Anxiety in the Bible: Why We Worry and How to Overcome It

/in , , , ,

Our bodies are designed to respond to threats and potential threats to our well-being. If you happen to be biking on a wilderness trail and come across a rattlesnake, your body will respond instinctively before you fully process what’s happening. It’s good that the response is automatic because many situations call for a split-second response.

While this ability to respond to threats and dangers is helpful, it can also work against us. It’s one thing for your fight-or-flight response to kick in when you’re faced with a fast-moving car or a deadly snake, and another when you’re on a first date or responding to a question asked in a meeting or classroom. At those times, feeling anxious can be a disservice. For those seeking support in managing such anxiety, Newport Beach Christian Counseling can offer guidance and strategies to help navigate these moments.

How Anxiety Affects Us

When you feel anxious, that affects your mind, body, emotions, and spirit. This is a reciprocal relationship because these other things can also affect whether you feel anxious or not. For instance, if you haven’t had a good night’s rest, or you’ve had a lot of coffee, it affects your emotional regulation, and caffeine can make you more anxious.

Anxiety has a physiological effect on a person. That’s a way of saying that it changes how your body functions, and how you experience the world around you. Anxiety can also affect your life as a Christian in several ways. Physically, anxiety can lead to shortness of breath, trembling, shaking, heart palpitations, sweating, tension headaches and muscle pain, insomnia and fatigue, stomach problems, or feeling lightheaded.

These physical effects can feel uncomfortable in the moment, and they can be compounded by the emotional effects of anxiety. Anxiety can make you have mood swings and become more emotionally reactive. Your anxiety can also negatively affect your self-esteem, making you more sensitive to stress. It’s common for anxiety to make you feel restless and on edge.

Anxiety also affects your mind. While activating the fight-or-flight response boosts your ability to respond to physical threats, it can also make it harder to think and process things rationally. People who feel anxious will often report feeling like they’re spinning their mental wheels, but not really going anywhere. Anxiety will leave you with racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, and issues such as forgetfulness.

Other mental effects of anxiety include the fact that it may distort clear thinking. Sometimes anxiety leads to large leaps of logic. You may become fixated on the worst-case scenarios, in a cognitive distortion called catastrophizing. Anxiety may also result in nightmares and intrusive thoughts, leaving you on edge and hypervigilant about possible threats.

Anxiety can thus leave you feeling emotionally distressed, and not thinking clearly, and it can also strain your body in the long term. However, these aren’t the only ways that anxiety can affect you. Anxiety can also affect you spiritually. It can make spiritual disciplines like prayer, worship, or reading Scripture feel either empty or somewhat forced. You might also feel guilty or ashamed of being anxious, presuming it means you lack faith.

Not only does anxiety possibly induce feelings of shame and guilt, but it can also leave you experiencing doubt concerning whether God is in control, whether He loves you, or is present with you in your circumstances. Anxiety can leave you feeling spiritually inadequate.

Anxiety in the Bible

There are many reasons why we worry. We live in a world that’s filled with uncertainties, and dangers do exist. The Bible is a collection of stories, poems, and letters, written by people but guided by God’s Spirit. It deals with human realities, describing everyday situations that you or I could find ourselves in. We can find our experiences reflected there, and we can expect the Lord to speak clearly through it to guide us.

There are many expressions of anxiety in Scripture, by people who find themselves facing war, being betrayed by loved ones, or facing uncertainty about their safety and well-being. David’s thoughts trouble him and he is distraught because of what his enemies are saying (Psalm 55:1-5, NIV). Moses is dismayed and anxious about being called to lead God’s people (Exodus 3-4). Martha is anxious about being a good host to Jesus (Luke 10:38-42).

Anxiety is a common human experience. It occurs in any situation you can think of. Anxiety, fear, and worry are so common that many verses address them. The call to not be afraid or anxious echoes through many passages of the Bible precisely because we are so prone to these things. The Lord tells the Israelites to “fear not” and “be not dismayed” (Isaiah 41:10, ESV), and Jesus says, “Do not be anxious” (Matthew 6:25, ESV).

Scripture offers many encouragements and reminders to help us deal with our anxieties. Yes, our circumstances may seem uncertain, but God cares for us. Jesus reminds His followers about God’s care for all His creation, including us, and that is why we ought not to be anxious (Matthew 6:25-34). Instead of carrying them ourselves, we are to cast our anxieties on God because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7, ESV).

Instead of relying on our own strength and wisdom, we are called to trust in God. One Psalm says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright.” (Psalm 20:7-8, ESV) God, as the one who has all things in His hands, and who sees the end from the beginning, is more trustworthy than anything or anyone else, including ourselves (Proverbs 3:5-6).

One of the more famous passages about anxiety comes from the letter the apostle Paul wrote to the Christians in the city of Philippi. Paul, who was writing from jail, wanted to encourage them to remain steadfast in the Lord, and for them to imitate models of faithfulness. He instructs them on how to deal with their anxieties, saying:

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus – Philippians 4:5-7, ESV

Instead of being anxious, the believer should take the things that are causing concern and pray about them to God. The Lord’s promised response is to guard the believer’s heart and mind, securing their sense of peace in Christ Jesus.

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety can be overcome using several effective strategies. There are ways of coping with anxiety, managing it, and bringing it under control. As anxiety can be caused by a variety of factors, and affects you in different ways, using several complementary strategies may be the most effective way to address it.

Some of the strategies you can implement to handle anxiety in your life include the following:

Exercise

Getting regular exercise can help to reduce your levels of stress as well as make you feel good. Exercise can also give you a way to focus on something other than your anxious thoughts and worries.

