5 Ideas for Christian Life Coaching

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Christian life coaching can sometimes sound very general. While you may know you want to make changes, it can be hard to know how to do that in a meaningful way. A Christian life coach can help you deepen your faith, overcome challenges, and live a more Christ-centered life.

5 Ways Christian Life Coaching Can Help You

Spiritual growth and discipleship.

This focus in Christian life coaching aims to help you grow in your relationship with God. This is done by deepening your understanding of the Bible and developing a more intimate prayer life. Coaching sessions can explore different forms of prayer, offer help for studying Scripture, and discuss how to apply biblical principles to your everyday life.

Identity in Christ.

Focusing on your identity in Christ in Christian life coaching revolves around helping you understand and embrace your identity as a child of God. You and your coach may have discussions on self-worth, discovering God’s purpose for your life, and overcoming feelings of inadequacy. This is all done by focusing on a solid foundation in Christ.

Faith and decision-making.

Decision-making and walking in faith can leave many people stuck, especially when they face something difficult. Coaching for faith and decision-making will help you align your decisions with your faith and values. This can include guidance in making major life choices, such as career changes, relationships, and lifestyle changes. To accomplish this, you will seek God’s guidance and wisdom through prayer and discernment.

Relationships.

Relationships are a core part of who people are and how they go through each day. This Christian life coaching explores how to maintain healthy, Christ-centered relationships with family, friends, and significant others. Coaching sessions can cover topics such as forgiveness, communication, setting boundaries, and navigating conflicts to help you grow in your relationships while upholding Christian principles.

Purpose and mission.

Christians often seek a deeper purpose in their life. Coaching for purpose and mission will help you discover and pursue your God-given purpose and mission in life. With your coach, you will explore your unique gifts and talents, how to set goals that align with your purpose, and find ways to serve others so you can make a positive impact in your community.

Finding a Christian life coach.

While some people seek out a life coach, it is important to find someone who is appropriately trained to guide you in these areas. A Christian counselor can help you with all of these things. They are trained to discuss sensitive topics as well as share strategies and accountability for change.

As you consider what you need, think about these focus areas. Which ones resonate the most with you? Consider rating each one in terms of importance in your life. Do you need more help understanding your identity or do you need help with your relationships? No matter what you face, a counselor can help.

Your needs and journey are unique. These coaching ideas can be tailored to your specific needs and goals. As you meet with your counselor, you will work together to develop a plan that works for you.

To get started or learn more, our online directory of counselors here at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California. The Christian counselors in Newport Beach will work with you to develop a therapy schedule that works for you. Christian life coaching aims to help you draw closer to God, live authentically, and fulfill your God-given potential.

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Seeking Help from Symptoms of Chemical Dependency

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Gaining an understanding of chemical dependency and its effects has become important over the past couple of years in America. It is important to know what chemical dependency is, how it starts, and how one can get treatment.

Many families have a loved one who is suffering from chemical dependency. Chemical dependency is a person’s inability to stop using a mind-altering substance or drug because their body has now become dependent on it. This dependence is usually both physical and psychological.

Chemical dependency on a drug or substance is a result of continued use and the body’s ability to assimilate the drug and its tolerance is increased. People can get chemically dependent on narcotics, prescription medication, alcohol, or nicotine.

Because chemical dependency is a complex condition, diagnosing it can be hard. This is why The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) outlines the criteria for a person to be diagnosed.

The more criteria one meets, the more severe their condition as described below:

  • Mild Substance Use Disorder – 2-3 symptoms.
  • Moderate Substance Use Disorder – 4-5 Symptoms.
  • Severe Substance Disorder – 6+ symptoms.

Below are the criteria:

  • Taking the substance in larger amounts or for longer than initially intended.
  • Failing at any attempts to quit or control the amount of use.
  • A significant amount of time spent obtaining, using, or recovering from the substance(s).
  • Cravings or strong desires to use substances.
  • Inability to meet one’s responsibilities at home, work, or school as a result of drug use.
  • Continued use despite social or interpersonal problems.
  • Giving up or reducing social, occupational, or recreational activities because of substance use.
  • Recurrent use in physically hazardous situations (such as drinking and driving).
  • Continued use despite health or psychological problems caused by or exacerbated by substance use.
  • Increased tolerance.
  • Development of withdrawal symptoms resulting in the need to take the drug or substance.

It is important to note that diagnosis of substance use disorder can only be done by a licensed professional and a person should not self-diagnose.

Why it’s important to seek help for chemical dependency?

Its complexity.

Chemical dependence can be so severe that one can’t get clean on their own without the help of trained professionals. These people have a deeper understanding of how different substances interact with our bodies and minds and can come up with an effective treatment plan.

Multi-disciplinary team.

Chemical dependency affects many aspects of a person’s functioning. Seeking help will ensure that all areas are given attention and assessed. This could be a person’s mental health, physical health, or relational wellness. Treatment centers work with experts in different fields to offer comprehensive support.

It is life-threatening.

