Embracing the Joys and Challenges of Being Adoptive Parents

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Children are a gift from the Lord, and they come into our lives in various ways. Being a parent may be a difficult and beautiful calling and task, but few things in life feel as meaningful. You may have become a parent via adoption or by birth, but your child is your child, and they are a part of your family and your life.

Adoption is a beautiful way of welcoming a child into your family, but like most things in life, becoming adoptive parents has its joys and challenges.

The Joys of Welcoming a Child Into Your Family

Adding a child into your life, whether biological or adoptive, can bring many unknowns. But at its core, it is the joyful process of adding another member to the family. Watching a child grow and learn is unlike any other experience.

Some of the joys of being adoptive parents include:

Providing a safe and loving home The child you’re adopting can come from any number of circumstances and family history. Every child deserves the love of a family. One of the joys of being an adoptive parent is in providing a welcoming, lifelong home to a child. Being able to provide a safe household with loving parents is a huge blessing that the child is being made part of.

Being able to raise a child Your own story leading into adoption is unique, but families that choose to adopt often do so because of challenges such as infertility. This can bring grief. Adopting a child allows a family to realize their dream of raising a child.

Experiencing new cultures and traditions An international or cross-cultural adoption may be what best fits your family and situation. This provides unique responsibilities, including learning about your child’s birth culture and identity so that you can answer your child’s questions, and also so that you can walk with them if and when they decide to explore it further.

Becoming a multicultural or interracial family means that the whole family must adjust, learn, and grow to make the family a truly welcoming space for everyone, just as it would with another child.

Challenges of Being Adoptive Parents

Though there are significant joys to being an adoptive parent, there are some challenges to be mindful of as well. Some of these include:

The adoption process itself One of the first challenges an adoptive parent needs to reckon with is the process of adoption itself. The process can be complicated, expensive, and take a long time to bring to completion whether you’re doing it domestically or internationally.

If you’ve adopted a child through foster care, you may have had a difficult journey with the child’s biological family as well. It’s important to maintain a relationship when possible but that can be difficult for both your family and your child.

Grief and loss For the child who’s being adopted, leaving their foster parents or caregivers behind, and moving to a new city or country can cause grief. That grief may manifest as sadness, but also as tantrums, angry outbursts, or other forms of maladaptive behavior. In addition to the child’s grief, you may deal with secondary trauma based on your journey as an adoptive parent.

People’s unhelpful or inappropriate questions When your adoptive child doesn’t look like you or your partner, your family may be exposed to questions that run the gamut from well-intentioned, to malicious, and from mildly inappropriate and uncomfortable to way over the line.

In these and other situations where you are exposed to people’s unhelpful curiosity, you and your child don’t need to respond to every question. It’s important to talk with your child before these comments come up about how they would like you to respond or how you can respond together as a family.

Building secure attachments Your adoptive child has experienced at least one disruption to their attachment, and they may have been in a situation where their needs were not consistently met. All this can lead to having an insecure attachment. By being consistent and predictable, adoptive parents can help their children develop healthier attachments to them and others.

Recognizing your adoptive child’s birth family and culture The fact that your child was born to other parents can be a source of insecurity and anger in your family. Your child’s curiosity about where they come from may feel uncomfortable for you, but it’s important to respect that curiosity and share the information you have in an age-appropriate way.

It also helps for you to be curious about, as well as provide opportunities for the child to experience, their birth culture and identity. One strategy that may be helpful is to have regular check-ins with your child about their thoughts and questions related to their birth family. In these conversations, work on creating a safe environment for your child to express themselves without fear of judgment around their questions and thoughts.

Feeling alienation An adoptive child may feel like they aren’t truly part of the family, and these feelings may be heightened if there is a history of abandonment and neglect in their background. It can also be a challenge to knit together your biological and adoptive children into a cohesive whole, especially if your adoptive child enters the family when your biological children are a little older or the birth order is disrupted in some way.

These challenges in no way suggest that being an adoptive parent is necessarily more difficult than being a biological parent. Each child is different, and their unique set of needs also differs. Parenting requires creativity, perseverance, and boldness. It stretches you beyond your capacities sometimes, but in our parenting as in anything else, we can rely on God’s joy, grace, and strength to help us.

One of the gifts a parent can pass on to their child is the gift of the gospel. The Lord places children in our care so that we can nurture them and mold their character. A person’s personality is shaped by their DNA, but their character and whether they are people of virtue is determined by nurture. The child in your care, whether they are there by adoption or by birth, has the opportunity to know the Lord Jesus through you and how you nurture them.

Embracing All of Life As Adoptive Parents

Journeys in life aren’t meant to be taken alone. Parenting is rewarding but can be exceptionally hard. The journey to becoming an adoptive parent can be difficult, and part of how you can embrace that difficulty is to embrace others who are making or have made the same journey. Adoption communities are a great source of support for adoptive parents, and they can share their experiences and wisdom.

It’s also important that you understand that just as any other family faces its challenges as it goes through various transitions, your family is also undergoing challenges. Some parents experience struggles with adapting to their new role as parents and might question their ability to raise this new child in their lives.

These are real challenges even for biological parents, and they can be addressed in part by adjusting one’s expectations, settling into the role, and deepening the bond with the child by spending consistent time with them. Parenting classes can also help address concerns and provide tools for new parents.

It also helps to remember that you can’t always control how other people react or respond to you and your child. People can make hurtful or insulting remarks without knowing it. If you know that questions will come, it helps to be prepared to face these types of comments and questions, and you can also help your child prepare to answer them as well. Doing so can make a huge difference in the ability to deal with the situation and take things in stride.

Through open communication with your child, and by being supportive, consistent, present, and curious, you can set your family up for success. Having consistent routines, building new family traditions, and embracing and retelling your story as a complex family can all help you appreciate the family the Lord has given you.

Raising a child requires humility; it can be difficult to come to your wits’ end and say, “I just don’t know”. Coming to the end of your knowledge doesn’t mean that you’re not a good parent. It simply means you’re a human being who has an area to grow and develop in. It’s important when we reach those points to be willing to seek help. I mentioned adoptive communities earlier; these are great spaces to find help and support on your parenting journey.

Christian Counseling for Adoptive Parents in Newport Beach, California

You can also seek help in the form of Christian family counseling in Newport Beach, California. A Christian family counselor in Newport Beach can help your child and family if there are issues such as adjusting to the new situation or overcoming abandonment and neglect issues.

Your counselor can help you devise effective strategies to nurture your child and cultivate a healthy home environment that allows your whole family to thrive. Contact us today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to schedule an appointment.

Photos:
“Mother and Child”, Courtesy of Zach Lucero, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; Reading a Book”, Courtesy of olia danilevich, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Family Walking”, Courtesy of Vidal Balielo Jr., Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Three Pairs of Shoes”, Courtesy of Lisa Fotios, Pexels.com, CC0 License

 

What is High-Functioning Autism?

