Common Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder in Children, Adolescents, and Adults

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Reactive attachment disorder, also known as RAD, is a condition that affects a child’s ability to bond with significant people in his or her life due to his or her emotional needs going unmet during infancy or serious abuse or neglect.

It is most likely to occur in children who live in orphanages or other institutional settings, have been in multiple foster care homes, or whose mother or primary caregiver has been physically or emotionally absent for extended periods.

As children with reactive attachment disorder get older, their symptoms fall into one of two subtypes – inhibited reactive attachment disorder or disinhibited reactive attachment disorder.

Children with inhibited reactive attachment disorder are often withdrawn, emotionally unresponsive, show no interest in what is going on around them, do not seek comfort from their caregivers, and prefer to keep to themselves.

On the other hand, children with disinhibited reactive attachment disorder may be overly friendly with strangers, lack the desire or need to stay close to their primary caregiver for safety, violate social boundaries, and seek affection from others in a potentially unsafe way.

Without treatment, the symptoms of children with reactive attachment disorder are likely to persist into adulthood and affect the way they function in society.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in children

  • Avoiding eye contact.
  • Failure to smile.
  • Failure to coo or babble.
  • Crying inconsolably.
  • Not reaching arms out to be picked up.
  • Not seeming to notice when you walk into the room.
  • Not seeming to care when you leave him or her alone.
  • Not seeking comfort or responding when comfort is given.
  • Pushing away or leaning away from a person trying to be affectionate or offer comfort.
  • Angry outbursts or tantrums.
  • Reacting violently when held or cuddled.
  • Withdrawing from social situations.
  • Lack of interest in people around them.
  • Lack of conscience.
  • Inability to feel guilt, remorse, or regret.
  • Uninterested in playing interactive games such as peek-a-boo.
  • Failure to seek support or help when needed.
  • Lack of interaction with peers.
  • Engaging in self-soothing behaviors such as rocking back and forth.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in adolescents

  • Appearing withdrawn and emotionally detached.
  • Looking sad and lethargic.
  • Lack of eye contact.
  • Dislike being touched.
  • Inability to form meaningful relationships.
  • Lacking basic social skills.
  • Defiant and argumentative.
  • Anger issues.
  • Difficult to discipline.
  • Lack of self-control.
  • Problems at school.
  • Low self-esteem.
  • Unpredictability.
  • Lack of empathy.
  • Irritability.
  • Destructive behavior.
  • Cruelty to animals.
  • Engaging in risky behaviors.
  • Failure to seek or respond to comfort when upset.
  • Avoid interacting with peers.
  • Manipulative behavior.
  • Lying.
  • Stealing.
  • Lack of conscience, and an inability to feel guilt or remorse.
  • Substance abuse.
  • Preoccupation with blood, fire, and gore.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in adults

  • Fear of being alone.
  • Minimizing feelings of hurt or pain.
  • Physically or emotionally distancing themselves from others.
  • Feel as though they don’t fit in.
  • Inability to show genuine care or affection.
  • Reject love.
  • Failure to seek support when they need it.
  • Avoid making eye contact.
  • Pushing people away.
  • Absence of joy.
  • Addictive and/or risky behaviors.
  • Lack of conscience, and an inability to feel emotions such as regret, guilt, or remorse.
  • Tendency to avoid serious relationships.
  • Communication difficulties.
  • Anger issues.

Treatment options

The focus of treatment is on strengthening the child emotionally, helping him or her create healthy bonds and relationships, and/or repairing existing negative relationships between him or her and caregivers. For adolescents and adults, there is an added focus on improving social and communication skills.

Common interventions include:

Psychotherapy

In psychotherapy, the counselor works with both the child and his or her parents to teach them how to build healthy emotional skills and reduce the problematic behaviors that prevent bonding from taking place.

Family therapy

In family therapy, the counselor works with the child and his or her family members to help them learn how to interact healthily.

Social skills intervention

Social skills intervention is focused on teaching the child how to interact appropriately with his or her peers.

Parenting skills classes

Parenting skills classes are geared toward teaching parents how to increase their responsiveness and sensitivity toward their child, meet his or her needs, and bond with him or her, as well as how to manage their child’s challenging behaviors and help him or her use the skills learned during therapy in the outside world more effectively.

If you have questions or would like to set up an appointment to meet with a counselor in Newport Beach, California, please give us a call at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. We can help you or your child address and overcome reactive attachment disorder.

References:

Aaron Kandola. “What is reactive attachment disorder?” Medical News Today. November 2, 2020. medicalnewstoday.com/articles/reactive-attachment-disorder.

