Traits of a Highly Sensitive Child and How to Care for Them

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Children often experience big emotions, and it is typically normal. Some children, however, feel they live in a state of extreme emotion all the time and are more easily triggered by their environment. When this happens, you may find yourself wondering if your child’s reactions are normal or if you have a highly sensitive child.

Help! I have a highly sensitive child

A highly sensitive child is a child who processes and reacts more deeply to their experiences than other children do. They are inherently wired like that. Highly sensitive children are often known to be feisty and fierce, passionate and persistent, insightful and empathetic, intuitive and intense, and they are constantly living in extremes. They’re known to be either ecstatic or enraged.

Highly sensitive children are sensitive to their environment, experiences, relationships, and expectations. They are amazing children, but because they react in bigger ways than most, they are prone to frustration, power struggles, and perfectionism. This is because they find it more challenging to adapt to the limits and expectations they encounter in their daily lives.

The intensity of highly sensitive children can be exhausting for their parents or caregivers. It can be hard to understand your highly sensitive child in all their complexity, and they are often misunderstood because there seems to be no middle ground with them. The better you can understand them, the more you can learn how to provide the sensitive and responsive care that they need to thrive.

3 Key Traits of Highly Sensitive Children

Some of the more prominent traits of a highly sensitive child include the following:

Highly sensitive children are more sensitive to the world around them

Highly sensitive children experience their emotions in extremes. This is because they feel much more deeply than most. They are often compared to orchids: high-maintenance plants that react to the smallest changes in environment. They are more vulnerable to changes in their environment and may seem to react irrationally as a result.

In addition to their extreme emotions, they are also sensitive to the environment they are in, and their brains never seem to shut down. They are known as processors as they tend to focus on and analyze even minute details. While this makes them extremely insightful and empathetic, because they seem to lack an internal filter, they are also more easily overwhelmed, absorbing more than they can handle.

They also tend to be more self-aware and perceptive than most. They question things others might take for granted and can articulate their motivations for things they did or said even better than some adults. They can understand their own struggles. They also tend to have great insight into how others feel and can pick up on subtle changes in tone.

Highly sensitive children have big reactions to the world around them

Your highly sensitive child will have bigger reactions than most to sensory input, even to seemingly small things. They are more sensitive to sensory input and experience sights, sounds, textures, and smells more intensely. They may avoid things like foods with particular smells, flavors, or textures, certain kinds of clothing, public restrooms with noisy hand dryers, or get upset when something doesn’t look like they expect.

A highly sensitive child is more prone to meltdowns because they are more quickly triggered to experience stress. When they feel overwhelmed by the constant onslaught of sensations that they can’t manage effectively, it can result in intense emotional reactions.

A highly sensitive child will be more apprehensive about new people or places. Their minds turn over all the details in a new situation, whether it’s a new classroom, activity, birthday party, or family gathering. They will try to anticipate what they might expect, wondering what might happen and whether they will be liked, feel safe, or be good at the activity.

Their deep thinking and constant analysis are an attempt to prepare for the unknown. While this makes them come across as bright and insightful, it can also be overwhelming for them. This results in the child resisting new things and clinging to what is familiar and comfortable. They may struggle separating from their parents or adapting to being left alone at school or sports.

A highly sensitive child also tends to get frustrated more easily. While everyone experiences a certain amount of natural discomfort when confronting something new or challenging, a highly sensitive child will find it intolerable. Because they experience more distress in those situations, they may give up more easily when they experience a challenging task.

They also tend to be preoccupied with how others see them, even if parents or other adults say complimentary things about them. They are so sensitive to feeling scrutinized or assessed that they even feel uncomfortable receiving praise, as they perceive the pressure of being evaluated.

They may also be inclined to misinterpret others’ actions, taking what others say and do more personally than it was intended. It may seem like a highly sensitive child filters their experiences through a victim mindset. This can make navigating relationships with siblings and peers more challenging.

Highly Sensitive Children try to control the world around them

Because of their sensitivity to their environment, a highly sensitive child will live in a state of high alert and will feel a greater need for control in those situations where they feel uncomfortable. They will try to prepare for and protect themselves from the next big emotion, event, or experience that could be overwhelming.

They will attempt to gain control of a situation by being rigid and inflexible about details like where to sit and which plate to use. The more out of control they feel on the inside, the more controlling they may be on the outside. Even their constant analysis of event details is part of this desire to feel in control of their world and what to expect in any situation.

A highly sensitive child is more likely to struggle with perfectionism because when they can’t complete a task in the way their brain is telling them it should be, they feel a loss of control. They are triggered to feel shame, and this results in them quickly feeling like a failure. They experience failure as a personal failing they are judged for, instead of as part of the learning process.

Perfectionism and difficulty losing go hand in hand. This makes competitive activities especially stressful for the highly sensitive child. A highly sensitive child is more likely to try to manipulate the game in their favor so that they can win to protect themselves from the shame of losing. Alternatively, they may get angry and quit if the result isn’t going their way.

This also means that a highly sensitive child will have a hard time accepting correction. Even seemingly harmless directions can be perceived as personal judgments instead of helpful guidance.

Any perceived shame they experience can trigger reactions like laughing, looking away, anger, or even running away. Evasive responses are all coping mechanisms to provide protection and relief from the flood of difficult emotions.

How to Care for Your Highly Sensitive Child

A child with a sensitive temperament can’t outgrow who they are. They can learn how to manage their emotions and cope with the more challenging aspects of their sensitivity. A big part of helping them is managing your expectations and approaching their meltdowns with patience and compassion.

When your sensitive child reacts to something, don’t take things they say and do personally. The fact that they are lashing out is a sign that they are struggling to cope with something. Don’t minimize their emotions. Instead, try to remain calm and not be reactive yourself. Stay present while providing space for your child to feel what they’re feeling.

Don’t try to problem-solve in the middle of the meltdown, but rather wait until they are calm before offering help. If they permit you to share some ideas that you have of ways to handle a situation, they will feel more in control and be more receptive to what you have to say. Sharing your thoughts, guidance, and personal experiences in this manner can help them better understand and adapt to the world around them.

Not all highly sensitive children will have all of these traits, and many who aren’t highly sensitive may struggle to some degree with some of these. But because of their sensitivity, these children may be more likely to struggle with anxiety or mental health challenges. If this sensitivity is affecting their ability to function well at home or at school, or interfering with their relationships, they can benefit from professional help such as Christian counseling.

Connect with a counselor near you or through this website to learn more about working with myself.

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“Crying Boy”, Courtesy of Vika Glitter, Pexels.com, CC0 License

Helping Your Child Navigate Anger

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Anger is a normal part of growing up, but chronic uncontrolled anger in children can lead to emotional and physical health issues. Ephesians 4:26 says, “…in your anger do not sin,” which implies that it is okay to feel angry, but you should not let it control your behavior.

There are healthy and unhealthy ways that anger can be expressed, and as a parent, it is your responsibility to teach your kids how to express anger positively and constructively. But I understand that this can be extremely difficult, especially if you didn’t grow up with good role models or if this is an area where you’re still growing.

As a young child, I learned I could not express any negative emotions because my parents were not equipped to handle them. Whenever I didn’t comply or had anything to say that they didn’t agree with, they would lose control. They would yell and threaten me with physical punishment if I didn’t do what they asked.

When I got older, I realized that my parents were repeating behaviors they had learned from their parents. After having my two daughters, I realized that if I didn’t change how I responded to my kids, I was destined to continue the same destructive cycle.

Managing anger is not a skill we are born with, and based on our environment, we can develop an unhealthy relationship with our emotions. As Christians, we are called to manage our emotions in a way that aligns with God’s will. We must learn how to do this and keep practicing in order to master it.

By mastering it, I mean that you can effectively manage anger by learning to control your reactions when you are triggered. You can learn to respond in a healthy way, rather than letting it control your behavior. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers support and guidance to help you develop the tools needed to manage anger effectively.

