Small Steps, Big Impacts: Goal Setting, Micro Habits, and Personal Development

Nowadays, it isn’t difficult to search any social media outlet and find others splaying hashtags and markers for personal development. It isn’t limited to resolutions that populate many timelines around the start of the year, but rather throughout. We want progress, and we want to note it in all the areas that we value: relationships, health, and careers.

It becomes easy to lose ourselves in an addictive stupor, scrolling other people’s pages and profiles. Subconsciously, we compare ourselves with a perceived ideal God never intended for us to idolize, but rather encounter inspiration for attaining our own goals.

Emotion can become overwhelming as we scan our own lives and sometimes feel that we’ve come up short. We may not be concerned with outpacing our neighbors’ particular goals, but rather, champion and celebrate their achievements. Yet, when we seem to be stalled with progress toward our aims, the unspoken comparison may trigger undeniable pain.

Even if we don’t share the aspirations of those in our social circles, we sometimes encounter frustration from comparing ourselves where we are now with where we had imagined our own lives to be at this point and our personal development.

Small beginnings

The big result isn’t always seen in the major move. Biblically, the narrative of small unveils the miraculous in both testaments. Small beginnings brim with possibility, as God Himself commits to oversee the good that He’s begun in us (Zechariah 4:10; Philippians 1:6).

The Spirit of God multiplies our minimal resources, adding up to more than we could produce on our own. We encounter the result in more than our senses or perception would have imagined (1 Corinthians 2:9).

What is impossible comes to fruition, and it originates through the miracle of small. A handful of flour and oil sustained the widow of Zarephath until drought and famine passed over (1 Kings 17:14-16). Mustard seed faith uproots and displaces mountains (Matthew 17:20-21).

A couple of fish and a handful of bread catered lunch for thousands on a hillside (Mark 6:41-44). So, it follows in our lives; The Holy Spirit involves us in miracles that manifest before our eyes and often through the little that becomes much in the Master’s Hands.

Goal setting

When we develop SMART goals, we do so around the following: garner the specifics of what we intend to accomplish, narrow our attention on clear objectives; measure our progress; and assess and ensure that they are attainable within a certain amount of time. Ideally, the goals we establish are relevant, aligning with our longer-term goals, and are reasonable for the time frame we have identified.

We must individualize and find a system that works personally. SMART goals are intended to support us in attaining what can feel unmanageable.

Our lives are unique; hence, our goal-setting will be personally relevant to the Father’s times and purposes for each of us. God created us as individual masterpieces, predetermined to be fulfilled in Christ (Ephesians 2:10). We won’t look identical, regardless of how much we have in common or overlap in compatible and complementary gifts and abilities.

We are on a distinct path with the Lord and cannot try to emulate someone else’s process. Embracing inspiration is valuable, but we only need to aspire to our Savior’s standard when setting goals that align with the vision for our personal development.

While the process of working toward a goal can present inherent frustrations, we must remind ourselves that God will grant grace and glory, promising to withhold nothing good (Psalm 84:11). Our timeline may not mirror that of others, nor should it.

We can recalibrate our hopes, and even anchor our failures in the Lord, recognizing that He repurposes our missteps and mistakes to draw our hearts to repent or turn to Him. The Holy Spirit is at work, developing spiritual fruit and illuminating our path with the abundance of essential wisdom and revelation. We can take courage, aligning our plans with Scriptural principles to lead into the divine destiny God has orchestrated.

Micro habits

Goal-setting is a familiar topic within the realm of personal development, but micro habits present a fresh way to think about this timeless concept. Micro habits deconstruct massive endeavors into smaller, more digestible parts.

In goal setting, we zoom wide to view a broad angle of what we seek to accomplish. To achieve it, we fill in segments of our big picture with zoomed-in, small-picture steps. In short, micro-habits embrace the practice of doing a little of a particular action at a time, yet sustained over time to reach a larger goal.

Forming a micro habit relies on simple daily actions that are relatively easy to implement into an established routine and may require, at most, a few minutes of time.  We contribute to our larger goal, yet with concentrated and consistent investment.