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Autism is a neurological/developmental spectrum disorder that can include many different symptoms and a broad range of severity from mild to severe. High-functioning autism, formerly referred to as Asperger’s syndrome, is an informal term that refers to autistic people who have mild symptoms, low support needs, can handle basic life skills, and can live independently. It is not an official medical term or diagnosis.

Symptoms of High-Functioning Autism

People with high-functioning autism typically have good verbal skills, an average or above average IQ, and excel in certain areas of specific interest, as well as specialized fields such as technology or the arts.

Nevertheless, they too share several identifying traits with individuals on other levels of the autism spectrum, such as a lack of social skills, struggles with sensory processing, and significant challenges in areas such as interacting and communicating with others, which can negatively impact their confidence and self-esteem.

Although people with high-functioning autism may understand the rules of grammar and have a good vocabulary, for instance, they have difficulty discerning other people’s feelings and reactions; take things literally and have trouble understanding figurative speech, jokes, or sarcasm; are unable to recognize social cues or interpret facial expressions or body language; and have difficulty initiating or maintaining conversations.

They tend to avoid eye contact or small talk, be unaware of personal space, can get so stressed by social situations that they shut down, and have trouble making or maintaining friendships.

People with high-functioning autism may also be very rigid when it comes to routines and orderliness, have restricted interests, engage in repetitive patterns of behavior such as hand flapping; and be hypersensitive to sensory stimuli such as bright lights, strong smells, or loud noises, which can make outings difficult and lead to emotional meltdowns.

High-functioning autism may be hard to spot because by the time these individuals reach adulthood, many have developed ways to cope, compensate, and mask their symptoms, and they may not realize they are autistic or that what they are doing is anything other than normal.

Managing Symptoms of High-Functioning Autism

With the right support and accommodations, people with high-functioning autism can live fulfilling and productive lives. Two common evidence-based interventions that are highly beneficial are social skills training and applied behavioral analysis.

Social skills training (SST)The goal of social skills training is to help you understand social interactions, learn how to effectively engage with others, and equip you to navigate social situations smoothly. The focus is on developing skills such as active listening, understanding non-verbal clues, and expressing yourself clearly and appropriately.

Applied behavioral analysis (ABA) Applied behavioral analysis is a therapeutic approach that uses positive reinforcement to help you replace challenging behaviors with more positive, appropriate ones. The focus is on teaching social skills in a systematic way that breaks them down into smaller components, and on equipping you with coping techniques for dealing with sensory overload.

Vocational therapy, though not specifically a therapeutic intervention, can help you address workplace-related challenges such as hypersensitivity to noise that makes it hard for you to work in a traditional setting. It can also help you find a job that aligns with your interests and strengths in an accommodating workplace where you can achieve your fullest potential and enjoy a successful, rewarding career.

Finding a Christian therapist in Newport Beach

If you would like to learn some of these therapies to help you or a loved one with high-functioning autism, contact our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California. Our reception team would be happy to schedule your first assessment with one of the Christian therapists in Newport Beach.

References:
Kim Barloso. “What is High Functioning Autism?” Autism Parenting Magazine. December 9, 2024. autismparentingmagazine.com/high-functioning-autism-other-types-of-autism/.

Photo:
“Sea Cliff”, Courtesy of Mario Vassiliades, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

10 Tips for Preventing an Anger Outburst

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An anger outburst is an intense and sudden expression of anger. A variety of factors can cause anger outbursts, including frustration, perceived wrongs, and stress. Anger itself is a natural and normal emotion. However, excessive anger can damage you and others. It’s essential to learn how to manage anger in effective and healthy ways.

How Anger Damages Relationships

Anger affects relationships in negative ways. When anger is not managed carefully and wisely. It can wreak havoc in relationships. Problems can include communication breakdown, resentment, and ongoing conflicts.

Communication takes a hit when there are frequent angry outbursts. Angry people often speak in aggressive or hostile ways. This can make other people feel threatened or verbally attacked. Results may include defensiveness, shutting down, or stonewalling. This cycle can cause communication breakdowns, which make conflict resolution nearly impossible.

Anger outbursts cause conflicts in relationships. Arguments and fights that include anger outbursts damage relationships. Over time, repeated conflicts cause hurt feelings, broken trust, and resentment, which can take a lot of effort and time to repair.

Bitterness and resentment are other ways that anger outbursts affect relationships. Anger that is not managed well can lead to buried feelings, including resentment and bitterness. These negative attributes work like poison to ruin a relationship over time. Once bitterness and resentment set in in our relationship, it can make it difficult to return to a positive and healthy point.

Learning to manage anger effectively will prevent anger outbursts and improve relationships. A qualified Christian counselor can help you rebuild and maintain positive and healthy connections with family members, friends, and other important people in your life.

How to Prevent an Anger Outburst

The good news is that you can learn to prevent an anger outburst. By working with a counselor, you can practice techniques so that you’ll be prepared the next time anger starts rising.

A good way to prevent an anger outburst is to practice relaxation techniques every day. Deep breathing is an excellent practice in the heat of the moment. You can also try progressive muscle relaxation and meditating on God’s word. If you get in a rhythm of practicing these techniques every day, you can calm your body and mind and be more prepared when you are triggered.

Managing triggers is an important part of preventing an anger outburst. An anger trigger is a thought, situation, or event that leads to an outburst. When you are more aware of the things that trigger you, you can practice self-control in a heated moment rather than reacting with an anger outburst. A counselor can help you identify your triggers so you are better prepared and more self-aware.

Learning to communicate effectively when you’re angry is an important way to prevent an anger outburst from occurring. You may have suffered negative consequences for lashing out, hurling insults, or demonstrating aggressive behavior in past instances.

With a counselor’s help, you can learn to express your anger in assertive yet calm and self-controlled ways. Your counselor can role-play with you to help you use certain statements like “I feel angry when you do that” instead of blaming, criticizing, or attacking someone else.

By putting these strategies into regular practice, you can learn to manage your anger and reduce the chance that an anger outburst will occur.

Ways to Avoid an Anger Outburst

There are many things you can do on your own to learn how to manage anger and reduce the chance of an anger outburst. Here are ten tips for managing anger.

Meditate daily

By choosing a verse of God’s word upon which you can meditate every day, you will be better prepared in the moment when an anger trigger strikes. Choose verses that talk about anger or self-control and think about them carefully, repeating them over and over.

Displaying them in conspicuous places can help you memorize these verses so you have them ready when you feel triggered. In the heat of a moment, you can repeat the verse back to yourself and invite God into your situation. He will help you practice self-control rather than reacting with an anger outburst.

Identify the causes of your anger

Often, people who struggle with anger outbursts have deep, underlying issues fueling their anger. You can meet with a counselor to identify the causes of your anger. Your counselor can help you develop strategies to overcome underlying issues so they aren’t weighing you down anymore.

Recognize and manage triggers

There could be many reasons your anger is triggered. It’s helpful to think about the thoughts, situations, or events that have triggered your anger in the past. If you talk about this with your counselor, you will be better equipped to handle your anger the next time you are triggered.

