Caregivers and Caregiver Support

There are two groups of caregivers that are typically used to help those with medical needs navigate certain activities of life. One group is unpaid and typically refers to those who are family members or a friend of the person receiving the care. The other group consists of those who are paid by a company to provide care in the home. This second group can also include those who provide care in long-term facilities.

Each of these groups can experience tough situations that can cause anxiety, depression, or other physical, mental, and emotional strains. Most of the caregivers become attached to the person they care for, which can cause added emotions. When it comes to caring for family, people need to have access to caregiver support.

Common issues faced by caregivers.

There are common issues that most caregivers face and can present themselves at any time. Whether the caregiver is male or female, the issues remain the same.

Stress: It is common for stress to manifest itself when you have been a caregiver for any amount of time. It’s not necessarily the amount of time, it’s the weight of the situation that brings about feeling as though you are exhausted.

Isolation: Being a caregiver means that you spend less time participating in activities that you enjoy and more time in your role. This can cause you to feel as though you no longer have friends. There are times that you may feel like no one understands.

Anxiety: Sometimes it may seem as though the worries of caregivers increase. It could stem from having doubts about doing everything the right way for the person you are caring for.

Frustration: Due to the anxiety and feeling like you are alone in the entire endeavor, frustration can become an issue. You may find that you are testy and quick to become angry over small things.

Guilt: Being a family member who is taking care of a family member can make room for guilt to play a part in the anxiety you feel. You begin to think you are selfish because you want to take a day off and enjoy yourself.

Exhaustion: Being a caregiver day after day can leave you feeling like you have no energy to take care of yourself. You may find that you are so exhausted you have difficulty sleeping.

Depression: Taking care of a family member can bring you to a place of depression. You feel as though you aren’t doing things correctly. Sometimes you feel like crying.

Burnout: After being in the caregiver role for so long you could be facing burnout. You get the feeling that you are going through the motions and not making any difference.

Physical health issues: You may find yourself facing various kinds of physical issues. Headaches, stomach issues, blood pressure, fatigue, and a weakened immune system can be a few of the issues that arise from the stress of taking care of someone.

Substance abuse: It may have started as a way to unwind after a tough day of caring for a person, but it leads to dependency. Trying to get away from the situation through alcohol or other substance only causes more issues.

How to support a caregiver

Learning how to support a family member or friend who is in the role of caregiver is something that will help them and the person they care for. Everyone who cares for a person with medical needs should have access to caregiver support. Whether it is online counseling or someone who stops by to visit and encourage.

Take time to listen to them when they express that they just need someone to talk to. They aren’t necessarily looking for answers, they just need a connection with someone willing to listen. Let them define what they need. This could give you an idea of how to help them. Maybe they just need a break long enough to shower or nap. Sometimes a simple card of encouragement will create a new outlook.

Letting the caregiver know that you are there to help in any way will give them a sense of value. Make sure that they have access to caregiver support programs in the area.

And let’s consider how to encourage one another in love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24, NASB

If you find that you or someone you know needs caregiver support, reach out to us at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. There are many Christian counselors in Newport Beach who can help you find the support you need while you care for your family or friend.

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Small Steps, Big Impacts: Goal Setting, Micro Habits, and Personal Development

Nowadays, it isn’t difficult to search any social media outlet and find others splaying hashtags and markers for personal development. It isn’t limited to resolutions that populate many timelines around the start of the year, but rather throughout. We want progress, and we want to note it in all the areas that we value: relationships, health, and careers.

It becomes easy to lose ourselves in an addictive stupor, scrolling other people’s pages and profiles. Subconsciously, we compare ourselves with a perceived ideal God never intended for us to idolize, but rather encounter inspiration for attaining our own goals.

Emotion can become overwhelming as we scan our own lives and sometimes feel that we’ve come up short. We may not be concerned with outpacing our neighbors’ particular goals, but rather, champion and celebrate their achievements. Yet, when we seem to be stalled with progress toward our aims, the unspoken comparison may trigger undeniable pain.

Even if we don’t share the aspirations of those in our social circles, we sometimes encounter frustration from comparing ourselves where we are now with where we had imagined our own lives to be at this point and our personal development.

Small beginnings.

The big result isn’t always seen in the major move. Biblically, the narrative of small unveils the miraculous in both testaments. Small beginnings brim with possibility, as God Himself commits to oversee the good that He’s begun in us (Zechariah 4:10; Philippians 1:6).

The Spirit of God multiplies our minimal resources, adding up to more than we could produce on our own. We encounter the result in more than our senses or perception would have imagined (1 Corinthians 2:9).

What is impossible comes to fruition, and it originates through the miracle of small. A handful of flour and oil sustained the widow of Zarephath until drought and famine passed over (1 Kings 17:14-16). Mustard seed faith uproots and displaces mountains (Matthew 17:20-21).

A couple of fish and a handful of bread catered lunch for thousands on a hillside (Mark 6:41-44). So, it follows in our lives; The Holy Spirit involves us in miracles that manifest before our eyes and often through the little that becomes much in the Master’s Hands.

Goal setting.

When we develop SMART goals, we do so around the following: garner the specifics of what we intend to accomplish, narrow our attention on clear objectives; measure our progress; and assess and ensure that they are attainable within a certain amount of time. Ideally, the goals we establish are relevant, aligning with our longer-term goals, and are reasonable for the time frame we have identified.

We must individualize and find a system that works personally. SMART goals are intended to support us in attaining what can feel unmanageable.

Our lives are unique; hence, our goal-setting will be personally relevant to the Father’s times and purposes for each of us. God created us as individual masterpieces, predetermined to be fulfilled in Christ (Ephesians 2:10). We won’t look identical, regardless of how much we have in common or overlap in compatible and complementary gifts and abilities.

We are on a distinct path with the Lord and cannot try to emulate someone else’s process. Embracing inspiration is valuable, but we only need to aspire to our Savior’s standard when setting goals that align with the vision for our personal development.

While the process of working toward a goal can present inherent frustrations, we must remind ourselves that God will grant grace and glory, promising to withhold nothing good (Psalm 84:11). Our timeline may not mirror that of others, nor should it.

We can recalibrate our hopes, and even anchor our failures in the Lord, recognizing that He repurposes our missteps and mistakes to draw our hearts to repent or turn to Him. The Holy Spirit is at work, developing spiritual fruit and illuminating our path with the abundance of essential wisdom and revelation. We can take courage, aligning our plans with Scriptural principles to lead into the divine destiny God has orchestrated.

Micro habits.

Goal-setting is a familiar topic within the realm of personal development, but micro habits present a fresh way to think about this timeless concept. Micro habits deconstruct massive endeavors into smaller, more digestible parts.

In goal setting, we zoom wide to view a broad angle of what we seek to accomplish. To achieve it, we fill in segments of our big picture with zoomed-in, small-picture steps. In short, micro-habits embrace the practice of doing a little of a particular action at a time, yet sustained over time to reach a larger goal.

Forming a micro habit relies on simple daily actions that are relatively easy to implement into an established routine and may require, at most, a few minutes of time.  We contribute to our larger goal, yet with concentrated and consistent investment.