Dependency on substances can lead to serious medical issues that can contribute to health complications that unfortunately sometimes lead to death.

Renewed hope.

When a person seeks help it shows that they have hope that their situation will improve. Taking that first step is important as it opens a door to recovery and a more fulfilling life.

Restored Relationships

Our strength and quality of life come from the relationships we have. When one seeks help, they communicate to their loved ones that they are willing to be better. This gives way to renewed trust and relationship rebuilding.

We can help.

If your life has taken an unexpected turn as a result of substance use and you are looking for help, contact our office today. At Newport Beach Christian Counseling, we have trained counselors who can offer you the help you need.

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ADHD and Anger: What’s the Relationship?

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Anger is something we all feel and experience from time to time. Our response to it differs from person to person and depends on the situation. It is not necessarily wrong to feel angry. While most people might have the ability to respond to anger in healthy and appropriate ways, those struggling with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) have a harder time. Though not everyone experiences ADHD and anger concurrently, it is common.

Signs of ADHD and anger

  • Impatience.
  • Angry outburst.
  • Tantrums in children.
  • Irritability.
  • Lack of emotional regulation.
  • Defiant behavior.
  • Mood swings.
  • Relationship difficulties.

What can cause anger in people with ADHD?

For people with ADHD, anger can be experienced more intensely and thus interfere with day-to-day living. This is why it is important to understand the relationship between anger and ADHD as understanding aids in empowering those who struggle with it to minimize its impact on normal life.

Poor impulse control.

Executive functioning is responsible for skills like problem-solving, planning, and the brain’s ability to regulate emotions. The executive functioning of people who struggle with ADHD has been weakened resulting in their inability to self-regulate when triggered. This results in angry outbursts/temper tantrums or disproportionate emotional responses to situations.

Medication.

For those that have been put on medication as one of the ways to treat ADHD, sometimes the medication might have side effects that can cause high levels of irritability resulting in anger. An example is stimulants given to children.

Frustration.

People with ADHD can suffer from constant frustration, especially if they have hyperactivity symptoms. Anything that hinders them from quickly moving on to the next thing can be highly frustrating, like standing in a line that’s seemingly not moving and this can lead to anger. They have a low tolerance for boredom.

Impulsivity.

Most people who struggle with ADHD also struggle with impulsivity. This is taking action or reacting without thinking through consequences. Their anger comes as a result of not being able to take a step back yet again and suffering through the consequences.

Dealing with symptoms.

ADHD comes with a myriad of symptoms that make life difficult. This inability to function normally can be a huge strain and thus cause individuals to be angry with their situation and impatient with recovery.

Other comorbidities.

Most patients diagnosed with ADHD have co-existing conditions they have to contend with. These conditions could vary from mood disorders, anxiety disorders, depression, or behavioral disorders like Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Any of these co-existing conditions can exacerbate feelings of frustration and anger.

Relationship difficulties.

ADHD can impair how someone relates to the world around them and how they relate to society in general. Relationship difficulties can also provoke anger in those who struggle with ADHD since they also struggle with conflict management skills, empathy, or emotional stability, all of which are important for building and maintaining relationships. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and rejection, which can cause anger and depression.

Stress and anxiety.

Having ADHD while trying to live life can be stressful and anxiety-inducing, This means that one is always on edge and easily irritated or triggered by the slightest inconvenience.

ADHD can also sometimes interfere with someone’s ability to plan and manage time. This means that they constantly miss deadlines which can be frustrating. They become angry with themselves and sometimes lash out.

Low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem for those struggling with ADHD can be due to feelings of rejection that are a result of difficulties in building relationships. In children, their inability to keep up with children of the same age as a result of their condition can contribute to them looking down on themselves. Feeling trapped by something they feel disempowered to control or change can be a source of frustration and anger.

Anger management for those with ADHD

As mentioned earlier, not everyone who has ADHD struggles with anger. However, for those who do, there is hope. There are treatment methods or a combination of treatments that can assist those who struggle with anger as a result of ADHD. Below are some examples:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
  • Medication.
  • Anger management classes.
  • Social skills therapy.
  • Individual counseling.
  • Behavioral therapy.
  • Support groups.
  • Parental and teacher training (for support).

Next steps

ADHD is a condition that can be treated and managed with the right help. If you suspect that you or someone you love might be struggling with it and need help, do get in touch with us at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. We have trained therapists and counselors who can help you start this journey.

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What the Bible Says about Change

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Life is not stagnant; it is full of change. Throughout your life, you will have different jobs, churches, houses, cars, and relationships. There will be changes you choose to make as well as changes that are outside of your control.

Learning to develop a healthy mindset around change can help prevent anxiety around changes in your life. Holding fast to the truth will help you work through change trusting in God. Here are Bible verses that can help you through life’s changes.

God is constant.

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever. – Isaiah 40:8, NIV

God promises that he will not change the way that everything else in the world changes. As the Creator of the world, he is outside of the limitations that exist within the world. No change is beyond his scope.