Elizabeth E. Ellis and Musa Yilanli. “Reactive Attachment Disorder.” StatPearls. Updated May 1, 2023. statpearls.com/ArticleLibrary/viewarticle/19406.

Photos:
“Pink Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

What Depression Feels Like

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Do you ever wonder if you are depressed or just sad? If so, this article on what depression feels like may be for you.

Key differences between sadness and depression

Sadness is a normal emotional reaction to a particular experience such as a painful event, rejection, or disappointment. Though it temporarily changes your mood, you can still go about your day and have moments when you are able to laugh or be comforted. Eventually, it fades on its own.

Depression, on the other hand, is an all-encompassing and debilitating mood disorder that occurs without any apparent reason and that left untreated can last for months or years. It is much more intense than feeling sad or temporarily weighed down by what is going on around you and does not necessarily include sadness.

Many people with depression feel numb and unable to feel anything at all. Others, especially men, may feel anger or irritability that is out of proportion to what triggers it.

Depression alters the way your brain functions. It tends to be a whole-body experience that affects you physically as well as emotionally, making it difficult or impossible for you to function normally in your day-to-day life and causing problems at work, at home, and in your relationships with others. It has been likened to permanently wearing a pair of gray-tinted glasses that only allow you to see the negative side of things.

Things only people with depression can truly understand

Depression drains your energy level and makes every day seem like a challenge. You feel constantly fatigued and worn out. Everything seems to require more energy and take longer to complete. You have trouble staying focused on what you need to do, and taking care of everyday routines and responsibilities can feel overwhelming.

Being constantly told to look at the bright side of things or think positively is not helpful. Depression is not a choice or a mood. When you are depressed, you can’t control your thoughts. Your thoughts control you.

Depression cannot be turned on and off at will. Being told to get over it or that you have nothing to be depressed about only adds frustration, anxiety, guilt, or shame and adds to your already flagging sense of worth. Telling a depressed person to snap out of it is like asking someone with a broken leg to walk.

Depression affects more than your mental and emotional state. Depression affects your physical body as well, making you prone to headaches, muscle tension, and other unexplained aches and pains. It also affects your appetite and sleep patterns. You may have trouble falling or staying asleep or sleep too much, lose weight due to a loss of appetite, or gain weight due to an increased craving for comfort foods.

Depression is all-consuming. It is not a passing feeling like sadness. Though you may sometimes feel sad, you are more likely not to feel anything at all other than being numb to life. It is a mental illness that impacts every area of your life – family, work, and social. You no longer enjoy or have an interest in things that used to give you pleasure and may isolate yourself and avoid others even though you feel lonely.

How people describe what depression feels like

People who have been interviewed about what depression feels like to them often use metaphors such as “slogging through molasses, walking around with a pack full of rocks on my back, or falling into a deep black hole I can’t get out of.” Others describe it as “feeling there’s nothing to hope for, crying all day without reason, it’s like a heavy blanket you can’t take off, or a sense of emptiness and disconnection.”

Because of the variety of ways depression can be experienced, the MyWellbeing team interviewed 100 people during Depression Awareness Month, asking them to describe in a single statement what depression feels like to them. Below is a sampling of the responses.

  • Like fog has taken over my brain.
  • Every day is a struggle.
  • The simplest things feel impossible.
  • There is no way out.
  • Drowning.
  • Suffocating.
  • Like living on another planet where I don’t belong.
  • It’s heavy and lonely.
  • Everything is meaningless.
  • Not finding joy in anything.
  • Like fog has taken over my brain.
  • Constant need for sleep, migraines, and no appetite except for foods that are bad for me.
  • Like wanting to crawl into a cotton ball because everything around me is too much.
  • Like I’m on an island, deep in a dark cave of shame and self-hatred.
  • Feeling hopeless and worthless without an obvious reason.
  • Questioning why I am even here. Feeling like I am a waste of space and oxygen.
  • It makes the smallest tasks – like drinking water, showering, and playing with my kids – feel so hard.
  • Like the act of getting out of bed is equivalent to climbing Everest.
  • Like constantly coming up short for every single person/animal in my life.

If you feel you are struggling with depression and would like to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location to see how counseling can help you, please give us a call today. You don’t have to walk this path alone.

References:

Greg Dorter. “Things Only People With Depression Can Truly Understand.” ActiveBeat. Updated November 1, 2021. activebeat.com/your-health/10-things-only-people-with-depression-can-truly-understand/.

