Unshelving Hope: Anxiety, Personal Development, and Summoning the Courage to Dream Again

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We don’t have to wait for a special time of year to generate the momentum to craft new goals. If we want to change a habit that supports our ultimate vision, we can resume our personal development journey from where we are with the Lord’s help. For additional guidance and support, Newport Beach Christian Counseling can provide the encouragement needed to help you stay on track with your goals.

The One who fashioned us has equipped us to do with Him what we otherwise couldn’t do on our own. Through the voice of Isaiah, a significant Old Testament prophet, God encourages us to forget the old. In difficulty and dry places, The Father promises that newness will suddenly emerge (Isaiah 43:18-19).

At some point, God’s people had to stop looking at the old and make room in their hearts and expect to encounter the Lord in fresh ways. It doesn’t appear only in the Old Testament, but also in the New, where Jesus taught about pouring new wine into old wineskins (Mark 2:22).

Sometimes, we seek new experiences, yet we cling to old mindsets that cannot reasonably support the growth and expansion of what is fresh and developing. To advance our personal development, we need the power of God to spark the change that begins internally and flows externally to people and places around us.

Everything left in our past (old wine) may not necessarily be “bad,” but loyalty to our experience over faithfulness to the new wine of the Holy Spirit will restrict what the Alpha and Omega desires to launch and complete in us.

We tend to attach fear and anxiety to the unknown. It isn’t that we won’t experience discomfort or occasional apprehension. Yet, we don’t have to be controlled by the spirit of fear.

Anxiety seeks to control what we don’t know by recycling intrusive thoughts and obsessions. However, embracing God’s power, love, and self-control transplants us from abiding in the restlessness and agitation that anxiety produces (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV). We can opt into different choices that surrender the illusion of control, by continually submitting our hearts, minds, and the details we don’t know to the all-knowing God who does.

We can form healthy habits of the heart that support the newness that God desires to produce in and through us. Sometimes, we become weary in the wilderness, that is, in between what we desire to see and where we started. Motivation itself isn’t often enough to create lasting change in our personal development. Thankfully, the Lord has placed resources at our disposal that provide enough structure to support a substantial dream.

Whether or not we use those tools directly with Him, on our own, or in partnership with others, the Holy Spirit remains present to guide us into our future and the fulfillment of promises.

Be Grateful

While we don’t live in the past, remembering what God has done arms us against despair. This encourages us and boosts our faith when anxiety’s dark clouds hover.

Creating a gratitude practice is an intentional action that refocuses us on God’s limitless ability, despite present circumstances. It has the added benefit of stilling worry and anxiety associated with the uncertainty. We might find ourselves tempted to complain, mutter words of doubt, or remain agitated in fear about what God hasn’t revealed, yet we must deliberately look up and ahead.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:21-23 ESV

Whatever God has planned is better than what remains in the past. The children of Israel murmured against Moses about the leeks and cucumbers they left in Egypt, but Canaan, their Promised Land was waiting. In their future, the land of milk and honey, a fruitful land, promised to be better than what they remembered about Egyptian captivity.

“‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the Lord Almighty.” Haggai 2:9 NIV

It could be easy to camp out on past failures or successes, no matter how good, but when we turn our face toward the future that the Lord has planned, it renews hope for encountering another facet of the Father’s heart. God doesn’t make empty promises, so if the Holy Spirit has instructed us to look up or ahead, there is not only grace for it but also something He wants us to be ready to see.

Be Open

When we begin walking toward our goals and incorporating new habits, our preparation demonstrates faith in Him over our fears and anxiety. We aim our efforts and attention, much like an arrow, to strike targets in the direction of our destiny.

Clearing mental and emotional clutter releases what served a previous environment or season but won’t work in the new setting. As we learn to live with a mind that’s opened to dream with God, a heart to desire with God, and hands to do with God, we carve a welcome space for the Lord to manifest His Will on the earth.

Not only will our personal development accelerate through the fruit of goals and improved habits, but we will experience a greater dimension of the God who exceeds and abounds beyond what we ask, think, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

Be Clear 

And the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:2-3 ESV

Write the vision that God has begun to script in your heart. Sit with the Holy Spirit to hear Him clearly, even as your dreams resurface. You don’t have to fear what you see, as God is the One who has populated your heart with its unique desires (Psalm 37:4). He has the power to bring them forward and into fruition. So, be bold and creative. Identify what you want to see evolve in your life and embrace the Lord’s timing to partner with Him as it unfolds.

Use this power of visualizing by creating pictures that support your brain’s capacity to think and your mind’s ability to envision. Connect words or images that illustrate your vision in a place where you can intentionally refer to it, consistently gathering inspiration and encouragement. This practical step reinforces faith in what seems impossible.

When you don’t feel inspired or hopeful, building a habit around visualizing God’s promise, aligns and applies Scripture’s power and principles to your prayers and plans. Acting in faith before you see manifestation cultivates spiritual sustainability and stirs the courage to keep dreaming with God in the wilderness and through the waiting.

Be Diligent

Anything worth having will require an investment, whether spiritual or practical. It is important that we not only spend time with the Lord, assessing what the work will require of us in our personal development journey (Luke 14:28). We must also receive the grace that will sustain and strengthen us as we apply our natural aptitudes and spiritual abilities to our current assignment.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, Colossians 3:23 NIV

Scripture admonishes us to work willingly with our hands and to do everything as unto the Lord. While we may be tempted to disengage when the process becomes difficult, we can invite the Holy Spirit to bring times of refreshing, rest and renew us in hope, and refuel us for Jesus’ ultimate and eternal purpose (Acts 3:19).

Next Steps

While you may have experienced a variety of challenges that shelved your hope, it is possible to overcome the anxiety that may have stalled your personal development. Seek counseling resources from Newport Beach Christian Counseling and schedule with a professional for the support you need.

The Lord may be awakening you now to engage with the reality of dreaming and doing with Him. Commit to meeting with your counselor so you can embrace the courage to dream and experience the fullness you were created to enjoy with the Lord.

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Anxiety in the Bible: Why We Worry and How to Overcome It

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Our bodies are designed to respond to threats and potential threats to our well-being. If you happen to be biking on a wilderness trail and come across a rattlesnake, your body will respond instinctively before you fully process what’s happening. It’s good that the response is automatic because many situations call for a split-second response.

