OCD Definition: Signs of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

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Are you plagued by fear? Do you engage in rituals motivated by superstition? How do you know if these are normal or are symptoms of a clinical disorder?

The general public is grossly uneducated when it comes to understanding obsessive-compulsive disorder. The acronym OCD is tossed about flippantly today, being used to describe behaviors as innocent as eating only blue M&M’s to more stereotypical rituals such as excessive hand-washing. This article provides some much-needed clarification.

OCD Definition

Individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder may exhibit just one symptom (i.e. they experience obsessive, intrusive thoughts but do not engage in any compulsive behavior), but many sufferers exhibit both. Examples of single-symptom sufferers might include individuals characterized as workaholics or those with anal-retentive personalities.

Those who fall under the more common dual-symptom category experience obsessive thoughts and attempt to resolve their discomfort by performing the compulsive behavior. These people are usually cognizant of the fact that their thoughts and behaviors are not rational; the impulse to act on the thought is just too strong to resist.

OCD Examples

Obsession

Descriptions of those experiencing obsessive thoughts might surprise you. According to Michael Maccoby, “[Obsessives] are self-reliant and conscientious….They look constantly for ways to help people, listen better, resolve conflict, and find win-win opportunities. They buy self-improvement books…and they like to focus on continuous improvement at work because it fits in with their sense of moral improvement.”

For those who are deep thinkers (e.g. philosophy professors, poets), obsessions are not always answered with compulsive behaviors. The nature of these obsessive thoughts, however, is quite unlike ordinary daydreaming. These individuals spend a considerable amount of time mentally running through scenarios, arguments, and ideas.

The philosophers of the ancient world are a classic example of thinkers who spent hour upon hour pouring over moral debates and ruminating over unanswerable questions. Not what many would call “normal” behavior.

In her book Psychoanalytic Diagnosis: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process, Nancy McWilliams illuminates the personality differences that delineate the obsessive individual from the compulsive. The former feels no compulsion to act upon their continual, intrusive thoughts (p. 290).

Individuals with this obsessive personality structure are characterized as stubborn, tidy, prompt, thorough, thrifty, rigid, cerebral, persistent, and prone to arguing over semantics. McWilliams adds that “[t]hey are generally dependable and reliable and have high standards and ethical values” (p. 291). Their internal standard of excellence, while admirable, is often unachievable.

Unable to measure up to their own ideals, individuals with obsessive-only OCD battle shame and attempt to cope with it by rationalizing, moralizing, intellectualizing or compartmentalizing their intrusive thoughts. In tandem with shame, anger plagues these individuals who interpret negative emotion as inadequacy.

Rather than deal with this anger toward self for what it is, people with obsessions direct the anger toward “legitimate” targets to protect themselves from further shame (p. 293). This tendency to self-protect from negative emotions prohibits these individuals from expressing their emotions effectively.

Those who struggle with obsessive-type OCD not only have difficulty expressing emotion, but they also have difficulty making decisions as well. The thought of making a wrong choice often paralyzes them from making any choice, leading these individuals to vacillate between options until they eventually refuse to choose.

McWilliams gives a poignant example of this trait by illustrating how it would impact an expecting mother. In this illustration, the pregnant patient selects two obstetricians with different treatment philosophies from which she would choose one to deliver her baby. She deliberates so long, wavering between the two options, that she eventually goes into labor and has no other option but to have her baby delivered by the resident on duty at the nearest hospital.

Compulsion

Individuals with compulsions also self-protect against the shame of making a wrong decision, but instead of vacillating between options, these individuals impulsively choose one without any deliberation. Becoming sexually active with any individual with whom one has sexual chemistry is an example of this type of impulsivity.

What characterizes the behaviors as compulsive has little to do with whether the activity is beneficial or even logical; what makes the action compulsive is its irresistible nature. Interestingly, people with compulsions prefer manual tasks (i.e. woodwork, needlework) that do not involve much thinking.