Haley Jakobson. “100 People Told Us What Depression Feels Like.” MyWellbeing. mywell-being.com/therapy-101/what-depression-feels-like.

Sara Lindberg. “What Does Depression Feel Like?” VeryWell Mind. Updated November 2, 2022. verywellmind.com/what-depression-feels-like-5088793.

Photos:
“Downcast”, Courtesy of Chad Madden, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Crafting a Healthy Morning Routine for Your Wellbeing

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In a Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show, the main character had a consistent morning routine and a predictable life. His signature line which he spouted daily to his neighbors was: “Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!”

One of the reasons Truman’s life was so consistent and predictable was because, unbeknownst to him, his life was a television show that viewers across the globe tuned in to watch. He lived his life on a set, a contained space, which was tightly regulated.

Most of us will likely not have lives that are as well regimented as Truman’s. Our lives may be a little too chaotic and unstructured, causing frustration and a feeling of being unproductive. It is not possible or desirable to have the exact and predictable life that Truman had, but having some structure, and a daily routine, can make a world of difference.

The value of a healthy morning routine.

Most people have jobs that start in the morning, and that means the most demanding part of the day is just as it is starting. You will want to launch right into things, and to get your tasks done with excellence and as efficiently as possible. As a bonus, it would be great if you had the energy to face the day with a sense of purpose and energy.

The benefit of having a healthy morning routine is that it can boost your energy levels, reduce stress, and it can help you be more productive at work. When you have structure for your day, you do not have to wake up each morning and think about what you are going to be doing. That is wasting precious time, and it can be stressful doing that each morning. Also, if you wake up to a routine, it will help you to feel more in control of your day.

Additionally, a morning routine can help you seed healthy habits in your life. It can take time to become consistent with healthy habits like praying, eating well, or getting some exercise. Having a dedicated time set aside for those habits each morning can help you make them well-worn habits that form an integral part of your life.

Creating your own.

One of the essential steps in setting up your morning routine is to consider what is most important to you. A person’s morning routine ought to reflect their priorities and the various pressures that they face daily. A morning routine can include activities designed to care for your physical and emotional health, as well as getting yourself ready for the day ahead.

The second step is to consider your time. Some people have routines that are half an hour long, while for others it is around ninety minutes. The morning routine includes everything from waking up, exercising, eating, meditating, showering, and anything else you would want to bring peace and wholeness to your life. There is no use in a lengthy routine if you are never going to stick to it. Create a routine that you will be able to follow consistently.

Your morning routine can consist of elements such as:

  • Waking up at the same time each morning.
  • Hydrating yourself to kick-start your day.
  • Getting some stretching or another form of exercise in.
  • Spending some time praying, reading Scripture, reviewing your day, or journaling.
  • Having your breakfast.
  • Getting dressed and ready for your day.

As you kick start your journey, you should keep a few things in mind. Your routine will likely not be perfect right off the bat. It will take time for you to settle into a routine that works for you in terms of its length and the various elements in it. Being flexible with your routine as you settle into it will help you immensely. Give yourself time to adjust your routine, to make it truly your own and something that works well for you.

In addition to being flexible, a good morning routine requires that you address any issues that can sabotage it. For instance, going to bed at a consistent time helps you get up at a consistent time in the morning.

Also, if you have your phone next to your bed, it can be tempting to wake up and scroll through social media first thing instead of getting on with your day. Using an alarm clock and creating guidelines for your electronic device use can help immensely.

Lastly, a morning routine also requires consistency. Habits stick best when they are kept up over time. Accountability helps create consistency. Have a friend regularly ask you how you are executing your routine or use a checklist. Build in rewards when you meet consistency targets.

Reaping the benefits of a morning routine will likely motivate you to lean into it more. A well-executed morning routine will help you enjoy your day more, and to enter it with a greater sense of purpose.

It is not always easy to get there alone. You might discover that you need the assistance of a trained counselor in Newport Beach, California to reach a more wholehearted way of living through simple routines. Sometimes deeply rooted habits, patterns, or issues stand in the way of motivation or discipline. Reach out to our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling and we will connect you to a trained counselor in Newport Beach who can walk with you on the journey.

Photos:
“Morning Devotions”, Courtesy of Nathan Dumlao, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Watering the Plants”, Courtesy of Cassidy Phillips, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Face in the Mirror”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Bible Verses About Trusting God in Difficult Times

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A cursory glance at the news headlines or the trending hashtags on social media is enough to alert you to the fact that we’re in trouble. There is a lot of good that is going on in our world, but that fact cannot blind one to the reality that things are not what they’re supposed to be. And it’s not just in the world out there, though that affects us personally too. It’s the fact that in our personal lives, things are also not what they’re supposed to be. Trusting God in such times is tough.