The following are insights I have learned that can help you.

The Physiology of Anger

First, it’s important to have a basic understanding of how anger affects your mind, spirit, and body. Our brains are wired to react without thinking through the consequences of our actions. When we feel threatened our brain releases chemicals that give us a rush of energy. These chemicals prepare our body for action, but we can learn to switch this emotional response off by helping our brain find ways to gain control.

Once the switch is turned off, it will then allow you to decide how to react to the anger in a rational way and not on auto-pilot. When your kids push your buttons, your body gets wound up and prepared to fight, but the good news is that you can also wind your body back down to a more relaxed state.

Have you ever thought about how anger affects your spirit? Anger drains your inner peace and clouds your judgment. It hinders your connection to God and your loved ones, creating a sense of disharmony. It can leave you feeling depleted and even disconnected from yourself.

Proverbs 16:32 says, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” In this verse, Solomon commends the person who can control their temper. Self-discipline that can put a lid on anger and control it is at a greater advantage than that of a soldier being able to defeat others in battle.

Your Child’s Temperament

Temperament describes a child’s emotional and behavioral style. It’s their natural way of being and how they respond to others and the world around them. Temperament has a lot to do with how easily children can adapt to situations. Some children express anger more often than others. They may be more sensitive to how they are spoken to or looked at. If adults laugh at them or exacerbate them, they might withdraw, fight back, or cry.

Some children have temperaments with high reactivity or low frustration tolerance. Children with high reactivity tend to respond strongly to environmental changes or perceived stressors, quickly escalating when things don’t go their way. Those with low frustration tolerance become easily frustrated when faced with challenges, leading to quick anger outbursts.

The more precisely you know your child and adapt your parenting style to meet their needs, the more quickly your child will learn to respond in healthy ways. Take advantage of those moments, as they are opportunities for you to help them regulate and grow emotionally.

The Roots Of Anger

Anger usually comes after your child has experienced some sort of pain. This pain can be physical or emotional. When that pain combines with certain thoughts or interpretations, your child may conclude that someone is trying to purposely hurt them.

Kids usually react with anger as a way to protect themselves or as a way to avoid feeling pain when they lack the emotional skills to identify and cope with complex feelings. When children lash out, they shift their focus away from themselves onto others.

As parents, we can help our children by shifting our focus away from the external behavior to what might be lying underneath. By exploring the cause of the pain and providing comfort so that they can regulate their bodies, we can help them become emotionally mature.

When my daughter was almost two years old, she went from 0-60 in less than three seconds. Her face would turn red then purple, and she would just stand there with her mouth wide open, but no sound would come out. I would often get anxious, not knowing what to do. At times it felt like she would pass out because it seemed like she couldn’t catch her breath.

I was at a loss as to what to do. Friends and family thought it was hysterical and would laugh, but this would only cause my daughter more pain and intensify her distress. I had no idea how to comfort her nor how to offer her support, so it went on for years. What started as a moment of dysregulation turned into many moments of my daughter suddenly bursting either into tears or anger when she was frustrated or upset.

Anger is energy

When my daughters were young I had quite a temper. I would get angry when I cleaned the house and others weren’t helping. I would get angry when family members were on the couch watching TV and I felt that I never had time to rest. I would get angry when my kids had tantrums because it was such an inconvenience to my daily routine. I got angry a lot, and I was usually in a foul mood most of the time.

I expected them to read my mind and know how tired I felt and want to naturally help me and ease my dissatisfaction with all the things I had to accomplish now that I was a parent. I expected them to make me happy by cooperating, listening, and complying.

When they didn’t, I was unhappy and it showed. Everyone walked on eggshells when I was around. I thought everyone was the problem except me. Luckily, I went on a personal journey and discovered that due to childhood trauma and other factors, I had developed an unhealthy relationship with my emotions.

Seeking Support To Grow Spiritually

Nobody changes on their own. If you want to grow emotionally and spiritually by dealing with past traumas that can be attributed to repressed anger or simply learn skills you were never taught to become a better parent, reach out for support at Newport Beach Christian Counseling . I believe that it’s never too late to make adjustments today that will greatly benefit you tomorrow. You get to decide the kind of legacy you want to hand down to your children.

Photos:
“Mother and Son”, Courtesy of Kindel Media, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Interruption”, Courtesy of $RDNE Stock Project, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Cuties”, Courtesy of Bess Hamiti, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Hugs”, Courtesy of Keira Burton, Pexels.com, CC0 License

How to Ease the Process of Moving into a New House for Your Kids

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One of the constants in life is that change is going to happen. Nothing stays the same for long, and our efforts to force things to remain static will leave us feeling anxious, frustrated, and exhausted. Situations evolve, and living things grow in different and wonderful ways. This means that promotions and job changes happen, opportunities open up while others close down, relationships change, or one’s needs and means may shift, and we may find ourselves moving to another home. During such transitions, seeking support from resources like Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help individuals navigate these changes with a sense of peace and clarity.

The stress of moving

What this all adds to practically is that people will often uproot and move elsewhere. The move can be just a few blocks away, to a different state, or to another country altogether. Moving is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life because of the amount of work it takes, but also because of other issues such as the loss of community and need to navigate new situations and rhythms.

If moving is stressful for the adults in the room, you can be sure that it will be stressful for the little ones in your home, too. Moving might mean changing schools, losing friends, and needing to try and fit into the new situation, and it could mean other things too like no longer having extracurriculars that enriched their lives. While moving is stressful, there are some things that you can do to ease that process for your children.

Tips to make it easier

Adults and children have different coping mechanisms, and they have varying capacities for dealing with stress. As you start the process of moving, it’s good to be on the lookout for signs of stress such as anxiety, mood swings, restlessness, being clingy, developing new or recurring fears, crying more and having more anger, stubbornness, or aggression.

Other signs of stress in kids and teens include decreased concentration or motivation to do things they used to do. Lastly, if your child is stressed, you may find that they have emotional overreactions to minor incidents. These and other signs could point to the fact that your children are stressed by the move. The good news is that while the stress of moving can be challenging for you and your kids, there are ways to make the transition smoother.

Some tips for easing moving stress include the following:

Communicate honestly and openly

The fact that you’ll be moving is obvious enough, but what isn’t always obvious is why. Take the time to explain to your children, at an age-appropriate level, the reasons for the move, and then take time to listen to their concerns. Validate any concerns that they have and address these as honestly as you can. Give them room to express themselves, whether by talking, drawing, or writing.

Involve them in the process

Instead of a hands-off approach, let your children take ownership of the move and start processing it by helping with packing, labeling, and decision-making. They can decorate the moving boxes, or you can turn packing into a game for the younger children. You can also do things like create a scrapbook with memories of your old home.

Maintain your routines

As the move gets underway, it’s easy to lose your old routines. Rather, try to stick to your regular routines and traditions to provide a sense of stability for everyone, including yourselves as parents. For instance, keep dinner time and bedtime routines the same to allow for familiarity and a sense of normalcy.

Maintain a positive focus

The move might be the result of losing your job and needing to downsize, but even in such circumstances, there may still be positives to celebrate, like the new community you’ll be a part of or certain features of the new house.

Remain patient, present, and supportive

Moving is stressful, and that means you’ll need an extra helping of patience and understanding during this transition period. Everyone in the house needs support at this time, and it helps to be girded with grace and to be quick to forgive each other any slights (Colossians 3:12-13).

Have a farewell party

Being able to say goodbye to friends well helps to create lasting memories, and it’s a way to celebrate the upcoming move. Keep the party light and enjoyable, focusing on the good memories you have had in your home, and the plans you have in your new space.

Make the new house feel like home

When you arrive at the new house, set up the children’s room first to help them feel secure and settled as soon as possible. You can unpack some of their favorite items together. You can also take time, whether when you move or some days before, to explore the new area so that you discover new parks, restaurants, and attractions together.

