to reduce their stress by changing their thought patterns.

Anxiety can be difficult to combat. But the body also has natural ways to reduce stress. By engaging with those natural remedies, people may be able to avoid medication with serious side effects and help their bodies naturally adapt to stress. For more information on reducing anxiety with the help of a Christian therapist in Newport Beach, please give our office a call today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California.

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“Flowers”, Courtesy of Anne Nygard, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Common Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder in Children, Adolescents, and Adults

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Reactive attachment disorder, also known as RAD, is a condition that affects a child’s ability to bond with significant people in his or her life due to his or her emotional needs going unmet during infancy or serious abuse or neglect.

It is most likely to occur in children who live in orphanages or other institutional settings, have been in multiple foster care homes, or whose mother or primary caregiver has been physically or emotionally absent for extended periods.

As children with reactive attachment disorder get older, their symptoms fall into one of two subtypes – inhibited reactive attachment disorder or disinhibited reactive attachment disorder.

Children with inhibited reactive attachment disorder are often withdrawn, emotionally unresponsive, show no interest in what is going on around them, do not seek comfort from their caregivers, and prefer to keep to themselves.

On the other hand, children with disinhibited reactive attachment disorder may be overly friendly with strangers, lack the desire or need to stay close to their primary caregiver for safety, violate social boundaries, and seek affection from others in a potentially unsafe way.

Without treatment, the symptoms of children with reactive attachment disorder are likely to persist into adulthood and affect the way they function in society.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in children

  • Avoiding eye contact.
  • Failure to smile.
  • Failure to coo or babble.
  • Crying inconsolably.
  • Not reaching arms out to be picked up.
  • Not seeming to notice when you walk into the room.
  • Not seeming to care when you leave him or her alone.
  • Not seeking comfort or responding when comfort is given.
  • Pushing away or leaning away from a person trying to be affectionate or offer comfort.
  • Angry outbursts or tantrums.
  • Reacting violently when held or cuddled.
  • Withdrawing from social situations.
  • Lack of interest in people around them.
  • Lack of conscience.
  • Inability to feel guilt, remorse, or regret.
  • Uninterested in playing interactive games such as peek-a-boo.
  • Failure to seek support or help when needed.
  • Lack of interaction with peers.
  • Engaging in self-soothing behaviors such as rocking back and forth.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in adolescents

  • Appearing withdrawn and emotionally detached.
  • Looking sad and lethargic.
  • Lack of eye contact.
  • Dislike being touched.
  • Inability to form meaningful relationships.
  • Lacking basic social skills.
  • Defiant and argumentative.
  • Anger issues.
  • Difficult to discipline.
  • Lack of self-control.
  • Problems at school.
  • Low self-esteem.
  • Unpredictability.
  • Lack of empathy.
  • Irritability.
  • Destructive behavior.
  • Cruelty to animals.
  • Engaging in risky behaviors.
  • Failure to seek or respond to comfort when upset.
  • Avoid interacting with peers.
  • Manipulative behavior.
  • Lying.
  • Stealing.
  • Lack of conscience, and an inability to feel guilt or remorse.
  • Substance abuse.
  • Preoccupation with blood, fire, and gore.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in adults

  • Fear of being alone.
  • Minimizing feelings of hurt or pain.
  • Physically or emotionally distancing themselves from others.
  • Feel as though they don’t fit in.
  • Inability to show genuine care or affection.
  • Reject love.
  • Failure to seek support when they need it.
  • Avoid making eye contact.
  • Pushing people away.
  • Absence of joy.
  • Addictive and/or risky behaviors.
  • Lack of conscience, and an inability to feel emotions such as regret, guilt, or remorse.
  • Tendency to avoid serious relationships.
  • Communication difficulties.
  • Anger issues.

Treatment options

The focus of treatment is on strengthening the child emotionally, helping him or her create healthy bonds and relationships, and/or repairing existing negative relationships between him or her and caregivers. For adolescents and adults, there is an added focus on improving social and communication skills.

Common interventions include:

Psychotherapy

In psychotherapy, the counselor works with both the child and his or her parents to teach them how to build healthy emotional skills and reduce the problematic behaviors that prevent bonding from taking place.

Family therapy

In family therapy, the counselor works with the child and his or her family members to help them learn how to interact healthily.