Compulsive individuals do not hold a monopoly on ritualistic behaviors that have little bearing on outcomes. It would be difficult to find a person who has not acted compulsively at one time or another. Athletes perform rituals before or during their competitions, people “knock on wood” when a friend forecasts favorable results, and gamblers slide one more quarter into the slot machine for good measure (p. 301).

The ritual is motivated by a desire to prevent an unwanted event, such as a man with a compulsive personality who buckles and re-buckles his seatbelt four times to avoid a car accident. What makes these thoughts and behaviors a clinical issue is the amount of distress experienced by the individual as a result.

Obsession and Compulsion Together

While it is possible to experience one symptom or the other, as discussed previously, it is common to experience both obsessions and compulsions together. Clinically speaking, the compulsive behaviors aim to resolve the anxiety produced by the intrusive or obsessive thoughts. Ultimately, the two battle with each other for control.

A&E airs a show called “Obsessed” (available instantly on Netflix) which chronicles the struggle of sufferers with OCD. One episode follows Karen, a woman battling a fear of death after spending years in an abusive relationship. The constant anxiety and fear for her life that she experienced during this relationship metastasized into a pervasive terror even after the termination of that relationship.

Her obsessions involve thoughts of strangers lurking behind corners waiting to kill her, other drivers swerving on the road to hit her head-on, and earthquakes opening the ground to swallow her. Her compulsions involve repeatedly checking under her bed and in her closets for fear that an intruder entered her apartment since her last check. While she knows how irrational these obsessive thoughts are, her fears and anxiety compel her to act.

Christian Counseling for OCD

Individuals with OCD do not have to be enslaved to their obsessions and compulsions. Your struggle is not a sign of weak faith or disobedience to God’s exhortation to “fear not.” Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a clinical condition that requires professional treatment. The hope of Matthew 6:27, 31 and Philippians 4:6 is that He offers us the antidote for fear!

If this article resonates with you or sounds like someone you know, there is help. No one has to struggle alone. Contact a professional Christian counselor in Newport Beach who can come alongside those battling OCD and start the journey of recovery. Using research-based treatment techniques in a faith-based setting, these professionals can help you discover the roots of your thoughts and behaviors and help you learn to manage your symptoms. There is hope for you – freedom from fear awaits!

ReferenceMcWilliams, N. (2011). Psychoanalytic diagnosis: Understanding personality structure in the clinical process (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

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How to Deal with Conflict in Marriage

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When quarreling with your spouse, it’s difficult to remember any rules or courtesies about how to argue reasonably. Your emotions are taking over, and there isn’t time to think rationally. Entering a disagreement level-headed is nice in theory, but much easier said than done.

Dr. Susan Johnson says that telling couples they should follow certain rules during a fight will just set them up to fail. Instead, she offers the advice to try limiting the hurt caused during the argument, and lovingly make amends afterward.

Myths about Dealing with Conflict in Marriage

Below are three well-known myths about dealing with conflict in marriage, followed by more practical ways to handle issues.

Myth #1: Just Stay Calm

The whole reason you are fighting in the first place is because you aren’t feeling calm. Something is obviously upsetting you enough to bring it up and hash it out. During a disagreement, there are usually two levels of conflict going on. The first level is the topic you are actually fighting about (i.e., a broken promise, laundry that wasn’t done). The second level is how this disappointment makes you feel and what it means for your relationship. Something as simple as the trash not being taken out (after they said they would) brings up emotions of whether or not you can trust your partner’s word.

This contributes to the hurt emotions you are feeling, and why it is hard to remain calm during an argument with your spouse. The fight isn’t simply about chores left undone. It is also about how they have ruined your trust in them, and what that could mean for the future. If you can’t count on them with this menial task, what will happen when something more critical comes along?