Self–expression

Anxiety can eat you up inside if you keep it bottled up. That’s one reason praying about your anxieties makes a difference. Putting your anxieties into words helps you to start getting a handle on them. Sometimes you gain a clearer picture of what’s at the root. By placing it before the Lord and leaving it to Him, it gives room for Him to give you comfort and peace.

Other forms of self-expression that can help you deal with anxiety include journaling, and using art. When you journal, you can also gain a deeper awareness of patterns. Also, you can record your prayers and reflections on Scripture and how the Lord has answered your prayers.

Meditating on Scripture

If you allow it, Scripture can reshape the way you see things, including yourself and your circumstances. Meditating on Scriptures like Psalm 23, Psalm 46:1-3, or Matthew 6:25-34 can help to calm you, remind you of how the Lord is with you, and how there is no real reason to fear or worry.

As you meditate on Scripture, you can remind yourself of certain truths, and also reframe your experiences. There are stories of Bible heroes being anxious, so you’re not alone. You’ll also encounter the Lord’s strength being perfected in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) and come to an understanding that anxiety doesn’t define you. You can keep moving forward despite being anxious.

Relaxation techniques and self–care

Other forms of self-care aside from exercise include ensuring that you get good sleep, as this helps you with emotional regulation. Take breaks, as that helps you to reduce stress and avoid being emotionally reactive.

Some relaxation techniques you can implement to reduce anxiety include deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. The latter helps to reduce muscle tension, which can be an effect of anxiety, and the former can help calm you down in the event you find yourself feeling anxious.

Seek help

Anxiety can be overwhelming, and it can isolate you. You don’t have to deal with it alone. You can share what you’re going through with mature and trusted believers or seek professional help from a Christian counselor. Through talk therapy, and with medication where that’s helpful and prescribed by a doctor, you can bring your anxiety under control.

Anxiety doesn’t have to define you, and it certainly doesn’t disqualify you from a deep and fulfilling relationship with the Lord. Reach out to Newport Beach Christian Counseling today if you would like to talk to a Christian counselor to work through your struggles. We have appointments ready with trained Christian therapists in our practice.

Photos:
“Stressed”, Courtesy of Uday Mittal, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Stressed”, Courtesy of Christian Erfurt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Faith Over Fear”, Courtesy of Sincerely Media, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Studying the Word”, Courtesy of Rachel Strong, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

 

7 Ways to Cure Emotional Exhaustion

/in , , , , ,

Stress is a natural part of life. No matter how hard a person tries, it is almost impossible to avoid all stress. Social media and technology fuel our technologically advanced world; technology was meant to improve our lives and make things more efficient. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers tools and support to help you manage stress and find balance in this fast-paced, tech-driven world.

However, technology has allotted us so much time that we fit too much into our day and our minds get overly stimulated. Cell phones also add to our stress because we are constantly online and available. Whether scrolling through a social media feed, texting a friend, or looking at the Internet to find a bargain, our minds are constantly stimulated with information.

This stimulation causes cortisol levels to rise in our bodies, causing us undue stress and perhaps anxiety. Cortisol levels that are elevated for long periods can cause mental and emotional strain on our bodies. If you are on the go for too long without giving yourself adequate time for rest, you are vulnerable to emotional exhaustion. The symptoms of emotional exhaustion may be hard to pinpoint.

Some of the symptoms of emotional exhaustion can include (but not limited to):

  • Increased sadness.
  • Irritability.
  • Anxiety.
  • Inability to sleep.
  • Poor diet choices.
  • Failure to thrive in relationships.

Seven Means of Addressing Emotional Exhaustion

It is possible to cure emotional exhaustion. Here are some methods to consider:

Unplug from screens

The human body is made to lower its cortisol levels naturally. But it’s impossible to do that when our minds and bodies are stimulated by television, computers, and phone screens. Limit the amount of time you watch the screen. This adjustment may be a slight change in your lifestyle, but it could also mean a significant change in your health. A person may use their phone, computer, and television more often than they should and not even realize it.

A person’s eyes, ears, and brain were not made to receive information constantly. Just like your physical body, the brain needs rest. Limit screen time to work for an hour on the phone or television in the evening only. Unplug the rest of the time. If a person finds this problematic, they may be addicted to their screens.

Rest

Allow the body time to rest. Take sixty minutes each day when you normally look at a screen and get into a dark, cool room. Place a cold washcloth or sleep mask over your eyes. Listen to the sound of your breathing. Take deep breaths for sixty minutes. Try not to sleep (don’t fight it if you must sleep). Catching up on physical rest may be a way for your body to restore its cortisol levels.

Remove toxic people

Although this may be difficult, it may be time to take inventory of your friendships. Are there people in your life that drain you emotionally? These may be people who only reach out to you when they need something, take more than they give, or talk about you behind your back.

Start with social media. Go through your friends list and delete anyone who is not interacting with your social media feed. You may find you have extra friends on your list who are not friends.

Next, go through your phone and find people you contact often. Are they all people who you would consider friends? If a person is presented as a good friend, keep them. If a person has not been a good friend, delete them. Be honest if the person reaches out to you and asks why you have not contacted them.

Let them know the friendship is just not working out. You may get some backlash from the person who’s angry that you terminated the friendship but count the cost. You may not have lost much in the end.

Limit draining conversations

You may have some people in your life who would like to process their issues and pain with you. While this can be helpful, you can’t be everyone’s counselor. Draw boundaries and let a person know you cannot talk with them about their issues or pain anymore.