Social skills intervention

Social skills intervention is focused on teaching the child how to interact appropriately with his or her peers.

Parenting skills classes

Parenting skills classes are geared toward teaching parents how to increase their responsiveness and sensitivity toward their child, meet his or her needs, and bond with him or her, as well as how to manage their child’s challenging behaviors and help him or her use the skills learned during therapy in the outside world more effectively.

If you have questions or would like to set up an appointment to meet with a counselor in Newport Beach, California, please give us a call at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. We can help you or your child address and overcome reactive attachment disorder.

References:

Aaron Kandola. “What is reactive attachment disorder?” Medical News Today. November 2, 2020. medicalnewstoday.com/articles/reactive-attachment-disorder.

Elizabeth E. Ellis and Musa Yilanli. “Reactive Attachment Disorder.” StatPearls. Updated May 1, 2023. statpearls.com/ArticleLibrary/viewarticle/19406.

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“Pink Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

What Depression Feels Like

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Do you ever wonder if you are depressed or just sad? If so, this article on what depression feels like may be for you.

Key differences between sadness and depression

Sadness is a normal emotional reaction to a particular experience such as a painful event, rejection, or disappointment. Though it temporarily changes your mood, you can still go about your day and have moments when you are able to laugh or be comforted. Eventually, it fades on its own.

Depression, on the other hand, is an all-encompassing and debilitating mood disorder that occurs without any apparent reason and that left untreated can last for months or years. It is much more intense than feeling sad or temporarily weighed down by what is going on around you and does not necessarily include sadness.

Many people with depression feel numb and unable to feel anything at all. Others, especially men, may feel anger or irritability that is out of proportion to what triggers it.

Depression alters the way your brain functions. It tends to be a whole-body experience that affects you physically as well as emotionally, making it difficult or impossible for you to function normally in your day-to-day life and causing problems at work, at home, and in your relationships with others. It has been likened to permanently wearing a pair of gray-tinted glasses that only allow you to see the negative side of things.

Things only people with depression can truly understand

Depression drains your energy level and makes every day seem like a challenge. You feel constantly fatigued and worn out. Everything seems to require more energy and take longer to complete. You have trouble staying focused on what you need to do, and taking care of everyday routines and responsibilities can feel overwhelming.

Being constantly told to look at the bright side of things or think positively is not helpful. Depression is not a choice or a mood. When you are depressed, you can’t control your thoughts. Your thoughts control you.

Depression cannot be turned on and off at will. Being told to get over it or that you have nothing to be depressed about only adds frustration, anxiety, guilt, or shame and adds to your already flagging sense of worth. Telling a depressed person to snap out of it is like asking someone with a broken leg to walk.

Depression affects more than your mental and emotional state. Depression affects your physical body as well, making you prone to headaches, muscle tension, and other unexplained aches and pains. It also affects your appetite and sleep patterns. You may have trouble falling or staying asleep or sleep too much, lose weight due to a loss of appetite, or gain weight due to an increased craving for comfort foods.

Depression is all-consuming. It is not a passing feeling like sadness. Though you may sometimes feel sad, you are more likely not to feel anything at all other than being numb to life. It is a mental illness that impacts every area of your life – family, work, and social. You no longer enjoy or have an interest in things that used to give you pleasure and may isolate yourself and avoid others even though you feel lonely.

How people describe what depression feels like

People who have been interviewed about what depression feels like to them often use metaphors such as “slogging through molasses, walking around with a pack full of rocks on my back, or falling into a deep black hole I can’t get out of.” Others describe it as “feeling there’s nothing to hope for, crying all day without reason, it’s like a heavy blanket you can’t take off, or a sense of emptiness and disconnection.”

Because of the variety of ways depression can be experienced, the MyWellbeing team interviewed 100 people during Depression Awareness Month, asking them to describe in a single statement what depression feels like to them. Below is a sampling of the responses.