Communicate effectively

When you are caught up in an angry outburst, it’s likely that you aren’t communicating your feelings in an effective way. You may say things that you don’t mean yet still cause hurt feelings for the other people in your life. By working with the counselor, you can learn new ways of communicating effectively when you are angry without lashing out at other people.

Take a break

Taking a break when you’re angry is a great way to recenter yourself and calm down. Simply let the other person know you’re stepping away for a moment. Take a short walk and count to ten, and practice some deep breathing so you can come back into the moment with a greater sense of self-control.

Use humor

When the time is right, humor can be effective in reducing anger. Learn to laugh at yourself and not take everything so seriously. Look for humor even in difficult situations, and you might not be triggered as often as you have been in the past.

Get physical

Because anger releases stress hormones in our bodies, we need physical activity to metabolize those hormones. So, physical activity when you are angry can help you blow off steam and feel much better. A brisk walk or jog can help, as well as shooting baskets or hitting baseballs, or golf balls. Just fifteen minutes of physical activity when you are angry can help you metabolize those stress hormones.

Practice mindfulness

When you practice mindfulness, you pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judging yourself. You also use your senses to be present in the moment. Practicing mindfulness increases self-awareness, so you are more in tune with your feelings. This can give you clarity and perspective that can reduce the chances of an anger outburst.

Be patient with yourself

Learning to manage your anger is a process. It can take weeks or months to see significant improvements. Rather than becoming discouraged, learn to be patient with yourself and show yourself compassion as you learn to manage your anger. Meeting regularly with a qualified counselor during this process can help it go more smoothly.

Seek professional help

If your anger has taken a serious toll on your personal or professional relationships, you need to seek professional help. A mental health professional, such as a Christian counselor, can provide the guidance and support you need in developing a strategy for managing anger and preventing anger outbursts.

Ongoing Anger Management Therapy in California

As stated before, learning to manage your anger is a process. The process will be easier for you if you have support all along the way. A caring Christian counselor in California can meet with you regularly, not just to identify underlying issues and triggers, but also to role-play situations in which you would normally get angry. By practicing with your counselor, you will be better prepared to handle your triggers, and this can greatly improve your relationships over time.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to a qualified counselor to get practical and spiritual help in preventing an anger outburst. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.

Photos:
“Not. Happy. Bob.”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Stressed”, Courtesy of Simran Sood, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sitting on the Beach”, Courtesy of Pan Xiaozhen, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Prayer”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Emotional Infidelity Uncovered: What Exactly is It, Why It Happens, and Steps to Repair Your Relationship

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Emotional infidelity is a relationship issue that is unfortunately becoming more and more common. The constant and convenient accessibility to others (whether people, chat rooms, social media accounts, or AI) makes it easy for partners to satisfy their unmet relationship needs online, sometimes even while lying in bed next to their partner.

Given the reality of our current society, monogamy can feel under attack now more than ever. It can feel like it’s harder to stay completely faithful in a marriage. But if your relationship has been betrayed by emotional infidelity, it is certainly possible for it to recover and prosper after emotional infidelity.

In this article, I will provide more clarity on defining emotional infidelity, why it occurs, and steps on how to recover your relationship. For the sake of reading ease, this article will use the terms relationship, couple, and marriage interchangeably.

Who I Am

Before proceeding, I would like to give you, the reader, a little context about me. My name is Kristy De Leon, and I am a doctorate-level licensed marriage and family therapist with a certification in sex and couples therapy. I have over twenty years of experience in the mental health field and have been with my husband for twenty-two years in total, of which we have been married for seventeen.

We have two neurodivergent sons in addition to my husband being a career fireman. All that to say, he and I have been through some real challenges. There have been dark moments in which I (and I’m sure he too) was unsure of whether our marriage would survive- yet through the grace of God and the commitment to our marital covenant, here we are still married and in love.

The commitment to the marital covenant is an important topic that will be revisited as part of the solution. I felt my background was important to share with you because if you are reading this article, you are most likely in a challenging season of your relationship.

Knowing that the writer has been through difficult seasons in her own relationship can hopefully help you feel seen along with learning realistic steps toward marital recovery. There is nothing worse than reading an article in hopes of finding comfort and solutions to only be left feeling the same or worse because the author only gave textbook unrealistic suggestions.

What is emotional infidelity?

So let’s dive in and define emotional infidelity. It is the act of a person going outside of their committed relationship to meet their emotional needs. Examples can range from engaging in flirtatious activities (whether texts, social messaging, or in-person gestures) to having deep conversations with someone other than their partner. Think of it as sharing emotional sides of oneself that truly should only be shared with one’s partner.

This means that emotional infidelity can be defined differently per person and relationship: what one couple would define as emotional infidelity, another couple would not. What is important to note here is that emotional infidelity does not have a one-size-fits-all definition, unlike sexual infidelity.

For some couples, liking or following social media accounts that have provocative images would be defined as emotional infidelity. For another couple, becoming close to a co-worker by sharing worries, dreams, or inside jokes would be seen as emotional infidelity. Regardless of the behavior being seen as “innocent,” if it pulls a person away from their partner and more importantly if the partner feels betrayed then it is emotional infidelity.

Reasons for Emotional Infidelity

Why does emotional infidelity occur? Similar to the definition, the reasons why it occurs vary from person to person and from couple to couple. Despite the reason, the common denominator is that there are emotional needs that are going unmet. Even though there have been multiple conversations and fights about the needs, they continue to go unmet.

Or worse, there is a complete lack of communication, and these needs continue to go unseen. Communication challenges are an issue that many couples face. Communicating one’s needs can be difficult. It’s risky, vulnerable, and opens the door to possible rejection and ridicule.

The reality is that most people have a hard time communicating vulnerable requests or statements. Therefore, most relationships do not have the communication foundations to have such vulnerable conversations. It becomes easier to avoid these conversations altogether and easier to get one’s emotional needs met elsewhere where there isn’t so much history, hurt, or negative emotions.

In addition to communication challenges, other factors can open the door to emotional infidelity, such as past hurts or betrayals, becoming emotionally or sexually bored in the relationship, feeling rejected by your partner, feeling your partner is emotionally unavailable, associating with others where emotional infidelity is common and accepted, feeling like you parenting your spouse or feeling like you are being parented by your spouse.

There can be multiple unhealthy relationship dynamics that can be co-occurring which can lead to infidelity. There can also be individual factors (such as traumas, unhealthy beliefs around relationships, etc.) that can contribute to existing unhealthy relationships increasing the likelihood of emotional infidelity.

Both partners contribute to emotional infidelity

Infidelity, whether emotional and/or sexual or any other type of relationship betrayal, does not exist in a vacuum. Meaning it is not a stand-alone thing that sprouted out of nowhere. With all the individuals and couples that I have counseled who are in search of infidelity recovery, it is typically a result of unhealthy relationship dynamics. Similar to addiction, infidelity is a systemic problem/relationship issue in which each partner has contributed in their own way to the issue.