While this ability to respond to threats and dangers is helpful, it can also work against us. It’s one thing for your fight-or-flight response to kick in when you’re faced with a fast-moving car or a deadly snake, and another when you’re on a first date or responding to a question asked in a meeting or classroom. At those times, feeling anxious can be a disservice. For those seeking support in managing such anxiety, Newport Beach Christian Counseling can offer guidance and strategies to help navigate these moments.

How Anxiety Affects Us

When you feel anxious, that affects your mind, body, emotions, and spirit. This is a reciprocal relationship because these other things can also affect whether you feel anxious or not. For instance, if you haven’t had a good night’s rest, or you’ve had a lot of coffee, it affects your emotional regulation, and caffeine can make you more anxious.

Anxiety has a physiological effect on a person. That’s a way of saying that it changes how your body functions, and how you experience the world around you. Anxiety can also affect your life as a Christian in several ways. Physically, anxiety can lead to shortness of breath, trembling, shaking, heart palpitations, sweating, tension headaches and muscle pain, insomnia and fatigue, stomach problems, or feeling lightheaded.

These physical effects can feel uncomfortable in the moment, and they can be compounded by the emotional effects of anxiety. Anxiety can make you have mood swings and become more emotionally reactive. Your anxiety can also negatively affect your self-esteem, making you more sensitive to stress. It’s common for anxiety to make you feel restless and on edge.

Anxiety also affects your mind. While activating the fight-or-flight response boosts your ability to respond to physical threats, it can also make it harder to think and process things rationally. People who feel anxious will often report feeling like they’re spinning their mental wheels, but not really going anywhere. Anxiety will leave you with racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, and issues such as forgetfulness.

Other mental effects of anxiety include the fact that it may distort clear thinking. Sometimes anxiety leads to large leaps of logic. You may become fixated on the worst-case scenarios, in a cognitive distortion called catastrophizing. Anxiety may also result in nightmares and intrusive thoughts, leaving you on edge and hypervigilant about possible threats.

Anxiety can thus leave you feeling emotionally distressed, and not thinking clearly, and it can also strain your body in the long term. However, these aren’t the only ways that anxiety can affect you. Anxiety can also affect you spiritually. It can make spiritual disciplines like prayer, worship, or reading Scripture feel either empty or somewhat forced. You might also feel guilty or ashamed of being anxious, presuming it means you lack faith.

Not only does anxiety possibly induce feelings of shame and guilt, but it can also leave you experiencing doubt concerning whether God is in control, whether He loves you, or is present with you in your circumstances. Anxiety can leave you feeling spiritually inadequate.

Anxiety in the Bible

There are many reasons why we worry. We live in a world that’s filled with uncertainties, and dangers do exist. The Bible is a collection of stories, poems, and letters, written by people but guided by God’s Spirit. It deals with human realities, describing everyday situations that you or I could find ourselves in. We can find our experiences reflected there, and we can expect the Lord to speak clearly through it to guide us.

There are many expressions of anxiety in Scripture, by people who find themselves facing war, being betrayed by loved ones, or facing uncertainty about their safety and well-being. David’s thoughts trouble him and he is distraught because of what his enemies are saying (Psalm 55:1-5, NIV). Moses is dismayed and anxious about being called to lead God’s people (Exodus 3-4). Martha is anxious about being a good host to Jesus (Luke 10:38-42).

Anxiety is a common human experience. It occurs in any situation you can think of. Anxiety, fear, and worry are so common that many verses address them. The call to not be afraid or anxious echoes through many passages of the Bible precisely because we are so prone to these things. The Lord tells the Israelites to “fear not” and “be not dismayed” (Isaiah 41:10, ESV), and Jesus says, “Do not be anxious” (Matthew 6:25, ESV).

Scripture offers many encouragements and reminders to help us deal with our anxieties. Yes, our circumstances may seem uncertain, but God cares for us. Jesus reminds His followers about God’s care for all His creation, including us, and that is why we ought not to be anxious (Matthew 6:25-34). Instead of carrying them ourselves, we are to cast our anxieties on God because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7, ESV).

Instead of relying on our own strength and wisdom, we are called to trust in God. One Psalm says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright.” (Psalm 20:7-8, ESV) God, as the one who has all things in His hands, and who sees the end from the beginning, is more trustworthy than anything or anyone else, including ourselves (Proverbs 3:5-6).

One of the more famous passages about anxiety comes from the letter the apostle Paul wrote to the Christians in the city of Philippi. Paul, who was writing from jail, wanted to encourage them to remain steadfast in the Lord, and for them to imitate models of faithfulness. He instructs them on how to deal with their anxieties, saying:

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus – Philippians 4:5-7, ESV

Instead of being anxious, the believer should take the things that are causing concern and pray about them to God. The Lord’s promised response is to guard the believer’s heart and mind, securing their sense of peace in Christ Jesus.

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety can be overcome using several effective strategies. There are ways of coping with anxiety, managing it, and bringing it under control. As anxiety can be caused by a variety of factors, and affects you in different ways, using several complementary strategies may be the most effective way to address it.

Some of the strategies you can implement to handle anxiety in your life include the following:

Exercise

Getting regular exercise can help to reduce your levels of stress as well as make you feel good. Exercise can also give you a way to focus on something other than your anxious thoughts and worries.

Self–expression

Anxiety can eat you up inside if you keep it bottled up. That’s one reason praying about your anxieties makes a difference. Putting your anxieties into words helps you to start getting a handle on them. Sometimes you gain a clearer picture of what’s at the root. By placing it before the Lord and leaving it to Him, it gives room for Him to give you comfort and peace.

Other forms of self-expression that can help you deal with anxiety include journaling, and using art. When you journal, you can also gain a deeper awareness of patterns. Also, you can record your prayers and reflections on Scripture and how the Lord has answered your prayers.

Meditating on Scripture

If you allow it, Scripture can reshape the way you see things, including yourself and your circumstances. Meditating on Scriptures like Psalm 23, Psalm 46:1-3, or Matthew 6:25-34 can help to calm you, remind you of how the Lord is with you, and how there is no real reason to fear or worry.

As you meditate on Scripture, you can remind yourself of certain truths, and also reframe your experiences. There are stories of Bible heroes being anxious, so you’re not alone. You’ll also encounter the Lord’s strength being perfected in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) and come to an understanding that anxiety doesn’t define you. You can keep moving forward despite being anxious.