Myth #2: Be Reasonable and Specific

“When the fear center of my brain is glowing red, my cortex, the seat of deliberate reasoning, is most often not online” (Johnson). More helpful advice would be to try refraining from saying something you might regret. When your feelings have been hurt, it is a natural reaction to want to hurt the other person in revenge. Do not give in to that temptation.

Johnson compares the act of making a threat to trying to rearrange your living room by throwing a grenade in there. Doing so may give you the advantage, and definitely changes the scenario. However, you have to consider if it is the best way to handle the problem. “As one of my clients told me, ‘When she uses the D word, divorce I mean, it’s like I have a pen knife and she has a nuclear weapon. I just freeze up. I can’t talk at all’” (Johnson).

Myth #3: Take a Time-Out

On the surface, it may seem like you are trying to push your spouse away when you argue with them. However, the real reason you are trying to communicate is to share your insecurities and concerns with them. This would be futile if they just walked away from you.

“I think in many of us this is just going to trigger higher levels of alarm and resentment. Aren’t we all just a little threatened by our loved one being able to turn and walk away, as if we didn’t matter at all? In my practice, the only people who can use ‘time-outs’ are those who have very mild fights and tons of love between them – that is, those who don’t really need it” (Johnson).

This doesn’t mean you should let the fight get carried away, but don’t try ending it by ignoring your partner. If things start to get out of control, say something. Tell them you value and want to hear what they have to say, but both of you are communicating unproductively.

What to Do After a Fight

Disagreements come up. Fights are going to happen. This is part of being human and the fact that we all make mistakes. Therefore, try not to avoid conflict altogether. Focus on limiting the damage and repairing it afterward.

When discussing your fight, Johnson suggests concentrating on how you feel instead of your spouse’s actions. What is it that upset you and caused the ensuing argument? How did you feel during the fight? Why did you feel that way?

“You can both assume, if it was a serious fight, that you scared each other. Our research shows that you can heal hurts and create a love that lasts by showing your partner that you care about their feelings and opening the door to what I call a Hold Me Tight conversation” (Johnson).

When Paul writes to the New Testament churches, he continually reminds them to share one another’s burdens. He also tells them to forgive those who have wronged them. The same thing is required in a marriage. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

During arguments, you will do and say harmful things out of anger or fear. Concentrating on being kind and loving will help you be less hurtful toward your partner. It will also help you focus on where they are coming from and what they are trying to communicate.

How Christian Counseling Can Help You Deal with Conflict in Marriage

There is no way to avoid conflict in marriage. In fact, Johnson says that it is unhealthy even to try. She compares it to two people trying to dance, but are so nervous about stepping on each other’s toes that they don’t put their feet anywhere.

If you are worried about the magnitude of your quarrels, you may want to make an appointment with a Christian marriage counselor Newport Beach. They are there to provide a safe space for discussing your problems. They can help you pinpoint your fears and figure out what motivates your emotional outbursts.

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Getting Over an Affair: Can Christian Marriages Survive Infidelity?

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Possibly the worst betrayal you can experience is having your spouse choose to get his or her needs met outside of your marriage, whether those needs are physical or emotional. Is it possible for a Christian marriage to recover from an affair? What does forgiveness look like? Where is the hope in this situation?

The good news is that there is always hope. But this hope requires a willingness on the part of both spouses, the betrayer and the betrayed, to work through the situation with openness and honesty and a common goal of reconciliation.

Important Steps for Getting Over an Affair

This process of getting over an affair is extremely difficult to undertake, but if there is true repentance, the right form of counseling, and helpful strategies, a marriage can become even stronger than it was prior to the affair.

Ask For Forgiveness

It’s essential that the spouse who strayed asks their husband or wife to forgive them, but it’s also important to consider others who were affected by their sin. This might include one’s children or grandchildren, or other people like extended family, friends, and coworkers.

Humbling ourselves enough to admit wrongdoing is very difficult. It takes great effort and courage, but it’s so important to ask for forgiveness from those who were affected by our selfish, foolish, and sinful actions.