As a friend, you may be carrying their burden for them. But this is not healthy for you or the friendship. Tell a person they can tell you about their day or how they’re doing in ten minutes or less. Tell them that you’ll switch the subject to something more lighthearted. This is good for your emotional state because you won’t be carrying another person’s burden for them.

Work less

While this may not be ideal for everyone, if work stresses you out too much, find a way to work smarter, not harder. Is it necessary to work forty hours? Can you be more efficient so you’re not working so hard throughout the week?

Discover new ways to work less and enjoy life more. Work can give us a great sense of purpose and worth, but it also can be emotionally draining. The adrenal glands, which are the control center for stress and anxiety, can get overly taxed if overused for too long. The more time you spend on creative activities and friendships, the happier you’ll be.

Get creative

People were made to create. If you are creative, find a way to unlock that creative potential again. Find outlets that make you happy. For example, if you are not a painter but love to work with paint, find a paint-by-number kit or canvas that already has a picture on it. This creative solution will save you time from having to think of something to draw, but you also won’t have to worry about being perfect. The point is to be creative.

Connect with God

On the whole, Christians don’t spend nearly enough time with God. Due to an overly packed schedule, most Christians spend 20 minutes to 1/2 hour each day in time with the Lord. While this is important and a great start, strive to spend more time connecting with God. Go to a solitary place, get alone, and ask the Lord to speak.

Listen for God’s still, small voice. Listening to God’s voice and obeying Him throughout the day is an incredible skill that will grow you spiritually and allow you to replenish yourself emotionally.

The more time you spend with God, the more you’ll want to talk to Him about the issues in your life. This time with God may cause you to release grief through tears or rage. These are two great ways to release your emotions naturally.

Take your issues to God and allow Him to carry them. The more comfortable you become spending time with God, the more you will be able to release the big emotions weighing you down. Just like on the cross, allow Jesus to carry your burdens with Him and intercede on your behalf. The act of giving up casting your cares to the Lord alone will help you replenish yourself through emotional exhaustion.

Next Steps

Emotional exhaustion is more common than people think. But by trying the suggestions above, you will do your physical body and spirit a great service and ensure your emotional state is as healthy as possible. These changes will help you become a better human being and a Christian.

Sometimes we need a counselor to help us see our way through emotional exhaustion and the causes of it. If you would like the help of one of our Christian counselors, don’t hesitate to contact Newport Beach Christian Counseling today.

Photos:
“Sad Man”, Courtesy of Ben White, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Overworked”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Hammocks”, Courtesy of Andika Christian, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Cross”, Courtesy of Aaron Burden, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Reasons Men Pursue Counseling and How Therapy for Men Can Help

/in , ,

There is a common cultural assumption that women talk more than men. If that is true, it may make going to talk therapy easier for women than men. However, much of that is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Therapy for men has many benefits.

If it is assumed that girls talk more than boys, perhaps adults spend more time talking to girls than boys, thus giving them stronger conversational skills from a younger age. As such, men going to therapy may face unique challenges that women may not, leading to a different therapy experience. Gender assumptions should not prevent anyone from accessing the benefits of therapy.

Reasons Men Pursue Counseling

Therapy for men is different from therapy for women only in the same way that it is different for everyone. Each individual brings their unique personality and struggles to therapy. There are a few common reasons men begin a therapy journey. Newport Beach Christian Counseling provides a safe and supportive space tailored to meet the unique needs of men seeking therapy.

Anger Management

From a young age, men are often shown a model that anger is the most effective way of achieving results. It could start in locker rooms or the home. Physical violence has too frequently been dismissed as “boys will be boys.” Anger does not need to be a cause of harm. Anger can be justified, but harm and destruction are never appropriate. Therapy can help you understand what anger feels like in your body and take action to vent it healthily for you and everyone around you.

Depression

Men are just as much at risk for depression as women but less frequently diagnosed. Men are far more likely to be successful in a suicide attempt than women are. Any number of things can cause depression, and the consequences of untreated depression in men are likely to be severe. If you are feeling hopeless and sad, struggling with sleeping and eating, or have any thoughts of self-harm, reach out today.

Substance Abuse

For some men, alcoholism has long been a coping mechanism for depression and sometimes leads to further issues of anger. Societal and genetic factors both play a role in the influence of substance abuse. One of the best ways to avoid substance abuse is to have a support network. A therapist can be an integral part of the network.

Having a solid friend group and healthy relationships with family are also key to recovering from and managing substance abuse in your life. Substance abuse can often be a symptom of deeper issues, so allow the journey of healing to have its ups and downs.

Stress

Once again, cultural norms can impact how men feel about stress. Men have different expectations about careers and relationships than women. When the norms they experience are threatened, it can lead to anxiety, uncertainty, and frustration.

While pop culture has often modeled the “strong, silent man” as the ideal, no person can carry their burdens alone. Regular therapy appointments build the stress muscles like lifting weights builds your other muscles. Handling and offloading stress appropriately will lead to greater peace in your life.

Therapy for Men: How Can It Help?

Opening your mind to change is an essential first step to therapy. If you dig in your heels and resist advice and input, the troubles you are experiencing will not disappear. They are more likely to metastasize, causing more work, relationships, and health issues.

Self-awareness

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is crucial to growth and healing. Often, your assets have a negative side, and therapy can reveal this. Listening skills will become a key part of your life tool bag.

Compassion

Empathy can be learned; seeing a situation from another person’s perspective helps you navigate difficult situations with kindness. You will learn to lead from a place of positive intent and show support for the people you interact with at home and beyond.

Balance

Establishing boundaries in your life is preventative in many ways. Knowing how to prioritize all things appropriately takes practice, but over time, it pays off with greater life satisfaction.