Relaxation techniques and self–care

Other forms of self-care aside from exercise include ensuring that you get good sleep, as this helps you with emotional regulation. Take breaks, as that helps you to reduce stress and avoid being emotionally reactive.

Some relaxation techniques you can implement to reduce anxiety include deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. The latter helps to reduce muscle tension, which can be an effect of anxiety, and the former can help calm you down in the event you find yourself feeling anxious.

Seek help

Anxiety can be overwhelming, and it can isolate you. You don’t have to deal with it alone. You can share what you’re going through with mature and trusted believers or seek professional help from a Christian counselor. Through talk therapy, and with medication where that’s helpful and prescribed by a doctor, you can bring your anxiety under control.

Anxiety doesn’t have to define you, and it certainly doesn’t disqualify you from a deep and fulfilling relationship with the Lord. Reach out to Newport Beach Christian Counseling today if you would like to talk to a Christian counselor to work through your struggles. We have appointments ready with trained Christian therapists in our practice.

Photos:
“Stressed”, Courtesy of Uday Mittal, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Stressed”, Courtesy of Christian Erfurt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Faith Over Fear”, Courtesy of Sincerely Media, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Studying the Word”, Courtesy of Rachel Strong, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

 

7 Ways to Cure Emotional Exhaustion

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Stress is a natural part of life. No matter how hard a person tries, it is almost impossible to avoid all stress. Social media and technology fuel our technologically advanced world; technology was meant to improve our lives and make things more efficient. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers tools and support to help you manage stress and find balance in this fast-paced, tech-driven world.

However, technology has allotted us so much time that we fit too much into our day and our minds get overly stimulated. Cell phones also add to our stress because we are constantly online and available. Whether scrolling through a social media feed, texting a friend, or looking at the Internet to find a bargain, our minds are constantly stimulated with information.

This stimulation causes cortisol levels to rise in our bodies, causing us undue stress and perhaps anxiety. Cortisol levels that are elevated for long periods can cause mental and emotional strain on our bodies. If you are on the go for too long without giving yourself adequate time for rest, you are vulnerable to emotional exhaustion. The symptoms of emotional exhaustion may be hard to pinpoint.

Some of the symptoms of emotional exhaustion can include (but not limited to):

  • Increased sadness.
  • Irritability.
  • Anxiety.
  • Inability to sleep.
  • Poor diet choices.
  • Failure to thrive in relationships.

Seven Means of Addressing Emotional Exhaustion

It is possible to cure emotional exhaustion. Here are some methods to consider:

Unplug from screens

The human body is made to lower its cortisol levels naturally. But it’s impossible to do that when our minds and bodies are stimulated by television, computers, and phone screens. Limit the amount of time you watch the screen. This adjustment may be a slight change in your lifestyle, but it could also mean a significant change in your health. A person may use their phone, computer, and television more often than they should and not even realize it.

A person’s eyes, ears, and brain were not made to receive information constantly. Just like your physical body, the brain needs rest. Limit screen time to work for an hour on the phone or television in the evening only. Unplug the rest of the time. If a person finds this problematic, they may be addicted to their screens.

Rest

Allow the body time to rest. Take sixty minutes each day when you normally look at a screen and get into a dark, cool room. Place a cold washcloth or sleep mask over your eyes. Listen to the sound of your breathing. Take deep breaths for sixty minutes. Try not to sleep (don’t fight it if you must sleep). Catching up on physical rest may be a way for your body to restore its cortisol levels.

Remove toxic people

Although this may be difficult, it may be time to take inventory of your friendships. Are there people in your life that drain you emotionally? These may be people who only reach out to you when they need something, take more than they give, or talk about you behind your back.

Start with social media. Go through your friends list and delete anyone who is not interacting with your social media feed. You may find you have extra friends on your list who are not friends.

Next, go through your phone and find people you contact often. Are they all people who you would consider friends? If a person is presented as a good friend, keep them. If a person has not been a good friend, delete them. Be honest if the person reaches out to you and asks why you have not contacted them.

Let them know the friendship is just not working out. You may get some backlash from the person who’s angry that you terminated the friendship but count the cost. You may not have lost much in the end.

Limit draining conversations

You may have some people in your life who would like to process their issues and pain with you. While this can be helpful, you can’t be everyone’s counselor. Draw boundaries and let a person know you cannot talk with them about their issues or pain anymore.

As a friend, you may be carrying their burden for them. But this is not healthy for you or the friendship. Tell a person they can tell you about their day or how they’re doing in ten minutes or less. Tell them that you’ll switch the subject to something more lighthearted. This is good for your emotional state because you won’t be carrying another person’s burden for them.

Work less

While this may not be ideal for everyone, if work stresses you out too much, find a way to work smarter, not harder. Is it necessary to work forty hours? Can you be more efficient so you’re not working so hard throughout the week?

Discover new ways to work less and enjoy life more. Work can give us a great sense of purpose and worth, but it also can be emotionally draining. The adrenal glands, which are the control center for stress and anxiety, can get overly taxed if overused for too long. The more time you spend on creative activities and friendships, the happier you’ll be.

Get creative

People were made to create. If you are creative, find a way to unlock that creative potential again. Find outlets that make you happy. For example, if you are not a painter but love to work with paint, find a paint-by-number kit or canvas that already has a picture on it. This creative solution will save you time from having to think of something to draw, but you also won’t have to worry about being perfect. The point is to be creative.

Connect with God

On the whole, Christians don’t spend nearly enough time with God. Due to an overly packed schedule, most Christians spend 20 minutes to 1/2 hour each day in time with the Lord. While this is important and a great start, strive to spend more time connecting with God. Go to a solitary place, get alone, and ask the Lord to speak.

Listen for God’s still, small voice. Listening to God’s voice and obeying Him throughout the day is an incredible skill that will grow you spiritually and allow you to replenish yourself emotionally.

The more time you spend with God, the more you’ll want to talk to Him about the issues in your life. This time with God may cause you to release grief through tears or rage. These are two great ways to release your emotions naturally.