  • Like fog has taken over my brain.
  • Every day is a struggle.
  • The simplest things feel impossible.
  • There is no way out.
  • Drowning.
  • Suffocating.
  • Like living on another planet where I don’t belong.
  • It’s heavy and lonely.
  • Everything is meaningless.
  • Not finding joy in anything.
  • Like fog has taken over my brain.
  • Constant need for sleep, migraines, and no appetite except for foods that are bad for me.
  • Like wanting to crawl into a cotton ball because everything around me is too much.
  • Like I’m on an island, deep in a dark cave of shame and self-hatred.
  • Feeling hopeless and worthless without an obvious reason.
  • Questioning why I am even here. Feeling like I am a waste of space and oxygen.
  • It makes the smallest tasks – like drinking water, showering, and playing with my kids – feel so hard.
  • Like the act of getting out of bed is equivalent to climbing Everest.
  • Like constantly coming up short for every single person/animal in my life.

If you feel you are struggling with depression and would like to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location to see how counseling can help you, please give us a call today. You don’t have to walk this path alone.

References:

Greg Dorter. “Things Only People With Depression Can Truly Understand.” ActiveBeat. Updated November 1, 2021. activebeat.com/your-health/10-things-only-people-with-depression-can-truly-understand/.

Haley Jakobson. “100 People Told Us What Depression Feels Like.” MyWellbeing. mywell-being.com/therapy-101/what-depression-feels-like.

Sara Lindberg. “What Does Depression Feel Like?” VeryWell Mind. Updated November 2, 2022. verywellmind.com/what-depression-feels-like-5088793.

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“Downcast”, Courtesy of Chad Madden, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Crafting a Healthy Morning Routine for Your Wellbeing

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In a Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show, the main character had a consistent morning routine and a predictable life. His signature line which he spouted daily to his neighbors was: “Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!”

One of the reasons Truman’s life was so consistent and predictable was because, unbeknownst to him, his life was a television show that viewers across the globe tuned in to watch. He lived his life on a set, a contained space, which was tightly regulated.

Most of us will likely not have lives that are as well regimented as Truman’s. Our lives may be a little too chaotic and unstructured, causing frustration and a feeling of being unproductive. It is not possible or desirable to have the exact and predictable life that Truman had, but having some structure, and a daily routine, can make a world of difference.

The value of a healthy morning routine

Most people have jobs that start in the morning, and that means the most demanding part of the day is just as it is starting. You will want to launch right into things, and to get your tasks done with excellence and as efficiently as possible. As a bonus, it would be great if you had the energy to face the day with a sense of purpose and energy.

The benefit of having a healthy morning routine is that it can boost your energy levels, reduce stress, and it can help you be more productive at work. When you have structure for your day, you do not have to wake up each morning and think about what you are going to be doing. That is wasting precious time, and it can be stressful doing that each morning. Also, if you wake up to a routine, it will help you to feel more in control of your day.

Additionally, a morning routine can help you seed healthy habits in your life. It can take time to become consistent with healthy habits like praying, eating well, or getting some exercise. Having a dedicated time set aside for those habits each morning can help you make them well-worn habits that form an integral part of your life.

Creating your own

One of the essential steps in setting up your morning routine is to consider what is most important to you. A person’s morning routine ought to reflect their priorities and the various pressures that they face daily. A morning routine can include activities designed to care for your physical and emotional health, as well as getting yourself ready for the day ahead.

The second step is to consider your time. Some people have routines that are half an hour long, while for others it is around ninety minutes. The morning routine includes everything from waking up, exercising, eating, meditating, showering, and anything else you would want to bring peace and wholeness to your life. There is no use in a lengthy routine if you are never going to stick to it. Create a routine that you will be able to follow consistently.

Your morning routine can consist of elements such as:

  • Waking up at the same time each morning.
  • Hydrating yourself to kick-start your day.
  • Getting some stretching or another form of exercise in.
  • Spending some time praying, reading Scripture, reviewing your day, or journaling.
  • Having your breakfast.
  • Getting dressed and ready for your day.

As you kick start your journey, you should keep a few things in mind. Your routine will likely not be perfect right off the bat. It will take time for you to settle into a routine that works for you in terms of its length and the various elements in it. Being flexible with your routine as you settle into it will help you immensely. Give yourself time to adjust your routine, to make it truly your own and something that works well for you.

In addition to being flexible, a good morning routine requires that you address any issues that can sabotage it. For instance, going to bed at a consistent time helps you get up at a consistent time in the morning.

Also, if you have your phone next to your bed, it can be tempting to wake up and scroll through social media first thing instead of getting on with your day. Using an alarm clock and creating guidelines for your electronic device use can help immensely.