I understand that statement can be really hard to read and process, especially if you are the one who was betrayed. Society would say “You don’t need this.”, “Walk away.”, or “Once a cheater always a cheater.” And without knowing your relationship nor the context in which the betrayal occurred, all those statements may hold some truth.

But what I can say is that for each couple who has courageously sat in front of me with the willingness to repair their relationship, each person eventually was able to not only recognize their contribution but more importantly was able to own their part.

At its core, a marriage relationship requires four components: sex, time, attention, and affection. Think of these as slices in a pie where each partner’s slices may look different. For example, for the husband the slice of time may be bigger than for the wife or the slice of affection may be bigger for the wife than it is for the husband. The size of these slices can change over time, during milestones, in times of stress, or just as a result of aging.

Although each spouse’s pie can look different, there is an overlap in that each person has the same four slices. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, it is pivotal for each partner to share when their slices change size; meaning the need has either increased or decreased for any of the four components.

I hope that this imagery can help you begin to understand the importance of having explicit conversations about the needs of each partner. These are continuous conversations that should be occurring throughout the life of the marriage. As we age our needs change and so do the needs of the relationship.

Repairing the Ruins

So how does a marriage repair itself after emotional infidelity? First, I want to affirm that overcoming this betrayal is possible. Second, I have a three-step process through which I lead couples who are recovering from any type of infidelity or betrayal. The three steps are as follows: crisis, insight, and vision.

Crisis Chances are, you may currently be in the crisis stage: you just found out, many different conflicting emotions overcome you, you may be in shock, or you may be exploring your options on whether to stay or leave (especially if this is not the first time). In the crisis phase, both partners are grappling to manage many different emotions.

Insight It’s not until the emotional dust settles that we can move toward the second phase of insight. Insight is a stage where each partner is able and willing to explore their own contribution to what happened in addition to gaining an understanding of their spouse’s choices and behaviors.

Vision In the last phase of vision, the couple co-creates a new definition of the monogamy agreement, and a new commitment to the covenant of marriage is made.

Keeping Covenant

The commitment to the covenant is at the core of sustaining a marriage regardless of the challenges. Keeping the commitment means showing up even when it’s hard, scary, or when you are hurt, tired, or not in the mood. It also means that there is an understanding and acceptance of the fallible human nature.

Thus, even though you and your partner have recommitted to the marital covenant, human nature will cause you and your partner to fail each other again at some point in some way. This is when and where we must grow our faith, strengthen our relationship with God, and practice our Christian morals and values with ourselves and our spouses.

Hope to Overcome Emotional Infidelity

I want to reiterate that a marriage can recover and prosper despite emotional infidelity. It will require creating a new healthy covenant that includes effective communication skills, healthy coping skills, and a different way of problem-solving – all things that are part of my therapeutic work with couples. In closing, Scripture reminds us that, “…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28).

If you are looking for support in navigating emotional infidelity, please contact our reception team to schedule a free consultation today. Kristy De Leon offers traditional talk therapy sessions or couple intensives (that range between 3-4 hours) for busy couples who want to expedite the healing process.

Photo:
“Shattered Heart”, Courtesy of Isidore Decamon, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

5 Tips for Managing Anxiety in Pregnancy

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Anxiety in pregnancy is common. Women can face several worrisome factors, such as:

  • The health of their unborn child.
  • Their health.
  • Anticipation of labor and delivery.
  • Financial problems.
  • Juggling a job and pregnancy.
  • Other children at home.
  • Hormonal fluctuations.

Chronic anxiety can make sleep difficult and cause fluctuating emotions to worsen.

5 Tips for Managing Anxiety in Pregnancy

Pregnancy affects each woman differently. Some women are more prone to anxiety, especially with hormones fluctuating and uncertainties about the pregnancy, birth, and life with a newborn. To manage anxiety in pregnancy, you will need to make healthier choices and lifestyle changes. The goal is to feel calmer, peaceful, and accepted, so staying active and social is important for your physical and mental health.

The following are several tips for managing anxiety in pregnancy.

Stay active

Staying active will keep your joints and muscles flexible and strong. The body undergoes many changes during pregnancy, and the fluctuating hormones can leave you stiff and achy in certain areas. Walking is an effective exercise that most women can do throughout pregnancy.

Although you will need to make modifications, stretching, yoga, and some resistance training are generally safe. Exercise triggers the release of endorphins that will help smooth tense muscles and lower anxiety, leaving you much calmer and more relaxed.

Go to bed

Sleep is now more important than ever as the body needs enough to recharge and repair. Pregnancy hormones and a protruding belly can make sleep challenging. Try creating a bedtime routine to trigger that it is time to sleep. Take a warm shower or bath, drink a warm beverage, and settle into bed with a book an hour or so earlier. If your schedule permits, take a quick nap during the day.

Stick to healthy foods

Processed and junk foods and foods with added sugars can worsen anxiety symptoms. Aim for healthier fare such as lean protein, complex carbohydrates, fresh fruits and vegetables, and healthy fats.

Your physician may also suggest prenatal vitamins to ensure you receive adequate amounts. The vitamins and minerals found in whole foods and prenatal supplements can help you manage anxiety and boost your immune system, not to mention the health benefits to the baby.

Befriend the women at church

Isolation can aggravate anxiety symptoms and increase your risk of developing depression. If you belong to a church, seek a women’s group. This could be a mission group, women’s Bible study group, or mom’s group. If you do not have one at your church, look online for other women’s groups in your area. Feeling a sense of belonging and leaning on other mothers for support and encouragement will boost your confidence and mental health.

Know your limits

Now is not the time to hustle and push yourself beyond your limits, physically or mentally. Know when to slow down and respect what your body and mind can do this season. It may not be what you are used to, but that is all right. Accept that you are growing another human inside of you, and that takes energy. Set boundaries to protect your health from trying to do too much.

Christian counseling for anxiety in Newport Beach

Help is available for anxiety in pregnancy. Contact our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California to schedule a session with a Christian counselor in Newport Beach specializing in mental conditions during and after pregnancy. You can manage symptoms effectively while you wait for your sweet bundle of joy.

Photo:
“Pregnant Woman Reading”, Courtesy of Natalia Blauth, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Date Ideas for Couples in Newport Beach: What to Do When You Can’t Find Childcare

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If you’re a parent, you’re likely familiar with the feeling of burnout and overwhelm. Unfortunately, when we feel this way, intentional connections with our spouses often get buried under piles of laundry, to-do lists, and dirty dishes. Here are some creative date ideas for couples in Newport Beach who might be struggling to find childcare.

Date nights aren’t just a luxury; they are an investment in your relationship. Therapists often recommend weekly dedicated date nights for couples to solidify their relationship, rekindle the romance, and improve communication. While most parents would cherish some alone time, arranging childcare when you need it isn’t always straightforward.

Date Ideas for Couples in Newport Beach: Creative Childcare

Even if your trusted sitters aren’t available and you feel you’ve exhausted all options, don’t give up hope in finding responsible childcare. There are alternatives. Here are some innovative date ideas for couples in Newport Beach to consider.

