Hope for Newlyweds: When the Honeymoon Phase Ends

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To be a newlywed is often referred to as “the honeymoon phase” of a relationship. It is often considered to last somewhere between six months and two years. It is a period where it feels like you are living in a romantic movie. It might feel like pure bliss, being head over heels in love, and seeing the other person as a dream too good to be true.

“To fully know and still fully love, is the primary aim of marriage.” – Fierce Marriage

The honeymoon period might mean constant togetherness, a high of physical intimacy, and make you wonder if your spouse could ever do wrong in your eyes. There might be a literal hormonal spike as you get married and experience the wedded bliss of waking up to the love of your life, spending every night together, and getting to be with them in the mundane moments.

You realize that your love does not always need the big production that dating involved. However, we cannot always put on our best self. Marriage brings out the raw and exposed parts that we try to hide when dating.

While the honeymoon period is a time where one should genuinely soak in the love and affection of your new spouse and engage in romantic gestures, reality soon sets in:

  • Couples might begin disagreeing over finances.
  • Jobs might become extremely stressful and eat away your free time.
  • You might start thinking about when to start a family and begin to have disagreements over your ideal timings.
  • There might be an overbearing mother-in-law that overwhelms the couple or brings about disagreements.
  • You might be trying to figure out a proper balance for working out, staying late after work to catch up on some projects, spending quality time together, and still trying to invest in the friendships outside of your relationship.

How to Move Forward After the Honeymoon Phase

There are several things to consider as you wonder why the honeymoon phase is ending and how to move forward in your relationship rather than wallow in defeat:

Realize you took an oath to put in the work.

You vowed to love one another through sickness and in health. For richer or for poorer. For better and for worse. You vowed to love one another when you wake up with morning breath, when one of you does not replenish the toilet paper in the bathroom, when you disagree over which side of the family you should visit at Christmas, and how to handle the order of priority in your finances. Marriage is working through disagreements, not running at the first sight of them.

“Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect, and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and a wife.” – Dave Willis

I urge you to renew that vow mentally every single day. Vow to be there if your spouse has the flu and is begging for some warm soup. Vow to be there when your spouse feels defeated by a lack of work promotions. Vow to be there when your spouse loses their cool and begs for your forgiveness because their voice escalated, and frustration got the best of their tongue.

Vow to hold hands and wipe away each other’s tears when one or both of you experiences grief and loss.

Love is more than a grand romantic gesture or butterflies soaring in your stomach. It is choosing one another every single day, regardless of where life and circumstances take you.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8

Be willing to say and talk about the difficult things.

Once the honeymoon period comes to a halt, raw and vulnerable conversations need to be at the forefront of your marriage. To continue thriving in your relationship, you cannot stay dormant. You must keep looking forward, even when you are unsure of what forward looks like.

“Like a soft, deep layer of mulch, transparency in your marriage will keep most weed seeds dormant and unable to sprout.” – Barbara Rainey

Transparency is one of the biggest ways to overcome threats to your marriage.

Start by asking simple questions:

  • What is something I can do to make you feel loved?
  • What is one thing you love about our relationship?
  • What is something we can do better as a couple to continue growing?
  • What is something I do that irritates you?
  • Do you feel like my family is supportive of our marriage/why?
  • Do you feel like we spend quality time together?
  • What is something we can do to improve our communication?

Take captive any negative thoughts about your spouse.

  • “Maybe this isn’t your soul mate.”
  • “Did I marry the right person?”
  • “If they really loved me, they would_______”
  • “Why don’t they ever listen to me?”
  • “If he/she loved me, they would want to hang out with me and not their work friends.”
  • “They do not appreciate me and all of the things I do.”
  • “No one else would put up with this.”

Take those thoughts that creep into your mind captive. Our thinking patterns decide our actions and reactions. Therefore, the things we think about our spouse can tragically affect the way we interact with them and prioritize them. We must fix our minds on Christ and try to focus on the things we love about our spouse rather than nitpick everything we think they should be doing.