Seek Counseling

Everyone involved in and affected by an affair must walk through the difficult recovery process. This is a time when it’s vital to have someone else walk with us through a difficult season, so a pastor or trained Christian counselor Newport Beach should be involved.

In order to pursue the goal of getting over an affair and restoring the marriage, a mediator is helpful to facilitate conversations that are constructive and authentic. Having an outsider bring their perspective to the marriage can shed a lot of light on what contributed to the breach. This mediator can also provide accountability and guidelines for protecting the marriage going forward.

Share the Hurt Honestly

Getting over an affair requires peeling back many layers of hurt and betrayal in the betrayed spouse: in their emotions, spirit, mind, and body. All of their thoughts and hurts should be treated as important. Each layer needs to be examined so that the pain caused by the affair is evident.

It can be difficult to realize that sometimes the betraying spouse also has legitimate hurts from his or her marriage. This isn’t to justify adultery, but it’s possible that there are struggles that were taking place before the affair that should be addressed.

Listen and Admit to Personal Wrongs

It’s very hard to listen to our faults being described and be willing to admit our culpability. It’s even harder to listen to our wrongs and not respond by justifying our actions. There is a time for explanations, but this is not that time. It is very important to acknowledge that what you’ve done has caused deep pain for your spouse.

Identify Negative Patterns in the Relationship

There were probably negative patterns in the marriage before the affair started. To change these patterns and heal the marriage, the causes need to be identified. Like many marriages, yours may only have been surviving instead of thriving.

A pastor or counselor can help identify some of these negative patterns, such as lack of time spent together, lack of connection over hopes and dreams, preoccupation with daily life over developing intimacy, social media addiction, or prioritizing other relationships. Figuring out these unhealthy patterns is an important part of moving toward reconciliation.

Agree to Establish Healthy Patterns in the Relationship

Once these negative patterns have been identified, it’s time to put in place and work toward positive goals and then to ask what things need to be done in order to effect lasting change.

Establish Intentional Time Together (date night, face-time, and couch time)

For any marriage to thrive, and especially for one to heal from adultery, a couple has to intentionally set aside time to be together. This can be a weekly date night routine, having face-time twice a week in order to reconnect, or having daily “couch time” when the kids know it’s Mom and Dad’s time to spend talking.

Especially if kids are aware that an affair took place, it’s important that they see their parents spending time reconnecting and talking, and even eventually laughing together.

Establish Accountability

It’s crucial to ask a trusted friend or pastor to provide ongoing accountability. This isn’t just for the purpose of preventing another affair, but to ensure that the strategies put in place are carried out consistently. Questions such as “When are you going on a date?” or, “Did you have face-to-face time this week?” can help keep those habits in place.

Forgive, and be Willing to Move On

It’s not helpful to constantly refer to the affair going forward. Once the hurt has been shared and processed, and there’s been forgiveness and reconciliation, it’s crucial to focus on the positive to move forward.

New feelings will undoubtedly arise and can be shared and worked through, but the affair should not be used to shame or coerce the betraying spouse.

Understand that Grieving Takes a While

Even once the adultery has been forgiven, the grieving process is still happening, and each person has their own timeline for grief. Some may recover well within months, and for others, it may take years.

There needs to be an understanding that things are going to be hard and there will be some setbacks along the way, but there’s hope as long as things keep moving ahead and the marriage is being strengthened.

Abide by the Covenant of Marriage

And lastly, let’s remember that the only covenant on earth that we have, apart from God’s covenant with us, is our covenant with our spouse. This isn’t a contract you can cancel at any time; it’s a sacred vow. It’s not a relationship that’s a trap, but a context in which to thrive.

Don’t hesitate to invest time, energy, and even finances in your marriage (such as having a romantic getaway without children). Marriage isn’t an automatic success; rather, it is either invested in or it is not. Especially if you’re trying to help your marriage recover from an affair, you need to be willing to invest in it and make it a top priority.