Lastly, a morning routine also requires consistency. Habits stick best when they are kept up over time. Accountability helps create consistency. Have a friend regularly ask you how you are executing your routine or use a checklist. Build in rewards when you meet consistency targets.

Reaping the benefits of a morning routine will likely motivate you to lean into it more. A well-executed morning routine will help you enjoy your day more, and to enter it with a greater sense of purpose.

It is not always easy to get there alone. You might discover that you need the assistance of a trained counselor in Newport Beach, California to reach a more wholehearted way of living through simple routines. Sometimes deeply rooted habits, patterns, or issues stand in the way of motivation or discipline. Reach out to our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling and we will connect you to a trained counselor in Newport Beach who can walk with you on the journey.

Photos:
“Morning Devotions”, Courtesy of Nathan Dumlao, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Watering the Plants”, Courtesy of Cassidy Phillips, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Face in the Mirror”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Bible Verses About Trusting God in Difficult Times

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A cursory glance at the news headlines or the trending hashtags on social media is enough to alert you to the fact that we’re in trouble. There is a lot of good that is going on in our world, but that fact cannot blind one to the reality that things are not what they’re supposed to be. And it’s not just in the world out there, though that affects us personally too. It’s the fact that in our personal lives, things are also not what they’re supposed to be. Trusting God in such times is tough.

For every one of our personal problems that cause us concern and anxiety, there is someone out there selling or offering a solution. Some of these solutions work, and they can address the problem effectively. At other times, what is offered as help becomes another hindrance. In everything, in good times or bad, one constant that ought to mark our lives is trust in God. It is especially pertinent when we are going through difficult times.

God is an ever-present help in times of trouble

When we go through difficult times, we can become prone to negative thoughts. Those thoughts can be about ourselves, our circumstances, other people, and even about God. We can berate ourselves for the choices we made, or attack others for how they contributed to the problem.

We may blame God for the circumstances we’re in or consider ourselves abandoned by Him. These thoughts can add to the existing anguish of dealing with illness, financial pressure, job loss, relationship conflict, or the loss of a loved one that we’re already going through.

One of the things that comes through repeatedly in the Bible is that God stands ready to bless us. God’s purpose and plan is to bless the world and rescue it from itself and its self-destructive tendencies (Genesis 12:1-3; John 3:16-21; 1 Timothy 1:15-17). God works in all things to bring His purposes to fruition (Romans 8:28), and even difficult times don’t stand in the way of God’s purposes and plans.

It is important to understand God’s fundamental posture toward us, as this enables us to turn to Him freely in difficult times, even when the difficult times we are in are because of the foolish or sinful choices we have made (Luke 15). God embraces broken people like us if only we would humble ourselves and turn to Him.

Bible verses about trusting God in difficult times

When you’re going through a difficult time, it can be both easier and harder to turn to God for help. It can be easier to turn to Him then because of our sheer desperation. You trust Him to help you because you’ve got nowhere else to turn for help. It can, however, also be harder to turn to God in difficult times because it can feel natural to blame Him for one’s present circumstances, and we can turn instinctually to other solutions that seem more viable.

Trusting God can happen in small steps, but ultimately it is about looking to Him and placing your hope on Him coming through for you. It’s not a substitute for putting in work. You can work and trust that God, who gave you the strength, gift, and opportunity for work, will make whatever work you’ve done bear fruit.

But if that work doesn’t bear fruit the way you hope, trusting God means continuing to believe that God’s intentions toward you are good and that His plan will nonetheless come to pass.

Some verses in the writings of the prophet Jeremiah speak to what it means to trust God in difficult times, and what that means in that season. He wrote,

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? – Jeremiah 17:7-9, NIV

Prior to these verses, Jeremiah was talking about how trusting in human beings and their abilities while turning one’s heart away from God will lead to ruin. In contrast, the one who trusts in the Lord, the one whose confidence is in God and not in themselves, their resources, or their circumstances, shall flourish.

The interesting thing about these verses is that even that person will go through heat and drought, but their experience of those hardships will not leave them bereft or fruitless.

God’s people are not promised a pain-free existence in this world. What God promises is that He will sustain them through that hardship and bring them through on the other side. He asks us to rely on Him and to have our confidence founded upon who He is, and nothing else.