For every one of our personal problems that cause us concern and anxiety, there is someone out there selling or offering a solution. Some of these solutions work, and they can address the problem effectively. At other times, what is offered as help becomes another hindrance. In everything, in good times or bad, one constant that ought to mark our lives is trust in God. It is especially pertinent when we are going through difficult times.

God is an ever-present help in times of trouble.

When we go through difficult times, we can become prone to negative thoughts. Those thoughts can be about ourselves, our circumstances, other people, and even about God. We can berate ourselves for the choices we made, or attack others for how they contributed to the problem.

We may blame God for the circumstances we’re in or consider ourselves abandoned by Him. These thoughts can add to the existing anguish of dealing with illness, financial pressure, job loss, relationship conflict, or the loss of a loved one that we’re already going through.

One of the things that comes through repeatedly in the Bible is that God stands ready to bless us. God’s purpose and plan is to bless the world and rescue it from itself and its self-destructive tendencies (Genesis 12:1-3; John 3:16-21; 1 Timothy 1:15-17). God works in all things to bring His purposes to fruition (Romans 8:28), and even difficult times don’t stand in the way of God’s purposes and plans.

It is important to understand God’s fundamental posture toward us, as this enables us to turn to Him freely in difficult times, even when the difficult times we are in are because of the foolish or sinful choices we have made (Luke 15). God embraces broken people like us if only we would humble ourselves and turn to Him.

Bible verses about trusting God in difficult times.

When you’re going through a difficult time, it can be both easier and harder to turn to God for help. It can be easier to turn to Him then because of our sheer desperation. You trust Him to help you because you’ve got nowhere else to turn for help. It can, however, also be harder to turn to God in difficult times because it can feel natural to blame Him for one’s present circumstances, and we can turn instinctually to other solutions that seem more viable.

Trusting God can happen in small steps, but ultimately it is about looking to Him and placing your hope on Him coming through for you. It’s not a substitute for putting in work. You can work and trust that God, who gave you the strength, gift, and opportunity for work, will make whatever work you’ve done bear fruit.

But if that work doesn’t bear fruit the way you hope, trusting God means continuing to believe that God’s intentions toward you are good and that His plan will nonetheless come to pass.

Some verses in the writings of the prophet Jeremiah speak to what it means to trust God in difficult times, and what that means in that season. He wrote,

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? – Jeremiah 17:7-9, NIV

Prior to these verses, Jeremiah was talking about how trusting in human beings and their abilities while turning one’s heart away from God will lead to ruin. In contrast, the one who trusts in the Lord, the one whose confidence is in God and not in themselves, their resources, or their circumstances, shall flourish.

The interesting thing about these verses is that even that person will go through heat and drought, but their experience of those hardships will not leave them bereft or fruitless.

God’s people are not promised a pain-free existence in this world. What God promises is that He will sustain them through that hardship and bring them through on the other side. He asks us to rely on Him and to have our confidence founded upon who He is, and nothing else.

When you’re in a storm, it can be hard to trust God, especially if you’ve never done it before, or if you’re carrying hurt or disappointment with God. Contact us today to walk with a Christian counselor in Newport Beach, California to help you process these experiences and reconsider what it looks like to trust God in difficult times.

Photos:
“Cherry Blossoms”, Courtesy of Jimmy Chang, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Pink Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Cherry Blossoms”, Courtesy of Jimmy Chang, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

6 Stress Eating Signs to Watch For

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Stress eating is more common now than ever with the accessibility of so much food. In the past, when convenience, prepackaged, and fast foods did not exist, people had to farm or purchase fresh foods and prepare those foods before consumption. Now, reaching for a bowl of candy or a bag of pretzels for temporary stress relief is easy. We often do not think twice about it.

As many as 27% of adults turn to this practice, according to the American Psychological Association. Of the people who reported stress eating, a whopping 34% identified the behavior as a habit.

Are you concerned about stress eating?

When we are stressed out, we eat mindlessly while not hungry. For example, you are up against a work deadline and know that you will not be able to pay your mortgage on time if you do not meet it. As the clock keeps ticking, you reach for candy or salty chips for temporary relief. When you meet the deadline, you feel a sudden surge of relief and decide to reward yourself with more food, such asice cream.

Also known as emotional eating, it becomes a habit, and the brain treats the behavior as a reward. However, like any bad habit, you can resist, break the habit, and form new ones if you first acknowledge the negative behavior.