Take your issues to God and allow Him to carry them. The more comfortable you become spending time with God, the more you will be able to release the big emotions weighing you down. Just like on the cross, allow Jesus to carry your burdens with Him and intercede on your behalf. The act of giving up casting your cares to the Lord alone will help you replenish yourself through emotional exhaustion.

Next Steps

Emotional exhaustion is more common than people think. But by trying the suggestions above, you will do your physical body and spirit a great service and ensure your emotional state is as healthy as possible. These changes will help you become a better human being and a Christian.

Sometimes we need a counselor to help us see our way through emotional exhaustion and the causes of it. If you would like the help of one of our Christian counselors, don’t hesitate to contact Newport Beach Christian Counseling today.

Photos:
“Sad Man”, Courtesy of Ben White, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Overworked”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Hammocks”, Courtesy of Andika Christian, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Cross”, Courtesy of Aaron Burden, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Reasons Men Pursue Counseling and How Therapy for Men Can Help

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There is a common cultural assumption that women talk more than men. If that is true, it may make going to talk therapy easier for women than men. However, much of that is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Therapy for men has many benefits.

If it is assumed that girls talk more than boys, perhaps adults spend more time talking to girls than boys, thus giving them stronger conversational skills from a younger age. As such, men going to therapy may face unique challenges that women may not, leading to a different therapy experience. Gender assumptions should not prevent anyone from accessing the benefits of therapy.

Reasons Men Pursue Counseling

Therapy for men is different from therapy for women only in the same way that it is different for everyone. Each individual brings their unique personality and struggles to therapy. There are a few common reasons men begin a therapy journey. Newport Beach Christian Counseling provides a safe and supportive space tailored to meet the unique needs of men seeking therapy.

Anger Management

From a young age, men are often shown a model that anger is the most effective way of achieving results. It could start in locker rooms or the home. Physical violence has too frequently been dismissed as “boys will be boys.” Anger does not need to be a cause of harm. Anger can be justified, but harm and destruction are never appropriate. Therapy can help you understand what anger feels like in your body and take action to vent it healthily for you and everyone around you.

Depression

Men are just as much at risk for depression as women but less frequently diagnosed. Men are far more likely to be successful in a suicide attempt than women are. Any number of things can cause depression, and the consequences of untreated depression in men are likely to be severe. If you are feeling hopeless and sad, struggling with sleeping and eating, or have any thoughts of self-harm, reach out today.

Substance Abuse

For some men, alcoholism has long been a coping mechanism for depression and sometimes leads to further issues of anger. Societal and genetic factors both play a role in the influence of substance abuse. One of the best ways to avoid substance abuse is to have a support network. A therapist can be an integral part of the network.

Having a solid friend group and healthy relationships with family are also key to recovering from and managing substance abuse in your life. Substance abuse can often be a symptom of deeper issues, so allow the journey of healing to have its ups and downs.

Stress

Once again, cultural norms can impact how men feel about stress. Men have different expectations about careers and relationships than women. When the norms they experience are threatened, it can lead to anxiety, uncertainty, and frustration.

While pop culture has often modeled the “strong, silent man” as the ideal, no person can carry their burdens alone. Regular therapy appointments build the stress muscles like lifting weights builds your other muscles. Handling and offloading stress appropriately will lead to greater peace in your life.

Therapy for Men: How Can It Help?

Opening your mind to change is an essential first step to therapy. If you dig in your heels and resist advice and input, the troubles you are experiencing will not disappear. They are more likely to metastasize, causing more work, relationships, and health issues.

Self-awareness

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is crucial to growth and healing. Often, your assets have a negative side, and therapy can reveal this. Listening skills will become a key part of your life tool bag.

Compassion

Empathy can be learned; seeing a situation from another person’s perspective helps you navigate difficult situations with kindness. You will learn to lead from a place of positive intent and show support for the people you interact with at home and beyond.

Balance

Establishing boundaries in your life is preventative in many ways. Knowing how to prioritize all things appropriately takes practice, but over time, it pays off with greater life satisfaction.

Healthy Relationships

When you love the people in your life well, they support your therapy work. This starts by learning to communicate with them. Therapy is the rehearsal for the big show that is your day-to-day life.

Identify and express emotions

Tears, outbursts of anger, and expressions of joy are normal and should be expressed. You are not an emotionless robot. Learning healthy outlets for emotions will improve your overall mood and relationships.

If you are ready to start your therapy journey today, call Newport Beach Christian Counseling for an appointment with one of our counselors. We will help you find the best fit for your needs, and will support you in learning to navigate the struggles of your life with grace and dignity.

References:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/male-depression/art-20046216
https://www.addictioncenter.com/addiction/differences-men-women/
Photo:
“Workspace”, Courtesy of Mushaboom Studio, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Helping Your Child Navigate Anger

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Anger is a normal part of growing up, but chronic uncontrolled anger in children can lead to emotional and physical health issues. Ephesians 4:26 says, “…in your anger do not sin,” which implies that it is okay to feel angry, but you should not let it control your behavior.

There are healthy and unhealthy ways that anger can be expressed, and as a parent, it is your responsibility to teach your kids how to express anger positively and constructively. But I understand that this can be extremely difficult, especially if you didn’t grow up with good role models or if this is an area where you’re still growing.

As a young child, I learned I could not express any negative emotions because my parents were not equipped to handle them. Whenever I didn’t comply or had anything to say that they didn’t agree with, they would lose control. They would yell and threaten me with physical punishment if I didn’t do what they asked.

When I got older, I realized that my parents were repeating behaviors they had learned from their parents. After having my two daughters, I realized that if I didn’t change how I responded to my kids, I was destined to continue the same destructive cycle.

Managing anger is not a skill we are born with, and based on our environment, we can develop an unhealthy relationship with our emotions. As Christians, we are called to manage our emotions in a way that aligns with God’s will. We must learn how to do this and keep practicing in order to master it.

By mastering it, I mean that you can effectively manage anger by learning to control your reactions when you are triggered. You can learn to respond in a healthy way, rather than letting it control your behavior. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers support and guidance to help you develop the tools needed to manage anger effectively.

The following are insights I have learned that can help you.

The Physiology of Anger

First, it’s important to have a basic understanding of how anger affects your mind, spirit, and body. Our brains are wired to react without thinking through the consequences of our actions. When we feel threatened our brain releases chemicals that give us a rush of energy. These chemicals prepare our body for action, but we can learn to switch this emotional response off by helping our brain find ways to gain control.