Moving house will affect you and your children in different ways. Each child will have unique needs, which will require you to adapt the ways you show love and support to them. Change can be hard to navigate, but you can walk with your children through this.

You can also reach out for help to a family counselor in Newport Beach if your family is struggling with the move. Your counselor can offer you the support you need to transition well. Contact us at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to schedule your first appointment today.

Photo:
“Potted Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

How to Recognize Signs of OCD in Children

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OCD (obsessive, compulsive disorder) is an anxiety disorder characterized by unwanted, uncontrollable, intrusive thoughts, images, or urges that cause distress, and repetitive behaviors or rituals a person feels compelled to perform in order to get rid of the distress and prevent bad things from happening. However, the signs of OCD may look different in children than they do in adults.

OCD can affect children as well as adults and start at any age, but symptoms most commonly begin to manifest between the ages of 8 and 12 or during the late teen years. The signs usually start small and intensify over time, and because of their gradual onset, may not be noticeable at first. Newport Beach Christian Counseling provides support for children and families dealing with OCD, helping them recognize early signs and develop effective coping strategies.

Are signs of OCD in children the same as signs of OCD in adults?

Signs of OCD in children are similar to those in adults, but younger children who have less developed cognitive skills are less likely to recognize that their obsessions and compulsions are unreasonable or excessive and may think that everyone else has similar thoughts and urges. Children are also more likely to have obsessive thoughts about the safety of their parents and to be afraid that someone they love might get sick or die.

What is the difference between picky behaviors and obsessions or compulsions?

Behaviors such as lining up blocks in a certain way, being a picky eater or fussy dresser, or having certain quirks or preoccupations may just be common phases of childhood. Obsessions and compulsions, however, are not the same thing. They are not a matter of personal choice, nor are they fleeting or short-lived.

Obsessions are repetitive, involuntary, fear-producing, thoughts that the child does not want to have but cannot stop thinking about or control, and that can have a paralyzing effect that prevents him or her from thinking about anything else.

These lead to compulsions, which are repetitive actions or rituals the child feels driven to perform in a certain way to stop the obsessive thoughts and prevent something bad from happening. If they are not done in a specific way, it causes the child to panic and repeat it until they get it right.

What are the diagnostic criteria for OCD in children?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), many children are sometimes bothered by thoughts they may feel they have to do something about such as, for instance, wearing a favorite piece of clothing to avoid bad luck. For children with OCD, however, these thoughts and urges to act on them are not just occasional. They persist even if the child tries to ignore them or make them go away.

To be diagnosed with OCD, the unwanted thoughts and behaviors the child feels he or she must do happen frequently, take up a lot of time (more than an hour a day), interfere with his or her activities, or make him or her very upset.

What red flags may be signs of OCD in children?

  • Needing to have their possessions organized in a particular way according to a precise, symmetrical pattern, with everything perfectly aligned, and getting upset if anything is touched or moved.
  • Constant anxiety about making a mistake or doing something wrong that will cause something bad to happen.
  • Fear of being contaminated by dirt or germs.
  • Excessive hand washing that leaves skin scrubbed raw and bleeding.
  • Repeatedly checking in on family and needing constant reassurance that they are safe and well.
  • Needing constant reassurance that they haven’t hurt anyone.
  • Repeatedly checking things such as light switches, windows, and doors before leaving the house and getting upset if forced to leave before completing their routine.
  • Having certain rituals they need to perform exactly the same way each time to avoid something bad happening, such as counting steps a specific amount of times before entering a room.
  • Checking things over and over to make sure they are done right.
  • Worrying excessively about the neatness of their handwriting or schoolwork, and erasing, rewriting, or redoing things in a certain way over and over again until they look just right.
  • Asking the same questions repeatedly in different ways to get reassurance that everything will be okay or a particular thing is safe.
  • Having a specific bedtime routine that has to be done just so or they need to start all over again until they get it right.
  • Performing repeated movements such as tapping objects in a repetitive order.
  • Having a preoccupation with unlucky numbers, words, or colors, and linking them to bad things happening.

OCD can be devastating for a child but there are several effective, evidence-based treatment options available. The sooner the condition is diagnosed, the faster it can be treated, and the better the chance for a successful outcome.

If you would like to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors, please give us a call at Newport Beach Christian Counseling.

References:

Natasha Daniels. “OCD in Children: Are You Missing the Signs?” AT Parenting Survival. anxioustoddlers.com/ocd-in-children/.

“Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder In Children.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Reviewed July 26, 2023. cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/ocd.html.

Stephanie Rhodes. “How to Recognize Your Child Might Have OCD.” Michigan Medicine. February 18, 2020. michiganmedicine.org/health-lab/how-recognize-your-child-might-have-ocd.

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“Potted Plant”, Courtesy of Nik, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Common Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder in Children, Adolescents, and Adults

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Reactive attachment disorder, also known as RAD, is a condition that affects a child’s ability to bond with significant people in his or her life due to emotional needs going unmet during infancy or as a result of serious abuse or neglect. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers support and therapeutic strategies to help children and families heal and build stronger, healthier attachments.

It is most likely to occur in children who live in orphanages or other institutional settings, have been in multiple foster care homes, or whose mother or primary caregiver has been physically or emotionally absent for extended periods.

As children with reactive attachment disorder get older, their symptoms fall into one of two subtypes – inhibited reactive attachment disorder or disinhibited reactive attachment disorder.

Children with inhibited reactive attachment disorder are often withdrawn, emotionally unresponsive, show no interest in what is going on around them, do not seek comfort from their caregivers, and prefer to keep to themselves.

On the other hand, children with disinhibited reactive attachment disorder may be overly friendly with strangers, lack the desire or need to stay close to their primary caregiver for safety, violate social boundaries, and seek affection from others in a potentially unsafe way.

Without treatment, the symptoms of children with reactive attachment disorder are likely to persist into adulthood and affect the way they function in society.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in children

  • Avoiding eye contact.
  • Failure to smile.
  • Failure to coo or babble.
  • Crying inconsolably.
  • Not reaching arms out to be picked up.
  • Not seeming to notice when you walk into the room.
  • Not seeming to care when you leave him or her alone.
  • Not seeking comfort or responding when comfort is given.
  • Pushing away or leaning away from a person trying to be affectionate or offer comfort.
  • Angry outbursts or tantrums.
  • Reacting violently when held or cuddled.
  • Withdrawing from social situations.
  • Lack of interest in people around them.
  • Lack of conscience.
  • Inability to feel guilt, remorse, or regret.
  • Uninterested in playing interactive games such as peek-a-boo.
  • Failure to seek support or help when needed.
  • Lack of interaction with peers.
  • Engaging in self-soothing behaviors such as rocking back and forth.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in adolescents

  • Appearing withdrawn and emotionally detached.
  • Looking sad and lethargic.
  • Lack of eye contact.
  • Dislike being touched.
  • Inability to form meaningful relationships.
  • Lacking basic social skills.
  • Defiant and argumentative.
  • Anger issues.
  • Difficult to discipline.
  • Lack of self-control.
  • Problems at school.
  • Low self-esteem.
  • Unpredictability.
  • Lack of empathy.
  • Irritability.
  • Destructive behavior.
  • Cruelty to animals.
  • Engaging in risky behaviors.
  • Failure to seek or respond to comfort when upset.
  • Avoid interacting with peers.
  • Manipulative behavior.
  • Lying.
  • Stealing.
  • Lack of conscience, and an inability to feel guilt or remorse.
  • Substance abuse.
  • Preoccupation with blood, fire, and gore.

Common symptoms of reactive attachment disorder in adults

  • Fear of being alone.
  • Minimizing feelings of hurt or pain.
  • Physically or emotionally distancing themselves from others.
  • Feel as though they don’t fit in.
  • Inability to show genuine care or affection.
  • Reject love.
  • Failure to seek support when they need it.
  • Avoid making eye contact.
  • Pushing people away.
  • Absence of joy.
  • Addictive and/or risky behaviors.
  • Lack of conscience, and an inability to feel emotions such as regret, guilt, or remorse.
  • Tendency to avoid serious relationships.
  • Communication difficulties.
  • Anger issues.