6 Stress Eating Signs

Are you unsure if you are engaging in stress-eating behavior?

The following are six stress eating signs to watch for. If these stress eating signs sound familiar, you can get help. Stress eating is a coping mechanism. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you find other ways to relieve stress without harming your health.

Rapid weight gain.

Due to the intake of unnecessary calories, you may gain weight if you partake in the habit frequently. Some foods contribute to chronic inflammation, which can cause weight gain and a “puffy” appearance. Pay close attention to the types of foods you reach for in stress-eating mode.

Intense urges to eat.

When you are hungry, your stomach feels empty. Your stomach might growl, demanding food soon when you truly need it, and you will eat almost anything to nourish your body. However, stress eating operates on urges and impulses. The draw toward the food is almost tangible. The intensity grows, often for a specific type of food. When we give in to these cravings, we experience temporary stress relief.

Eating beyond full.

Stress eating is a behavior that happens mindlessly. When you consume high-fat or high-sodium foods, your brain rewards you with feel-good chemicals that temporarily relieve stress. Unfortunately, these fatty and salty foods can make it difficult to judge when your stomach is full.

When you eat while not hungry, the stomach does not send the same signal to the brain, alerting you that you are reaching fullness. Eating beyond full regularly can lead to digestive issues, stomach upset, and acid reflux.

Hiding your eating episodes.

Are you embarrassed by your stress-eating episodes? Do you hide the evidence? Do you feel ashamed when you count the wrappers tossed into the trashcan? If you hide your stress-eating episodes because of shame and guilt, reach out to a counselor for help. Eating should never make you feel shame. Hunger is a natural response, but the urges from stress eating can develop into a bad habit that can be broken.

Yo-yo dieting.

If stress eating is something that happens regularly, then you might also diet frequently. This yo-yo dieting (strict dieting followed by stress eating and then resumed dieting) does more harm than good. Many times, your body will crave avoided foods while stressed. It is better to live with an 80/20 mindset. Eat healthy 80% of the time and allow yourself treats 20% of the time. This might help diminish the yearning for “forbidden” foods.

Preoccupied with food.

Preoccupation with food is another sign. It is mentally unhealthy if you always seem worried about your next meal or snack, whether you can get what you want, especially if you are stressed. Note: this preoccupation with food stems from an overabundance and an obsession. If you do not have adequate food at home to feed you and your family, reach out for help.

Break the hold food has over you.

Has your stress eating become a habit? Are you experiencing the negative effects of emotional eating? Contact our office today to schedule a session with a counselor in Newport Beach, California who can help you take the proper steps to break free from it.

Photos:
“Burger Time”, Courtesy of Szabo Viktor, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Burger Time”, Courtesy of Szabo Viktor, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sandwich”, Courtesy of Haley Truong, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Building Self-Esteem One Choice at a Time

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Building self-esteem and increasing confidence starts with making the right choices at the right time. When we consistently make productive choices and act on them, we see a boost in our confidence and how we think about ourselves.

No longer do we believe the nonsense that we are not smart enough, attractive enough, or productive enough to get things done. We learn how to set goals and follow through, one choice at a time. Building self-esteem is a natural result of following through.

Building self-esteem and making better decisions.

Since our thoughts influence our emotions and behaviors, learning to discern between a poor choice and a beneficial one can help with building self-esteem. We will not always make the right decisions. However, that is a part of life and should be treated as a learning experience.

Try the following tips for building self-esteem and making better choices.

Learn from others’ mistakes.

The easiest way to make better choices is to learn from other’s mistakes. If you can learn the lesson from watching others, you can possibly avoid pain and heartache.

For example, if your father was obese due to uncontrollable eating patterns and suffered a heart attack at a young age, you may be at a higher risk of gaining weight and suffering a heart attack or stroke. You may want to learn how to watch your portions and engage in activities that will lower your risk. If you follow in the same footsteps, you might suffer the same fate or worse.

Many people remember the lessons they learned watching their parents and other family members and vow not to repeat those mistakes. However, sometimes these behaviors are ingrained in us and we repeat them anyway, despite our best intentions. A counselor can help you learn to break generational behaviors and addictions.

Learn the lessons from your past choices.

Have you ever repeated a decision as if you still have not learned the lesson? We probably all have at one time or another. You may make the same choice if your emotions get in the way of logic, or if you cannot think of a better choice.

For example, you might take back a spouse after they had an affair, only to have them do it again a decade later. Although logic may tell you that this is a behavioral pattern in them, you may allow your feelings for them to override the decision to leave and instead, take them back again.