Healthy Relationships

When you love the people in your life well, they support your therapy work. This starts by learning to communicate with them. Therapy is the rehearsal for the big show that is your day-to-day life.

Identify and express emotions

Tears, outbursts of anger, and expressions of joy are normal and should be expressed. You are not an emotionless robot. Learning healthy outlets for emotions will improve your overall mood and relationships.

If you are ready to start your therapy journey today, call Newport Beach Christian Counseling for an appointment with one of our counselors. We will help you find the best fit for your needs, and will support you in learning to navigate the struggles of your life with grace and dignity.

References:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/male-depression/art-20046216
https://www.addictioncenter.com/addiction/differences-men-women/
Photo:
“Workspace”, Courtesy of Mushaboom Studio, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Are Personality Tests Helpful?

/in , , , ,

Understanding ourselves takes a lifetime. It requires introspection, insightful mentors, and constant change. Who we were as children bears similarities to who we were as teens, who we are as adults, and who we will be when we are elderly. There will also be many differences. Our experiences change us. Many just let it happen, but some take action (such as taking personality tests) to change themselves from the inside out, taking personal development seriously.

Using personality typing systems is one way to work on personal development and self-improvement. There are several out there, each offering features that help with different aspects of personal growth. Personality tests can be used to build self-awareness and empathy. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you explore these tools as part of your journey toward greater personal growth and understanding.

How are personality tests helpful?

In some ways, it can be like hacking yourself. As you learn about your personality’s strengths and weaknesses, you can use tools that best suit you. For example, if you understand that you are a morning or night person, you can choose the time of day to apply your energy effectively.

Different personality tests provide various types of insights. Let’s take a quick look at three popular personality tests.

Myers-Briggs

This personality test uses a system of contrasts to create sixteen distinct personality types. According to the primary website, “The Myers-Briggs framework consists of eight preferences organized into four pairs of opposites.

Your MBTI personality type represents your natural preferences in four important aspects of personality. We use all the preferences, but most people prefer one side of a preference pair more than the other, which accounts for the natural personality differences between people.”

By testing where your preferences fall, you develop a combination that explains how you interact with society. Your Myers-Briggs can change several times throughout your life. Coming back to it from time to time is a fascinating exercise in self-development.

The Enneagram

At a basic look, this personality test provides nine personality types for categorization. However, as any Enneagram coach will tell you, it is far more layered. There are wings and arrows; there are healthy, average, and unhealthy versions of every number, and there are many other details to explore when you learn about the Enneagram.

According to Enneagram coach Suzanne Stabile, “the Enneagram acts as a unique tool for understanding and explaining human behavior and the underlying motivations that drive behavior and the gifts we all have for the transformation of non-productive encounters with others.”

The Clifton Strengths

This test is often used for career purposes. The primary results are your top five strengths. You can leverage these strengths to increase your productivity and value in whatever your field of work. Leadership may use this test to determine how best to work with their team. According to the systems founder, Don Clifton, “Strengths science answers questions about what’s right with people rather than what’s wrong with them.”

If you want to find it, many, many other tests examine particular aspects of personality, worldview, and motivations. Just for fun, you can also take tests exploring what kind of animal you are, what castle matches your personality, or what historical figure you are most like.

Weaknesses

When self-improvement is the goal of taking personality tests, you can gain some great things: insights into your strengths and weaknesses, an understanding of your core values, and how other people are different from you. It can be valuable to help you with relationships, particularly when you know what someone else’s personality type is. You can build empathy by learning about how other people think and react.

It can be tempting to use personality tests to excuse bad behavior. No amount of tests will change who you are. It is entirely up to you to do the work of self-improvement, and personality tests should be a launching point rather than a final explanation.

Your faith also influences your personality. Always hold fast to the truth that no matter what these personality tests say, you are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image.

Personality Tests and Counseling

If you take a personality test, bring the results to counseling. Your counselor can help you use the information in a way that is beneficial to your personal development. They can combine what they know about you with that test to create a plan that helps you achieve your goals.

A counselor is a mentor who can help you use the tool of personality tests most effectively. Call Newport Beach Christian Counseling today to get started with your journey of self-improvement.

References:https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/myers-briggs-overview/

https://www.theenneagramjourney.org/the-enneagram

https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/253790/science-of-cliftonstrengths.aspx

Photo:
“Wild Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

 

5 Ways to Support Your Loved One With PTSD

/in , ,

PTSD affects a person’s mood, physical health, and outlook on life. It can take years to heal , and it affects every aspect of a person’s life. Loved ones can make all the difference in a person’s journey through PTSD, but it’s not always easy to know how to help. Sometimes, we may think we are doing something good when we are unintentionally causing harm. Understanding how to offer the right kind of support is key. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help guide both those experiencing PTSD and their loved ones through this complex process, ensuring everyone has the tools they need to heal together in a healthy, supportive way.

There are five things everyone can do to help their loved one navigate PTSD. These things might not feel natural to do and some of them take practice and patience to implement. What counts is that you are learning, trying, and being patient as you try to help.

How to Help with PTSD

Go slow and let them determine the pace

After experiencing trauma, most people want to feel safe and comfortable as they process the experience and try to heal from it. This might cause them to become insular or even isolated. In the context of a relationship, they might seem cold, distant, and detached.

It’s alarming to feel distance from a loved one. What is important to remember is that their actions are not personal. They are simply trying to cope with the aftermath of trauma. If it is their first time dealing with PTSD, they likely don’t know what they are doing and might be afraid, overwhelmed, and unbalanced. Let them take the lead and set the pace so that they can begin to feel in control of their lives once more. This is their first step on the path to healing.