Treatment options

The focus of treatment is on strengthening the child emotionally, helping him or her create healthy bonds and relationships, and/or repairing existing negative relationships between him or her and caregivers. For adolescents and adults, there is an added focus on improving social and communication skills.

Common interventions include:

Psychotherapy

In psychotherapy, the counselor works with both the child and his or her parents to teach them how to build healthy emotional skills and reduce the problematic behaviors that prevent bonding from taking place.

Family therapy

In family therapy, the counselor works with the child and his or her family members to help them learn how to interact healthily.

Social skills intervention

Social skills intervention is focused on teaching the child how to interact appropriately with his or her peers.

Parenting skills classes

Parenting skills classes are geared toward teaching parents how to increase their responsiveness and sensitivity toward their child, meet his or her needs, and bond with him or her, as well as how to manage their child’s challenging behaviors and help him or her use the skills learned during therapy in the outside world more effectively.

If you have questions or would like to set up an appointment to meet with a counselor, please give us a call at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. We can help you or your child address and overcome reactive attachment disorder.

References:

Aaron Kandola. “What is reactive attachment disorder?” Medical News Today. November 2, 2020. medicalnewstoday.com/articles/reactive-attachment-disorder.

Elizabeth E. Ellis and Musa Yilanli. “Reactive Attachment Disorder.” StatPearls. Updated May 1, 2023. statpearls.com/ArticleLibrary/viewarticle/19406.

Photos:
“Pink Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

How Educators and Coaches Can Protect Children’s Mental Health

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If you are a parent, you know that your child’s teacher or coach can have a significant impact on your children’s mental health. One of the more compelling reasons to allow children the opportunity to participate in a club or sport is that he or she will have more adults influencing them.

As a parent, it can be scary to think of other adults influencing your child. But when it comes to children’s mental health, having a supportive teacher or coach in your child’s life can make a huge difference in positive mental and socio-emotional wellness. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers support to help parents navigate these relationships and ensure their children’s mental health is being nurtured in healthy, constructive ways.

What is mental health?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines mental health as “our emotional, psychological and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make healthy choices.” (CDC)

Mental health is important at every stage of life. How our children’s mental health influences what they believe, how they respond, and whom they choose to hang out with are key factors in their development.

How coaches can protect children’s mental health

A child’s development into adolescence is an important stage in his or her life. Often, it’s a coach who can spot the signs that one of his or her players is struggling emotionally, psychologically, or socially.

Consider the role coaches play in a child’s life. Coaches are with their players after they found out that they didn’t make the school play. They’re there when a player gets shunned by another classmate or even a fellow player. Coaches have the power to be a positive influence on a child’s ability to recover from such experiences.

How can a coach help?

Pay attention to your players’ behaviors, responses, and emotions

The U.S. Department of Education says that in young children, emotional responses are often the easiest way to see that a child may be struggling. If a child cannot bond with other kids or gets easily upset by something that appears to be small, it should not be overlooked.

A child who erupts in anger over a missed goal may be having social and emotional issues beyond the coach’s ability to navigate. However, by paying attention to a player’s response, the coach can bring the player’s behavior to light with a trusted school counselor or parent.

Seek out specialized training in children’s mental health

Talk to your school’s counseling department or ask the recreation department if there are resources in place to help coaches learn about youth mental health. It’s easy to spot a behavioral issue, but it’s much more complex to get to the root of that behavior.

Getting adequate training and support related to youth mental health is key to equipping coaches to help a young person who needs guidance.

Recognize that success in the sport you coach is not the overall goal

Even the most competitive sports programs should reflect an overall goal of shaping a child’s character. Research suggests that participating in sports can boost a child’s self-esteem, help him or her learn foundational life lessons such as perseverance and hard work, and teach how his or her actions impact a group of people.

Reminding yourself that you are a key player in the way a child reads the world and interacts with the world is important. It can mean the difference between shaming or humiliating an adolescent and expressing that you understand and that we all make mistakes.

Find out where you lack adequate mental health support in your own life

We can only go so far in our natural responses to life. And that includes life on the court or the field. If we have experienced trauma or difficulty in relationships, we could unknowingly transfer unhealthy outlooks and responses to the players we coach. Being aware of our own mental health and being proactive in pursuing healing is a foundational step toward guarding the youth under our care.

Be willing to look like a fool in the room or on the field

Young people are impressionable. They want to please their coaches, teachers, and peers too. When you are willing to show your vulnerabilities, you can pave the way for it to be okay for them.

One recent article supports that teens are more likely to reach out to a coach or a teacher than they are a parent. That’s a powerful responsibility. When you admit that you were wrong, ask for a young person’s forgiveness, or share a hurdle you’ve had to overcome in life, you are modeling what it looks like to share a struggle with others.

How teachers can protect children’s mental health

Teachers, collectively, may spend more time with students than their parents during the school year. So it makes sense that they would have a front-row seat to a student who is struggling. The World Health Organization reports that more than half of all mental health struggles in young people begin before the age of 14. So teachers play an integral role in recognizing those struggles and helping a child.

First, teachers can get to know their students. Learning something about each student helps a teacher recognize when that “something” is gone. For example, if a teacher learns that one of the students in his class enjoys drawing and artistic endeavors, he may be better equipped to spot when the desire to draw or pursue art isn’t there anymore.

One of the most common signs of depression is a loss of interest in an activity previously enjoyed. When a teacher can identify something that’s missing in one of his or her students’ typical behaviors, he or she can ask the student what might be wrong. Then they can follow up with a school counselor if necessary.

Second, teachers can be aware that children’s mental health incorporates three developmental aspects: social development, emotional development, and behavioral development. That is why the way a child relates to another child is important to consider. How a child responds emotionally to something in class is also crucial.

Unfortunately, these two developmental factors tend to take a backseat to a child’s behavioral development in an educational setting. Yes, behavior is a contributing factor to recognize, but before the behavior escalates there may be other signs like social and emotional cues that a teacher can spot.

Simply being aware of these developmental aspects daily can help a teacher see beyond academics to the whole child. Teaching is stressful on any given day, but remembering that the children and adolescents they teach are still developing in every way fosters compassion and awareness.

Finally, teachers can be a liaison for students in their class and the school counselor. Unfortunately, seeing a counselor still, in many households and areas of the world, has a stigma attached to it.

While it shouldn’t, many young people and adults still view counseling as something only a seriously mentally ill person needs to do. But as a teacher who is concerned for the well-being of all of his or her students, your role even in how you talk about mental health or counseling is key.

If you are reading a book to your class where a character struggles with anxiety or guilt, it can be helpful to insert the text connection of a character seeing a counselor to share his or her emotions. Or if you teach history and a particular historical figure was known for his or her anger, it might be a place to interject that everyone deals with anger, and counseling can teach us techniques to manage it well.

A reminder for all of us

Children’s mental health is worth protecting and staying educated about. The best place to start is by taking care of your mental health. This leaves you better equipped to help the children in your life. If you or someone you know simply needs a safe place to share life stressors, decision-making questions, or recurring emotions, talk to one of our trained counselors.

Not everything has to be a problem before reaching out to a counselor. Just as people need doctors for wellness checks, we need counselors for the same reason. Newport Beach Christian Counseling is here to help. Reach out today if you are interested in learning more about how to help the young people in your life or if you need support.

Photos:
“Batting Practice”, Courtesy of Rezli, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Teacher”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Coach and Team”, Courtesy of Adrià Crehuet Cano, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “REad-Alouds”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Christian Family Counseling: Finding Help When Your Family Needs It

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Time spent with family can be stressful. For many people, the holidays and time spent at home are a difficult period because being with their relatives, the family that they were born into, can for whatever reason be overwhelming and taxing. Whether it’s the conversations or something amiss in the family dynamic, what is meant to be a time of relaxation and celebration becomes a chore at the best of times.