Success with micro habits is anchored in how we perceive our worth and willingness to show up for ourselves with rhythm and regularity that transforms our efforts into an offering that God blesses in the work of our hands. Our consistency invokes the questions for our consideration. Do we value what God has placed in us? And will we partner with Him to see it to fruition?

Micro habits toggle our attention between the vision for what we are building and its actual layout and placement in the structure of our daily lives. They allow us to draw a blueprint, designing a life enriched with the peace of God and joy of the Lord and the action that follows our faith.

We cannot control everything, including inevitable setbacks bound to populate our journey. However, micro habits teach us to navigate failures that are an unavoidable part of any success. Micro habits allow us to recover with curiosity and resolve, yet without shame so we can resume progress with relative ease. They encourage resilience, reminding us that even when we’ve fallen, we can embrace both human and Holy Spirit help to get up and go forward.

Personal development.

Embracing micro habits affords us the joy that accompanies small wins, thus replenishing necessary strength in our personal development journey. We will meet challenges, but the outcomes we desire generally result from consistency versus large-scale, though sporadic actions.

Consistency, even in small steps, shapes both our character and view of our goal. Even when we’ve failed, God moves mightily and decisively through minuscule actions to shift what He desires into being. When all looks dark, our joint investments with the Holy Spirit, produce unfathomable results (Ephesians 3:20).

While belief gives rise to behavior, our actions redefine what we have believed about ourselves. Enacting micro habits outweighs the large, though inconsistent moves that make a grand appearance when we’re inspired. Inspiration is an exhilarating companion for the journey, but we can’t rely on it exclusively to navigate our course. Unfortunately, inspiration gets clouded by discouragement and obstacles.

We can, however, gather inspiration from practicing the micro-habits that are not only shifting our world in the behavioral realm but also having an impact on the internal world of our thoughts and emotions. When we recognize that our beliefs and behavior positively reinforce one another, we can mobilize this to generate changes and form goals in other areas that impact our personal development.

Next steps for personal development.

Although the process of setting and achieving a goal is met with challenges and rewards, you can embrace both strategy and system to support you with this important facet of personal development. Micro habits prove themselves, not only in yielding the desired goal but also in fueling the endurance and affirming confidence to sustain your personal development journey.

Wherever you may find yourself in the process, embrace the opportunity to seek and select a counselor on this site. Make your appointment today. Embrace the empathy and tools you need to make small steps that yield a big impact.

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How to Overcome Anxiety with Scripture

You are not alone if you are struggling with anxiety. But you can use Scripture to overcome anxiety and have greater peace. These Bible verses that deal with anxiety can help you when you feel triggered or stressed.

Each time you are worried or anxious, choose one of these verses to meditate upon deeply and apply to your situation. Turn it into a prayer to gain a deeper connection with God. Here are several verses to give you practical help.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23, NIV

Since God knows everything, he knows everything that causes you anxiety. He knows you better than you know yourself. When you ask him to search, know, and test you, he will help you deal with hidden thoughts.

Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up. Proverbs 12:25, CSV

Anxiety can feel heavy like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. But God doesn’t expect or want you to do this, because only He can handle all your problems. Seek funny or humorous videos or books that can lift your heart when you feel anxious.

In the multitude of my anxieties within me, your comforts delight my soul. Psalm 95:19, NKJV

You may notice that anxieties can multiply quickly. Whether your anxieties are based on reality or fiction, God will comfort you in them. He is a loving Father who will cuddle you in a warm embrace, calming your fears and removing your doubts with his promises that never change.

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7, NIV

In the same way that you cast a fishing line away from you, so you need to throw your worries onto God and away from yourself. Keep this word picture in your mind and put it into practice next time you are worried or anxious.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7, NLT

When we experience worry, it is an opportunity to pray. Tell God exactly what is causing you anxiety. Ask Him for practical and spiritual encouragement. Then express gratitude, remembering all the ways He has been faithful to you in the past.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3, NIV

God promises to give you perfect peace when you abandon your anxiety and trust in Him.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13, NIV

God wants you to be filled with hope, peace, and joy rather than anxiety. The Holy Spirit can give you these spiritual gifts to protect your heart and mind. Praying this Scripture daily will help you trust God more even when your anxiety is triggered.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. Colossians 3:15, NIV

You can choose peace each time your anxiety rises by asking God to help you. Ask God to take anxiety from your heart, and invite Jesus, who is the Prince of Peace, to take its place.

Christian counseling to overcome anxiety.

If you haven’t been able to overcome your anxiety before, you may benefit from speaking with a Christian counselor. A qualified counselor can help you identify the deepest roots of your anxiety, so you can remove them and choose a life of greater peace.

You can use these Bible verses on anxiety in moments of stress. But please don’t hesitate to get professional help from a Christian counselor that is customized for your unique needs. The counselors on our staff are ready to help you overcome your anxiety with biblical principles.

Reach out to us today to schedule your first appointment. We have helped many others manage and overcome anxiety with practical help and spiritual guidance, which we would love to offer to you as well.

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How to Conquer Worrying Thoughts and Feelings

Worrying thoughts can  be challenging at times. Not only are they difficult to deal with, but at times they may look convincing, making it difficult to differentiate between something that could only be a possibility and something that is evident. They may also be falsely persuasive.

Consider the following examples of worrying thoughts:

“I never received a response from my employer on the report I emailed this morning. I can only assume that I did something wrong. Will there be consequences for me? Oh no, it can’t be!”

“I wasn’t included on the guest list for the concert that the group was going to. What if they don’t like me as much as I thought they did? It’s possible that they aren’t really my buddies after all.”

“Since he never responded to the text I sent him, I can only assume that he doesn’t like me. What if I never find someone? I’m convinced I’ll end up alone!”

Worrying thoughts such as these have the potential to convince the worrier that an imagined disaster will occur. A worrier will consider self-critical thinking accurate if he or she does not pay careful attention to the thoughts. Anxiety can present challenges in this way. It is possible for a troubling concept to be instantaneously accepted as true, almost as if it were automatic.

This idea can provoke unpleasant sensations and lead to changes in behavior, such as avoiding a situation, feeling tense in one’s body, or being distracted. It can also cause a person to feel physiological stress. Thankfully, there are strategies available that can help keep troublesome thoughts in check.

Steps to take to stop worrying.

The following procedures are a combination of techniques for mindful acceptance and strategies from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and they are intended to outwit worrying thoughts and lessen the chance for experiencing suffering:

Take note and accept.

Acknowledge, without passing judgment, that you are currently experiencing a bad thought or emotion, and accept the fact that you do, on occasion, think about things that could be upsetting or hurtful. How recently have you been having this thought? What triggered the thinking in the first place? It would be best if you could refrain from criticizing the fact that the thought even occurred in the first place.

Examine the evidence.

Is there any evidence to back up the notion that you have a pessimistic outlook? Which parts of the thinking appear to be making assumptions, and why do you think that is? If there isn’t any evidence that can be easily verified, what kind of objective information can you acquire?

Explore alternatives.