Parents’ Night Out Programs

Check with local community centers, churches, dance studios, or gymnastics facilities. Many of them offer “Parents’ Night Out” programs where they provide childcare for a few hours at a reasonable rate. Here are some options for Parents Night Out in Orange County. While this option requires some planning and a modest budget, it can provide you with much-needed time alone with your spouse. As a bonus, your children may enjoy meeting new people and engaging in exciting activities.

Dates While the Kids Are Occupied

Don’t overlook prime opportunities for alone time with your partner. Dates don’t always have to be at night! Get creative with your schedules. Consider meeting your spouse during your lunch breaks or even taking an hour of vacation time to spend with your spouse while the kids are in school.

Dropping the little ones off at soccer practice? Instead of running errands or sitting on the sidelines, sneak away for a coffee with your mate. Rethink your schedule; you may have overlooked some date-time possibilities.

When your kids are little, put them in a stroller for a nice walk around the neighborhood. Give your kids a snack as a distraction and spend a moment chatting with your spouse.

Upscale Restaurants

Indulge in a worry-free dining experience by choosing an upscale restaurant that offers babysitting services. While this type of service may not be available in your hometown, exploring nearby metropolitan areas may lead you to the perfect spot. Enjoy a night out knowing that your children are being well-supervised, allowing you to savor the dining experience with your partner.

Sleepovers and Lock-ins

Explore options for elementary or middle-school-aged children. Some church youth groups organize “lock-ins” where the students stay overnight at the church to play games and enjoy snacks. Museums and community centers occasionally offer sleepover programs through their community outreach and educational initiatives. These options provide a fun and safe environment for kids while offering parents a chance to enjoy some alone time.

Work Out Together

Does your gym offer childcare? If so, plan a workout date with your spouse. If you’re accustomed to solo workouts, merge your routines and work out together while enjoying the perks of childcare services. After your workout, savor a healthy snack before picking up your kids. Not only are you prioritizing your health but enjoying quality time together.

At-Home Dates

An at-home date night can be a delightful way to spend quality time together with your spouse when getting a sitter is not an option. Here are some creative ways to create memorable experiences together.

Early Breakfast or Late Dinner

Make the most of your children’s sleep schedule by planning an early-morning breakfast date or late-night dinner. Get up before the sun rises and share the view and a quiet moment with your honey over a cup of coffee.

If you’re not a morning person, put the kids to bed early and share a relaxed late-night meal. Prepare as much as you can beforehand to avoid spending your precious time together cooking or order take-out from your favorite restaurant. Set the mood with candles and soft music. After the meal, dance together for a romantic end to your at-home date.

Let the Kids Be in Charge

Bring the charm of an upscale restaurant home by surprising your spouse with a homemade dinner. Keep the children entertained by involving them in meal preparation. Assign them tasks like setting the table or decorating it with freshly picked flowers. Create a handwritten menu or print one off the computer and allow your children to decorate.

Once your spouse has come home from work, dim the lights and let the date begin. Ask the children to act as hosts and teach them to lead your spouse to the special table. Order off your homemade menu (with only one available option) and allow the children to serve as your waitstaff. Show appreciation by tipping them with a little extra allowance or a trip to the ice cream parlor.

Home Theater

Unable to go to the theater because you have no sitter? Create a home theater experience by setting up a projector and big screen for the kids to watch a movie with headphones. Prepare their favorite snack for them to enjoy as they watch their movie.

Snuggle up in a different room with your partner and watch a favorite film together. Don’t forget to get an extra decadent snack to enjoy. This setup should keep the kids occupied long enough for you to enjoy some quality time together.

Indoor or Backyard Camping

Create an inviting space that will captivate your children. Surprise the kids with a blanket fort and indoor campsite filled with cozy things, new activities, and yummy snacks. Alternatively, set up a tent in the backyard to keep them entertained.

While the kids enjoy their new space, create a romantic setting for you and your spouse. Share a meal, a movie, or a delicious dessert and conversation. Conclude the evening with a family bonfire. If you want more alone time, wait until the kids are asleep and transform your backyard into a magical romantic oasis with fairy lights, soft music, and cozy blankets.

Invite Some Friends

If your children are old enough to entertain themselves with friends, consider inviting some of their buddies over to play. Plan a fun activity such as a scavenger hunt, backyard obstacle course, or a crafting corner. While they’re engaged with friends, take the opportunity to spend quality time with your spouse. Work on a puzzle together, play a game, or simply take a few moments to enjoy each other’s company.

Indulge for the Day

Occasionally, it’s okay to indulge in some things that are normally limited or forbidden. Keep your children occupied by allowing them to taste the forbidden fruit. If you typically restrict screen time, consider planning a FaceTime conversation with a cousin or friend. Set up a gaming system and check out new games from the library to let them have a little gaming fun.

You might also consider letting the kids play with those messy toys that usually require a lot of cleaning up and are typically tucked away. Find something out of the ordinary that they don’t usually get to interact with and schedule it for when you and your spouse want to have a quiet and uninterrupted date night at home.

What is the goal of date night?

Ideally, date night is a time for you to connect with your spouse in a meaningful way. It’s a time to set aside the stressors of life, make eye contact with one another, and talk. Some couples with kids struggle with the feeling that they have become co-parents versus partners. For some couples, I recommend setting aside conversations about parenting and instead engage one another in deeper, more intimate questions:

  • What have you been thinking about lately? What have you been feeling?
  • What’s a dream that you wish to fulfill?
  • Where are you with your faith currently? What is God teaching you right now?
  • Are there ways that we can be more intentional with one another and strengthen our connection?
  • What are some things that I can do to love you better in this season?

Is date night enough? Christian Couples Counseling in Newport Beach

While date night ideas for couples in Newport Beach are a wonderful way to strengthen your bond with your spouse, they may not address all your relationship issues.

If you and your spouse feel disconnected or want to work through specific challenges, consider scheduling an appointment with a Christian counselor in Newport Beach, California. Therapy can deepen your emotional connection, enhance or reignite physical intimacy, and resolve conflicts with the help of an impartial professional. Contact us today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to learn more.

When it comes to nurturing and enriching your relationship, carving dedicated time in your busy schedule to focus on each other is crucial for a fulfilling relationship. Don’t let your lack of childcare hinder your relationship growth. Take the advice of most Christian therapists and view date night as a valuable tool to strengthen your connection.

Photos:
“Holding Hands”, Courtesy of mina6120, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Family on a Walk”, Courtesy of MabelAmber, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Coffee and Dessert”, Courtesy of StockSnap, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Dealing with Codependency in Friendships

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The book of Proverbs, which is one of the wisdom books in the Bible, has this to say about friendship:

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother – Proverbs 18:24, NIV

This book, and the rest of the Bible, has a lot more to say about friends and friendship, but there’s a sense in which this verse is a great summary of it all. Some friends will lead to ruin, and “ruin” may look like several different things, but there are other friends who are not only so reliable that they can be counted on more than your own relatives, but they also cause you to prosper.