“Taking thoughts captive means controlling them instead of letting them control you.” – Priscilla Shirer

Do not let the negativity of the world influence your marriage. If a friend or family member is trying to get you to bash your spouse, it might be time to address those negative patterns. If you are constantly arguing with your spouse in your head or nitpicking at all their quirks, it is time to refocus your thoughts and reevaluate your mindset.

Prioritize your relationship with Christ.

“God’s Word is the perfect guidebook for marriage, and those who live by His Word will reap the blessings that obedience brings.” – Darlene Schacht

If you want your marriage to thrive, the secret ingredient is not how lavish your lifestyle is or whether he brings you fresh flowers every week. Marriage should be centered on a relationship with Christ, focusing on the qualities of Christ.

We need to rid ourselves of the things the world focuses on, like money, physique, and grand gestures. Instead, we must bathe ourselves in grace, mercy, compassion, forgiveness, empathy, and remain true to our vows. Marriage is not threatening divorce after one disagreement, it is vowing to put the work in every single day.

Keep finding those flickers of excitement.

The honeymoon phase does not have to be over forever. You can find creative ways to bring those flickers of excitement to your relationship in any phase of marriage. Whether you have been married one year or twenty years, you want to continue igniting that flame, having fun, going on dates, and making intimacy a priority.

  • End every day with “I love you”.
  • Greet your spouse at the door with a hug and kiss.
  • Never go to bed angry.
  • Continue dating one another.
  • Pray together.
  • Save money.
  • Establish healthy habits as a couple and as individuals.
  • Attend church together.
  • Do a Bible study together.
  • Have deep and sometimes uncomfortable conversations.
  • Dream together.
  • Plan for the future.
  • Attend counseling together as an investment in your marriage now and in the future.

Marriage counseling does not have to be a last resort for your marriage when it is struggling to move forward after the honeymoon phase. Counseling can be an investment at the start of your marriage to establish healthy patterns, learn effective communication patterns, learn more about each other and your love languages, and show your spouse that you are in it for the long run.

Photos:
“Honeymoon Hideaway”, Courtesy of Roberto Nickson, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Wedding Rings”, Courtesy of Marcos Paulo Prado, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Bride and Groom in a Canoe”, Courtesy of Drew Dau, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “With All Your Heart”, Courtesy of Brittney Burnett, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Opening New Doors: Developing Interpersonal Communication Skills

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Interpersonal communication skills, when strengthened, can help you express your feelings clearly and precisely. You can use these lifelong skills to move further up the career ladder, express yourself to your spouse or children, make new friends, and network with people who can help your cause.

The good news is that most people are not born with good communication skills. It’s a skill you can begin mastering today to effectively and assertively convey what you mean.

The Different Types of Communication

There are several different types of communication, but they all boil down to verbal, nonverbal (actions), written, and visual. These skills also referred to as people skills, can take you far.

Unfortunately, some people find it difficult to communicate with people and allow others to control and manipulate them. By learning it’s okay to speak up (and how to do so constructively), you can develop self-confidence.

The types of communication are:

Verbal – Verbal communication uses spoken language to convey meaning to others.

Nonverbal (actions) – Nonverbal communication includes nodding, shaking your head, and other actions such as crossing your arms over your chest (body language), facial expressions, or slamming doors when angry.

Written – Written communication includes books, letters, emails, newspapers, text messages, and other printed or digital words.

Visual – Visual communication concentrates on the things we can see and understand as an outlet in expressing feelings and thoughts. This includes artwork, graphs, charts, drawings, and pictures.

Some people learn better when several of these types of communication are combined. For example, you might be more comfortable learning new information using written and visual materials. And it might be easier for you to express your thoughts of very detailed, personal matters through written material (a journal) rather than talking (verbal communication) with someone.

Another type of communication frequently forgotten, but possibly the most important skill is active listening. Active listening is trying to not only hear the person but to understand them. This means not losing your focus to distractions or thinking about how you are going to respond to their comments. While active listening, you nod or shake your head, speak when necessary, and show empathy.

Developing Interpersonal Communication Skills

Perhaps you do well with one or two public communication skills but are sorely lacking in the others. You can learn how to develop good communication skills with a little practice. You can begin by implementing a few of the suggestions listed below.

If you are interested in learning more about how to strengthen your communication skills, you can find printed books and eBooks on the subject as well as courses that cover interpersonal and public communication.