Don’t be surprised by outbursts or unusual behavior

One of the effects of PTSD is on a person’s nervous system. Ordinary places like shopping malls or crowded venues like churches might suddenly trigger them. Certain smells, flavors, or sounds might make them jumpy or repulsed. They might even display symptoms of dizziness or clumsiness from time to time.

It’s worrying to see these behaviors in people who previously never acted like this. PTSD causes many triggers that are impossible to control at first. Your reaction to this behavior can either help or harm them as they try to understand their triggers and how best to react to certain stimuli. Reassure them that you are not judging them and try to help them as they learn their triggers.

Remind them that they are loved

Our grandparents once taught us that “words will never hurt us,” but sadly, this is not true. People are often ashamed to be dealing with PTSD on top of the existing emotions stemming from their trauma. They might feel deep embarrassment, shame, guilt, and even self-loathing over the events in their past. It is often these emotions that present the biggest hurdles to healing.

They need to hear your verbal affection and pledges to stick with them, regardless of the complications. They need to hear that they are loved and lovable. Any promise must be backed up by action, so show up for them again and again.

Encourage them to get extra support or treatment

Shame and guilt often keep people from getting help, although there may be several reasons why your loved one does not want to get help. Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of not knowing where to go or what help is available.

You could help them by talking to them about therapy and counseling. If they are open to it, you could help them look into the availability of therapists, support groups, counselors, and other resources.

Educate yourself on PTSD and complex trauma

PTSD and CPTSD are complex issues. One of the best ways to help a loved one is to research these topics and learn about the science and emotional impact of them. This will help you understand what your loved one is going through and why they are acting the way they are. It will also help you know how to communicate with them and give them the specific care they need most.

Caring for a loved one with PTSD can be difficult, and many people are wary of adding to the trauma their loved one is facing, even accidentally. Sometimes, we just need to know that everything is “normal” even though it doesn’t feel like it.

Finding Support Through Trauma Therapy

Every helper needs support of their own. A counselor is an important addition to make for both your loved one with PTSD and for yourself. A therapist at Newport Beach Christian Counseling can give you the assurance you need, as well as long-term support.

If you are interested in meeting with a Christian counselor, contact us at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California today. We will arrange a visit with a qualified therapist. They will lend their support to you as you care for and cope with your loved one’s PTSD.

Photo:
“Depressed”, courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

4 Tips for Surviving Infidelity

/in , , , , ,

Infidelity and affairs hurt more than the relationship between a husband and wife. It breaks down trust, feelings of love and acceptance, and self-confidence, and increases insecurity and fear. These are obstacles to tackle if you want to stay together. Ignoring these emotions will only cause them to fester as the weeks, months, and years pass, trapping you in the past. Surviving infidelity is possible with hard work, patience, and recommitment to the union. Seeking help from Newport Beach Christian Counseling can provide the guidance and support needed to rebuild trust and heal together in a safe and supportive environment.

4 tips for surviving infidelity

Surviving infidelity and remaining married requires work from both spouses. This may not seem fair to the hurt spouse at first. If you are the one who was hurt, you might feel that the other person should have to put in all the work to fix what they broke. This is a natural reaction to injustice.

However, surviving infidelity means acknowledging that things will never truly go back to the way they were. The affair changed you, your spouse, and your relationship. You must discover and navigate this new relationship to rebuild and strengthen it.

Take your vows seriously by recommitting

If you seek reconciliation only because you are afraid of the future, being alone, or “for the kids,” you should reconsider. A marriage can only last if the couple is 100% committed to making it work against the odds. Read over your marriage vows and recommit to the relationship before seeking help.

Seek help to overcome marital issues

Although you can heal a marriage without outside help, seeking advice from knowledgeable and experienced people can help repair the bond. That advice may come from your pastor in the form of marriage counseling or a mental health professional specializing in surviving infidelity and affairs. You need guidance during this season, not judgment. Be discerning in who you choose to confide in about your marriage.

Look to improve yourself

Although pointing out your spouse’s flaws is tempting, especially after an affair, when rebuilding the relationship, look to improve yourself. If you seek marriage counseling, the counselor will work with both of you, but think about what characteristics you want to attain. What are your values? Do you reflect them? You cannot change another person. You cannot “fix” them. Only they can do that. The only thing you can control is bettering yourself.

Bring God into the equation

Often, our lives are busy and chaotic, and when the storms hit, we leave God entirely out of the problem. Yet, God holds the solutions, the healing, and the peace. Bring God back into the marriage covenant, asking Him to lead both of you by His Holy Spirit to make the right decisions and open your hearts to healing and trust.

How counseling can help

Following an affair, the feelings of betrayal and hurt are too raw. The hurt spouse may be shocked, angry, or sad (or all three). The spouse who cheated may feel hopeless and desperate to make amends and save the marriage. Having an unbiased third party who can offer advice and suggestions for surviving infidelity can be invaluable to your relationship.

Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California can help. Your counselor will work with you as a couple to overcome obstacles and manage setbacks. Call our reception team today to schedule a session with a Christian marriage counselor. Don’t let go of hope. Lean into God, ask for help, and keep the faith.

Photo:
“Poppy Field”, Courtesy of Marina Reich, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Grieving and Making Use of Prayers of Lament

/in , , , ,

Grief and loss come to us all at one point or another in our lives. In those moments, we can find ourselves struggling and without the words to express the deep and complicated emotions and thoughts we’re experiencing. Holding your grief and honoring that experience on one hand, while holding onto trust and hope in the other, can be difficult. This is where prayers of lament can be helpful.