There’s a lot that’s been written about friendship. One of the best reflections on friendship was produced by C. S. Lewis, and in The Four Loves, he has these two gems: “Friendship …is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…’”. He also wrote: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

It is possible to survive without friendships, but surely our lives are poorer for it. Friendships, as Lewis put it, give value to survival. They provide us with human connection, joy, and support. There are different kinds of friendships, differing in proximity and depth, but they also differ in how healthy they are. Some friendships are afflicted with unhealthy patterns such as codependency.

Friendships and Codependent Behavior

Codependency is an unhealthy dynamic that can attach itself to different kinds of relationships. This includes the parent-child relationship, romantic relationships, between siblings, coworkers, and friendships. Codependency involves a pattern of relying excessively on another person; this reliance can be both psychological and emotional, and it goes beyond the healthy interdependence that relationships ought to have.

The idea of codependency is typically associated with addiction. In that context, codependency describes the ways the partner or family members relate to their loved one who’s struggling with substance abuse. The partner or family members are overly involved in their loved one’s life, performing a rescuing function. The dynamic is skewed and unhealthy.

Codependency can also be used as a term to describe friendships and other relationships, especially where there is a significant imbalance of power and responsibility in the relationship. In a given relationship, the codependent dynamic is often rooted in early life experiences, like when a person grows up in a dysfunctional family and their needs are ignored or left unmet. These dynamics can be carried forward into other relationships.

In a friendship, two people may meet, and in one or both of their lives, they may have learned to put the needs of others above their own. There may also be a pattern of seeking acceptance from others and finding validation in how others perceive them. What this often translates into is a friend who has an unhealthy habit of self-sacrifice and neglecting their own well-being.

Identifying Codependency in Friendships

What’s the difference between codependency in friendships, and friendships where there is a healthy self-regard? A good friend is willing to sacrifice themselves on your behalf. After all, Jesus, who wants to call us a friend, died for us, the righteous one dying for ungodly people (Romans 5:6-8). However, unlike Jesus, a codependent friend is unable to say “no”, even when it’s detrimental to their own well-being. In other words, they don’t have healthy boundaries.

The lack of boundaries is one of the main things that can help you identify a codependent dynamic in a relationship. To address codependence in your friendship, you need to be able to identify it, whether you’re the codependent one, or the one who’s benefitting from this dynamic. Some of the signs to look out for include the following:

A lack of boundaries With codependency in friendships, personal boundaries are often blurred or non-existent. These boundaries include having your own opinions, demarcating things that you don’t want to get involved in or do, and being able to say “no” when something goes against your values.

Where there is a lack of boundaries, you can wind up feeling trapped in the relationship, unable to express your own needs or desires.

Excessive caretaking If you are a codependent friend, you’ll often assume the role of a caretaker over your friend. You may feel responsible for the other person’s happiness and well-being. To accomplish this happiness, you may put your friend’s needs above your own, even when it becomes detrimental to your well-being.

For instance, you may loan your friend money when you need it to pay your mortgage or car loan, putting your own credit and living situation in danger.

Resentment and controlling behavior Excessive caretaking can be a sign of codependency, and with that, there is also often resentment that takes root. When you don’t take care of your own needs, you wear yourself thin. The codependent person may be resentful toward the other person, and because they feel responsible for them, they often become controlling.

Fear of abandonment A person with codependent tendencies will often have an intense fear of being abandoned by others. This may be the result of past experiences. Having such a fear can lead to clingy behavior. They may go to great lengths to keep the friendship, even when it becomes decidedly toxic or unhealthy.

Need for approval Codependency will often leave a person with a strong need for approval and validation from others. A codependent person will often have an underdeveloped sense of self, and they feel important or valuable only insofar as other people around them accord them that value. They are often overly concerned with pleasing others and may feel worthless without their friend’s affirmation.

This is one of the reasons why a codependent person will stay in an unhealthy relationship, or why they will struggle to say “no” or to give valid criticism about their friend’s behavior – it may mean that their friend won’t give them the approval they crave, so it’s easier to just go with the flow.

Difficulty in decision-making Another sign of a codependent relationship is that a codependent individual might struggle to make decisions independently and rely heavily on their friend’s opinions and guidance.

Dealing with Codependency in Friendships

When it comes to dealing with codependency in a friendship, there are various strategies you can deploy to handle the situation. If you’re codependent, you don’t have to wait for your friends or loved ones to agree with you before you start making changes in your life. You can commit yourself and begin to consciously put in the hard work necessary to change things.

Some things you can do include the following:

Nurturing self-awareness You can begin by nurturing self-awareness about the patterns in your relationships. Pause and reflect on your behavior and motives in the friendship, especially around any self-sacrificial behavior.

Build your self-esteem You can work on building your self-esteem and self-worth from within. Take time to engage in activities that make you feel happy, competent, and confident. Remind yourself what Scripture says about you and why you’re valuable in the Lord’s eyes.

Set healthy boundaries It’s important that you set and communicate clear boundaries with others. Boundaries help to create a balanced relationship where you both feel respected and valued. Know that it’s okay for you to say “no” and to prioritize your own needs. It takes time, but nurture the understanding that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish but necessary for healthy relationships.

Foster independence One way to begin reversing codependency is to encourage yourself to make decisions independently. You can have your own opinions and interests, entirely separate from the things your friend is interested in.

Talk with your friend You should have open and honest communication with your friend, discussing your feelings and concerns about the dynamics of the relationship. You can both, in your own way, work together toward a healthier, more balanced relationship.

Let go In some instances, you need to let go of relationships. If your friend doesn’t want to honor your boundaries and right to say “no”, and if that friendship is causing more harm than good, then it might be time to reconsider its place in your life.

Seek professional help You don’t have to figure out how to do all this by yourself. You can make use of therapy or counseling to overcome codependency. Your counselor can walk with you to unpack and explore the underlying causes of your codependent behavior, and they can also provide you with effective strategies to develop a more secure sense of self and healthier relationships that are built on mutual respect. Contact our office today to learn more.

Photos:
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5 Ways to Cope with Functioning Depression

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A person who is dealing with depression may find activities to be difficult, and even being fully productive at work or with other activities may be nearly impossible. However, many people who deal with functioning depression still feel this depression symptom but can function each day. A person who is suffering from depression can look on the outside as if they are doing well while on the inside, they are suffering.

It is essential to identify a person who is dealing with functional depression and help them cope with this illness so that they can thrive and become well-adjusted individuals when their depression has improved. Seeking support from a professional, at Newport Beach Christian Counseling , can play a key role in assisting individuals in managing their depression and finding healthy ways to cope.

5 Ways to Cope with Functioning Depression

Here are five ways to cope with functioning depression:

Keep a routine

A person who has a routine and is suffering from depression does not have to think about what comes next. A person with a routine will also feel safe and allow themselves to process the feelings they’re dealing with. Throwing something new at them that requires a lot of social interaction or faking emotions may not suit them at this time.