Once the switch is turned off, it will then allow you to decide how to react to the anger in a rational way and not on auto-pilot. When your kids push your buttons, your body gets wound up and prepared to fight, but the good news is that you can also wind your body back down to a more relaxed state.

Have you ever thought about how anger affects your spirit? Anger drains your inner peace and clouds your judgment. It hinders your connection to God and your loved ones, creating a sense of disharmony. It can leave you feeling depleted and even disconnected from yourself.

Proverbs 16:32 says, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” In this verse, Solomon commends the person who can control their temper. Self-discipline that can put a lid on anger and control it is at a greater advantage than that of a soldier being able to defeat others in battle.

Your Child’s Temperament

Temperament describes a child’s emotional and behavioral style. It’s their natural way of being and how they respond to others and the world around them. Temperament has a lot to do with how easily children can adapt to situations. Some children express anger more often than others. They may be more sensitive to how they are spoken to or looked at. If adults laugh at them or exacerbate them, they might withdraw, fight back, or cry.

Some children have temperaments with high reactivity or low frustration tolerance. Children with high reactivity tend to respond strongly to environmental changes or perceived stressors, quickly escalating when things don’t go their way. Those with low frustration tolerance become easily frustrated when faced with challenges, leading to quick anger outbursts.

The more precisely you know your child and adapt your parenting style to meet their needs, the more quickly your child will learn to respond in healthy ways. Take advantage of those moments, as they are opportunities for you to help them regulate and grow emotionally.

The Roots Of Anger

Anger usually comes after your child has experienced some sort of pain. This pain can be physical or emotional. When that pain combines with certain thoughts or interpretations, your child may conclude that someone is trying to purposely hurt them.

Kids usually react with anger as a way to protect themselves or as a way to avoid feeling pain when they lack the emotional skills to identify and cope with complex feelings. When children lash out, they shift their focus away from themselves onto others.

As parents, we can help our children by shifting our focus away from the external behavior to what might be lying underneath. By exploring the cause of the pain and providing comfort so that they can regulate their bodies, we can help them become emotionally mature.

When my daughter was almost two years old, she went from 0-60 in less than three seconds. Her face would turn red then purple, and she would just stand there with her mouth wide open, but no sound would come out. I would often get anxious, not knowing what to do. At times it felt like she would pass out because it seemed like she couldn’t catch her breath.

I was at a loss as to what to do. Friends and family thought it was hysterical and would laugh, but this would only cause my daughter more pain and intensify her distress. I had no idea how to comfort her nor how to offer her support, so it went on for years. What started as a moment of dysregulation turned into many moments of my daughter suddenly bursting either into tears or anger when she was frustrated or upset.

Anger is energy

When my daughters were young I had quite a temper. I would get angry when I cleaned the house and others weren’t helping. I would get angry when family members were on the couch watching TV and I felt that I never had time to rest. I would get angry when my kids had tantrums because it was such an inconvenience to my daily routine. I got angry a lot, and I was usually in a foul mood most of the time.

I expected them to read my mind and know how tired I felt and want to naturally help me and ease my dissatisfaction with all the things I had to accomplish now that I was a parent. I expected them to make me happy by cooperating, listening, and complying.

When they didn’t, I was unhappy and it showed. Everyone walked on eggshells when I was around. I thought everyone was the problem except me. Luckily, I went on a personal journey and discovered that due to childhood trauma and other factors, I had developed an unhealthy relationship with my emotions.

Seeking Support To Grow Spiritually

Nobody changes on their own. If you want to grow emotionally and spiritually by dealing with past traumas that can be attributed to repressed anger or simply learn skills you were never taught to become a better parent, reach out for support at Newport Beach Christian Counseling . I believe that it’s never too late to make adjustments today that will greatly benefit you tomorrow. You get to decide the kind of legacy you want to hand down to your children.

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Are Personality Tests Helpful?

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Understanding ourselves takes a lifetime. It requires introspection, insightful mentors, and constant change. Who we were as children bears similarities to who we were as teens, who we are as adults, and who we will be when we are elderly. There will also be many differences. Our experiences change us. Many just let it happen, but some take action (such as taking personality tests) to change themselves from the inside out, taking personal development seriously.

Using personality typing systems is one way to work on personal development and self-improvement. There are several out there, each offering features that help with different aspects of personal growth. Personality tests can be used to build self-awareness and empathy. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you explore these tools as part of your journey toward greater personal growth and understanding.

How are personality tests helpful?

In some ways, it can be like hacking yourself. As you learn about your personality’s strengths and weaknesses, you can use tools that best suit you. For example, if you understand that you are a morning or night person, you can choose the time of day to apply your energy effectively.

Different personality tests provide various types of insights. Let’s take a quick look at three popular personality tests.

Myers-Briggs

This personality test uses a system of contrasts to create sixteen distinct personality types. According to the primary website, “The Myers-Briggs framework consists of eight preferences organized into four pairs of opposites.

Your MBTI personality type represents your natural preferences in four important aspects of personality. We use all the preferences, but most people prefer one side of a preference pair more than the other, which accounts for the natural personality differences between people.”

By testing where your preferences fall, you develop a combination that explains how you interact with society. Your Myers-Briggs can change several times throughout your life. Coming back to it from time to time is a fascinating exercise in self-development.

The Enneagram

At a basic look, this personality test provides nine personality types for categorization. However, as any Enneagram coach will tell you, it is far more layered. There are wings and arrows; there are healthy, average, and unhealthy versions of every number, and there are many other details to explore when you learn about the Enneagram.

According to Enneagram coach Suzanne Stabile, “the Enneagram acts as a unique tool for understanding and explaining human behavior and the underlying motivations that drive behavior and the gifts we all have for the transformation of non-productive encounters with others.”

The Clifton Strengths

This test is often used for career purposes. The primary results are your top five strengths. You can leverage these strengths to increase your productivity and value in whatever your field of work. Leadership may use this test to determine how best to work with their team. According to the systems founder, Don Clifton, “Strengths science answers questions about what’s right with people rather than what’s wrong with them.”

If you want to find it, many, many other tests examine particular aspects of personality, worldview, and motivations. Just for fun, you can also take tests exploring what kind of animal you are, what castle matches your personality, or what historical figure you are most like.