Based on the evidence you’ve gathered, is it possible that there are other options or outcomes that could result? Are you able to make the choice to believe that any one of a range of possibilities could be true?

Consider trusting your problem-solving abilities.

Have you ever been successful in solving a problem or coming up with a solution to a problem? Check out your available resources rather than wasting time trying to figure out how you would get out of a hypothetical situation that isn’t even a problem right now. If you find yourself in a situation where you require assistance, do you have the resources and the problem-solving skills necessary to come up with a solution?

Conquering unsettling or worrying thoughts and feelings.

Applying this to the first illustration gives us an idea of how it might seem. Imagine that this thought pops into your head: “My boss has not yet reacted to the report that I emailed to him this morning.” I can only assume that I did something wrong. Will there be consequences for me? Oh no, it can’t be!”

Accept the situation.

Recognize and accept that you are having an unsettling thought rather than allowing this worrisome thought to continue to grow into more troubling territory (such as imagining your boss discouragingly confronting you). This will help you avoid allowing this worrisome thought to continue to expand into more troubling territory.

Keep in mind that it’s normal to experience thoughts that make you feel uneasy. Take a moment to pause and bring your attention back to whatever that is happening right now. In this particular scenario, it could be the middle of the day, and you’re currently working on a project while seated at your desk.

Look for evidence.

The next step is to hunt for evidence that either backs up or contradicts the concept. In this particular illustration, there is no objective evidence to suggest that you committed a wrongdoing or that you are in fact receiving a reprimand. The only piece of evidence that is now available is that a report was submitted, but you have not yet received a response to it.

Consider various outcomes.

You are now able to consider the various possible outcomes. It’s possible that your manager hasn’t had the opportunity to look over the report or get back to you about it yet. It’s possible that your supervisor was blindsided by other unforeseen responsibilities and is focusing on something else instead. The issue is, you aren’t quite sure why you haven’t gotten an answer; all you know is that it has been longer than you expected.

You may not be entirely sure why you haven’t gotten a response. Putting up with the discomfort of waiting it out may increase the likelihood that you will finally receive a response. Remind yourself that this time (waiting without yet knowing) is just temporary, and that you are capable of handling it even though it may be difficult for you to wait to find out the conclusion.

Trust your ability to resolve the situation.

Even if an unfavorable outcome were to occur in the future, would you still be able to trust your ability to solve problems in the event that you were to react to the setback and recover from the situation?

Have you ever been in a situation when you had to address a problem with a cousin, friend, or coworker, and provide potential solutions? Bring to mind some situations in which you successfully resolved a dispute, sought assistance from others, or made conscious decisions to ameliorate a precarious circumstance.

Do you have resources available to you, such as a support network or a buddy you can trust to talk it out in the event that you require or desire to do so? Is there assistance available to you in the form of a problem-specific support system, such as a mentor at work? When you feel stressed out, what other things can you do to practice relaxation techniques, find healthy ways to deal, and take care of yourself?

How can mindfulness interventions help with worrying thoughts?

Even insignificant negative thoughts can build up and become unmanageable, which can put a person at risk for mental health issues including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.

However, mental health professionals have come to realize that mindfulness can be of great benefit, as it can help people become better able to become better able to separate themselves from negative thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations that may be present, often before they become too overwhelming.

Mindfulness can help people become better able to become better able to separate themselves from negative thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations that may be present. Engaging in regular mindfulness practice might aid advance psychological understanding and facilitate emotional healing over time. People can often find relief from stress, chronic pain, cancer, anxiety, depression, and other chronic conditions by participating in mindfulness-based stress reduction practices.

  • MBCT is frequently used as a component of the treatment strategy for a wide variety of mental health conditions, including but not limited to recurrent depression, anxiety, psychosis, eating and food issues, bipolar, panic attacks, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder.
  • The treatment of suicidal ideation, borderline personality, self-harm, substance dependence, eating and food disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and depression is the primary application of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
  • Anxiety, depression, addiction to substances, chronic pain, psychosis, and even cancer are all commonly treated with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), which is an approach.

Conclusion.

Start the practice of accepting that negative thoughts can occur by putting all of the steps together, believing that alternative options could exist, noticing the feeling of discomfort while you wait through the uncertainty without passing judgment on it, and acknowledging your ability to solve problems or find resources (including therapy) to help you through it.

This method requires time, patience, effort, and practice, just like developing any other habit or ability. In the same way that an anxious disposition might have gradually formed over time, the transition to a new strategy will require some time for the process to advance. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a Christian counselor for help in conquering worrying thoughts and feelings.

Photos:
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How Regular Sabbath Improves Your Mental and Physical Health

Many Christians have heard about the Sabbath and know it should be part of their life, but it can be hard to make it happen. Between the busyness of daily life, work, family, and even church activities, fitting in regular times for rest can feelimpossible. Additionally, it can be hard to understand why it’s so important to begin with.

People are often taught that getting things done is better than rest. After all, your family needs you, you must work, and there are so many things on the calendar. Plus, the laundry is piling up and someone needs to get to the grocery store. How will taking a rest help you feel better when there is so much to get done?

What is the Sabbath?

Let’s start by growing a deeper understanding of the Sabbath. The concept of the Sabbath is woven into the creation of the world. When God created the world, he spent time making day and night, land, sea, air, plants, animals, and even people. When he was done creating those things, He did something different.

Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day, he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Genesis 2:1-3, NIV

This is the first reference to rest. But this is more than taking a break. Genesis 2:3 describes this rest as something special, something God blessed and made holy. It is this key element that defines Sabbath in our lives.

As you continue to explore the Word, you see God talk about the Sabbath as a holy time of rest. This is more than just stopping work, although that is part of it. It is that blessed time that is holy and set apart. It is about intentionally making time to rest from work to worship God. Later in the Word, the idea of the Sabbath is explored in many ways.

In the Old Testament, the Sabbath is part of the law that people must follow. Later, when Jesus comes and is resurrected, we learn that we are free from the law outlined in the Old Testament. Jesus fulfills the law for us. That can leave us wondering about the Sabbath and its role in our lives.

Should the Sabbath be part of my life?

Practicing Sabbath is good for you. It isn’t about following an archaic rule to please God. Instead, you can incorporate Sabbath into your life to benefit you spiritually, physically, and mentally.

While there are different opinions on what Sabbath looks like, how people should practice it, and when it should be observed, you can discover the benefits of the Sabbath in your life no matter how you do it. It is less about following strict guidelines and more about developing a rhythm of rest and worship that feeds your soul.

It is often easy to understand the spiritual benefits of taking time to rest and worship God. However, there are additional benefits to consider.

Sabbath rest improves your mental health.

Taking time to rest and connect with God goes beyond feeling like you had a break. There are deeper mental health benefits that people can experience from routinely making time for Sabbath in their lives.

A study of a small group of people at Liberty University investigated how an eight-week Sabbath routine impacted anxiety, worry, and stress. Most participants, upon completion of the study, showed a decrease in anxiety, worry, and stress in their lives. When you consider the benefits specifically connected to rest, there are a variety of things that help improve mental health.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness describes benefits such as increased energy, which allows you to do more of the things you enjoy. Similarly, people who take time to rest can experience more energy to devote to the people they love and the work that is important to them. These things all work together to improve mental well-being.