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. – Deuteronomy 7:9, NIV

God exists outside of time. He sees the bigger picture that we cannot see. Marveling at the greatness of God is a practical way to practice trusting that he cares for you.

Hold plans loosely.

​​To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. – Proverbs 16:1-3, NIV

You can make all kinds of plans, but there is no guarantee that they will succeed. Make a practice of entrusting your plans to God and seeking him in prayer when you make plans.

You may be called to enact change.

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” – Esther 4:14, NIV

There may be things in the world that you want to see changed, and God may be calling you to start the process of change. To enact justice, and care for the needs of the community, you may need to lead the change for good. Hopefully, you will not be under the threat of death that Esther was. Look to her for inspiration to stand up for what is right, even when things seem scary.

You may need to change your mind.

Then a voice told him, “Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.” “Surely not, Lord!” Peter replied. “I have never eaten anything impure or unclean.” The voice spoke to him a second time, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.”

This happened three times, and immediately the sheet was taken back to heaven. Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right. – Acts 10:14-16, 34-35, NIV

Peter was a devout Jewish man. Yet after witnessing the death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ, he was required to change his mind about a lot of religious rules with which he grew up. We sometimes need to make similar changes about our beliefs.

That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. – Ephesians 4:20-24, NIV

Living life with God is living a life called to change. You are changing the habits of contempt, cruelty, and selfishness, for a life of compassion, generosity, and humility.

The change that happens within your heart and mind is slow, and you may not see the results you desire as quickly as you would like. Yet over time, God promises ”that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6, NIV)

If you need additional help navigating life’s changes, consult with a compassionate Christian counselor in Newport Beach, California today.

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Caregivers and Caregiver Support

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There are two groups of caregivers that are typically used to help those with medical needs navigate certain activities of life. One group is unpaid and typically refers to those who are family members or a friend of the person receiving the care. The other group consists of those who are paid by a company to provide care in the home. This second group can also include those who provide care in long-term facilities.

Each of these groups can experience tough situations that can cause anxiety, depression, or other physical, mental, and emotional strains. Most of the caregivers become attached to the person they care for, which can cause added emotions. When it comes to caring for family, people need to have access to caregiver support.

Common issues faced by caregivers.

There are common issues that most caregivers face and can present themselves at any time. Whether the caregiver is male or female, the issues remain the same.

Stress: It is common for stress to manifest itself when you have been a caregiver for any amount of time. It’s not necessarily the amount of time, it’s the weight of the situation that brings about feeling as though you are exhausted.

Isolation: Being a caregiver means that you spend less time participating in activities that you enjoy and more time in your role. This can cause you to feel as though you no longer have friends. There are times that you may feel like no one understands.

Anxiety: Sometimes it may seem as though the worries of caregivers increase. It could stem from having doubts about doing everything the right way for the person you are caring for.

Frustration: Due to the anxiety and feeling like you are alone in the entire endeavor, frustration can become an issue. You may find that you are testy and quick to become angry over small things.

Guilt: Being a family member who is taking care of a family member can make room for guilt to play a part in the anxiety you feel. You begin to think you are selfish because you want to take a day off and enjoy yourself.

Exhaustion: Being a caregiver day after day can leave you feeling like you have no energy to take care of yourself. You may find that you are so exhausted you have difficulty sleeping.

Depression: Taking care of a family member can bring you to a place of depression. You feel as though you aren’t doing things correctly. Sometimes you feel like crying.

Burnout: After being in the caregiver role for so long you could be facing burnout. You get the feeling that you are going through the motions and not making any difference.

Physical health issues: You may find yourself facing various kinds of physical issues. Headaches, stomach issues, blood pressure, fatigue, and a weakened immune system can be a few of the issues that arise from the stress of taking care of someone.

Substance abuse: It may have started as a way to unwind after a tough day of caring for a person, but it leads to dependency. Trying to get away from the situation through alcohol or other substance only causes more issues.

How to support a caregiver

Learning how to support a family member or friend who is in the role of caregiver is something that will help them and the person they care for. Everyone who cares for a person with medical needs should have access to caregiver support. Whether it is online counseling or someone who stops by to visit and encourage.

Take time to listen to them when they express that they just need someone to talk to. They aren’t necessarily looking for answers, they just need a connection with someone willing to listen. Let them define what they need. This could give you an idea of how to help them. Maybe they just need a break long enough to shower or nap. Sometimes a simple card of encouragement will create a new outlook.

Letting the caregiver know that you are there to help in any way will give them a sense of value. Make sure that they have access to caregiver support programs in the area.

And let’s consider how to encourage one another in love and good deeds. – Hebrews 10:24, NASB

If you find that you or someone you know needs caregiver support, reach out to us at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. There are many Christian counselors in Newport Beach who can help you find the support you need while you care for your family or friend.

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Financial Questions to Discuss in Premarital Counseling

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One of the leading causes of arguments among married couples is finances. That may not sound very romantic to talk about as you plan your wedding but it is important. If you want to minimize arguments, disagreements, and an area of strife that could lead to divorce, discussing financial questions in premarital counseling is essential.