Try to identify the same type of choices and ask yourself if this is a pattern. Is it a pattern of your behavior or the behavior of someone else? If you make a different choice this time, how will it boost your self-esteem?

Pause and think long-term before making a decision.

Before making an impulsive decision or behavior, ask yourself about the long-term consequences.

For example, it might seem like a good idea at the time to cheat on a final exam to earn a certification. However, what would be the long-term consequence? What is the worst thing that could happen? Perhaps the school has a program that tracks the exams and notifies the administration of potential cheating.

What if they disqualify you from the program and do not allow you to earn the certification? What if they report your actions to the next program you apply to? Would the derailment of your dream career be worth cheating on an exam?

You can apply these “worst-case scenarios” to any choice. You may find that a specific choice ends up being in your favor. Perhaps your company offers you a relocation package to a new city. The worst-case scenario is that you are miles away from your family. But, you may weigh the pros and cons and decide that the move will benefit your family far more and you can always make plans to video call and visit your family throughout the year.

Check in with your emotions.

Emotions are fickle. When we cannot control our feelings, we may act impulsively and make poor decisions that can lead to lower self-esteem. Before making a monumental decision, take stock of your emotions.

Are you feeling desperate, hurt, sad, or angry? Are you tired or hungry? Is your anxiety calling the shots? It can be difficult to make a proper choice when your emotions seem overwhelming. Instead, reach out to a counselor or close friend and explain the situation. They may be able to help you detach from your emotions to make an informed decision.

Getting help.

Do you struggle with your confidence and feelings of self-worth? A counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you with building self-esteem, taking control of your behaviors, and defeating intrusive thoughts. Contact our office today to schedule a session with a counselor in Newport Beach, California.

 Photos:
“Woman Ascending the Stairs”, Courtesy of THIS IS ZUN, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Wooden Walkway”, Courtesy of Nao Triponez, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Balancing Act”, Courtesy of Dominika Roseclay, Pexels.com, CC0 License

Burnout, Boundaries, and Balance: Navigating Codependency at Work

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Between deadlines and competing demands, responsibilities at work can destabilize us and cause us to feel overwhelmed when serving the marketplace with our gifts. This may encumber us with an unnecessary burden of responsibility, goading us into codependency at work, trying to save the world and our workplace.

Although there are tasks to manage, codependency at work can tempt us to overcompensate for the actions or inertia of others with personal investments of time and effort we cannot afford. Simply doing more doesn’t make us more productive or effective, but rather strains resolve if we continually extinguish fires outside the realm of our responsibility.

However, when we channel our resources into the pursuits where we are graced by God, we can experience greater fulfillment in the work that we do, individually and with others.

While we may be loosely familiar with how codependency sabotages relationships, its poison can also infiltrate our places of business. Codependency at work prompts us to reach past our colleagues, taking on what is not ours to carry.

It deprives others of responsibility and the opportunity to grow their gifts in the roles they serve on our teams. We may have good intentions, but a codependent desire to control environments and outcomes can actually work against us. It deconstructs the sense of teamwork that causes our places of business to thrive and be fruitful.

Burnout.

Furthermore, codependency at work has the potential to produce burnout in us. The lack of boundaries and balance leads us to assume more responsibility than we may be graced to fulfill. Instead of feeling accomplished, codependency at work strains us and multiplies resentment over time, resulting in burnout, decreased productivity, and sometimes an increase in low mood associated with depression.

Thankfully, we can revisit codependency at work by allowing the Holy Spirit to reset our vision concerning our role on a team. Just like the interdependent nature of Christ’s Body has many members, we must celebrate the value of each contributor, realizing that each teammate has a portion of grace, gift, and skill to devote to their realm of responsibility to benefit the whole.

Boundaries.

We need God’s wisdom to discern what is ours to own and how to make a distinction between supporting others at work without codependent control. When we ask, the Holy Spirit will help us to release such unnecessary burdens, nurture healthy boundaries, and build better balance in life and work.

We navigate it with the gifts and grace He’s given. His wisdom empowers us to assess and place boundaries around the time and energy we afford to people, projects, or pursuits. The Holy Spirit will reveal practical ways to revise boundaries at work to maximize our successes for God’s glory.

Balance.

God has privileged His sons and daughters with the ability to embrace His presence as we form godly decisions. He has also furnished all that we need to thrive in a godly and fulfilling life. Embracing this promise requires balance.