Family is meant to be an institution for nurture, growth, joy, and flourishing. When we go through tragedy, or when we’re celebrating, our family is one space where we should feel encouraged and supported. The gap between what is and what ought to be is often a yawning chasm.

What can families do about this reality? Some have chosen to ignore the issues, and they power through the awkwardness and pain. Other families have floundered under the strain. One avenue of aid is to seek Christian family counseling from a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, such as Newport Beach Christian Counseling.

God has a plan for families, whatever the shape of yours may be. Getting help in the form of Christian family counseling can make the difference between a family struggling and limping along, and a healthy, supportive, and nurturing family environment.

Christian Family Counseling: What’s That?

Christian family counseling is a form of counseling that looks to address the family as a unit to bring about flourishing for both individuals in the family and the family as a whole. Individual counseling, on the other hand, is primarily focused on addressing the concerns of the individual.

Christian family counseling addresses the family or individuals within it as is proper. Often, when one member of the family is going through something, it affects the others. If one of the children is having difficulties at school, it can affect how they interact with their siblings.

If one of the parents is facing mental health challenges or is dealing with grief, it will affect how they relate to their spouse and the family too. Family counseling recognizes this interconnectedness within the family, and the therapeutic techniques take that reality into account.

Does My Family Need Counseling?

Whether you and your family require counseling is something you must decide for yourselves. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, facing challenges for which you feel ill-equipped, or maybe you’re just feeling stuck, you can turn to Christian family counseling for help.

You don’t have to be a Christian to receive help from Christian family counseling, though the approach and emphases of the therapy will address spirituality as an important part of the whole. A Christian therapist will help you and your family identify behaviors that may be inconsistent with what God’s word says and that may be hindering your growth.

Christian family therapists are trained and licensed in the same way as other therapists who have training in psychology and understand the complexity of human relationships. One major difference is that a Christian therapist is also guided by Scripture and prayer, combined with their training in psychology. They help you address issues in your family life that are taking away from what God intends for his people.

Christian family therapists deal with a wide variety of issues. The issues they deal with include mental health challenges and relational dynamics within the family. They teach coping skills and tools to communicate more effectively so that the family can deal with changes and challenges in a healthy way. Here are some of the areas in which you can get help from a Christian family therapist:

Encouraging and strengthening your faith and relationship with God.

There are many challenges in living faithfully and connected with God. Sometimes work pressures, school, adolescence, or peer pressure and so much more can complicate or undermine one’s relationship with God. It might be that one of the family members is struggling with their faith, or that as a family you’ve been through a crisis that has rattled your faith.

Address trauma and abuse.

Living as we do in an imperfect world, we and our families may experience trauma and abuse. Trauma may occur through an event like a car accident, being mugged, experiencing a natural disaster, etc. Emotional or physical abuse can have a huge effect on mental health, and they need to be addressed in a safe environment

Social media addiction.

With easy and constant access to the internet, we can lose ourselves and our families to cyberspace; people can spend more time online than they do with their families, and they can become more invested in what happens online than what happens in their own home.

Help address marital issues.

Marriages face many challenges, and Christian family therapy can help you to work to avoid divorce, address infidelity, strengthen your emotional and physical intimacy, improve poor communication, etc.

Dealing with grief and loss.

Losing a loved one when they die or experiencing other losses such as divorce or relocation and leaving familiar people and places may take an emotional toll. Therapy can create the space you need to process those emotions.

Pornography addiction.

Porn addiction affects men, women, and children. It can damage relationships and produce distorted views of sex and sexuality, which can devastate your marriage, and negatively affect both work and school performance.

Substance abuse and addiction.

Addictions can end up ruling a person’s life, dictating their choices, breaking relationships and trust. Therapy can help not only with uncovering underlying issues that may be driving addictive behaviors but providing ways to overcome addiction and begin making healthy life choices

Parenting difficulties.

Children face a wide variety of challenges, and parents desire to help their children work through those difficulties. You may be dealing with a willful child, or other challenges such a mental health issues, learning disabilities, bullying, eating disorders, and so on. Therapy will not only inform your understanding of the issues but provide you with the tools you need to support one another.

A Christian family counselor can address these and many other concerns you may have and be dealing with. If your family life is affected by anyone or several of these issues, seeking the help of a therapist may be the best next step to take for your family’s sake.

Getting the Help You Need

If you decide to seek help, you need to find a counselor that works for you and your family. The first obstacle to overcome, however, is that sometimes people hesitate to find help because of feelings of shame or a sense of failure. We all have different struggles, and when you reach your limit, the best thing you can do for your family is to take that courageous first step and ask for help.

If you’re looking for a therapist, you can find licensed and trained Christian marriage and family therapists at your local church, and they also have independent practices in medical centers and elsewhere. Alternatively, a family member, friend, or spiritual advisor that you trust can refer you to a therapist.

 

If you don’t want to go into a brick-and-mortar office for your sessions, doing your sessions via online therapy is a possibility. The online option is attractive if you find a therapist you want to work with, but they are a long drive away or you can’t coordinate your schedule to attend in person, or if you have privacy concerns.

Another key point in finding a therapist that works for you is to check that their beliefs and approach align with yours, otherwise it may not work for you. Your relationship with your therapist is key to success in counseling and debating the meaning of certain passages of the Bible instead of getting on with the work may be an obstacle.

Because Christian therapists use a broad range of tools including evidence-based counseling methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), prayer, and Scripture, they address the whole person, including your spiritual needs.

When you’ve chosen the therapist you and your family want to work with, they’ll get a feel for what your needs are, work with you to set your goals, and set out steps to achieve them. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can guide you in taking that first step towards wholeness and finding a therapist who can help your family discover the peace, joy, and flourishing you yearn for.

Photos:
“Tough Times”, Courtesy of Ben White, Unsplash.com; CC0 License; “Family”, Courtesy of John-Mark Smith, Unsplash.com, CC0 License;”Reading Together”, Courtesy of Ben White, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Difficult roads…beautiful destinations”, Courtesy of Hello I’m Nik, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Therapeutic Activities for Children You Can Do at Home

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The brokenness of life affects everyone, including children. But since children’s brains aren’t fully developed, sometimes we struggle to help them cope with difficulty or trauma. If you have a toolbox of techniques and activities for children, you can consider which one(s) might help an individual child in their situation.

Since you care about your child, you form a big piece of the puzzle to help them through their struggle. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers guidance and support. Let’s discuss some therapeutic activities for children that you can use at home with your child.

Therapeutic Activities for Children

These activities can help both children and adults, but let’s talk about them in the context of helping a child who needs therapy. You can use them at home as a parent, and they can also be used in a school or child care setting.

Drawing/Artwork

Children don’t have the cognitive or verbal capacity to fully express what’s going on inside. Even as adults, we sometimes struggle to explain what we’re thinking or feeling.

As the adult, when you want to help a child who’s struggling, it can be really demoralizing when you realize you can’t pick their brain. How are you supposed to help them if you don’t know what’s really going on?

And expressing internal thoughts isn’t just important so we can get help, it’s important because outwardly processing our experiences and feelings helps us heal. For children, art can unlock their self-expression and provide healing.

Supplies you’ll need:

  • Drawing utensils (crayons, colored pencils, chalk, etc.)
  • Drawing surface (paper, chalkboard, etc.)

You can proactively implement art in your daily routine, even if your child doesn’t need therapy at this time. The routine of drawing, coloring, or painting will become a familiar ritual. If and when your child does need a therapeutic activity, she’ll already possess the tools and habits to express herself.

Journaling

Journaling and therapy often go hand in hand. Some experts believe that journaling can benefit your mental health just as much as traditional therapy. If your child is old enough to write easily, he might enjoy journaling as a way to get thoughts of his brain and onto paper. Later, he can look back and see how he’s changed.