When you’re grieving, you are trying to process loss in your life. Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s important to allow yourself the time and space to grieve. Using the prayers of lament from Scripture is one way to process and express your grief. If you’re struggling with this process, Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers support and guidance in navigating grief, helping you find comfort and healing during such a difficult time.

The various causes of grief

Loss can happen in a variety of ways. We often think of death, but it applies to many things. We form emotional attachments to other people, things, and places, and they become part of our everyday life. You could even say that they help shape who we are, and so when we lose those things, it affects us in profound ways. These connections and attachments can be broken or disrupted in numerous ways.

The kinds of loss that can induce grief include the loss of a relationship through the death of a loved one, a bad breakup, or a divorce. Loss also occurs when you experience significant failure, a cherished dream gets shattered, or when a loved or deeply respected person betrays you or lets you down. When you move away from your childhood home or the community that has nurtured you, that can also fuel a sense of loss.

Grief can come in various guises, and it is connected to the loss you’ve experienced. For instance, if you lose a loved one due to a natural disaster, an accident, or through some form of violence, which can lead to trauma and traumatic grief.

This type of grief involves losses that happen under horrific or unpredictable circumstances. Grief can also be anticipatory, in that the loss hasn’t yet occurred, but the feelings of loss and grief set in, in anticipation of loss. Grief can thus be complicated.

Allowing prayers of lament to be part of your grief

The process of grieving is unique to each person, and how they make sense of their loss won’t look the same as it does for another person. You may have heard of the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages don’t delineate a straightforward process that runs in order, and when you get to the other side of it, you’re done grieving. Rather, it indicates the kinds of emotions you may experience along the way.

Scripture offers many prayers to address grief in its many forms. One of the kinds of prayers in the Bible is lament. This sort of prayer can be helpful when a person is grieving. A lament is an honest, raw expression of our sorrows that’s directed toward God. It is an expression of your pain and a way to mourn loss. A sizable portion of the Psalms is made up of laments in various contexts.

Many people who follow Jesus assume that they can or should only pray happy prayers, or prayers that are full of hope. This often means that in practice they feel the need to suppress feelings of angst, sorrow, pain, distress, anger, depression, and more. Jesus, while He was on the cross, quoted from one of the Psalms of lament, Psalm 22, when he said, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1, Matthew 27:46, NIV).

It’s okay for a believer to feel sorrow and grief, to experience a sense of abandonment. Jesus, and the rest of the Psalms, show us the way. Those feelings can be directed at God and addressed to Him. The Lord is big enough to handle our most complex and painful emotions and experiences. The Psalms show us how to hold our grief and thankfulness in tension, as in Psalms 13, for instance:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?… But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. – Psalm 13:1-2, 5-6, NIV

You can tell God how you honestly feel, knowing that the heavenly Father welcomes you and wants to hear from His children. This is one Psalm, but we don’t know how long it took David to move from the emotions of the first verses to the utterances of hope and gratitude in the last verses. It can take time. You don’t have to rush toward expressing gratitude, but you can trust that you’ll get there. In the meantime, you can be honest with God about your grief.

Reaching for help

The psalms of lament can help to give us the language as well as permission to take our grief to God. Likewise, you can also talk with a grief counselor who can help you to process your grief and make sense of your experiences. Reach out to our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California and we will schedule an appointment for you with a qualified therapist who will help you to cope with your loss.

Photo:
“Flower”, Courtesy of Lidia Stawinska, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

How to Deal with Guilt and Not Feeling Good Enough

/in , , , ,

Sometimes in life, you swing big, and you miss. That’s okay because without taking risks, we wouldn’t be able to accomplish meaningful things. When things don’t go the way you anticipate, however, it can be unhelpful to internalize that failure and tell yourself that you are a failure. Yes, we can fail, but at other times we succeed, and the risks we take pay off. Who you are as a person, and the value you possess goes far deeper than your failures, successes, or guilt.

Guilt is a feeling of unease or unhappiness that settles on you when you feel that you’ve done something immoral or wrong. Persistent feelings of guilt can end up shaping how you perceive yourself. You can end up feeling as though you haven’t only done something wrong and feel bad about it, but that you yourself are bad. It’s important to know how best to deal with these feelings. Seeking guidance from a professional, such as Newport Beach Christian Counseling, can provide valuable insights and support to help manage guilt in a healthy way.

The roots of guilt and not feeling good enough

Feeling guilty and not feeling good enough often derive from the same root. When there is a standard of conduct that one has failed to attain, that sense of failure is what causes the unease or distress we often call guilt. That standard may be derived from one’s family, surrounding culture, or from one’s spiritual formation. Failing to meet that standard may also make one feel as though they aren’t good enough.

While a person can feel guilty or not good enough for various reasons, it’s also possible that they can feel these things unnecessarily or excessively. A person can irrationally feel responsible for something that is outside of their control, or that wasn’t their fault. This is known as false guilt.

This can be the result of:

  • Holding onto unattainable and unrealistic standards or expectations.
  • Taking on way too much responsibility for the actions of others.
  • Deeply internalizing unfair or unrealistic familial or societal expectations.
  • Misinterpreting a situation by mistaking or misattributing causes and effects.
  • Constant negative self-talk that induces a sense of guilt.
  • A lack of self-compassion.
  • Past traumatic experiences.

This can have many negative consequences in a person’s life such as self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and stunting personal growth. Thus, false guilt can create an unhealthy sense of self as well as affect a person’s mental and emotional health. Recognizing and addressing false and other forms of guilt helps promote well-being.