For example, a person who has established a routine but is invited to a surprise party for a friend may need support to attend. If that person gets a lot of stress from the situation they may find it challenging to cope.

People suffering from depression need to keep a good routine, especially at night, to help them sleep so they can wake up and deal with whatever comes. Drink a soothing beverage, watch a particular television show that makes you happy, avoid any stimulants like caffeine, and take time to read. Limit any violent or sad books, news, magazines, and music.

Because people do not have control over what comes on their TV screens, you need to limit your access. Find a particular show you enjoy. It could be a sitcom from years past or a current show. Limit the amount of violent content, gratuitous sexual content, or filthy language. Limit exposure to things that bring you down. Focus on the positive each day.

Do things you enjoy

It is also essential to spend time doing things you enjoy. Even for someone who has limited hobbies, find something you like. Create using drawing, painting, or other creative resources. Invest some money in learning something new. A person with functioning depression needs to have something that helps them feel more productive and move forward in life.

A person who is dealing with depression may feel stuck or feel like their life is not worth living. By having something new and something exciting to look forward to, a person with a vision may have fewer thoughts of hopelessness and more thoughts of anticipation for the future.

Plan your future

It is also essential for people with depression to plan their future. Where do you want to see your life in five years? Ten years? One year? Even if your main goal is to get rid of depression symptoms, find ways to be excited about the future even if you have to live with depression for the rest of your life.

A person dealing with functional depression needs to plan, but they may not have the strength or even the motivation to do it on their own. They need to find someone who can help them create short-term and long-term goals to help them achieve this. Short-term goals are the most difficult for some people; thinking ahead to the next day is difficult because there’s no passion or motivation.

You may see improvement in your symptoms as you begin to get into it, and your passion for life is reignited. Furthermore, planning long-term goals will help you see hope and a future for your life.

Living daily and hoping to make it through the day’s no way to live. However, a person with things to look forward to for years ahead will have more hope and passion for their lives. They’ll engage with those around them when they feel more hope and love.

Take time off

In some cases, people who are dealing with depression may need to take some time off from work and other responsibilities. The pressure from mounting responsibilities and having too much on your plate may be contributing to depression. Taking some time off to rest, reflect on life, and process any residual pain from previous problems may help you move forward in your battle with depression.

If finances allow, take some time to travel and see some new and exciting places. Sometimes, getting out of your old environment and going to a new place will help inspire you to get more excited about the life you’re leading. Engaging in activities you enjoy in a new place that allows you to explore new worlds might ignite your passion and excitement when you get home.

Although this is not a one-time fix for every case of depression, in some cases, a person who gets excited about doing things that they enjoy when exploring a new place can get a new lease on life.

Be open

Unfortunately, there is still a stigma surrounding people who have depression in any form. It is difficult for people to talk about their struggles, including mental health ones. Many Christians believe that depression is all in someone’s head or a figment of their imagination. However, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues are real issues that people deal with.

Due to chemical imbalances in the brain, many people deal with mental health issues without being able to express what they’re dealing with clearly. Being open and letting people know exactly how you’re feeling may help take the pressure off having to perform a certain way for people to like them.

If this is difficult for you, surround yourself with a small group of friends who are there for you. Build trust by engaging in a local church and participating with people. When you enter a small group, wait until you can discern who is a person you can trust regarding this information.

You may find people are way more understanding than you realize. Having a group of people who love you and want what’s best for you can make all the difference in your fight against depression.

Knowing that you have someone to reach out to when you’re struggling who will express that they will love and pray for you can do wonders for you when you feel like you’re alone. When you are surrounded by people who love you and are rooting for you, they can help you take charge of your life and do what it takes to heal yourself through treatment and medication.

Keeping mental health issues secret does not help anyone when it comes to the battle with depression. However, by bringing that issue into the light, you can see your value and recover your interest in activities and relationships.

Functioning with depression is never easy. However, with hope for your future, you can keep a steady routine, do things you enjoy, and find you can cope with your symptoms much more quickly than someone who does not.

For more information and to meet with me or another Christian counselor in California regarding your functioning depression symptoms, call our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling.

Photos:
“Admiring the View”, Courtesy of Noah Silliman, Unsplash.com, CC0 License;”Checklist”, Courtesy of Glenn Carstens-Peters, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Painter”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Watching the Water”, Courtesy of Muhammadh Saamy, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

The Faithful Family: Christian Counseling and Raising Godly Children

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Initially, when you find out that you are going to be a parent, there are millions of thoughts about how you want to raise your children and who you want them to become. You look down at their beautiful face and desire so much for them and their lives. As Christians, we have a desire to raise our children to know and love God more than anything else. If you’re seeking guidance in this journey, Newport Beach Christian Counseling can provide support and insight on nurturing your child’s faith and well-being.

But somewhere along the way, we are hit with the reality that there are a million demands on us as parents. We feel obligated to feed them the right foods, get them a great education, get them into sports or extracurricular activities, make sure that they are kind, develop screen time limits and chore charts, and the list goes on and on.

The priorities in parenting can easily be shifted but the truth remains the same. We must prioritize their walk with Jesus above everything else that is vying for their attention.

Where do we start?

Maybe your child won’t sleep through the night and you’re at a loss of how you’re going to find the time or energy to take your kids to church. Maybe your family is involved in many activities throughout the week, and you can’t find time for a family devotional or prayer. Or maybe you’re parenting teens who aren’t sure that they’re interested in this whole ‘God thing’ and you don’t know how to approach conversations with them.

Regardless of what stage of parenting you’re in, God is with you and desires to know you and to know your children. The task of raising Godly children doesn’t have to be quite so daunting if we take small effective steps.

Model your own faith

First, we must start by modeling our faith to our kids. This may be something that you’re doing already, and you don’t even realize it. When your children see you living out your own faith, they are more likely to desire to live out their own faith.

Research shows that parental religious practices significantly influence a child’s likelihood of adopting that same faith. If you’ve been struggling with your own spiritual disciplines, maybe attempt to integrate a small spiritual discipline into your daily life. Here are some potential practices to try:

Quiet time

Allow your children to witness you setting aside the other demands of life and choosing to quiet your mind with prayer and scripture reading at some point during the day. It doesn’t have to be first thing in the morning, it can be anytime.

Prayer first thing

Justin Whitmel Earley authored an incredible book called “Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms.” In this book, he discusses several different practices including a short kneeling prayer at the foot of your bed each morning before starting your day

Music

Playing worship music during the day in your home

Church

Making church attendance a priority for you and your family each week before sports or other commitments.

Notecards

Place notecards with scripture in different places throughout your home and car that you will see each day. Pause and read the verse with your kids when you have a quiet moment.

Loving others

Whether you work on forgiving family members who have hurt you, choosing another person’s needs before your own, or choosing selfless acts of love throughout your week, your children will see your intentional acts and recognize that your life is different.