In Matthew, Jesus reminds us, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21, NIV) You and your future spouse need to be on the same page when it comes to your treasure, or what you value, including money. The Bible is full of instructions about money. This shows that money is an important topic to talk about and heed God’s instruction.

As you prepare for marriage, a counselor or pastor can guide you and your partner through some questions that will help you learn about one another and develop a plan for handling finances in your marriage.

Financial questions to discuss before you get married

Talk about these questions together in premarital counseling. Be honest and full of grace for one another as you learn and grow together.

Financial questions about the past.

Start by looking back. Talk with your partner about your past finances. Consider things like debt, earnings, spending, and saving habits. The more you share about your past, the less chance there is for something from your past to come between you. Here are questions to talk about regarding your financial past:

  • Do you have any debt? What kind and how much?
  • Have you ever had debt? How did you handle it?
  • What accounts do you have? How much money is in them?
  • Do you prefer to save or spend?
  • Have you ever used a budget? Why or why not?
  • Do you have any credit cards? If so, how do you use them?
  • Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? What happened?
  • Have you ever borrowed money from a family member or friend?

Financial questions for the start of your marriage.

As you begin your marriage, you can talk with your partner about how you want to start financially. Agreeing upon these things, or at least having mutual understanding, can help your marriage start on the right foot.

  • Will we have joint bank accounts, separate accounts, or a combination?
  • What is your current credit score?
  • Who will pay the bills?
  • When and how will we talk about money?
  • How much can we spend independently before we need to discuss the purchase?
  • How much money do we want to save each month?
  • Will we tithe or donate money? If so, how much?

Financial questions for the future of our marriage.

As you prepare for your marriage, it may seem silly to think far down the road. While your ideas may change over time, discussing these questions now will help you share your ideas and develop open communication about finances.

  • How will we make big purchases?
  • Are we saving for a house? How?
  • Will we have an emergency savings fund? How much and what is it used for?
  • Do we want to use credit cards regularly?
  • How will we handle money disputes?
  • How do we stay on the same page about finances?
  • Will both of us work if we start a family? If not, how will that affect our finances?
  • Will we save for our children’s education? How?
  • How do we feel about lending/gifting money to family or friends?
  • Who will we talk to when we disagree about money issues or have questions?

Premarital counseling and your finances

A counselor or pastor can help you and your partner have these conversations. It is helpful to discuss them in this season with an unbiased third party. They can help you handle any disagreements, encourage you to go deeper, and help you consider things you may not otherwise think of.

Connect with a counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to start your marriage on a strong financial footing.

Photos:
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Small Steps, Big Impacts: Goal Setting, Micro Habits, and Personal Development

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Nowadays, it isn’t difficult to search any social media outlet and find others splaying hashtags and markers for personal development. It isn’t limited to resolutions that populate many timelines around the start of the year, but rather throughout. We want progress, and we want to note it in all the areas that we value: relationships, health, and careers.

It becomes easy to lose ourselves in an addictive stupor, scrolling other people’s pages and profiles. Subconsciously, we compare ourselves with a perceived ideal God never intended for us to idolize, but rather encounter inspiration for attaining our own goals.

Emotion can become overwhelming as we scan our own lives and sometimes feel that we’ve come up short. We may not be concerned with outpacing our neighbors’ particular goals, but rather, champion and celebrate their achievements. Yet, when we seem to be stalled with progress toward our aims, the unspoken comparison may trigger undeniable pain.

Even if we don’t share the aspirations of those in our social circles, we sometimes encounter frustration from comparing ourselves where we are now with where we had imagined our own lives to be at this point and our personal development.

Small beginnings.

The big result isn’t always seen in the major move. Biblically, the narrative of small unveils the miraculous in both testaments. Small beginnings brim with possibility, as God Himself commits to oversee the good that He’s begun in us (Zechariah 4:10; Philippians 1:6).

The Spirit of God multiplies our minimal resources, adding up to more than we could produce on our own. We encounter the result in more than our senses or perception would have imagined (1 Corinthians 2:9).

What is impossible comes to fruition, and it originates through the miracle of small. A handful of flour and oil sustained the widow of Zarephath until drought and famine passed over (1 Kings 17:14-16). Mustard seed faith uproots and displaces mountains (Matthew 17:20-21).

A couple of fish and a handful of bread catered lunch for thousands on a hillside (Mark 6:41-44). So, it follows in our lives; The Holy Spirit involves us in miracles that manifest before our eyes and often through the little that becomes much in the Master’s Hands.

Goal setting.

When we develop SMART goals, we do so around the following: garner the specifics of what we intend to accomplish, narrow our attention on clear objectives; measure our progress; and assess and ensure that they are attainable within a certain amount of time. Ideally, the goals we establish are relevant, aligning with our longer-term goals, and are reasonable for the time frame we have identified.