How to deal with guilt

Guilt has its place in our lives because it helps us be aware that we’ve done something that we shouldn’t have done, or not done something that we ought to have done. This gap between our actions and our ideals can drive us to act to rectify the deficiency. To address your guilt, the best way is to act, by seeking to undo what was done, to try and make amends, as well as to apologize for any harm caused.

Handling guilt can be difficult because it requires you to come face to face with your inability to meet a certain standard. There are healthy ways to deal with guilt, as well as unhealthy ways to address it. Some of the healthy ways to work through your feelings of guilt include the following:

Acknowledge your feelings

Instead of trying to pretend that you aren’t distressed or that there’s no reason to feel distressed, recognize and accept your guilt. Avoid either denying or suppressing your emotions, as this can only serve to prolong the process of addressing the root issues.

Identify the root cause

Take some time to reflect on the situation or action that’s the source of your guilt. You need to be honest with yourself about what could have led to your feelings of guilt.

Take responsibility

Guilt is often the result of having made a mistake and fallen short of certain expectations. If you’ve made a mistake, own up to it and apologize if necessary. If amends need to be made and can be made, then make them.

Practice self-compassion

Taking responsibility for your (in)action can be hard, but you can approach it with kindness and understanding toward yourself. We all make mistakes and fall short of our own standards and those of others, especially God’s standards (Romans 3:23, 6:23). However, you can deal with yourself truthfully and lovingly, just as you would a friend in a similar situation.

Learn from the experience

Instead of getting stuck in the feelings of guilt, you can use your guilt as a growth and learning opportunity. These situations can help you to pinpoint what you can do differently in the future. You can let go of any self-recrimination, as there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), and there’s no benefit to keep holding onto guilt that has been addressed already.

Move forward

Create a plan to help you move forward. This plan can help you avoid or prevent similar situations in the future, and as you pursue your plan you can be patient with yourself, recalling that it can be a long process.

Seek support

You don’t have to face challenging situations alone. Speak with a trusted loved one or talk to a mental health professional about your feelings of guilt. While guilt can be helpful in moderation, prompting personal growth and positive change, excessive guilt can be harmful to your well-being. If your feelings of guilt are overwhelming or persistent, seek help from a counselor.

Reach out for help

If you are ready to speak to a counselor about guilt, mistakes you feel you have made, unhealthy patterns, or anything that is keeping you from living freely, please reach out to Newport Beach Christian Counseling today. We can arrange an appointment with one of the qualified therapists in our practice. Take your first step toward living free of unhealthy guilt.

Photo:
“Stormy Bay”, Courtesy of Quino Al, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Five Natural Remedies to Combat Anxiety

/in , , , ,

The number of people who’ve been diagnosed with anxiety has risen significantly in the past few years. COVID-19, an unstable economy, and healthcare crises contribute to people’s fear about the future.

This can cause a rise in anxiety disorders. Most people think medication is the easiest way to combat the problem. However, there are other natural ways to keep anxiety at bay as part of a regular health routine. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers a holistic approach to addressing anxiety and can guide individuals in incorporating these remedies into their daily lives. Here are five natural remedies to combat anxiety:

Deep Breathing

Meditation is widely known to combat anxiety. Deep breathing can be even more effective when it comes to combating anxiety. Sit in a chair in a quiet space. Set a timer for thirty minutes. Inhale for ten seconds, filling both your lungs and your diaphragm.

Hold your breath for ten seconds. Then exhale for ten seconds, emptying your lungs and diaphragm until they are empty. Do this for ten minutes. Do not allow distractions or other noise to prohibit you from doing this in complete silence. After the ten minutes, ask yourself how you feel. Your body will go into a natural, relaxed state.

Your heart will slow down its rhythm and breathing will become deeper. Shallow breathing is also a sign of anxiety. By intentionally breathing more deeply, people allow their bodies to reap the benefit of deep breathing.

Supplements

There are anxiety supplements that are available over the counter to help combat anxiety. For example, an over-the-counter drug called AnxioCalm is a natural supplement that will curb anxiety. Although it may not completely eliminate the anxiety, it will help you feel less anxious in the moment.

Furthermore, natural remedies such as Ashwagandha, and Slippery Elm bark are other natural supplements that, when taken routinely, can help reduce the body’s response to elevated levels of cortisol.

Massage

Massage is a great way to relax the body. Treat yourself to a 30- or 60-minute massage. It can be exactly what the body needs to calm itself down naturally. Not only does massage help calm inflammation throughout the body, but it also resets both the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.

Both nervous systems must be working properly to reduce stress. Stretching and Reflexology are also two great ways to reduce stress without the need for medication.

Exercise

Although exercise may be a part of your daily routine, a great way to combat anxiety is to take a walk or go for a jog after a stressful day. This not only raises the natural receptors to reduce stress but also lowers levels of cortisol in the body.

Cortisol is the body’s natural response to stress. Elevated levels of cortisol not only contribute to chronic anxiety, but also increase stress-related symptoms such as weight gain, headaches, and other chronic pain. An elevated cortisol level can also contribute to a lack of sleep.

Exercise helps the body to move freely, clear the mind, and prepare it for sleep and its natural rhythms. Exercise can be a great way to forget the temporary stresses of life and improve a person’s mental health. Additionally, not only does it have mental health benefits, but can also improve their physical health such as strengthening the heart, alleviating pain in the joints, helping with weight loss, and getting natural vitamin D that is necessary for the body.

Therapy

Enlisting the help of a professional can be a great way to reduce stress. If you find yourself prone to anxiety attacks or other chronic anxiety, seek help from a professional to help discover exercises that can help reduce stress.

For example, a therapist at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California may give you specific journaling exercises to analyze your thoughts that may be contributing to anxiety. A therapist can give some insight into the different types of thoughts we have. For example, catastrophizing thoughts are ones in which we think of the “worst-case scenario.”