Healing often happens when we self-reflect, and it’s no different for children. A journal doesn’t have to be a traditional diary with a lock and key, full of pages of longhand introspection. It’s not meant to be another homework assignment; the child can decide when, where, and how he would like to journal.

If he would enjoy it, he can incorporate art – drawing, painting, adding found paper or ephemera, creating word clouds, etc.

You can also provide prompts to help your child briefly focus on a specific topic, such as:

  • What is one thing you would like to teach someone else?
  • What do you hope will happen this week?
  • Did you get to relax today? What did you do?
  • What was the weather like today?
  • Who did you enjoy talking to today?
  • What did you enjoy doing today?
  • What emotion are you most aware of right now?
  • What do you do when you’re afraid?
  • What did you think your day would be like when you woke up this morning?
  • What is your favorite scent? What does it make you think of?
  • If you could spend time every day with a particular friend, who would it be?
  • What is something you disliked about today?

If you think your child would enjoy journaling but is too young to write anything longform, you can serve as the scribe while he plays the narrator. You can even “interview” them using journaling prompts and write down their answers.

The older the child is, the more he’ll need to be confident in his journal’s privacy. If you are concerned about unsafe behaviors, you might need to have a conversation with your child about sharing thoughts they’re having with an adult they trust (preferably you). Make sure to set privacy boundaries with your child based on their age and level of maturity.

An older child or teen may want to use a digital platform or app for journaling. No matter how he chooses to do it, writing out his thoughts can help your child therapeutically. You can set an example by keeping a journal yourself.

Role Playing

You can use imaginary scenarios between you and your child to help them develop social skills and learn how to interact with others. Practice makes perfect in so many areas of life, and role-playing various scenarios can increase a child’s confidence so she’s able to use those skills in real-life situations.

Here are some areas where you could use role-playing to help a child overcome specific struggles:

  • Grow confidence to overcome shyness.
  • Learn to resolve conflict and ask for help when experiencing bullying.
  • Manage anxiety on a day-to-day basis.
  • Say no to peer pressure.

If you’re going to use role-playing, it’s important to find out as much as you can about what the child is going through. The more realistic you can act, the easier it will be for her to do the same. Change up your expressions and tone of voice so she can develop confidence as she responds naturally.

Prayer or Meditation

Everyone can benefit from speaking quietly to the Lord or learning to calm their thoughts and direct them to pleasant topics. Prayer and meditation have healing potential for children as well as adults.

In the beginning, a child might listen to you pray, but eventually, he might be willing to pray on his own, whether alone or with you there.

Meditation can sometimes include secular or religious concepts that don’t fit into a Biblical worldview, but when used properly, it can provide a sense of calm and allow the mind to focus on that which is good, true, and beautiful, including (but not limited to) the words of Scripture.

Scripture is replete with examples of prayer and meditation that you can use as you teach your child how to practice these disciplines:

Therapeutic Prayers

Now hear my prayer, listen to my cry. – Psalm 88:2

Listen to my prayer; rescue me as you promised. – Psalm 119:170

Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help. – Psalm 86:1

So today when I came to the spring, I prayed this prayer: ‘O Lord, God of my master, Abraham, please give me success on this mission. – Genesis 24:42

O Lord, hear my plea for justice. Listen to my cry for help. Pay attention to my prayer, for it comes from honest lips. – Psalm 17:1

Listen to my prayer for mercy as I cry out to you for help, as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary. – Psalm 28:2

Now, a child may not be able to completely understand all of these verses, so if you can, have a conversation with him. You can tell him that:

  • Peace and healing come from God.
  • God always hears our prayers through His Son Jesus.
  • These prayers can apply to our specific needs today.

As mentioned, meditation offers another approach to achieving a calm, peaceful state of mind. This particular idea allows the child to stay engaged during the meditation exercise:

Simple Meditation Idea

  1. Find a quiet place free from noise and distractions.
  2. Explain that the purpose of meditation is quieting our thoughts so we can focus on God, His Word, and the beautiful world He has created. Emphasize that the child can choose whether and how to participate.
  3. Suggest that your child can close her eyes if she wants to. Ask her to join you in breathing slowly and deeply.
  4. If your child is younger, use the word “fun” and ask her where she likes to go to have fun. If she is older, you can use the word “relax.”
  5. Ask her to picture that place and go there in her imagination. What does she see? What smells can she identify? What sounds does she hear?
  6. Suggest that the child think about her emotions when she pictures that place. Don’t push her to share her emotions; just offer the thought as a suggestion for her to reflect.
  7. Ask her to take another deep breath, and let her know she can open her eyes if she wants to.
  8. Ask her about her experience during the meditation.

Self-Care

Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted, like you just want to check out of life?

Kids feel that way, too! But they might not be able to express it in a helpful or pro-social way. Instead, they might have a meltdown or get really whiny or demanding, or beg for treats, or any number of other behaviors that can grate on parents’ or caregivers’ nerves.

Part of helping kids learn to self-regulate is teaching them self-care skills. When a child learns to identify what they’re feeling and what would make them feel better, they can manage those negative emotions a little bit better.

When does your child need a break? When are they headed toward a crisis? Even at a young age, kids can learn to be intentional with their time and to figure out which activities bring them joy.

Here a few ideas to start with when teaching your child how to engage in self-care:

Daily Self-Care for Children

  • Use the ideas listed above: prayer, meditation, journaling, or artwork.
  • Play a board or card game.
  • Take a relaxing bubble bath.
  • Take a nap.
  • Put together a puzzle.
  • Read a book.
  • Paint your nails.
  • Go for a walk in the neighborhood (obviously, with another person if the child is too young to go alone).
  • Go outside just to enjoy nature.
  • Cook or bake something (with help if needed).
  • Go swimming or do something else that’s active.
  • Turn on music and dance or sing along.
  • Play an instrument.

Consider helping your child develop non-digital ways to relax. Screens actually stimulate children’s minds more than we might realize, making it harder for them to be calm and rejuvenate. You can help them by setting an example of putting the devices down and spending time together as a family on interesting activities or hobbies.

The younger children are when they develop self-care habits, the more naturally they’ll be able to self-regulate and destress as they get older.

And as an adult, please don’t forget to practice self-care for yourself! Sometimes we struggle to support the kids in our lives emotionally because we feel like we’re barely surviving ourselves.

You don’t have to view the self-care ideas as a list of ways to entertain your child; many of them can be done independently. You can also help your child come up with their own list of ideas they might enjoy. Self-care for children and adults can have long-lasting positive effects.

Should Your Child See a Therapist?

These therapeutic activities can be a great beginning towards helping your child manage stress in their life. But sometimes at-home care isn’t quite enough. In that case, having your child come in for a few sessions with a Christian counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling may be just what they need to find healing and emotional health during a difficult season in their life.

Your child’s therapist can work with you to help you continue what you’re doing at home and find new ways of achieving wellness together.

Photos:
“Young and Sweet”, Courtesy of Jordan Ropwland, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Child of Light,” courtesy of Matheus Bertelli, pexels.com, CC0 License; “Dear Jesus,” courtesy of David Beale, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Smug,” courtesy of vborodinova, unsplash.com, CC0 License

OCD in Children: What Parents Need to Know

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When someone seems overly concerned about being clean, others might call them “obsessive.” When a person insists on specific behaviors or requires a certain order of things, words or actions, people may say they’re “compulsive”.

People may use the term “OCD” in an almost light-hearted manner to justify behaviors or rules which they themselves practice. But for anyone diagnosed with real Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), there is nothing light-hearted about their struggles. For them, the condition often brings distress and places limits on their every day lives to varying degrees.

According to information released by the American Psychiatric Association (APA), the best estimates are that about 1.2% of the American population struggles with OCD. It occurs in adults, teens, and children and it is likely that at least a million U.S. children wrestle with OCD symptoms (OCFMC, 2006).