Weaknesses

When self-improvement is the goal of taking personality tests, you can gain some great things: insights into your strengths and weaknesses, an understanding of your core values, and how other people are different from you. It can be valuable to help you with relationships, particularly when you know what someone else’s personality type is. You can build empathy by learning about how other people think and react.

It can be tempting to use personality tests to excuse bad behavior. No amount of tests will change who you are. It is entirely up to you to do the work of self-improvement, and personality tests should be a launching point rather than a final explanation.

Your faith also influences your personality. Always hold fast to the truth that no matter what these personality tests say, you are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image.

Personality Tests and Counseling

If you take a personality test, bring the results to counseling. Your counselor can help you use the information in a way that is beneficial to your personal development. They can combine what they know about you with that test to create a plan that helps you achieve your goals.

A counselor is a mentor who can help you use the tool of personality tests most effectively. Call Newport Beach Christian Counseling today to get started with your journey of self-improvement.

References:https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/myers-briggs-overview/

https://www.theenneagramjourney.org/the-enneagram

https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/253790/science-of-cliftonstrengths.aspx

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The Benefits of Taking a Step Back

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When facing a challenge, many people think it is essential to face it head-on. Whether a problem at work, a fear you struggle with, an argument with a spouse, or even a medical crisis, there are aspects that you need to see to swiftly. However, very rarely, are these problems so urgent that you cannot take a step back to regroup. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can support you in finding the space and tools you need to effectively navigate challenges in your life.

You may feel the urge to take action immediately in order to get to the other side of the issue. You may even feel pressure from someone else to address the situation immediately. Whether the desire to work through the issue is internal, stemming from something within you, or external, stemming from someone or something else, it is beneficial to think about whether you need to handle the problem immediately.

This is especially important to consider if it is a long-term issue. These problems may be difficult to manage over extended periods of time. Doing so can cause additional stress, anxiety, anger, or burnout that prevents you from making good choices.

Taking a Step Back

Instead of pressing forward, pause and ask yourself some questions:

  • Does this problem need to be dealt with immediately?
  • Am I in danger? Is anyone else in danger?
  • Am I handling this well?
  • Would I benefit from extra time to think through things?
  • Do I need counsel from a trusted friend, pastor, or therapist?

Answering these questions can help determine if you need to address the issue right away or if you have the ability to take a step back. If someone is in danger, including yourself, it is essential that you make changes to ensure everyone’s safety.

For example, if someone is hurting you, it is important to remove yourself from danger. Similarly, if your child is being bullied, you need to make sure your child is safe before taking a step back to evaluate further.

If you are doing your best to navigate a situation, but find that you are not functioning well, it may be time to step back. Indicators like stress, anxiety, short-temperedness, procrastination, avoidance, and anger are indicators that you need space and support in whatever you are facing.

As you consider your specific situation, you can determine when and how to take a step back. Options may include:

  • Taking a break from an argument
  • Taking a mental health day from school or work
  • Seeking counseling before addressing the issue further
  • Doing something that calms you
  • Practicing breathing exercises
  • Praying
  • Meditating

As you try these things, you will notice several benefits of taking a step back. They may not be immediate, but as you practice them, you can discover how helpful they can be.

Some noteworthy benefits that come with an intentional pause during a challenging situation include:

Seeing What’s Best for You

When you are close to a problem it can be hard to truly see what is best for you. Taking a step back can help you better understand the best path for you without the noise of other people’s opinions.

Taking Time to Heal

Struggling with conflict or crisis, whether personal, relational, or work related, generates countless opportunities for you to be hurt. The way someone treats you, the burden of prolonged stress, or the wounds of your past can leave you feeling vulnerable and broken. Taking a step back gives you time and space to heal.

Reflecting on Your Thoughts and Feelings

Sometimes something that starts small can spiral into a bigger issue. This happens frequently in many relationships. What started as a little disagreement can spiral into an intense argument or long-lasting grudge. This can make it particularly hard to truly consider your thoughts and feelings. Taking a step back gives you a chance to think. It allows you to look more objectively at how you feel.

Enjoying the Present Moment

People rarely take time to enjoy things when life feels hard. It is easy to worry about how to move forward or stress about what is to come. This prevents you from enjoying anything in the present. Taking a step back gives space to be present and find joy in what.

Seeing Another Perspective

People do not always see other perspectives when they are in the middle of a problem. It is easy to get stuck in your thinking, never considering things from another angle or thinking how another person may see the situation. When you take a step back, you can consider the problem from various angles. You can even ask God to help you do this.

Discovering Your Values

Identifying your values feels simple when you are not in the middle of a crisis, but things can change quickly when you are. It is easy for you to disregard the values you hold because you are busy trying to manage your overwhelming situation. Taking a step back gives an opportunity to look at what you value most and see how to move forward with that in mind.

Understanding the Bigger Picture

Rarely do people see the broad picture in the heat of a conflict. When a couple argues about doing the chores, it may seem like it is about laundry and mowing the lawn. In reality, it may be about something else. Perhaps one person is feeling overwhelmed with the demands on them. Maybe there are unmet expectations around chore sharing. Taking a step back can help people see what is actually beneath the surface.

Refocusing

It is always good to keep things in focus. In the middle of a crisis, it is easy to get hyper focused on certain things while losing focus of other things completely. Taking a step back will help you refocus on what is really happening and what is most important.

Finding Yourself

Problems have a way of making people lose themselves. Whether it is getting bogged down in a stressful work environment or drowning in the day to day of parenting, you can work so hard to get through a day that you lose track of your needs and feelings. When you take a step back you are available to rediscover the unique things that make you special.

Recharging

Struggle wears people out. It can make you tired, weary from trying to manage things or address the issue you are facing. You may notice it in other areas of your life. For example, when you are dealing with an issue at work, you may come home and snap at your roommate even though they did nothing wrong. Carrying problems is exhausting. Taking a step back is an effective way to recharge in order to return to your problem.

God Calls You to Step Back and Look to Him

Jesus instructs His people what to do when things feel hard. He wants you to come to Him. He promises hope and rest as you move forward.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)

You Do Not Need to Do This Alone

Taking a step back can be hard. As you face obstacles, the idea of not acting right away can be scary. Talking to a counselor can make the process easier. A trained counselor can help you better understand your situation, help you address any urgent needs, and guide you as you take a step back.