A person may automatically think this when they’re in a stressful situation. This creates stress on the physical body that doesn’t otherwise need to be there. By analyzing this thought and re-framing it so they don’t assume the worst will happen, an anxious person can take every thought captive as Scripture dictates and allow the person to reduce their stress by changing their thought patterns.

Anxiety can be difficult to combat. But the body also has natural ways to reduce stress. By engaging with those natural remedies, people may be able to avoid medication with serious side effects and help their bodies naturally adapt to stress. For more information on reducing anxiety with the help of a Christian therapist, please give us a call today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California.

Photo:
“Flowers”, Courtesy of Anne Nygard, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Common Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder in Children, Adolescents, and Adults

/in , , , , , , ,

Reactive attachment disorder, also known as RAD, is a condition that affects a child’s ability to bond with significant people in his or her life due to emotional needs going unmet during infancy or as a result of serious abuse or neglect. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers support and therapeutic strategies to help children and families heal and build stronger, healthier attachments.

It is most likely to occur in children who live in orphanages or other institutional settings, have been in multiple foster care homes, or whose mother or primary caregiver has been physically or emotionally absent for extended periods.

As children with reactive attachment disorder get older, their symptoms fall into one of two subtypes – inhibited reactive attachment disorder or disinhibited reactive attachment disorder.

Children with inhibited reactive attachment disorder are often withdrawn, emotionally unresponsive, show no interest in what is going on around them, do not seek comfort from their caregivers, and prefer to keep to themselves.

On the other hand, children with disinhibited reactive attachment disorder may be overly friendly with strangers, lack the desire or need to stay close to their primary caregiver for safety, violate social boundaries, and seek affection from others in a potentially unsafe way.

Without treatment, the symptoms of children with reactive attachment disorder are likely to persist into adulthood and affect the way they function in society.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in children

  • Avoiding eye contact.
  • Failure to smile.
  • Failure to coo or babble.
  • Crying inconsolably.
  • Not reaching arms out to be picked up.
  • Not seeming to notice when you walk into the room.
  • Not seeming to care when you leave him or her alone.
  • Not seeking comfort or responding when comfort is given.
  • Pushing away or leaning away from a person trying to be affectionate or offer comfort.
  • Angry outbursts or tantrums.
  • Reacting violently when held or cuddled.
  • Withdrawing from social situations.
  • Lack of interest in people around them.
  • Lack of conscience.
  • Inability to feel guilt, remorse, or regret.
  • Uninterested in playing interactive games such as peek-a-boo.
  • Failure to seek support or help when needed.
  • Lack of interaction with peers.
  • Engaging in self-soothing behaviors such as rocking back and forth.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in adolescents

  • Appearing withdrawn and emotionally detached.
  • Looking sad and lethargic.
  • Lack of eye contact.
  • Dislike being touched.
  • Inability to form meaningful relationships.
  • Lacking basic social skills.
  • Defiant and argumentative.
  • Anger issues.
  • Difficult to discipline.
  • Lack of self-control.
  • Problems at school.
  • Low self-esteem.
  • Unpredictability.
  • Lack of empathy.
  • Irritability.
  • Destructive behavior.
  • Cruelty to animals.
  • Engaging in risky behaviors.
  • Failure to seek or respond to comfort when upset.
  • Avoid interacting with peers.
  • Manipulative behavior.
  • Lying.
  • Stealing.
  • Lack of conscience, and an inability to feel guilt or remorse.
  • Substance abuse.
  • Preoccupation with blood, fire, and gore.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in adults

  • Fear of being alone.
  • Minimizing feelings of hurt or pain.
  • Physically or emotionally distancing themselves from others.
  • Feel as though they don’t fit in.
  • Inability to show genuine care or affection.
  • Reject love.
  • Failure to seek support when they need it.
  • Avoid making eye contact.
  • Pushing people away.
  • Absence of joy.
  • Addictive and/or risky behaviors.
  • Lack of conscience, and an inability to feel emotions such as regret, guilt, or remorse.
  • Tendency to avoid serious relationships.
  • Communication difficulties.
  • Anger issues.

Treatment options

The focus of treatment is on strengthening the child emotionally, helping him or her create healthy bonds and relationships, and/or repairing existing negative relationships between him or her and caregivers. For adolescents and adults, there is an added focus on improving social and communication skills.

Common interventions include:

Psychotherapy

In psychotherapy, the counselor works with both the child and his or her parents to teach them how to build healthy emotional skills and reduce the problematic behaviors that prevent bonding from taking place.

Family therapy

In family therapy, the counselor works with the child and his or her family members to help them learn how to interact healthily.

Social skills intervention

Social skills intervention is focused on teaching the child how to interact appropriately with his or her peers.

Parenting skills classes

Parenting skills classes are geared toward teaching parents how to increase their responsiveness and sensitivity toward their child, meet his or her needs, and bond with him or her, as well as how to manage their child’s challenging behaviors and help him or her use the skills learned during therapy in the outside world more effectively.

If you have questions or would like to set up an appointment to meet with a counselor, please give us a call at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. We can help you or your child address and overcome reactive attachment disorder.

References:

Aaron Kandola. “What is reactive attachment disorder?” Medical News Today. November 2, 2020. medicalnewstoday.com/articles/reactive-attachment-disorder.

Elizabeth E. Ellis and Musa Yilanli. “Reactive Attachment Disorder.” StatPearls. Updated May 1, 2023. statpearls.com/ArticleLibrary/viewarticle/19406.

Photos:
“Pink Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License