This doesn’t mean that everything in our lives or work gets equal time and attention. Instead, we follow the Spirit’s guidance in stewarding our priorities and resources while releasing others to flourish in the domain where they are assigned.

Help for codependency at work.

God is concerned with each aspect of your being. Your work life is not exempt. Where you may have experienced codependency at work, you don’t have to sabotage yourself, your career, or the places where you serve with your gifts.

Help is available, even as you scan this site for resources to overcome codependency at work. Schedule an appointment with a professional counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to support you with recovering from burnout, establishing boundaries, and finding your healthy balance.

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Past Trauma, Present Pain: Embracing the Path to Heal and Overcome

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Fiery trials are commonplace in the lives of believers. No one is immune to feeling the effects as we grow, heal, and change. Like any human, we encounter a range of emotions and experiences that have the potential to shape our worlds. As we consider past trauma that may have negatively influenced our trajectory, traumatic incidents don’t have the power to predict our life outcomes in the way that a Word from God does.

Coming to faith in Christ shifts our destiny to produce eternal impacts. It also enables us to walk out our individual story with the Author and Finisher of our faith, despite the details of past trauma or its present pain. The Lord meets us in sorting through the difficulties that brought us to the present and remedies our soul ailments with His Presence, Power, and Peace.

Presence.

Jesus Christ is the Cornerstone that anchors the life of His Body, the collective of followers who have placed faith in Him as Messiah, Healer, and Deliverer (Ephesians 2:19-22). The beauty of the gospel is further revealed as we experience the glory of God shining through our broken places.

Trauma may have seared our hearts and scarred our souls, but none of that is outside of the Savior’s reach. Although the Lord Jesus Himself sympathizes with our grief, pain, and sorrow, He is unwilling to leave us in it (Isaiah 53:3). Here, the Presence of the Lord draws near, imparting us with grace, the supernatural strength to overcome what is humanly impossible and live more fully, as Jesus intended (Psalm 34:18).

Power.

Christ came to earth, taking on the frailties of the human experience. He endured every nuance of human suffering, yet without sin (Hebrews 4:15). The Savior remains our example, that despite the trauma of our past, we endure and overcome by the power of His Blood and the word of our testimony.

We can assert faith, even when we don’t feel it. Jesus’ sacrifice is enough to cover the damages incurred through our traumatic encounters. He will envelop us with grace to walk through the dark places of our healing journey, always accompanied by Him.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4, NIV

Peace.

Although we may have lived through excruciating suffering, we must remember that the empowering presence of the Lord lives within. He remains our present help, willing and able to console and guide us through every challenge (Psalm 46:1). The Holy Spirit is at work, even through the least likely journeys, to produce spiritual fruit or lasting evidence of our relationship with Christ (Galatians 5:22; John 15:16).

The Biblical concept of peace is more than the tranquility of healed memories or a feeling of closure, it is associated with having nothing missing, broken, or lacking in our lives. Though trauma has come to steal, the Prince of Peace has come to give us life and restore what we thought was impossible (John 10:10; Isaiah 9:6).

Next steps to overcome past trauma.

The Spirit of Christ embodies Jesus’ promise to always be with you, declaring that He would never leave, forsake, or abandon (Hebrews 13:5; Deuteronomy 31:6). Maybe others could not make good on those guarantees, leaving you in a place and position to suffer the unimaginable. However, the Lord’s abiding Presence is neither threatened nor intimidated by what sought to obliterate you.

Search the resources on this site and schedule to meet with a counselor. You will encounter the support and strength needed to overcome past trauma and heal from present pain.

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5 Ideas for Christian Life Coaching

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Christian life coaching can sometimes sound very general. While you may know you want to make changes, it can be hard to know how to do that in a meaningful way. A Christian life coach can help you deepen your faith, overcome challenges, and live a more Christ-centered life.

5 Ways Christian Life Coaching Can Help You

Spiritual growth and discipleship.

This focus in Christian life coaching aims to help you grow in your relationship with God. This is done by deepening your understanding of the Bible and developing a more intimate prayer life. Coaching sessions can explore different forms of prayer, offer help for studying Scripture, and discuss how to apply biblical principles to your everyday life.

Identity in Christ.

Focusing on your identity in Christ in Christian life coaching revolves around helping you understand and embrace your identity as a child of God. You and your coach may have discussions on self-worth, discovering God’s purpose for your life, and overcoming feelings of inadequacy. This is all done by focusing on a solid foundation in Christ.

Faith and decision-making.