We must individualize and find a system that works personally. SMART goals are intended to support us in attaining what can feel unmanageable.

Our lives are unique; hence, our goal-setting will be personally relevant to the Father’s times and purposes for each of us. God created us as individual masterpieces, predetermined to be fulfilled in Christ (Ephesians 2:10). We won’t look identical, regardless of how much we have in common or overlap in compatible and complementary gifts and abilities.

We are on a distinct path with the Lord and cannot try to emulate someone else’s process. Embracing inspiration is valuable, but we only need to aspire to our Savior’s standard when setting goals that align with the vision for our personal development.

While the process of working toward a goal can present inherent frustrations, we must remind ourselves that God will grant grace and glory, promising to withhold nothing good (Psalm 84:11). Our timeline may not mirror that of others, nor should it.

We can recalibrate our hopes, and even anchor our failures in the Lord, recognizing that He repurposes our missteps and mistakes to draw our hearts to repent or turn to Him. The Holy Spirit is at work, developing spiritual fruit and illuminating our path with the abundance of essential wisdom and revelation. We can take courage, aligning our plans with Scriptural principles to lead into the divine destiny God has orchestrated.

Micro habits.

Goal-setting is a familiar topic within the realm of personal development, but micro habits present a fresh way to think about this timeless concept. Micro habits deconstruct massive endeavors into smaller, more digestible parts.

In goal setting, we zoom wide to view a broad angle of what we seek to accomplish. To achieve it, we fill in segments of our big picture with zoomed-in, small-picture steps. In short, micro-habits embrace the practice of doing a little of a particular action at a time, yet sustained over time to reach a larger goal.

Forming a micro habit relies on simple daily actions that are relatively easy to implement into an established routine and may require, at most, a few minutes of time.  We contribute to our larger goal, yet with concentrated and consistent investment.

Success with micro habits is anchored in how we perceive our worth and willingness to show up for ourselves with rhythm and regularity that transforms our efforts into an offering that God blesses in the work of our hands. Our consistency invokes the questions for our consideration. Do we value what God has placed in us? And will we partner with Him to see it to fruition?

Micro habits toggle our attention between the vision for what we are building and its actual layout and placement in the structure of our daily lives. They allow us to draw a blueprint, designing a life enriched with the peace of God and joy of the Lord and the action that follows our faith.

We cannot control everything, including inevitable setbacks bound to populate our journey. However, micro habits teach us to navigate failures that are an unavoidable part of any success. Micro habits allow us to recover with curiosity and resolve, yet without shame so we can resume progress with relative ease. They encourage resilience, reminding us that even when we’ve fallen, we can embrace both human and Holy Spirit help to get up and go forward.

Personal development.

Embracing micro habits affords us the joy that accompanies small wins, thus replenishing necessary strength in our personal development journey. We will meet challenges, but the outcomes we desire generally result from consistency versus large-scale, though sporadic actions.

Consistency, even in small steps, shapes both our character and view of our goal. Even when we’ve failed, God moves mightily and decisively through minuscule actions to shift what He desires into being. When all looks dark, our joint investments with the Holy Spirit, produce unfathomable results (Ephesians 3:20).

While belief gives rise to behavior, our actions redefine what we have believed about ourselves. Enacting micro habits outweighs the large, though inconsistent moves that make a grand appearance when we’re inspired. Inspiration is an exhilarating companion for the journey, but we can’t rely on it exclusively to navigate our course. Unfortunately, inspiration gets clouded by discouragement and obstacles.

We can, however, gather inspiration from practicing the micro-habits that are not only shifting our world in the behavioral realm but also having an impact on the internal world of our thoughts and emotions. When we recognize that our beliefs and behavior positively reinforce one another, we can mobilize this to generate changes and form goals in other areas that impact our personal development.

Next steps for personal development.

Although the process of setting and achieving a goal is met with challenges and rewards, you can embrace both strategy and system to support you with this important facet of personal development. Micro habits prove themselves, not only in yielding the desired goal but also in fueling the endurance and affirming confidence to sustain your personal development journey.

Wherever you may find yourself in the process, embrace the opportunity to seek and select a counselor on this site. Make your appointment today. Embrace the empathy and tools you need to make small steps that yield a big impact.

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6 Marriage Counseling Tips: Things You Should Do Every Day

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Regardless of whether you have been married for one year or twenty years, relationships thrive when they are intentional. Relationships will never be perfect, they are about loving one another and serving one another through imperfections and stagnant seasons of disconnect and chaos. They are about getting to know who your marriage partner really is at their very core through the struggles and the triumphs.

Whether your marriage is in a season that feels distant, stale, or in completely different zip codes you should keep devoting yourself to your spouse. If you feel more connected than ever, you should continue investing in your relationship.

Just like plants, relationships require nutrients, pruning, enjoyment, and praise for growth. It is very common for people to say, “But this is not the person I married,” however, you should be constantly trying to change in the best way. You should be growing together – exploring passions, making your faith a priority, and choosing your spouse, even on difficult days.