When you’re in a storm, it can be hard to trust God, especially if you’ve never done it before, or if you’re carrying hurt or disappointment with God. Contact us today to walk with a Christian counselor in Newport Beach, California to help you process these experiences and reconsider what it looks like to trust God in difficult times.

Photos:
“Cherry Blossoms”, Courtesy of Jimmy Chang, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Pink Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Cherry Blossoms”, Courtesy of Jimmy Chang, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

6 Stress Eating Signs to Watch For

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Stress eating is more common now than ever with the accessibility of so much food. In the past, when convenience, prepackaged, and fast foods did not exist, people had to farm or purchase fresh foods and prepare those foods before consumption. Now, reaching for a bowl of candy or a bag of pretzels for temporary stress relief is easy. We often do not think twice about it.

As many as 27% of adults turn to this practice, according to the American Psychological Association. Of the people who reported stress eating, a whopping 34% identified the behavior as a habit.

Are you concerned about stress eating?

When we are stressed out, we eat mindlessly while not hungry. For example, you are up against a work deadline and know that you will not be able to pay your mortgage on time if you do not meet it. As the clock keeps ticking, you reach for candy or salty chips for temporary relief. When you meet the deadline, you feel a sudden surge of relief and decide to reward yourself with more food, such asice cream.

Also known as emotional eating, it becomes a habit, and the brain treats the behavior as a reward. However, like any bad habit, you can resist, break the habit, and form new ones if you first acknowledge the negative behavior.

6 Stress Eating Signs

Are you unsure if you are engaging in stress-eating behavior?

The following are six stress eating signs to watch for. If these stress eating signs sound familiar, you can get help. Stress eating is a coping mechanism. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you find other ways to relieve stress without harming your health.

Rapid weight gain.

Due to the intake of unnecessary calories, you may gain weight if you partake in the habit frequently. Some foods contribute to chronic inflammation, which can cause weight gain and a “puffy” appearance. Pay close attention to the types of foods you reach for in stress-eating mode.

Intense urges to eat.

When you are hungry, your stomach feels empty. Your stomach might growl, demanding food soon when you truly need it, and you will eat almost anything to nourish your body. However, stress eating operates on urges and impulses. The draw toward the food is almost tangible. The intensity grows, often for a specific type of food. When we give in to these cravings, we experience temporary stress relief.

Eating beyond full.

Stress eating is a behavior that happens mindlessly. When you consume high-fat or high-sodium foods, your brain rewards you with feel-good chemicals that temporarily relieve stress. Unfortunately, these fatty and salty foods can make it difficult to judge when your stomach is full.

When you eat while not hungry, the stomach does not send the same signal to the brain, alerting you that you are reaching fullness. Eating beyond full regularly can lead to digestive issues, stomach upset, and acid reflux.

Hiding your eating episodes.

Are you embarrassed by your stress-eating episodes? Do you hide the evidence? Do you feel ashamed when you count the wrappers tossed into the trashcan? If you hide your stress-eating episodes because of shame and guilt, reach out to a counselor for help. Eating should never make you feel shame. Hunger is a natural response, but the urges from stress eating can develop into a bad habit that can be broken.

Yo-yo dieting.

If stress eating is something that happens regularly, then you might also diet frequently. This yo-yo dieting (strict dieting followed by stress eating and then resumed dieting) does more harm than good. Many times, your body will crave avoided foods while stressed. It is better to live with an 80/20 mindset. Eat healthy 80% of the time and allow yourself treats 20% of the time. This might help diminish the yearning for “forbidden” foods.

Preoccupied with food.

Preoccupation with food is another sign. It is mentally unhealthy if you always seem worried about your next meal or snack, whether you can get what you want, especially if you are stressed. Note: this preoccupation with food stems from an overabundance and an obsession. If you do not have adequate food at home to feed you and your family, reach out for help.

Break the hold food has over you.

Has your stress eating become a habit? Are you experiencing the negative effects of emotional eating? Contact our office today to schedule a session with a counselor in Newport Beach, California who can help you take the proper steps to break free from it.

Photos:
“Burger Time”, Courtesy of Szabo Viktor, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Burger Time”, Courtesy of Szabo Viktor, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sandwich”, Courtesy of Haley Truong, Unsplash.com, CC0 License