As you look at the spiritual aspects of the Sabbath, such as prayer and corporate worship, the mental health benefits are also evident.

Kristen Rogers of CNN reported, “A 2011 study found prayer can help reduce anger and aggression. In a series of experiments in which participants either prayed for or thought about a stranger, a person who angered them, or a friend in need, members of the prayer group were more likely to feel less anger and aggression after a provocation.”

When you look further at the mental health benefits of taking spiritual rest, you discover that things like prayer can reduce feelings of anxiety, isolation, and fear while increasing feelings of gratitude and connection. Combining the benefits of rest and spiritual dwelling that occurs during a regular time of Sabbath rest, promotes mental health benefits that go beyond the Sabbath.

Physical benefits

Looking at Sabbath as the marriage of physical rest and worship of God allows us to see how both aspects benefit us in more spiritual and mental health. Each of these aspects has physical benefits as well.

Taking time to rest has obvious benefits for your body. According to Integris Health, “Rest is vital for better mental health, increased concentration and memory, a healthier immune system, reduced stress, improved mood, and even a better metabolism.”

Regular rest has concrete physical benefits such as:

  • Decreased blood pressure.
  • Chronic pain relief.
  • Improved immune health.
  • Stronger cardiovascular system.

If you consider the spiritual element of the Sabbath, you can also see amazing physical benefits. Corporate worship, private time with God, and regular prayer as suggested by the concept of the Sabbath can improve everything from hormone levels to breathing.

Some examples of how prayer can benefit your physical health are:

  • Faster recovery following medical procedures.
  • Helps your body heal more efficiently.
  • Inhibits the release of cortisol and other hormones that can negatively affect the body.
  • Regulates heart rate and breathing.
  • Relieves stress and offers hope which promotes physical wellness.

These things all work together to offer better physical health when you routinely practice Sabbath in your life.

Final thoughts

As you consider the challenges associated with incorporating the Sabbath into your life, it is important to also consider the vast benefits. Naturally, the physical benefits are noteworthy. As you combine physical rest and spiritual dwelling with God regularly, Sabbath rest offers you an opportunity for better health and wellness mentally and physically as well.

It is interesting, however, to see that these benefits go even deeper. Whenever you follow God’s commands you will experience spiritual benefits. Sabbath does not need to be looked at as a spiritual law. Instead, you can consider Sabbath to be a helpful directive God offers for your life.

The Bible Project says, “As followers of Jesus, God does not expect us to live by Israel’s laws. However, the wisdom of these laws remains, and the law of the Sabbath is rich with significance for us today. The Sabbath is not a commandment we are bound to; it’s a promise we’re invited to enjoy.”

As you think about how Sabbath may look in your life, consider all the benefits it brings. Sabbath offers you spiritual, mental, and physical benefits that will directly impact your life and well-being.

Does the idea of taking time for a regular Sabbath feel impossible? One of the counselors in our office can help you find ways to implement Sabbath in your life so you can have better mental and physical health. Call our office to set up an appointment and get started.

Sources:https://digitalcommons.liberty.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=4623&context=doctoral

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/August-2017/Mental-Health-in-the-Workplace-The-Value-of-Rest

https://Bibleproject.com/blog/keeping-the-sabbath-is-it-still-relevant-to-christians-today/

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10 Bible Verses about How to Control Anger

Learning to control anger can feel like the most difficult thing to do, depending mostly on the situation you face. You can count to ten or take a deep breath. Yet some people are not able to do this, and that anger could lead to harsh words or actions. Are you a slow burner or do you have a short fuse? There are plenty of Bible verses about how to control anger in Scripture. Below are some that will convict you as well as give you hope that, through God’s grace, it is possible to control anger.

Bible Verses about How to Control Anger

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11, NIV

This verse is translated in various ways in certain Bibles, but it is the juxtaposition of anger and calm that is most important here. A fool gives vent to his anger; the wise man can keep control with God’s help. While there might be a rightful place for anger to be fully expressed, often it is better to keep silent and keep a tight rein on your tongue.

Careless venting to whoever may listen is certainly not appropriate as a godly way of self-expression. If you are serious about learning how to control anger, you can address this habit if it is present in your life.

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. Proverbs 14:29, NIV

In short, without understanding a situation, your impatience will lead you into making silly mistakes. Colossians 3:8 implores believers to put away anger and wrath. Turn to God in prayer instead. James counsels readers to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19-21, NIV).

This is how to control anger in the Bible. While in and of ourselves it is very difficult to be patient, if we are saved, we have the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us and can ask God to help us to exhibit it.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24, NIV

The verse warns us that associating with angry people could lead us down the same path of anger and regret. This applies to both our personal and professional dealings. We must avoid getting too entwined with them since their bad temper corrupts us and leads us to act similarly.

When you lean into your relationship with God and trust his guidance, you will also gain wisdom to discern which friendships are not helping you in your walk with Christ. By discerning wisely, you will also gain a better grasp on how to control anger.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29, NIV

Paul shows here that we are accountable for the words we utter. We must speak in a way that is beneficial to those listening and appropriate to the situation. The aim is to show grace to those who listen to our words.

We must demonstrate a godly and Christ-like attitude of love and forgiveness toward others, particularly if they are not Christians. How to control anger as demonstrated in the Bible will also be a witness to others in terms of how we have been changed and how much we have taken on the “new self” offered in Christ.

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. – Psalm 86:15, NIV

We might think God is out to punish us because of our faults and the bad choices we have made. Although these are negative aspects of our lives, the Lord loves us more than we could ever imagine and acts to redeem and restore us. He knows our weaknesses and shortcomings and recognizes the need for us to make fresh starts.

You can make a fresh start today. In knowing how to control anger according to such verses in the Bible and meditating on them in triggering moments, with God’s help you will become more and more like Christ in your character.

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. – Ecclesiastes 7:9, NIV

This is a warning to us not to fly into a rage or harbor resentment over some incident, either at home or at work. It indicates a lack of self-control, exposes weak character traits, and is not godly in attitude. We need to refrain from anger and instead honor God in our hearts.

Sinful anger needs to be rejected; it has caused divorces, job losses, broken relationships, and so many other problems. Learning to control anger is important, as words spoken in haste cannot be taken back.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. – Ephesians 4:31, NIV

The ESV version of this verse uses the words “put away,” which clearly states we need to get rid of all unhealthy behavior and guilty feelings after angry incidents. The tongue can be compelling in praise but devastating when it comes to angry criticism.

Paul notes these common character flaws are all linked to anger: bitterness, rage, brawling, slander, and malice. All can be put away or gotten rid of with God’s grace.

Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother, or judges him, speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. – James 4:11, NIV

James says that God is the only one able to save and destroy. Criticizing and judging each other means criticizing and judging God’s law. It is through His grace we are saved, so, therefore, do not live by worldly wisdom.

Discord results when we do not control anger. When we don’t, we are essentially nullifying the new covenant which Jesus brought through the sacrifice of his death on the cross. This verse shows us how serious these sins are in God’s eyes.

Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. – 1 Timothy 2:8, NIV

Paul is exhorting the men to pray and to be in unity when they did so. He was aware of the bickering and anger so prevalent in the early churches, just as it often is today. Paul showed them that knowing how to control anger was critical so that they could worship God appropriately. There is no point in coming to God while we are harboring anger toward our neighbors. God demands that we forgive fully and come to him with hearts that have repented of the sin in our lives.

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law. – Galatians 5:22-23, NIV

The fruit of the Spirit is available to all Christians and is full of characteristics that are the exact opposite of anger. It can seem impossible to offer all these things, especially when we live in a broken world full of sinners. But through asking the Holy Spirit to bear these fruits in us, we will start to see small changes in how we view other people and the world around us.

Meditating on Scripture gives us a very clear indication of how to control anger. By ourselves, we are powerless to change. But as saved and redeemed people, we have new hearts that can close the door on toxic emotions that hurt and destroy rather than build up and show love.

If you need more help learning how to control anger, don’t hesitate to reach out to a Christian counselor for guidance. A counselor will help you understand the roots of your anger so you can make behavioral changes today. Get in touch with us to receive the compassionate help you need

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“Bible”, Courtesy of Summer C, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Bible Reading”, Courtesy of Aaron Burden, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Bible”, Courtesy of Tim Wildsmith, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Opening the Bible”, Courtesy of Emmanuel Phaeton, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Dating with a Purpose: Praying and Planning for Relational Success

Few decisions in our lives shoulder the weight of success or sabotage like matters of the heart. While our choice to follow Christ is the most significant choice that impacts all others, who we link with in dating or in marriage, polarizes our path. It either fuels us in fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives or frustrates us in walking toward destiny.

Our hearts cannot always be trusted to make the wisest decisions and they often become obsessed with external appearances or are tempted by sin. God has given us wisdom in His word to help us make healthy and wise decisions. The Bible equips us to live a godly life (2 Peter 1:3). The Lord created us and knows our beginning and our end. He has given us all we need in His word.

Since we don’t automatically know the wisest course of action, we require the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. As we seek a marriage partner to be part of our life, we must pray and plan and seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness.

Pray purposefully

God speaks to us through His written word and illuminates what seems obscure or confusing (John 10:27-30). God’s Word tells us how to communicate with Him, and it clarifies and confirms His guidance. When we are single, and ideally undistracted, we can embrace our singlehood for purposeful prayer, asking God to bring the right person to us in His perfect timing.

Praying with a purpose allows us to grow in intimacy with the Lord. He already knows what we think and how we feel. Sharing our real experiences and emotions, then surrendering them to Him allows us to become more confident and better able to hear His voice speaking through His word. Submitting to the Word and His commands empowers us to actively resist the enemy’s influence (James 4:7).

Plan intentionally for dating

God, who is Beginning and End, has ordained our life to reflect His glory on earth (Revelation 1:8). He wants you to see the wonder of His image in you. As you pray, ask Him to harmonize your ideas and plans with His. Pay attention to the wisdom of the Scriptures as you form plans and goals that maximize your gifts and align with His purpose.

Process authentically

We tend to view our pain through a lens of shame, but God can heal the unresolved pain that we hide. Participating in a process to work through past issues often hurts before we feel the effects of healing.

That involves offering our wounds to Him with open hands and a surrendered heart. His supernatural strength targets and triages our weaknesses. He beckons us to approach Him boldly, and He responds by lavishing us with fresh mercy and grace (Hebrews 4:16).

Awareness and acknowledgment

Only the searchlight of the Holy Spirit can bring awareness of the hidden parts of our hearts. Is there repeated sin poisoning us from the inside out? We often become numb to it, unaware that we are partnering with forces that oppose our faith (Ephesians 6:10-12).

When we are seeking dating relationships that lead to marriage, we need to be aware of negative mindsets that influence our behavioral patterns. Dysfunctional cycles surface, circulating the issues that have disrupted our progress and success with relationships.

Ask the Holy Spirit to highlight where these offenders entered, even if they have lingered through your family’s generations. God champions your future marriage. Working through issues while unmarried reflects an active partnership with the One who authors your destiny. As you return to Him, repentance welcomes healing and deliverance, bringing the freedom to connect from a whole and healthy heart.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.1 John 1:9, NIV

Addressing the issues in dating

Beyond the sin factor, our mates weren’t meant to carry every emotional load. When we avoid attending to heart matters while single, we place undue expectations and weight on our future marriages.

As the Holy Spirit reveals “thorns” or areas of weakness, He also furnishes God’s grace and practical remedies that transform us (2 Corinthians 12:9). Wisely using the gift of the present affords us the space and strength to prepare with God, and perhaps a counselor, to work on matters that may make us better dating partners and spouses.

Aligning hearts

We are not serving ourselves or our future spouses well when we short-circuit necessary steps for repentance and faith. Although physique and chemistry play a key role in attraction, cultivating spiritual, mental, and emotional development affects the longevity of a connection.

We mask our real selves with illusions like Adam and Eve who fashioned clothing from fig leaves. As clever as they may have thought themselves, the cover betrayed their sinful hearts. Not only do we want to present our real selves to potential spouses, but we must get right with God first.

Allied and agreed in dating

Scripture causes us to reflect on the importance of alliances. Every believer’s walk with the Lord is unique, so every potential partner might not be in the same spiritual place.

However, walking in agreement, that is aligned with Jesus and not in step with the world, is foundational to establishing a dating partnership and eventual marriage. While the external person initially attracts, the internal is integral to what nurtures a marital covenant over the long term.

Being equally yoked is often mentioned in single circles, but it is more than sharing a set of morals. Our core values, gifts, goals, and purpose factor into our suitability as a mate. We need counsel from the Holy Spirit, other mature believers, and perhaps a trained professional.

From these places of contemplation, we can develop questions and form criteria to gauge whether we will advance our dating relationships. God doesn’t move accidentally, and following Him will enable us to act with intention.

Do not be mismatched with unbelievers; for what do righteousness and lawlessness share together, or what does light have in common with darkness?2 Corinthians 6:14, NASB2020

Next steps for dating

Let’s use our singleness to nurture our first marriage with Christ, our Bridegroom. We, as the Church, inclusive of male and female believers, are joined to Him in one Body, much like the illustration of two becoming one woven throughout the Scriptures.

In the natural and spiritual, we can pray, plan, and process to become a better fit for our potential mate, but even more so, for our King of Kings. As we communicate with the One who inspired and authored Scripture, He aligns us with His own Heart and prepares us to walk in agreement with a partner.

While you cannot control the timing for encountering dating partners and potential spouses, you can influence your preparation. God has outfitted you with resources. Avail yourself of the options for counseling on this site. Locate the support and sustained care that will make you ready to recognize and receive what awaits as you pray, plan, and prepare for adventures with God.

Photos:
“Couple on a Bench”, Courtesy of Evan Tang, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Coffee Date”, Courtesy of DocuSign, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Breakfast Together”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Happy Couple”, Courtesy of Tim Mossholder, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

How to Help Your Depressed Husband

When a loved one is in pain, the vulnerability and emotional pain you go through can be debilitating. The feeling of helplessness can be all-consuming, paralyzing you into inaction. In those situations, great courage and fortitude are required to push through those feelings of helplessness and instead focus on being supportive and present for our loved ones.