How to Develop Active Listening Skills

Developing the ability to actively listen to someone requires you to focus solely on the person speaking. If the person is sharing an emotional story with you, be sure to respond as necessary with kindness and empathy. This is not the time to judge the person in front of you, but to try to understand what they are going through or the instructions they are giving you.

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up on our responses to the other person that we simply stop actively listening. Take your time in your response if you need to. You want the other person to feel important and heard.

How to Develop Verbal Communication Skills

To truly improve your verbal skills, you should expose yourself to a wide range of vocabulary. Read books (both printed and eBooks) in various genres as well as nonfiction. Consider joining a book club to discuss insights on a book to improve critical thinking skills or join a debate team to pick up how to form an argumentative opinion.

Speak precisely and with confidence. It is not necessary to bog down a conversation with five-syllable words as most people will come away from the exchange either intimidated or bored.

If you are nervous about meeting a new acquaintance, approach the person with a kind smile, compliment them, and ask questions. People love to talk about themselves and what is important to them. Start with asking about their family, career, hobbies and interests, and what they want to do with their life. As people confide, they will begin to trust you because you care to know about them.

How to Develop Nonverbal Communication Skills

Whether you realize it or not, you are constantly giving away your thoughts and feelings with body language and facial expressions. For example, crossing your arms over your chest while talking to someone is considered a defensive move for protection. Do you feel threatened by what they are saying? Do you find their comments hurtful?

Strive to be mindful of your facial expressions and posture when you are talking to someone. Smiling and maintaining a relaxed and open posture will translate to others that you are a warm and friendly person with whom they can spend time conversing.

How to Develop Written Communication Skills

The written word surrounds us daily with billboards, newspapers, chat messages, text messages, and emails. How many emails and texts do you send daily? It is important to improve your writing skills, so you convey the correct meaning and induce the appropriate response.

People today have shorter attention spans due to the constant barrage of distractions. Keep your sentences short and cut out any flowery words. Make sure you reread your material for clarity and accuracy. If writing seems awkward to you, try journaling. The act of recording your thoughts and emotions is simply the practice of communicating with yourself.

How to Develop Visual Communication Skills

You can use visual images to communicate with others. Most people remember pictures and videos even if they don’t remember the words they read. You can use visuals to help you remember important things.

For example, a student might draw a diagram, breaking down a difficult topic for a class. Or, a mother might create a chores graph for her children to use to make the daily tasks fun.

If you want to express your beliefs and thoughts to others using social media, you can create videos or pictures. You might find it easier to record and edit a video of you talking than speaking in-person to a group of people.

Social Communication Disorder

A child who cannot seem to express himself with the appropriate verbal and nonverbal cues may be tested by their pediatrician for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). If autism is ruled out, the physician may diagnose the child with Social Communication Disorder (SCD).

Children demonstrating signs of SCD may have trouble responding appropriately to others, misjudging when to take their turn speaking, expressing their feelings verbally, and using language to ask questions and hold conversations.

Children with Social Communication Disorder may also have another mental health condition that requires therapy. Speak with your child’s pediatrician about adding the professional services of a speech-language pathologist, either at school or home. Some states provide programs, such as “Birth to 3,” to help babies and toddlers to overcome speech disorders and delays.

There are things you can do to help your child improve his communication skills. Make reading a priority in your home. Not only will your child enlarge his vocabulary, but he will learn to think critically and form opinions.

When possible, combine written and visual materials to teach your child about important topics. Many children are visual learners and can pick up a subject quicker with images.

Arrange for your child to spend time with other children and help him get started with conversations by asking questions. Once he sees that he has common interests as the other children, it may be easier for him to hold the conversation.

One Final Word

Communication skills are vital in every area of life. Whether you speak to a room full of peers, work behind a desk answering phones and sending emails, or need to assert your self-worth, mastering the skills to effectively communicate will serve you for the rest of your life. It’s a skill that no one can take from you.

Photos:
“Admiring the View”, Courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Phone Call”, Courtesy of Kevin Laminto, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Chatting”, Courtesy of Charles Deluvio, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Happy”, Courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License