Decision-making and walking in faith can leave many people stuck, especially when they face something difficult. Coaching for faith and decision-making will help you align your decisions with your faith and values. This can include guidance in making major life choices, such as career changes, relationships, and lifestyle changes. To accomplish this, you will seek God’s guidance and wisdom through prayer and discernment.

Relationships.

Relationships are a core part of who people are and how they go through each day. This Christian life coaching explores how to maintain healthy, Christ-centered relationships with family, friends, and significant others. Coaching sessions can cover topics such as forgiveness, communication, setting boundaries, and navigating conflicts to help you grow in your relationships while upholding Christian principles.

Purpose and mission.

Christians often seek a deeper purpose in their life. Coaching for purpose and mission will help you discover and pursue your God-given purpose and mission in life. With your coach, you will explore your unique gifts and talents, how to set goals that align with your purpose, and find ways to serve others so you can make a positive impact in your community.

Finding a Christian life coach.

While some people seek out a life coach, it is important to find someone who is appropriately trained to guide you in these areas. A Christian counselor can help you with all of these things. They are trained to discuss sensitive topics as well as share strategies and accountability for change.

As you consider what you need, think about these focus areas. Which ones resonate the most with you? Consider rating each one in terms of importance in your life. Do you need more help understanding your identity or do you need help with your relationships? No matter what you face, a counselor can help.

Your needs and journey are unique. These coaching ideas can be tailored to your specific needs and goals. As you meet with your counselor, you will work together to develop a plan that works for you.

To get started or learn more, our online directory of counselors here at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California. The Christian counselors in Newport Beach will work with you to develop a therapy schedule that works for you. Christian life coaching aims to help you draw closer to God, live authentically, and fulfill your God-given potential.

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Seeking Help from Symptoms of Chemical Dependency

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Gaining an understanding of chemical dependency and its effects has become important over the past couple of years in America. It is important to know what chemical dependency is, how it starts, and how one can get treatment.

Many families have a loved one who is suffering from chemical dependency. Chemical dependency is a person’s inability to stop using a mind-altering substance or drug because their body has now become dependent on it. This dependence is usually both physical and psychological.

Chemical dependency on a drug or substance is a result of continued use and the body’s ability to assimilate the drug and its tolerance is increased. People can get chemically dependent on narcotics, prescription medication, alcohol, or nicotine.

Because chemical dependency is a complex condition, diagnosing it can be hard. This is why The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) outlines the criteria for a person to be diagnosed.

The more criteria one meets, the more severe their condition as described below:

  • Mild Substance Use Disorder – 2-3 symptoms.
  • Moderate Substance Use Disorder – 4-5 Symptoms.
  • Severe Substance Disorder – 6+ symptoms.

Below are the criteria:

  • Taking the substance in larger amounts or for longer than initially intended.
  • Failing at any attempts to quit or control the amount of use.
  • A significant amount of time spent obtaining, using, or recovering from the substance(s).
  • Cravings or strong desires to use substances.
  • Inability to meet one’s responsibilities at home, work, or school as a result of drug use.
  • Continued use despite social or interpersonal problems.
  • Giving up or reducing social, occupational, or recreational activities because of substance use.
  • Recurrent use in physically hazardous situations (such as drinking and driving).
  • Continued use despite health or psychological problems caused by or exacerbated by substance use.
  • Increased tolerance.
  • Development of withdrawal symptoms resulting in the need to take the drug or substance.

It is important to note that diagnosis of substance use disorder can only be done by a licensed professional and a person should not self-diagnose.

Why it’s important to seek help for chemical dependency?

Its complexity.

Chemical dependence can be so severe that one can’t get clean on their own without the help of trained professionals. These people have a deeper understanding of how different substances interact with our bodies and minds and can come up with an effective treatment plan.

Multi-disciplinary team.

Chemical dependency affects many aspects of a person’s functioning. Seeking help will ensure that all areas are given attention and assessed. This could be a person’s mental health, physical health, or relational wellness. Treatment centers work with experts in different fields to offer comprehensive support.

It is life-threatening.

Dependency on substances can lead to serious medical issues that can contribute to health complications that unfortunately sometimes lead to death.

Renewed hope.

When a person seeks help it shows that they have hope that their situation will improve. Taking that first step is important as it opens a door to recovery and a more fulfilling life.

Restored Relationships

Our strength and quality of life come from the relationships we have. When one seeks help, they communicate to their loved ones that they are willing to be better. This gives way to renewed trust and relationship rebuilding.

We can help.

If your life has taken an unexpected turn as a result of substance use and you are looking for help, contact our office today. At Newport Beach Christian Counseling, we have trained counselors who can offer you the help you need.

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