The same goes when the loved one who is in pain is your husband, and the trial they are going through is battling depression. We’ve learned a lot about depression and other mental health concerns over the last few decades, and so there are a lot of things you can be aware of and do to be supportive of your depressed husband.

Know what depression is and isn’t

Firstly, it’s of great importance for you to get informed about what depression is and isn’t, which can help you in dispelling any unhelpful myths or ideas you may have about the disease. Depression isn’t something a person can simply power through via sheer willpower, though for many men that is precisely the kind of mistake they make.

Depression is a mood disorder that impacts all aspects of a person’s being – physically, mentally, and emotionally; it also affects their behavior. Day to day activities become burdensome and difficult to do; even the things a person used to enjoy, like hobbies, lose their appeal.

Depression is a widespread mental health issue. Here in the United States, about 19% of adults have experienced a mental illness. Around 7.1% of adults (17.3 million people) have had at least one major episode of depression in their lives.

Women are twice as likely to have depression than men, but one of the symptoms of depression – having suicidal thoughts – tends to result in death more frequently in men. While women are more likely to attempt to commit suicide, men are four times as likely to succeed because they use more lethal means in their attempts.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), nearly three hundred million people (about 264 million) across the world suffer from depression. This includes men and women, the young and the old, and people from every possible background including different cultures and ethnicities, religions, and social classes.

Having depression is not a sign of weakness. It can be caused by one or several factors, including genetics, trauma, illness, poor nutrition, and brain chemistry, among others.

Signs of a depressed husband

To better understand the question of depression, you should be informed about what depression looks like in men, and how that will impact your husband and your family. There are symptoms of depression that are common for both men and women, and these include the following:

  • anxiety
  • feeling sad, empty, or hopeless
  • aches, pains, and digestive problems
  • fatigue
  • sleeping too much or too little.
  • feeling restless and agitated
  • lack of concentration on work or tasks
  • struggling to fulfill family, work, or other obligations
  • difficulty remembering details
  • eating too much or too little
  • unintentional weight gain or loss
  • being unusually indecisive
  • having suicidal thoughts or making suicide attempts
  • losing interest in hobbies and things that were once exciting

Some other symptoms of depression are more specific to men, and these behaviors often hide depression. These include:

  • Compulsive behaviors, such as increasing intake of alcohol, gambling, or substance abuse.
  • Seeking isolation by avoiding family or social situations
  • Reckless behaviors, such as unprotected sex, sex with strangers, or reckless driving
  • Becoming overly sensitive, getting easily irritated, losing one’s sense of humor, getting angry quickly or with scant provocation, becoming more verbally or physically abusive of loved ones, or more controlling in relationships.

Diagnosing depression

It is important to help your husband to get a proper diagnosis. For it to be diagnosed as depression, the symptoms must persist for at least two weeks. It is important to seek help from a trained professional to get this proper diagnosis. Your doctor or healthcare provider can perform a series of tests to determine whether your husband has depression.

These may include a physical examination and some blood work to eliminate other possible sources of the symptoms. There is no single simple test for depression, but your physician can make a diagnosis based on the symptoms they observe and a psychological evaluation.

In most cases, they’ll ask questions about these areas to determine if your husband suffers from depression:

  • sleep patterns
  • moods
  • thoughts
  • appetite
  • level of activity

Treatment options for your depressed husband

There are various treatment options available for your depressed husband, and your husband and doctor need to proceed with a treatment plan that works for him. For the various possible treatments for depression to be effective, one key element is willing buy-in from the person suffering from depression. They must have ownership of the process.

They do need help, though. The people around them, who comprise their support team, can be there to encourage and stand in the gap where they can. For wives, this may mean being aware that more of the load may fall on you as your husband deals with the depression.

We mentioned earlier how the family may be affected negatively in various ways by a depressed husband and father. Giving them support, understanding, and accountability during their treatment will provide a more conducive environment for recovery.

When someone is diagnosed with depression, there are various strategies for treatment and coping with it. With mild depression, there are strategies they can implement to cope and manage it, and these include:

Finding support from friends and family through sharing feelings with people close to you helps you to feel less isolated and it makes those feelings feel less overwhelming. These cheerleaders can help you stay on the path to recovery. This support network can help with chores, driving to and from a doctor’s appointment and so much more.

Pursuing simplicity by breaking down huge tasks into smaller tasks.

Postponing big decisions until you’ve recovered. Discuss important decisions with trustworthy people.

Avoiding alcohol and other addictive substances may boost your mood and creates room for you to address your situation soberly.

Creating structure by making a daily routine can make each day feel a little easier with fewer decisions you have to make.

Eating and sleeping well by keeping up with good nutrition and getting good sleep helps you make progress toward better overall health.

Exercising or practicing mindfulness through meditating, and exercising by walking, running, or doing yoga may reduce stress and support overall well-being.

These coping strategies are supplemental to the treatment plan a licensed medical professional may create for your husband; they are certainly not a substitute for it. The trained psychotherapist may recommend medication or talk therapy, or a combination of both depending on the circumstances and the severity of the depression.

Medications such as antidepressants may be prescribed to help to cope with depression and get the body and mind back where they need to be. Usually, there are some side effects from the medication, and so the psychotherapist will likely adjust the type of medication and its dosage to meet the client’s needs.

Don’t expect immediate results, as the medication may only begin to have positive effects on a person’s mood or overall disposition after a few weeks. This process of finding the right medication and dosage can take a few months, so don’t lose heart, or begin doubting the process.

It is important for a person suffering from depression to keep taking their medication even when the outlook begins improving. Taking the foot off the gas prematurely because some of the symptoms of depression are lifting can set their progress back and potentially trigger a relapse with worsened symptoms.

The treatment plan, which includes taking medication, only stops in consultation with the psychotherapist who determines whether sufficient progress has been made.

Talk therapy, or psychotherapy, is another powerful component of the treatment plan. This can take several forms, but its main aim is to provide a person with space to talk through the situation with a trained and licensed mental health professional.

This process can unearth various issues in the relationships around the person struggling with depression, including your own. Psychotherapy also assists people suffering from depression to accomplish various goals, including:

  • helping them identify and replace negative beliefs and thought patterns with positive ones
  • finding adaptive and creative ways to solve problems
  • creating, setting, and maintaining realistic goals
  • learning how to cope with a crisis
  • developing capacity and a deeper ability to tolerate stress and distress
  • digging into their relationships and experiences to forge positive connections
  • learning to recognize the issues that contribute to depression

Your loved one doesn’t have to walk the journey through depression alone. With you and your family’s loving support and the knowledge possessed by trained psychotherapists and other professional caregivers, your depressed husband can work through his depression and gain the tools he needs to deal with this season of struggle.

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Signs of Anger Issues and How to Address Them

Our emotional makeup helps us to experience all that the world throws at us and to respond appropriately to it all. A beautiful sunrise or sunset makes you feel warm inside, and you smile, draft a poem, or hug a loved one to express what you feel.