Our children are watching us more than we think, and we must model our faith for them to witness. In the Daily Grace Gospel at Home magazine, Tiffany Dickerson states that “when we make these spiritual disciplines our priority, a natural overflow of discipleship occurs when our children witness our love for the Lord and others.”

Name what matters

The next step in raising godly children is working with the other adults in your home to ensure that your family’s priorities line up with your faith. It can be incredibly challenging to explain to your child or to their coach that church is more important than their little league game, but it sets a precedent for what you value as a family and how you prioritize your time.

These are those moments in parenting where we must put on the Christian perspective of eternity and realize that the habits that we develop now will matter for our children in the long run. Here are a few ways to align your family’s priorities with your Christian faith:

Set aside a weekly Sabbath

It doesn’t have to always be Sunday, but a good rule of thumb is twenty-four hours of rest, reflection, and connection away from the busyness of our everyday lives.

Find time to serve other people or families in need

This may mean spending a Saturday at a soup kitchen as a family, inviting family and friends into your home who may need support during a difficult season, or keeping care kits in your car for when you and your family see someone in need while you’re out and about.

Pray together as a family

It can feel like a miracle once you sit down with your children after a long day and get to eat dinner together, but I encourage you to pray to thank God for that time together.

Use discipline moments as an opportunity for discipleship

It is in the practical moments of disobedience that we can teach our children that we are sinners in need of a Savior. We can remind our children in these moments that only Jesus can make us whole.

Don’t be afraid of doubt

Lastly, I think it’s important to recognize that we are all a work in progress. God has started a great work in each one of us, including our children, and we must trust that He will carry us through to completion (Philippians 1:6). I see many parents become scared when their kids start asking questions about their faith or doubting God’s existence.

I encourage you to take a deep breath and trust that God loves your child even more than you do. The questioning that happens in our faith is part of our spiritual development and it’s important that we encourage and support our children through this process rather than use fear or punishment.

When your child is in a season of doubt, create space for them to ask any questions that might come up for them. As parents, it is easy to allow the anxieties of life to distract us from time with our kids. One of the most important parts of parenting is prioritizing one-on-one time with our kids.

Look them in the eye, put your phones down, and do something with them that they want to do each day. When you build that bond with your child, they are more likely to come to you when they have big questions or when they are experiencing doubt or confusion.

Thank goodness there is grace for all of us in this process! As a mom to four little ones myself, I am constantly struck by the weight of the world’s expectations. The truth is that we are all doing the best that we can, and Scripture reveals to us that God is fully in control.

We do not need to worry about messing up God’s plans for our children. As you read through this article, my prayer for you is that you feel equipped with some tools to try but that you don’t feel overwhelmed by a list of tasks.

In the same Daily Grace article, Tiffany Dickerson reminds us that “Jesus is the point of our discipleship. It does not have to be hard, filled with charts, graphs, and items on a list to check off. It simply needs to be intentional. As parents, we not only grow in our walk with the Lord, but we pray for clarity to see those moments when we can plant the seeds of the gospel in our children’s lives.”

Remember that God is with you in this process, turn to Him and allow Him to show you what your family and your children need to draw closer to Him.

Reach out for support to raise godly children

I believe that no matter where you are in your parenting journey, support and encouragement can be helpful. Family therapy with a Christian counselor can give you the tools and support you need to continue raising Godly children.

If you are in a place where you need support with your faith, individual counseling with a Christian counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling can be a helpful resource as well. Whether you are struggling at home, or you just want to grow deeper with God and your family, reach out to us today and we can connect you to a qualified family or individual therapist.

Photos:
“Girl Praying”, Courtesy of doungtepro, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Mother and Daughter”, Courtesy of StockSnap, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Mother and Daughters”, Courtesy of Pixabay, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Happy Family”, Courtesy of AlisaDyson, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

4 DBT Groups Used for Therapy in Newport Beach, California

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Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a cognitive behavioral treatment used for individuals with borderline personality disorder. This type of treatment focuses on balancing acceptance and change. The goal is to empower individuals by assisting them in gaining an understanding of managing their challenging emotions. DBT groups in Newport Beach, California provide the environment needed to learn skills to cope with challenges in everyday life. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can also offer valuable support for those seeking to integrate faith-based guidance alongside DBT to foster emotional and spiritual growth.

What is the purpose of DBT groups?

The goal of DBT group therapy is not to work through feelings as a group. It is to help individuals learn new skills needed to approach difficult emotional situations. DBT group is a place to get encouragement and support while acquiring the skills needed, but the focus isn’t just for that purpose. The only time personal details are shared is if the individual wants to share. There are skills to be learned and homework that will help you use the tools you are given.

The four DBT groups

There are four training areas for DBT group therapy. The group sessions are approximately 24 weeks long and last for about two and a half hours. Each one will provide specific skills needed.

Distress Tolerance skills will aid in learning to cope with stressful situations without behaving in ways that will exacerbate them. The individual will also learn to accept that there are some situations that a person cannot change. When things are difficult but nothing can be changed, it is important to know how to effectively cope with the feelings until they pass. The key will be to address the situation when those feelings have subsided.

Mindfulness skills will teach awareness of the surroundings and how the person can be present in the moment. When a person is mindful it means they are paying attention to the present moment with intention. Mindfulness is not meditation. In DBT mindfulness is learning to pay attention to the immediate moment. It is a way of addressing changes in mindless actions or habits. This can also help with worry and depression.

Interpersonal effectiveness teaches skills focused on communication, boundaries, and healthy relationships. These skills are geared toward teaching individuals how to approach the many relationships of a healthy lifestyle. It will lead them through the skills needed to maintain work, family, and romantic relationships. This will also develop the skills necessary for interacting with difficult people.

Emotion regulation will help the person recognize and understand emotions and how to change those that are challenging. Sometimes emotions can be confusing. It helps to know how to decrease the pain of some emotions. This will also help the person to feel as though they have some degree of control over the hard emotions. The person learns that it is a choice in how to react to the emotions they face.

Benefits of DBT groups

Several positive changes can result from DBT group therapy.

  • Learning a new skill set to face challenging situations.
  • Acceptance that some circumstances cannot be changed.
  • Learning how to work with others constructively.
  • Identifying harmful behavior patterns and knowing how to adjust to healthier ones.
  • The ability to alter from negative thinking to positive thinking.
  • Learning new and healthy ways to cope with stress.
  • Becoming more effective at communication skills.

Next steps for finding DBT groups in Newport Beach

DBT groups in Newport Beach, California are a great tool for those individuals who need a healthy understanding of how to manage emotions that stem from borderline personality disorder. Every person has the choice to make changes to how they react to situations. Through DBT groups in Newport Beach, these skills are taught in a way that will cultivate a healthy lifestyle. If you would like more information about DBT groups in Newport Beach, contact us today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California and we can connect you to a Christian counselor in Newport Beach.

A tranquil heart is life to the body, But passion is rottenness to the bones. – Proverbs 14:30, NASB

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“Flowers”, Courtesy of Anastasiya Romanova, Unsplash.com, CC0 License