Success with micro habits is anchored in how we perceive our worth and willingness to show up for ourselves with rhythm and regularity that transforms our efforts into an offering that God blesses in the work of our hands. Our consistency invokes the questions for our consideration. Do we value what God has placed in us? And will we partner with Him to see it to fruition?

Micro habits toggle our attention between the vision for what we are building and its actual layout and placement in the structure of our daily lives. They allow us to draw a blueprint, designing a life enriched with the peace of God and joy of the Lord and the action that follows our faith.

We cannot control everything, including inevitable setbacks bound to populate our journey. However, micro habits teach us to navigate failures that are an unavoidable part of any success. Micro habits allow us to recover with curiosity and resolve, yet without shame so we can resume progress with relative ease. They encourage resilience, reminding us that even when we’ve fallen, we can embrace both human and Holy Spirit help to get up and go forward.

Personal development

Embracing micro habits affords us the joy that accompanies small wins, thus replenishing necessary strength in our personal development journey. We will meet challenges, but the outcomes we desire generally result from consistency versus large-scale, though sporadic actions.

Consistency, even in small steps, shapes both our character and view of our goal. Even when we’ve failed, God moves mightily and decisively through minuscule actions to shift what He desires into being. When all looks dark, our joint investments with the Holy Spirit, produce unfathomable results (Ephesians 3:20).

While belief gives rise to behavior, our actions redefine what we have believed about ourselves. Enacting micro habits outweighs the large, though inconsistent moves that make a grand appearance when we’re inspired. Inspiration is an exhilarating companion for the journey, but we can’t rely on it exclusively to navigate our course. Unfortunately, inspiration gets clouded by discouragement and obstacles.

We can, however, gather inspiration from practicing the micro-habits that are not only shifting our world in the behavioral realm but also having an impact on the internal world of our thoughts and emotions. When we recognize that our beliefs and behavior positively reinforce one another, we can mobilize this to generate changes and form goals in other areas that impact our personal development.

Next steps for personal development

Although the process of setting and achieving a goal is met with challenges and rewards, you can embrace both strategy and system to support you with this important facet of personal development. Micro habits prove themselves, not only in yielding the desired goal but also in fueling the endurance and affirming confidence to sustain your personal development journey.

Wherever you may find yourself in the process, embrace the opportunity to seek and select a counselor on this site. Make your appointment today. Embrace the empathy and tools you need to make small steps that yield a big impact.

Photos:
“Start”, Courtesy of Geralt, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Set Goals”, Courtesy of Geralt, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Never Give Up”, Courtesy of Geralt, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Goals”, Courtesy of Ronnie Overgoor, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

6 Marriage Counseling Tips: Things You Should Do Every Day

Regardless of whether you have been married for one year or twenty years, relationships thrive when they are intentional. Relationships will never be perfect, they are about loving one another and serving one another through imperfections and stagnant seasons of disconnect and chaos. They are about getting to know who your marriage partner really is at their very core through the struggles and the triumphs.

Whether your marriage is in a season that feels distant, stale, or in completely different zip codes you should keep devoting yourself to your spouse. If you feel more connected than ever, you should continue investing in your relationship.

Just like plants, relationships require nutrients, pruning, enjoyment, and praise for growth. It is very common for people to say, “But this is not the person I married,” however, you should be constantly trying to change in the best way. You should be growing together – exploring passions, making your faith a priority, and choosing your spouse, even on difficult days.

6 Marriage Counseling Tips

Here are six marriage counseling tips to help you invest in your marriage today and every single day, moving forward:

1. Say “I love you.”

Never underestimate the power of these three words and the commitment you made on the day you said yes to forever. Saying “I love you” is choosing your partner every single day. It is a reminder of where you have been and where you are headed. It is choosing hope and fresh starts together every single day.

“Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant. ‘Till death do us part’ or ‘As long as we both shall live’ is a sacred covenant promise – the same kind Jesus made with His bride when He died for her.– John Piper

Saying “I love you,” says:

I am here for you.
I choose you.
I am your person, no matter what life throws at us.
I am by your side.
I am your biggest cheerleader.
We are better together.

2. Pray for your spouse.

One of the most powerful tools for your marriage is prayer. Prayer changes things. Prayer changes hearts. Prayer unites. Prayer heals. Prayer covers your home with a desire to be more like Christ. Pray for your spouse when you are alone and pray when you are together. Making God the center of your life and marriage is the “recipe” to a lasting marriage.

“Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect, and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and a wife.” – Dave Willis

3. Show affection and have fun together.

When a couple is dating, you go over the top to have fun together and show your affection. You kiss “hello” and “goodnight.” You hold hands, just because. You plan exciting dates, and you plan simple movie nights just because you want to spend time together.

Married couples must continue investing in one another. Have fun together. Cuddle. Kiss. Write love notes. Send her flowers because you are thinking about how beautiful she is. Drop him off his favorite coffee at work because you feel so blessed to be married to him. Tell them, show them, love them!

Here are a few fun activities to get you started if you feel lost:

  • Go on a romantic picnic and ditch cell phones.
  • Have a paint night and draw one another’s self-portraits.
  • Serve in a soup kitchen or at a charity event together.
  • Serve in church together.
  • Plan a movie night – complete with popcorn and candy!
  • Revisit your favorite date spot from “back in the day.”
  • Try a drive-in movie.
  • Have a dessert-making competition at home.
  • Go on a hike.
  • Train for a 5K together.
  • Take a cooking class together.
  • Go on a short road trip!
  • Take a sunset walk on the beach.

Quality time together does not have to be expensive – just make it intentional.

4. Serve your spouse.

In a world that is constantly saying “I need more from you,” make it your mission to serve your spouse first. Do not wait until they do something to show their appreciation for you. Do not wait until their birthday, anniversary, or Mother’s Day/Father’s Day. Serve your spouse like Jesus served others – not to receive something in return, but because His heart was focused on true, genuine, sacrificial love.

Simple ways to serve your spouse:

  • Make them coffee or breakfast in the morning.
  • Clean up the kitchen after dinner and encourage them to rest or do something for themselves.
  • Make their favorite meal.
  • Tackle their “normal” chores before they have a chance to do them.
  • Prepare their favorite snack or dessert “just because.”
  • Pack their lunch.
  • Drop their favorite coffee off at work.
  • Initiate physical intimacy.
  • Give them a massage.
  • Wash their car.
  • Listen to them without interrupting.
  • Let them sleep in while you get up early with the kids.
  • Initiate doing one of their favorite things.
  • Make the bed first.
  • Write random love notes.
  • Play their favorite song in the car.
  • Flirt with them.
  • Make your home welcoming and warm for their return.
  • Play their favorite game.
  • Get yourself dressed up for them.
  • Gush about them to others.
  • Tell them what they are good at/what you love about them.
  • Prioritize them.
  • Create time for them to pursue creative interests/hobbies.

5. Talk about your marriage.

While it may sound simple, communication is one of the main pitfalls of most relationships. Talk when it’s easy. Talk in the morning. Talk when there are things to celebrate. Talk when things are difficult. Talk when you are away from one another. Talk when you are struggling. Talk when you need help. Talk in the evening. Talk when you are laying in bed together. Just talk!

Aside from investing in conversations, choose to invest in your communication skills. Listen to your spouse. Do not listen to argue or make a point – really listen to them. Study their body language. Study your body language. Choose to listen to your tone when conversing and ensure it is not setting a demeaning tone.

To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.” – G.K. Chesterton

6. Invest in marriage counseling.

Whether you feel your relationship is limping along or thriving, investing in marriage counseling is a decision that you will not regret. The counselors at our office would love to equip you with an emotional toolbelt to withstand the highs and lows of your marriage.

We want to see you pursue one another, work through any disagreements/baggage from the past, and move forward in the best way. Call and schedule your appointment today and continue saying “I DO” to your spouse every single day.

Scriptures to pray for your marriage:

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. – Colossians 3:14, ESV

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. – 1 John 4:8, NIV

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. – Romans 12:9, NIV

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. – Proverbs 17:17, ESV

Do everything in love. – 1 Corinthians 16:14, NIV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. – John 13:34-35, ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. – 1 Peter 3:7, ESV

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. – Ephesians 4:2, NIV

Photos:
“Happy Couple”, Courtesy of Alba Rebecca, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Paying Bills”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Counseling”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Renovation”, Courtesy of Anastasia Shuraeva, Pexels.com, CC0 License