6 Marriage Counseling Tips

Here are six marriage counseling tips to help you invest in your marriage today and every single day, moving forward:

1. Say “I love you.”

Never underestimate the power of these three words and the commitment you made on the day you said yes to forever. Saying “I love you” is choosing your partner every single day. It is a reminder of where you have been and where you are headed. It is choosing hope and fresh starts together every single day.

“Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant. ‘Till death do us part’ or ‘As long as we both shall live’ is a sacred covenant promise – the same kind Jesus made with His bride when He died for her.” – John Piper

Saying “I love you,” says:

I am here for you.
I choose you.
I am your person, no matter what life throws at us.
I am by your side.
I am your biggest cheerleader.
We are better together.

2. Pray for your spouse.

One of the most powerful tools for your marriage is prayer. Prayer changes things. Prayer changes hearts. Prayer unites. Prayer heals. Prayer covers your home with a desire to be more like Christ. Pray for your spouse when you are alone and pray when you are together. Making God the center of your life and marriage is the “recipe” to a lasting marriage.

“Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect, and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and a wife.” – Dave Willis

3. Show affection and have fun together.

When a couple is dating, you go over the top to have fun together and show your affection. You kiss “hello” and “goodnight.” You hold hands, just because. You plan exciting dates, and you plan simple movie nights just because you want to spend time together.

Married couples must continue investing in one another. Have fun together. Cuddle. Kiss. Write love notes. Send her flowers because you are thinking about how beautiful she is. Drop him off his favorite coffee at work because you feel so blessed to be married to him. Tell them, show them, love them!

Here are a few fun activities to get you started if you feel lost:

  • Go on a romantic picnic and ditch cell phones.
  • Have a paint night and draw one another’s self-portraits.
  • Serve in a soup kitchen or at a charity event together.
  • Serve in church together.
  • Plan a movie night – complete with popcorn and candy!
  • Revisit your favorite date spot from “back in the day.”
  • Try a drive-in movie.
  • Have a dessert-making competition at home.
  • Go on a hike.
  • Train for a 5K together.
  • Take a cooking class together.
  • Go on a short road trip!
  • Take a sunset walk on the beach.

Quality time together does not have to be expensive – just make it intentional.

4. Serve your spouse.

In a world that is constantly saying “I need more from you,” make it your mission to serve your spouse first. Do not wait until they do something to show their appreciation for you. Do not wait until their birthday, anniversary, or Mother’s Day/Father’s Day. Serve your spouse like Jesus served others – not to receive something in return, but because His heart was focused on true, genuine, sacrificial love.

Simple ways to serve your spouse:

  • Make them coffee or breakfast in the morning.
  • Clean up the kitchen after dinner and encourage them to rest or do something for themselves.
  • Make their favorite meal.
  • Tackle their “normal” chores before they have a chance to do them.
  • Prepare their favorite snack or dessert “just because.”
  • Pack their lunch.
  • Drop their favorite coffee off at work.
  • Initiate physical intimacy.
  • Give them a massage.
  • Wash their car.
  • Listen to them without interrupting.
  • Let them sleep in while you get up early with the kids.
  • Initiate doing one of their favorite things.
  • Make the bed first.
  • Write random love notes.
  • Play their favorite song in the car.
  • Flirt with them.
  • Make your home welcoming and warm for their return.
  • Play their favorite game.
  • Get yourself dressed up for them.
  • Gush about them to others.
  • Tell them what they are good at/what you love about them.
  • Prioritize them.
  • Create time for them to pursue creative interests/hobbies.

5. Talk about your marriage.

While it may sound simple, communication is one of the main pitfalls of most relationships. Talk when it’s easy. Talk in the morning. Talk when there are things to celebrate. Talk when things are difficult. Talk when you are away from one another. Talk when you are struggling. Talk when you need help. Talk in the evening. Talk when you are laying in bed together. Just talk!

Aside from investing in conversations, choose to invest in your communication skills. Listen to your spouse. Do not listen to argue or make a point – really listen to them. Study their body language. Study your body language. Choose to listen to your tone when conversing and ensure it is not setting a demeaning tone.

“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.” – G.K. Chesterton

6. Invest in marriage counseling.

Whether you feel your relationship is limping along or thriving, investing in marriage counseling is a decision that you will not regret. The counselors at our office would love to equip you with an emotional toolbelt to withstand the highs and lows of your marriage.

We want to see you pursue one another, work through any disagreements/baggage from the past, and move forward in the best way. Call and schedule your appointment today and continue saying “I DO” to your spouse every single day.

Scriptures to pray for your marriage:

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. – 1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. – Colossians 3:14, ESV

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. – 1 John 4:8, NIV

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. – Romans 12:9, NIV

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. – Proverbs 17:17, ESV

Do everything in love. – 1 Corinthians 16:14, NIV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. – John 13:34-35, ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. – 1 Peter 3:7, ESV

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. – Ephesians 4:2, NIV

Photos:
“Happy Couple”, Courtesy of Alba Rebecca, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Paying Bills”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Counseling”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Renovation”, Courtesy of Anastasia Shuraeva, Pexels.com, CC0 License

How to Overcome Anxiety with Scripture

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You are not alone if you are struggling with anxiety. But you can use Scripture to overcome anxiety and have greater peace. These Bible verses that deal with anxiety can help you when you feel triggered or stressed.