The death of a loved one or the loss of a long-cherished dream break you up inside, and gush forth tears, sadness and anger intermingled. Our emotions alert us to what’s going on inside of us and how we’re experiencing the world, so they are helpful for everyday life.

Anger is a powerful emotion, one which can overwhelm us and even short-circuit our ability to think and act rationally. Anger can be ignited by anything, from an existential threat to you and your loved ones to an annoyance like stubbing your toe on a piece of raised concrete. We get angry when people challenge us, when we are taken advantage of, or when we see wrongdoing, and so much else.

Powerful emotions like anger need to be shepherded well because the consequences of letting anger run amok can be dire. So, while anger is a helpful emotion that alerts us to what we’re experiencing and what may need to be remedied, how one deals with that anger is of the utmost importance.

Below are a few signs of anger issues that may indicate you’re no longer in the driver’s seat, and your feelings of anger are in charge. If anger is an issue for you, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional for help.

Seven signs of anger issues

1. You’re afraid of what will happen if you get angry.

Have you ever scared yourself because of how you reacted to a situation? For example, your child or spouse did something that annoyed you, and your reaction was so over the top that you found yourself shocked and scrambling to apologize and figure out where that reaction even came from.

People have deep wells of feeling within them, and they don’t always know what’s in those wells; sometimes, stuff comes gushing out that we struggle to make sense of. The Bible warns us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, ESV).

For you, maybe you struggle with the things you say and do when you’re angry, and you’re afraid of what might come out of you if you happen to get angry. If you’re afraid of your anger and what results from it, it may be a clear sign that you have anger issues.

2. Relationships have been destroyed because of your anger.

Ambrose Bierce , the short story writer, journalist, and poet once wrote, “Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Sometimes, the time between words spoken in anger and the feeling of regret is instant, and at other times it can take a lifetime to understand the damage caused by words spoken in anger.

Anger affects your ability to listen with empathy and make reasoned judgments. When you’re angry, you don’t always think about what you’re saying, and what you’re saying tends to be poorly thought out. In anger, we tend to generalize, leap to conclusions, and override the feelings and perspectives of others. All of this escalates conflict and damages relationships.

If relationships have been damaged because of your anger, it’s quite likely that you have anger issues. Whether you shouted at your spouse or kids, snapped at a client, gave a snarky retort to your neighbor, physically assaulted a friend, or spilled a long-held secret, anger may have led you to damage that relationship, perhaps irreparably.

3. You struggle to articulate your anger.

The thing to do with anger is to express it so that your feelings are acknowledged. It’s not good to either repress the feelings of anger or to express them in such a way that they cause physical or emotional damage to yourself or others.

Repressed anger, as well as passive-aggressive anger and violent expressions of anger, are equally destructive, though the first two are directed more internally, and the latter externally. You should be able to express your anger in a clear, assertive (not aggressive) way that doesn’t damage others along the way. If you can’t express your anger well, that’s also a sign of anger issues.

4. Your anger is disproportionate to the situation.

There isn’t a chart that lays out what a reasoned response to any given situation should be. That doesn’t mean that there is no such thing as an unreasonable or disproportionate response to a situation. Responding to someone cutting you off in traffic by pursuing them down the highway and then physically assaulting them should rank as an overreaction.

If the grocery store has run out of a particular product, it’s out of bounds to verbally assault a store employee or to damage store property. Getting into a fistfight with other patrons because the buffet ran out of steak or because a fast-food establishment ran out of a chicken sandwich is probably a reaction that’s disproportionate to the situation. It may indicate that you have anger issues.

5. You’ve been in trouble with the law.

If your anger has led you into situations and making decisions that got you in trouble with the law, that might also be a sign of anger issues. If your anger leads you to break the law because you’ve threatened violence, assaulted someone, or damaged property, that may be a sign that your anger has a hold over you.

6. You feel angry most or all of the time.

There is no shortage of things in the world to make a person angry. However, you can’t be angry all the time or allow things to get under your skin. If anger is the dominant emotion in your life, and you feel angry for many or most of your waking hours, or you’re constantly feeling impatient, irritated, and hostile, then you may have a problem with anger.

7. Your anger threshold is low.

What makes you angry? We’re all wired differently, and our experiences shape our temperaments in various ways. If you get angry quite easily and let things get to you without much provocation, you’ve got a low anger threshold. Having a low anger threshold isn’t problematic if you’re able to express that anger effectively and let things go.

However, because anger has a physiological effect, being angry a lot because you have a low anger threshold means that you’re putting your health at risk. Chronic anger increases your risk of stroke, it weakens your immune system, not to mention higher risks of high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems.

Growing beyond the problem

Anger doesn’t have to maintain its hold on you. It is possible to overcome the devastating effects of uncontrolled anger. For one thing, you can begin to look at the challenging circumstances and people in your life through a different lens. Instead of dwelling on unpleasant experiences in the past and looking at things from a negative standpoint, there is a different way to go, as this quote reminds us:

Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you. However, if it taught you to hold onto grudges, seek revenge, not forgive or show compassion, to categorize people as good or bad, to distrust and be guarded with your feelings then you didn’t learn a thing.

God doesn’t bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it, by developing compassion, learning to listen, seeking to understand instead of speculating, practicing empathy and developing conflict resolution through communication. If he brought you perfect people, how would you ever learn to spiritually evolve?Shannon L. Alder

To overcome anger issues, it’s also important to look deeper, because anger can be caused by any number of things, from physiological processes such as chronic pain, hunger, fear, or panic. Anger can also be a symptom of a mental health issues such as depression, bipolar disorder, dementia, or Alzheimer’s.

An anger problem may also be rooted in childhood trauma, or there may be specific events in a person’s life that have given shape to their personality and how they react to situations. In some cases, hormonal changes can also cause anger. To get behind and beyond these possible causes, it’s important to speak with a health professional to eliminate these other causes.

A mental health professional can help you not only by diagnosing an issue with anger but also by helping you understand the root cause of the anger issues. Your story is unique, as are the resources you possess to deal with anger.

Your counselor will walk alongside you, helping you begin to recognize your anger triggers while giving you tools for anger management and strategies to cope with anger such as breathing exercises, regular exercise, and good sleep hygiene. They can help you begin repairing damage to relationships caused by anger and to begin walking in the joy and peace of the Lord. These words of David to the Lord can be true of you:

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right handPsalm 16: 11, NIV

Instead of anger, you can know and experience joy, as that is what God desires for people. Reach out for counseling today to get help with overcoming anger issues.

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Sustainable Self-Care Ideas to Improve Your Wellbeing

Over the past few years, it has become increasingly trendy to talk about self-care. This is especially true for people whose work or lifestyle puts them in positions where it is hard to take time for themselves, whether because they work long, exhausting hours, or because they are home with children all day and can’t seem to get a meaningful break. Also, let’s be honest with our current times. COVID-19 has added additional stressors on top of everything else in our everyday lives.

But for many, the understanding of self-care doesn’t go too much further than taking time for yourself, whether by going out for a cup of coffee alone, meeting up with friends, or being available for a long luxurious soak in the bathtub.