Other studies predict that one child or teenager out of every 200 will develop OCD (AACAP, 2013). The average age when OCD begins is 19-1/2 years old, and 1/4 of all people who were diagnosed with OCD had developed obvious symptoms by the age of 14 (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

Parents are overwhelmed and confused when one of their children develops the symptoms or begins to live under the dark cloud of the fears that are a part of OCD.

It’s difficult to know what to do when a child has an emotional meltdown or battles with someone who has (probably without realizing it) interfered with a “necessary” order of items and actions.

It should be good news to know that effective treatment is available. Parents should begin by learning all that they can about OCD with the goal of becoming better able to understand what a child with OCD is facing and how and where to find the right help. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can guide parents through this process, offering the support needed to find the right resources and treatment for their child’s needs.

What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

OCD is a mental health issue that is diagnosed by looking for genuine obsessions and/or compulsions.

Obsession: Obsessions may be defined as urges, thoughts, or images that intrude on a person’s mind and life in a way that becomes difficult or impossible to ignore (APA, 2013). For example, someone can become a germophobe. A child may become driven to seek perfection. Another lives with the constant fear of harming themselves or others.

Compulsion: Compulsions, on the other hand, are behaviors or mental acts that a person is driven to repeat again and again. Compulsions may grow out of obsessions (APA, 2013). People with OCD find themselves compelled to continually wash their hands, perform special rituals, engage in what is known as “checking” behaviors, count things, or even pray because they believe they must.

When a person suffers from OCD, they carry out certain acts (compulsions) to try to relieve anxiety or tension (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Often the anxiety for which the person desperately wants relief is driven by an obsession. The compulsive behavior brings a measure of relief but it’s only temporary, so when the anxiety returns, the person must perform the action again to get relief. This develops into a cycle where relief from the anxiety reinforces the need to repeat the compulsive behavior in order to experience another brief period of relief.

The obsessions and compulsions are often connected, such as germophobia and washing one’s hands. Or, a student is so afraid of failing that he or she keeps on checking and checking his or her test answers even to the point of missing recess or lunch.

In other cases, the obsessions and compulsions may not seem to be related. Think, for example, of a child who counts a certain number of cracks in a sidewalk thinking it will keep his mother from being hurt. So, a diagnosis of OCD does not always mean that the obsessions and compulsions are related. A child may have one without the other.

How OCD develops and manifests itself can also vary. Also, the focus of obsessions and compulsions shift over time. For some people, obsessions and compulsion come out more obviously and intensely when they are under stress (APA, 2013). Those same people may experience fewer or less intense symptoms in situations where stress levels are low. And often, when one obsession or compulsion is eliminated, others may change.

True OCD symptoms are not simply small irritations. They consume a major portion of the time in a child’s day. Further, they may increase a child’s level of stress, bringing layers of problems.

For example, a germophobic child may wash their hands to the point that they become dry and cracked, and may even start to bleed. Then, he or she may also become terrified of being around sick people or having physical contact with someone who has even been close to a sick person.

This can disrupt relationships, or bring on peer harassment if the fears or behaviors become known. Brothers and sisters may feel rejected by the child who struggles with germophobia because he or she may avoid giving hugs or express fear which the siblings may take personally.

OCD not only affects the person who struggles with the obsessions and compulsions, but also impacts their family and friendships. Then the OCD sufferer feels shame over their compulsive behaviors. A child’s need to carry out these compulsions often builds more shame. The emotional distress that often comes with OCD can become so heavy that depression also develops.

OCD in Children: Catching it Early

Early warnings of OCD in children may go unnoticed. Children may find certain behaviors embarrassing and may try to hide them. But parents who observe some of the following in their child’s life may have reason to seek further assistance in checking out the possibility of OCD (OCFMC, 2006; AACAP, 2013):

1. Repetitive behaviors (washing their hands over and over, touching things in a specific order, anxiously rechecking school work, or repeatedly checking doors, etc.

2. Continuous fears that become extreme (such as unusual fears surrounding germs or dirt, or anxiety about the well being of the family).

3. Often repeated statements that go beyond reasonable concern and obsessively express worry outcomes that do not necessarily follow. “I must touch [this object] 10 times so that my sister will still like me” or “When I fail to pray a certain way, our team loses.”

4. Habits and behaviors beginning to get in the way of normal life or friendships.

5. Needing reassurance too much and too often (“will I be okay if…?”; “will it be okay…?”).

6. Constantly compulsion to carry out an action until everything feels “correct.”

7. Often driven to confess bad thoughts, like sexual imagery or thinking unkind thoughts about other people.

8. Avoiding more and more activities not connected to obsessions or compulsions

9. Always seeming to be behind (because obsessions and/or compulsions demand time).

10. Increased physical symptoms of anxiety, such as headaches and stomach aches.

What Causes Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

As is typical of much of the world of mental illness, the exact causes of OCD are still largely a mystery. In fact, a number of different factors acting in combination, including environmental and biological factors, may be behind a child’s OCD.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5), states that for those individuals who have a member of their immediate family that has OCD there is a 200% greater likelihood that they will develop OCD over those whose first-degree relatives are not OCD (APA, 2013).

What’s more, they also found that when the immediate family member has experienced childhood-onset OCD, the likelihood of developing OCD increases by 1000%. Other possible causes of OCD include significant life transitions (divorce, changing schools, etc), abuse, and loss (AACAP, 2013; APA, 2013).

Whatever the cause may be in a given instance, it has become clear that OCD has a significant effect on the brain. Brain scans have shown differences in brain activity between people who have OCD and those who do not (Scharwtz, 2016).

OCD may also have physical causes, so an evaluation by a medical professional is always a good idea. Physical causes may be addressed to help reduce contributing factors. For example, Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal (PANDAS) can trigger a sudden and severe onset of OCD or tic disorder symptoms (National Institute of Mental Health, 2016). In these cases, the streptococcal infection would require medical treatment.

Helping Your Child

If your child exhibits symptoms of OCD, there are a number of ways to find help and give good support.

  • Get immediate professional help and counsel. There is no reason for you to try to handle this alone!
  • Don’t fall into the trap of merely using reassurance as your tool to try to calm your child. This is not an effective way to reduce the symptoms nor does it teach your child to fight and manage them.
  • Don’t try to avoid everything that your child fears or is obsessed by since this only tends to reinforce their symptoms.
  • Give your healthy coping skills, like memorizing relevant Bible verses, relaxation techniques, evaluating the rationality of their thoughts, soothing activities, and learning to live in the moment. Stress tends to trigger and magnify symptoms, so being able to use effective stress management tools makes a real difference.
  • Demonstrate how to set proper boundaries. These can help your child handle stress.
  • Teach your child how to take care of themselves, like eating healthy foods and getting enough sleep,
  • Teach your child to recognize their obsessions and compulsions. Knowledge is a power.
  • Do not shame! There may be no logic behind OCD symptoms, but they are quite real and your child is not to blame.
  • Provide a time and place for your child to express and process negative feelings, like embarrassment and shame, that go along with OCD symptoms.
  • Find support for yourself and a place to process your own feelings about your child’s OCD symptoms. You may experience frustration and fear, along with any number of other difficult but typical emotions. Learn to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your child.

Treatment for OCD in Children

To confirm a diagnosis of OCD in children, parents should seek an evaluation by an experienced mental health professional. The DSM-5 states that OCD left untreated unlikely to go away and the symptoms will fluctuate as time goes on (APA, 2013).

Several different therapies exist for treating OCD in children. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most recommended. One kind of CBT applied quite often is known as Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).

Much like it sounds, ERP is a type of therapy where a patient is taught not to act on any compulsion in order to ease their anxiety. Counselors will then teach a child various tools to deal with the difficult emotions.

Though the idea of asking a child not to use his or her compulsive behaviors in the face of anxiety may sound frightening, therapy can be paced so that anxiety does not become unmanageable.

Other methods of CBT, include “imagined exposure” and learning to overcome negative and illogical thinking patterns. For some children, play therapy may be a part of treatment.

Along with counseling medical, evaluation is crucial. A medical professional can help determine whether medication might help.