Each time you are worried or anxious, choose one of these verses to meditate upon deeply and apply to your situation. Turn it into a prayer to gain a deeper connection with God. Here are several verses to give you practical help.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. – Psalm 139:23, NIV

Since God knows everything, he knows everything that causes you anxiety. He knows you better than you know yourself. When you ask him to search, know, and test you, he will help you deal with hidden thoughts.

Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up. – Proverbs 12:25, CSV

Anxiety can feel heavy like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. But God doesn’t expect or want you to do this, because only He can handle all your problems. Seek funny or humorous videos or books that can lift your heart when you feel anxious.

In the multitude of my anxieties within me, your comforts delight my soul. – Psalm 95:19, NKJV

You may notice that anxieties can multiply quickly. Whether your anxieties are based on reality or fiction, God will comfort you in them. He is a loving Father who will cuddle you in a warm embrace, calming your fears and removing your doubts with his promises that never change.

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7, NIV

In the same way that you cast a fishing line away from you, so you need to throw your worries onto God and away from yourself. Keep this word picture in your mind and put it into practice next time you are worried or anxious.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7, NLT

When we experience worry, it is an opportunity to pray. Tell God exactly what is causing you anxiety. Ask Him for practical and spiritual encouragement. Then express gratitude, remembering all the ways He has been faithful to you in the past.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. – Isaiah 26:3, NIV

God promises to give you perfect peace when you abandon your anxiety and trust in Him.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13, NIV

God wants you to be filled with hope, peace, and joy rather than anxiety. The Holy Spirit can give you these spiritual gifts to protect your heart and mind. Praying this Scripture daily will help you trust God more even when your anxiety is triggered.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. – Colossians 3:15, NIV

You can choose peace each time your anxiety rises by asking God to help you. Ask God to take anxiety from your heart, and invite Jesus, who is the Prince of Peace, to take its place.

Christian counseling to overcome anxiety.

If you haven’t been able to overcome your anxiety before, you may benefit from speaking with a Christian counselor. A qualified counselor can help you identify the deepest roots of your anxiety, so you can remove them and choose a life of greater peace.

You can use these Bible verses on anxiety in moments of stress. But please don’t hesitate to get professional help from a Christian counselor that is customized for your unique needs. The counselors on our staff are ready to help you overcome your anxiety with biblical principles.

Reach out to us today to schedule your first appointment. We have helped many others manage and overcome anxiety with practical help and spiritual guidance, which we would love to offer to you as well.

Photos:
“Lamp at Dusk”, Courtesy of Oleksandr Pidvalnyi, Pexels.com, CC0 License;”Streetlamp”, Courtesy of Chris Knight, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

 

How to Conquer Worrying Thoughts and Feelings

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Worrying thoughts can  be challenging at times. Not only are they difficult to deal with, but at times they may look convincing, making it difficult to differentiate between something that could only be a possibility and something that is evident. They may also be falsely persuasive.

Consider the following examples of worrying thoughts:

“I never received a response from my employer on the report I emailed this morning. I can only assume that I did something wrong. Will there be consequences for me? Oh no, it can’t be!”

“I wasn’t included on the guest list for the concert that the group was going to. What if they don’t like me as much as I thought they did? It’s possible that they aren’t really my buddies after all.”

“Since he never responded to the text I sent him, I can only assume that he doesn’t like me. What if I never find someone? I’m convinced I’ll end up alone!”

Worrying thoughts such as these have the potential to convince the worrier that an imagined disaster will occur. A worrier will consider self-critical thinking accurate if he or she does not pay careful attention to the thoughts. Anxiety can present challenges in this way. It is possible for a troubling concept to be instantaneously accepted as true, almost as if it were automatic.

This idea can provoke unpleasant sensations and lead to changes in behavior, such as avoiding a situation, feeling tense in one’s body, or being distracted. It can also cause a person to feel physiological stress. Thankfully, there are strategies available that can help keep troublesome thoughts in check.

Steps to take to stop worrying.

The following procedures are a combination of techniques for mindful acceptance and strategies from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and they are intended to outwit worrying thoughts and lessen the chance for experiencing suffering:

Take note and accept.

Acknowledge, without passing judgment, that you are currently experiencing a bad thought or emotion, and accept the fact that you do, on occasion, think about things that could be upsetting or hurtful. How recently have you been having this thought? What triggered the thinking in the first place? It would be best if you could refrain from criticizing the fact that the thought even occurred in the first place.

Examine the evidence.

Is there any evidence to back up the notion that you have a pessimistic outlook? Which parts of the thinking appear to be making assumptions, and why do you think that is? If there isn’t any evidence that can be easily verified, what kind of objective information can you acquire?