However, I would suggest that self-care goes deeper than making sure that you can take those 10-15 minutes (or more) for yourself every day, as one can very quickly go from that relaxed feeling in one moment, back to feeling stressed and under pressure from the next triggering event.

This suggests that you are over-extending yourself and what you perceive to be a state of relaxation is actually a state of constant stress. This state of stress that you perceive to be relaxed is just a lower level of stress compared to the previous overwhelming event—which is why we are easily stressed out by any small event that is stressful. Our cup is already filled to the rim.

Self-care, when we are stressed, keeps our cups from overfilling. But, self-care when we no longer feel as overwhelmed will help lower your cup even more so that when stressful life events happen, you can handle them with more patience, grace, understanding, and love.

Self-Care Ideas to Maintain Overall Health

Self-care needs to make some sort of effort to meet your deeper needs if it is to be meaningful and sustainable. It needs to look at all the areas of your life, your physical needs, like rest and taking care of your physical health, as well as your mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.

Focus on your physical health

One of the first steps in self-care is recognizing that you are responsible for taking care of your physical health. As an adult, no one is going to remind you that you need to eat or to get enough sleep. So, you need to make sure that you are getting enough sleep, eating healthy and nutritious meals, and getting some form of daily exercise, such as going for a walk or cycle around the block.

All these things are important if we want our bodies to be operating at peak capacity. We need to make sure to set ourselves up for success by giving ourselves the fuel we need to feel good and manage our day-to-day responsibilities, and a healthy diet, rest, and movement all contribute to our general good health and wellbeing. Exercise is also known to help counteract feelings of stress by producing endorphins, so it has a double benefit.

Endorphins are chemicals produced naturally by the nervous system to cope with pain or stress. These are often also called the “feel good” chemicals. If your body is not producing enough endorphins you might experience depression, anxiety, or moodiness. This is why your physical health plays an important role in your mental and emotional well-being.

Know yourself

The next step in self-care is to do a little self-reflection. Take some time to look at your life and think about how the various aspects of it affect you and your wellbeing. Understand your capacity and limitations, so that you can know more easily when to say “no” to taking on too much.

Recognize what energizes you and what depletes you so that you can know what to say “yes” to and how to best recharge. Think about what kinds of things add significant stress so that, if possible, you can remember to practice your coping skills and make plans to manage the stress.

Prioritize what relaxes you, make time in your schedule to unwind, and allow yourself to show love to yourself. For some people, a warm bath with music or a book every day is relaxing. For others, cooking, dancing, or drawing are relaxing activities.

Think about what motivates you, so that you can commit yourself to what is important and follow through. The better you know yourself, the better you will be able to anticipate stresses and work to mitigate them, and the better you will be able to identify what is important to you and be able to plan to meet your needs.

Only by taking the time to think about what works and what doesn’t work in your life can you make better decisions about how to use your limited resources of time and energy and how to be your best self.

There’s a saying about self-care being about choosing to create a life that you don’t regularly feel the need to escape from. So, ask the tough questions about your life, career, and habits, and whether these things are draining you or fulfilling you. And then make changes accordingly.

Establish boundaries

Once you have taken the time to figure out what is most important to you, and what you are best capable of handling, then you can begin to establish healthy boundaries for yourself. These will look different to different people and in different situations.

You may find you need a certain amount of time alone to refresh yourself, and once you’ve decided that this is a priority in your self-care you can determine where to take this time and set up boundaries to protect it. Your boundaries may look like saying “no” to certain commitments, or to saying “no” beyond a certain number of social hangouts. But there will be times where you need to establish a limit, and then enforce it.

Yes, life is not perfect, and things will come up that may require the relaxing of a boundary; however, the general trend of protecting your time and the things that are important to you should become a habit that you don’t feel guilty about. Boundaries will help you to prioritize what is important, and then you can let the less important things slide a little if necessary.

Focus on your mental and emotional health

Once you have taken care of your physical needs and taken the time to establish boundaries to protect what is important to you, you can focus on investing in things that will build you up mentally and emotionally. For some, this may look like a change in their job to find something more fulfilling or making better use of their gifts and interests.

But momentous changes like this are not always options for everyone and looking after your mental health may mean investing in a hobby or other activity that challenges you and gives you a feeling of fulfillment. This might include getting involved in community service or taking a class in something that interests you, whether art or economics.

For some, it might mean being available to regularly spend time reading an enjoyable book. However, it is important to be available for things that challenge you positively and give you a sense of progress and growth.

Invest in friendships that build you up

While you may have hundreds of friends on social media, it is important to recognize the friendships that you have in real life. One rarely has the time to invest meaningfully in many friendships in real life, but when you have a solid friendship that uplifts you and builds you up, take the time to invest in that person.

We are made for relationships and do not function well in isolation, and that time with a friend can be life giving, especially when you are going through a challenging time. So don’t forget to prioritize time and energy for investing in the people that are close to you.

Focus on your faith

For many people, the spiritual aspect of life is particularly important. This is a part of life that shouldn’t be left as the last priority. It should be our first priority. For a Christian, God is more than a distant idea, but a close comfort and help in times of trouble.

If your faith is important to you then you will not find fulfillment in just going through the worldly motions but will need to seek a relationship with God by reading His living Word daily, praying without ceasing, and following His commandments.

It will also be important to fellowship with people who share your faith, whether only for the weekly gathering or more frequently. Pay close attention to the people you gather with. “Do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God” (James 4:4).

Invest in your faith community and you will find yourself spiritually fulfilled. If your spiritual life is not in alignment with God, it gives license to Satan to attack you in those areas that are not in alignment. Jesus gave us “The Great Commission” as our purpose on earth. Neglecting what Jesus commands us to do can be physically felt as an ache or need that we cannot satisfy in any other way.

This is the Holy Spirit convicting us, “and He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment” (John 16:8). When you are in alignment with God’s Word, you will feel peace in your Spirit and no longer be at war with your flesh.

Make time to fill your cup

All these things may feel like a lot that needs to be thought through and prioritized, but at the end of the day, we are complex people with needs across all parts of life. If any of these needs – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual – are not being met, then we will struggle to feel satisfaction and contentment where we are.

But if you make good choices when it comes to how you fuel your body, what you prioritize, and how you guard what is important to you, you will find yourself increasingly fulfilled by the life you are building. And while you are investing in all these things, you mustn’t forget to allocate time to rest. “Jesus said to them, ‘The Sabbath was made for man’”(Mark 2:28).

Give yourself time to unwind and do the things that fill your cup, whether that is spending time in nature, socializing with good friends, or relaxing with a book, or even taking a long candlelit bubble bath. When the rest of your life is well balanced, these moments of rest will easily refresh and revive you and help you feel prepared to face the next challenge that comes your way.

Photos:
“Wake up and Glow”, Courtesy of Ellieelien, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; Self Love”, Courtesy of Content Pixie, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Woman Making Heart”, Courtesy of Jackson David, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “White Mug on Chair Arm”, Courtesy of Carolyn V, Unsplash.com, CC0 License