It may also be necessary to ask your child’s school for any help or support they may be equipped to offer. You should talk to your counselor about this.

Remember, you need not try to parent your OCD child alone! Reach out to a counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling today to ask questions and discuss the many options available for support and treatment.

There is hope and healing!

Photos:
“Jenga,” courtesy of Michel Parzuchowski, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Brain”, Courtesy of GDJ, Pixabay.com; CC0 License; “Tablet Time”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Knowledge is Power”, Courtesy of Geralt, Pixabay.com, CC0 License;

How to Find the Right Family Therapist for You

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Could your family benefit from getting counseling together? If so, how do you find a family therapist that’s right for you? It’s normal to feel hesitant about finding a good match for your family. A therapist can make or break the entire counseling process. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you find the right therapist who understands your family dynamics and can provide the support needed to foster healing and growth together.

By reading this article you’re taking the first step in what can be a journey of healing and hope. We’ll discuss different types of family counselors, how to select one who’s right for you, and how to budget for counseling. Take the time to consider each point in the selection process, and you’ll be equipped to make an informed decision.

Does My Family Need Therapy?

Just as with physical illness, early treatment for family issues can prevent many problems later on. Unfortunately, many of us don’t seek relational help until we are at our wits’ end.

You’ve probably made several attempts to heal the brokenness in your family. Maybe you feel like you’re in crisis mode now. Counseling becomes the last resort when you’ve done everything else. If you’re at this point, there is hope.

Secrecy empowers sin and strife. As painful as it can be to talk about what’s going on, verbalizing the issues can offer massive relief and help you figure out what to do next.

If you’re not in crisis yet, be encouraged. It’s wonderful to seek help early. Your problems are not too small; rather, they have huge potential for healing when they’re brought out into the open before they’ve taken over and destroyed lives.

What is the first thing to consider in your search for a counselor? Take a step back and assess your family’s most pressing needs. Although not everyone will immediately let their guard down in counseling, each member of the family should feel emotionally safe and honored in therapy.

What Are Your Family’s Specific Needs?

Do your best to nail down your family’s specific counseling needs, because some family counselors specialize in specific areas of treatment.

What areas of your family life need the most help? Many families seek help for their children in a group setting to offer their support. Sometimes couples need help with communication issues, or parents feel overwhelmed and want to set new and healthier patterns.

Read through the following types of therapy and think about which one(s) may meet your needs:

Couples Therapy

Counseling for couples can really run the gamut from neutral to desperate situations, but it’s not just for the desperate situations, even though many people associate marriage counseling with imminent divorce.

Couples therapy can apply to you if you are in a relationship or engaged or married. Maybe you’re in a destructive conflict cycle, or you just need help communicating effectively, or you want to strengthen your relationship even though you’re not having any major issues now.

Behavior Intervention

Behavior intervention applies to children who are struggling with problem behaviors, or to adults who are behaving inappropriately either in public or at home. In the family therapy setting, parents and the child will work with the counselor to identify unacceptable behaviors, set boundaries, and create rewards systems, along with other helpful skills.

This type of therapy really thrives on parental involvement. The parents can witness the tools the therapist uses during sessions, and then practice applying those skills at home with their child.

Behavior intervention for children usually starts with a conversation between the therapist and the parents. The therapist usually asks about three components of problem behaviors:

  • What happens before?
  • What happens during?
  • What happens after?

Once the parents explain how these situations normally transpire, the therapist will work with them and their child to change everyone’s behavior in all three areas by using education and practical skill development.

Parent Coaching

Behavior intervention focuses on both parents and children, but parent coaching focuses on the parents and how they can improve their skills. Children may be present for sessions, but the therapy won’t focus primarily on their behavior.

As opposed to an interventional approach, coaching helps parents develop positive skills to become more effective in nurturing their child(ren)’s physical, emotional, and social wellbeing. Coaching will address discipline, helping children to listen and obey, and setting appropriate boundaries for each member of the family.

Parent/Child Issues

Do you feel that your relationship with your child has had a breakdown, and you’re not sure where to turn to fix the damage? Family therapy can help rebuild your relationship and find the right parenting method for this particular child.

Children going through puberty or experiencing life stress or mental health issues may struggle to have a good relationship with their parents. They may exhibit disrespect and dislike. Parents also deal with life stressors, mental health issues, and other factors that can make positive parenting difficult.

Counseling can help stop unhealthy patterns and replace them with healthy habits that will facilitate a thriving relationship between parent and child.

Navigating Systems Involvement

Child Protective Services, law enforcement, or the schools may involve themselves in family life for a number of different reasons. Families in crisis often have experienced intervention in one or more of these areas. How do you navigate these systems? A clinical social worker can provide advocacy and therapeutic support.

What’s Most Important in a Family Therapist?

In large part, the success of your counseling experience depends on your comfort level with your chosen therapist. Therapists have different beliefs, skills, and temperaments. Some use tough love, while others have a gentler approach. Not everyone’s personalities will mesh well together, so it’s important that yours is a good fit with your counselor’s.

It’s not unusual to meet with a couple of therapists before you find the best one for you. Remember, you can interview them by asking questions about their practice and what the process usually looks like.

Before you even meet with them, you can screen out potential problems online by reading about their practice and any articles or blogs they’ve written. Finding the right personality and specialization will help you get the most out of therapy.

What kind of practice does your potential therapist work in? What are their specializations? Maybe you have young children, but your potential therapist is most experienced in working with adult children and parents. A therapist with child-specific experience may be skilled in using play therapy in the family counseling setting.

If you are looking for a faith-based counselor, you’ll want to carefully screen therapists to make sure you won’t be working from conflicting worldviews.

Other Considerations

Budgeting for therapy can concern potential clients quite a bit, so it’s important to discuss this practical side of seeking counseling.

First, consider the value you place on therapy and the perspective that it can preventative medicine for your family relationships. Yes, therapy is expensive, but as counselors, we truly believe it’s worth it.

Next, sit down and figure out exactly what you can afford to spend. When a therapist bills insurance directly, they are considered an in-network-provider. These providers will take payment from you and bill your insurance for you.

Some therapists will directly bill your insurance, making them an in-network provider. But many therapists don’t take insurance due to high operating costs; instead, they operate as out-of-network providers.

With an out-of-network provider, you will pay a fee for each session and receive a receipt. You can give the receipt to your insurance provider, and they may reimburse you for some or all of the fee.

Before you attend your first session, please call your insurance provider to find out if they will reimburse you for any counseling services rendered.

What if you don’t have insurance, or your insurance won’t cover counseling? You can choose to pay out-of-pocket for each session, most of which run between $150 and $200 each. Some therapists may have different fees or operate on a sliding scale based on income.

Both fees and sliding scales vary widely among individual therapists and practices, based on operating costs, client income, practice size, etc., so don’t hesitate to look in several places to find an option that meets your family’s needs.

If you don’t think you’ll be able to make private therapy work for your family, you may be able to find a non-profit provider who takes state insurance or a local clinic that offers inexpensive therapy. Some people are able to meet with counseling interns who are in the process of receiving their master’s degree or licensure and can offer therapy at a reduced rate.

Where Can I Find a Family Therapist Near Me?

Now that you’ve considered some of the most important factors of finding the right family therapist for your needs, a good first step is to call your insurance company to discuss in-network providers who will bill sessions to them.

If you are looking for Christian counseling, you may be interested in our practice at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. We are one of the largest faith-based counseling practices, offering skilled, compassionate therapy for families, couples, and individuals. Visit our website to find a family therapist near you.

Photos:
“Family”, Courtesy of Laurel Harvey, Flickr.com, CC BY 2.0 License; “Resting”, Courtesy of Ardanea, Morguefile.com, CC 2.0 License, “Her own girl”, Courtesy of Ian Dooley, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “FlattopFamilyTime,” Courtesy of Flattop341, Flickr CreativeCommons (CC BY 2.0)