Having a person walk this road with you is incredibly helpful. Call our office at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to connect with a counselor with experience relating to your unique needs. A counselor will support you as you find the best way to move forward.

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5 Ways to Support Your Loved One With PTSD

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PTSD affects a person’s mood, physical health, and outlook on life. It can take years to heal , and it affects every aspect of a person’s life. Loved ones can make all the difference in a person’s journey through PTSD, but it’s not always easy to know how to help. Sometimes, we may think we are doing something good when we are unintentionally causing harm. Understanding how to offer the right kind of support is key. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help guide both those experiencing PTSD and their loved ones through this complex process, ensuring everyone has the tools they need to heal together in a healthy, supportive way.

There are five things everyone can do to help their loved one navigate PTSD. These things might not feel natural to do and some of them take practice and patience to implement. What counts is that you are learning, trying, and being patient as you try to help.

How to Help with PTSD

Go slow and let them determine the pace

After experiencing trauma, most people want to feel safe and comfortable as they process the experience and try to heal from it. This might cause them to become insular or even isolated. In the context of a relationship, they might seem cold, distant, and detached.

It’s alarming to feel distance from a loved one. What is important to remember is that their actions are not personal. They are simply trying to cope with the aftermath of trauma. If it is their first time dealing with PTSD, they likely don’t know what they are doing and might be afraid, overwhelmed, and unbalanced. Let them take the lead and set the pace so that they can begin to feel in control of their lives once more. This is their first step on the path to healing.

Don’t be surprised by outbursts or unusual behavior

One of the effects of PTSD is on a person’s nervous system. Ordinary places like shopping malls or crowded venues like churches might suddenly trigger them. Certain smells, flavors, or sounds might make them jumpy or repulsed. They might even display symptoms of dizziness or clumsiness from time to time.

It’s worrying to see these behaviors in people who previously never acted like this. PTSD causes many triggers that are impossible to control at first. Your reaction to this behavior can either help or harm them as they try to understand their triggers and how best to react to certain stimuli. Reassure them that you are not judging them and try to help them as they learn their triggers.

Remind them that they are loved

Our grandparents once taught us that “words will never hurt us,” but sadly, this is not true. People are often ashamed to be dealing with PTSD on top of the existing emotions stemming from their trauma. They might feel deep embarrassment, shame, guilt, and even self-loathing over the events in their past. It is often these emotions that present the biggest hurdles to healing.

They need to hear your verbal affection and pledges to stick with them, regardless of the complications. They need to hear that they are loved and lovable. Any promise must be backed up by action, so show up for them again and again.

Encourage them to get extra support or treatment

Shame and guilt often keep people from getting help, although there may be several reasons why your loved one does not want to get help. Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of not knowing where to go or what help is available.

You could help them by talking to them about therapy and counseling. If they are open to it, you could help them look into the availability of therapists, support groups, counselors, and other resources.

Educate yourself on PTSD and complex trauma

PTSD and CPTSD are complex issues. One of the best ways to help a loved one is to research these topics and learn about the science and emotional impact of them. This will help you understand what your loved one is going through and why they are acting the way they are. It will also help you know how to communicate with them and give them the specific care they need most.

Caring for a loved one with PTSD can be difficult, and many people are wary of adding to the trauma their loved one is facing, even accidentally. Sometimes, we just need to know that everything is “normal” even though it doesn’t feel like it.

Finding Support Through Trauma Therapy

Every helper needs support of their own. A counselor is an important addition to make for both your loved one with PTSD and for yourself. A therapist at Newport Beach Christian Counseling can give you the assurance you need, as well as long-term support.

If you are interested in meeting with a Christian counselor, contact us at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California today. We will arrange a visit with a qualified therapist. They will lend their support to you as you care for and cope with your loved one’s PTSD.

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Counseling and Help for Helping Professionals

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Being in the helping profession can be a fulfilling journey. These are the people who meet us at our most vulnerable times and offer to help. It can be a teacher in a class or a first responder coming to the scene of an accident. When we talk of those in the helping professions, they cover many categories. Below is a list of some of them:

  • Emergency services (First Responders, ambulance drivers, disaster relief workers, firefighters, police services)
  • Mental health and counseling services (Counselors, mental health advocates, psychologists)
  • Health Care Professionals (Nurses, doctors, EMTs, Midwives, etc.)
  • Non-Governmental Organization professionals
  • Social Services (Hospice workers, child welfare workers, domestic violence advocates)
  • Spiritual and Religious leaders (priests, Pastors, Rabbis, Imams)
  • Educational Services (Teachers, Lecturers, Professors, School Counselors)
  • Legal Services (Judges, Attorneys, Public Defenders, Mediators etc.)

Though the work they do is valuable and serves a great need in society, it comes with unique challenges and stressors. Constantly being there for others can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. The impact of these stressors can have a huge impact if not addressed in time. Due to the nature of the work those in the helping profession do, they rarely think of themselves as the ones needing help. This is why organizations and companies that employ those in the helping professions need to have strong Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) available. These programs can provide essential support for individuals in the helping professions, ensuring they have access to resources like Newport Beach Christian Counseling to address their own emotional and mental health needs.

Common Stressors for Helping Professionals

These programs can assist with some of the stressors that come with helping professions like the ones below:

Burnout

Many in the helping professions must deal with high workloads with few staff and resources to help them out. The fact that they also work long hours at a time can contribute to burnout. This is when the body experiences extreme levels of deep exhaustion. Burnout is common for those who are in the helping professions.

Spillover into personal life

Trying to gain a balance between life and work can be difficult for those in the helping profession. Not only is it the long hours that hinder the ability to attend to other aspects of life, it’s just that the work can also be all-consuming. Struggling to “switch off” when one gets home is a common complaint. This can have a huge impact on the person’s relationships and general well-being.

Compassion Fatigue

Being in the profession of helping others can cause compassion fatigue. This is the impact that helping has on individuals. It can be emotional, mental, or physical. Compassion fatigue causes those who are going through it to be unwilling and unable to care for others. There is a level of disinterest in the welfare of others due to constant exposure to trauma and suffering.