Explore alternatives.

Based on the evidence you’ve gathered, is it possible that there are other options or outcomes that could result? Are you able to make the choice to believe that any one of a range of possibilities could be true?

Consider trusting your problem-solving abilities.

Have you ever been successful in solving a problem or coming up with a solution to a problem? Check out your available resources rather than wasting time trying to figure out how you would get out of a hypothetical situation that isn’t even a problem right now. If you find yourself in a situation where you require assistance, do you have the resources and the problem-solving skills necessary to come up with a solution?

Conquering unsettling or worrying thoughts and feelings.

Applying this to the first illustration gives us an idea of how it might seem. Imagine that this thought pops into your head: “My boss has not yet reacted to the report that I emailed to him this morning.” I can only assume that I did something wrong. Will there be consequences for me? Oh no, it can’t be!”

Accept the situation.

Recognize and accept that you are having an unsettling thought rather than allowing this worrisome thought to continue to grow into more troubling territory (such as imagining your boss discouragingly confronting you). This will help you avoid allowing this worrisome thought to continue to expand into more troubling territory.

Keep in mind that it’s normal to experience thoughts that make you feel uneasy. Take a moment to pause and bring your attention back to whatever that is happening right now. In this particular scenario, it could be the middle of the day, and you’re currently working on a project while seated at your desk.

Look for evidence.

The next step is to hunt for evidence that either backs up or contradicts the concept. In this particular illustration, there is no objective evidence to suggest that you committed a wrongdoing or that you are in fact receiving a reprimand. The only piece of evidence that is now available is that a report was submitted, but you have not yet received a response to it.

Consider various outcomes.

You are now able to consider the various possible outcomes. It’s possible that your manager hasn’t had the opportunity to look over the report or get back to you about it yet. It’s possible that your supervisor was blindsided by other unforeseen responsibilities and is focusing on something else instead. The issue is, you aren’t quite sure why you haven’t gotten an answer; all you know is that it has been longer than you expected.

You may not be entirely sure why you haven’t gotten a response. Putting up with the discomfort of waiting it out may increase the likelihood that you will finally receive a response. Remind yourself that this time (waiting without yet knowing) is just temporary, and that you are capable of handling it even though it may be difficult for you to wait to find out the conclusion.

Trust your ability to resolve the situation.

Even if an unfavorable outcome were to occur in the future, would you still be able to trust your ability to solve problems in the event that you were to react to the setback and recover from the situation?

Have you ever been in a situation when you had to address a problem with a cousin, friend, or coworker, and provide potential solutions? Bring to mind some situations in which you successfully resolved a dispute, sought assistance from others, or made conscious decisions to ameliorate a precarious circumstance.

Do you have resources available to you, such as a support network or a buddy you can trust to talk it out in the event that you require or desire to do so? Is there assistance available to you in the form of a problem-specific support system, such as a mentor at work? When you feel stressed out, what other things can you do to practice relaxation techniques, find healthy ways to deal, and take care of yourself?

How can mindfulness interventions help with worrying thoughts?

Even insignificant negative thoughts can build up and become unmanageable, which can put a person at risk for mental health issues including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.

However, mental health professionals have come to realize that mindfulness can be of great benefit, as it can help people become better able to become better able to separate themselves from negative thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations that may be present, often before they become too overwhelming.

Mindfulness can help people become better able to become better able to separate themselves from negative thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations that may be present. Engaging in regular mindfulness practice might aid advance psychological understanding and facilitate emotional healing over time. People can often find relief from stress, chronic pain, cancer, anxiety, depression, and other chronic conditions by participating in mindfulness-based stress reduction practices.

  • MBCT is frequently used as a component of the treatment strategy for a wide variety of mental health conditions, including but not limited to recurrent depression, anxiety, psychosis, eating and food issues, bipolar, panic attacks, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder.
  • The treatment of suicidal ideation, borderline personality, self-harm, substance dependence, eating and food disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and depression is the primary application of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
  • Anxiety, depression, addiction to substances, chronic pain, psychosis, and even cancer are all commonly treated with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), which is an approach.

Conclusion.

Start the practice of accepting that negative thoughts can occur by putting all of the steps together, believing that alternative options could exist, noticing the feeling of discomfort while you wait through the uncertainty without passing judgment on it, and acknowledging your ability to solve problems or find resources (including therapy) to help you through it.

This method requires time, patience, effort, and practice, just like developing any other habit or ability. In the same way that an anxious disposition might have gradually formed over time, the transition to a new strategy will require some time for the process to advance. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a Christian counselor for help in conquering worrying thoughts and feelings.

Photos:
“Riding a Swing”, Courtesy of Noah Silliman, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Standing on the Fence”, Courtesy of Michael Rosner-Hyman, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Dinner Party”, Courtesy of Michael Tucker, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Mother and Child”, Courtesy of OPPO Find X5 Pro, Unsplash.com, CC0 License