Secondary or Vicarious Trauma

Vicarious trauma happens when those in the helping professions witness or hear about their client’s or patient’s trauma and they take it upon themselves. This is not voluntary but can manifest itself through intrusive thoughts or nightmares. Unfortunately, those in the helping professions are constantly being exposed to the trauma of others and sometimes without adequate support.

Grief and Loss

An unfortunate reality for those in the helping professions, especially those in the healthcare industry, is that they will experience the death of their patients. This can be emotionally challenging and lead to dealing with grief and loss constantly.

Mental Health Issues

PTSD, depression, and anxiety are some common mental health issues experienced by those in the helping professions. The work they do is emotionally taxing meaning without adequate support they could struggle mentally.

Physical Health problems

Physical health issues are a reality for those who work in the healthcare industry. During the COVID-19 pandemic, they were on the front line and therefore more at risk for contracting the virus themselves. Those in the health profession are also more at risk of physical harm as they carry and attend to those in distress.

Help For the Helpers

As essential as the work done by those in the helping professions is, questions need to be asked by organizations and society about what sort of help and support can be offered. Being in a helping profession means that there needs to be a huge emphasis on self-care, organizational support, and seeking professional help when needed.

Being able to take care of oneself is important when in the helping profession. This does not mean a person is being selfish but making sure that they are healthy enough to carry out their duties. Self-care can be achieved by taking care of the physical body, making sure one gets enough exercise, eats right, gets enough sleep, and seeking professional or medical help when they are not well. Taking time to be involved in one’s favorite hobbies and building relationships ensures that individuals are allowing themselves to unplug from their work and care for other aspects of their lives. Relationships are important as they provide the much-needed social support that those in the helping professions need. Being part of a loving and vibrant church community can offer these relationships and support.

A huge part of self-care is the ability for one to have boundaries. This must be both in their professional and personal world. Having boundaries will guard against being burnt out and suffering from compassion fatigue. As much as it is within one’s power, they might need to cut down on shifts at work or limit their church and family commitments so that they are not overstretched. Part of having boundaries can also come in the form of carving out time for prayer and meditation. This is the time one can give themselves to just be still, rest, and commune with God.

Organizational support is also important for those in the helping professions. This can come in the form of Employee Assistance Programs that cater to the unique needs of the profession. Companies and organizations can run seminars and training courses that address any of the risks that are posed. Organizations can also provide career counseling and coaching services to their employees, so they are kept up to date with the changes in their profession, thus reducing the risks of stress in the workplace. Personalized supervision and consultations can also be provided for employees so that they have superiors they can rely on to give direction and guidance.

Professional help for those in the helping professions can come in the form of psychological, psychiatric, or medical help. Due to the dangers posed on individuals due to the stressors they go through daily, access to the above should be made available. Those in the helping professions might struggle with PTSD, Vicarious Trauma, depression, anxiety, physical injuries, and grief. These require professional help. This is in the form of individual counseling, specialized trauma therapy, support groups, and medical and psychiatric interventions. Due to the high-stress nature of helping professionals, greater importance needs to be placed on supporting them and providing them with the necessary resources. Resources need to be available for those who might need regular medical check-ups due to the nature of their work.

All this does not mean that all those in the helping profession are struggling. Most of these challenges have been mitigated by organizations and companies that set up appropriate services for the welfare of their employees. With adequate support, it can be a fulfilling journey to be in any of these professions as long as individuals prioritize self-care and make use of the support structures available to them.

Reach Out for Support

Being in the helping profession can be isolating and sometimes difficult to deal with. If you find you are struggling because of your work and need help and guidance, please reach out to our offices at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. There are trained Therapists who are ready to provide a safe and confidential environment for you to work through any work-related concerns.

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4 Tips for Surviving Infidelity

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Infidelity and affairs hurt more than the relationship between a husband and wife. It breaks down trust, feelings of love and acceptance, and self-confidence, and increases insecurity and fear. These are obstacles to tackle if you want to stay together. Ignoring these emotions will only cause them to fester as the weeks, months, and years pass, trapping you in the past. Surviving infidelity is possible with hard work, patience, and recommitment to the union. Seeking help from Newport Beach Christian Counseling can provide the guidance and support needed to rebuild trust and heal together in a safe and supportive environment.

4 tips for surviving infidelity

Surviving infidelity and remaining married requires work from both spouses. This may not seem fair to the hurt spouse at first. If you are the one who was hurt, you might feel that the other person should have to put in all the work to fix what they broke. This is a natural reaction to injustice.

However, surviving infidelity means acknowledging that things will never truly go back to the way they were. The affair changed you, your spouse, and your relationship. You must discover and navigate this new relationship to rebuild and strengthen it.

Take your vows seriously by recommitting

If you seek reconciliation only because you are afraid of the future, being alone, or “for the kids,” you should reconsider. A marriage can only last if the couple is 100% committed to making it work against the odds. Read over your marriage vows and recommit to the relationship before seeking help.

Seek help to overcome marital issues

Although you can heal a marriage without outside help, seeking advice from knowledgeable and experienced people can help repair the bond. That advice may come from your pastor in the form of marriage counseling or a mental health professional specializing in surviving infidelity and affairs. You need guidance during this season, not judgment. Be discerning in who you choose to confide in about your marriage.

Look to improve yourself

Although pointing out your spouse’s flaws is tempting, especially after an affair, when rebuilding the relationship, look to improve yourself. If you seek marriage counseling, the counselor will work with both of you, but think about what characteristics you want to attain. What are your values? Do you reflect them? You cannot change another person. You cannot “fix” them. Only they can do that. The only thing you can control is bettering yourself.

Bring God into the equation

Often, our lives are busy and chaotic, and when the storms hit, we leave God entirely out of the problem. Yet, God holds the solutions, the healing, and the peace. Bring God back into the marriage covenant, asking Him to lead both of you by His Holy Spirit to make the right decisions and open your hearts to healing and trust.

How counseling can help

Following an affair, the feelings of betrayal and hurt are too raw. The hurt spouse may be shocked, angry, or sad (or all three). The spouse who cheated may feel hopeless and desperate to make amends and save the marriage. Having an unbiased third party who can offer advice and suggestions for surviving infidelity can be invaluable to your relationship.

Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California can help. Your counselor will work with you as a couple to overcome obstacles and manage setbacks. Call our reception team today to schedule a session with a Christian marriage counselor. Don’t let go of hope. Lean into God, ask for help, and keep the faith.

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