When you are willing to seek Christian marriage counseling early on in the recovery process, you’ll prevent future heartache resulting from unresolved issues. Being married means living out the parable of Christ’s relationship with His church. So even when it’s difficult, it’s worth our time, effort, and desire.

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3 Strategies for Gaining Control Over Anxiety Symptoms

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According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, at least 6.8 million adults (3.1% of America’s population) are affected by Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).

When you are suffering from GAD, anything can get you worried. More often than not, you end up worried about things that do not even make sense. So much so that you end up feeling silly and embarrassed at acknowledging that such trivial things can nag you and keep you awake at night.

But these worries are anything but silly. Feelings of worry and dread are as real as can be and apart from leading to insomnia, you could also end up depressed.

Over time, people can get their anxiety symptoms under control more easily when they understand the neurological underpinnings behind their anxiety. Whenever anxious thoughts or feelings kick in, the natural response is to try to figure out the reason behind the anxiety.

In most cases, this is where we start thinking, “This is silly,” or “You have no justification for worrying about this.” In the process, we fail to realize that even though these things could be true, the brain is also searching for things to worry about.

An anxious mind automatically scans the surroundings for anything to worry about. As soon as a source of worry is located, the body reacts.

Granted, our bodies react differently, but worry usually makes your body experience the same signs and symptoms that you would experience if faced with a dangerous situation or threat.

Consider your reaction when watching an intense or scary movie. As your brain and senses take in the information, your body starts to respond to the chemicals being released as a result of the stimuli. You might feel your stomach tightening, your breath quickening, and your hands getting clammy. This is actually what happens to you when you are worried or anxious. If there is no relief to these symptoms, the tension becomes chronic.

Common Anxiety Symptoms

Symptoms of anxiety could be classified into three broad categories. These three categories also help define the three different ways of dealing with anxiety. The first category is the physical arousal which leads to panic. The second category is comprised of dread, tension, and stress. The last category is where ruminating and worry fall.

This article focuses on how you can use Body Management to deal with the first category of anxiety symptoms.

Use of Body Management to Deal with Panic and Physical Arousal

Anxiety symptoms refer to what you feel whenever anxiety hits. A panic attack can make your body to experience an accelerated pulse, shortness of breath, and dizziness. Anxiety and panic attacks can come out of the blue, and this can make them frustrating and terrifying in equal measure – especially if you do not understand them.

Other symptoms include tension build up in the shoulders, jaws, and neck, and stomach pains.

Taking care of your body

Getting your body under full control is the first step in dealing with the physical symptoms of anxiety. There are a number of ways to achieve this. First and foremost, you need to take good care of your body and health. This means exercising, proper diet, and lots of rest everyday.

Too much caffeine and alcohol also make your body more susceptible to anxious arousal. Sleep deprivation and lack of exercise can cause this. A healthy body is a powerful way to ensure you attain control of your body to avoid anxiety and panic attacks.

Breathing diaphragmatically

Using diaphragmatic breathing is a proven method of calming and resting the body. Practicing this type of breathing makes your body accustomed to being in this state. This comes in handy when living with anxiety because you can easily use it on a daily basis. However, it can be even more beneficial whenever you notice the symptoms of anxiety creeping in.

Diaphragmatic breathing helps by either shifting or even stopping the stress response. It is a good idea to practice diaphragmatic breathing daily because it will make it easier to use it whenever anxiety kicks in.

Mindful awareness

The practice of mindful awareness is another strategy you can use to put your body under control. Most times, the physical symptoms are so vivid that you can’t help but think about them – and this worsens the situation. Mindful awareness will help you to stop thinking about your body and instead focus your thoughts on your environment.

This strategy will help you regain control over your body. The first thing you do is to turn your attention from the symptoms of anxiety to the experiences of your body, e.g. the way breathing feels or your heart rate. After this, you should shift attention away from the body onto something that you can smell, hear, or feel, such as any sound in your immediate environment or how your clothes feel against your skin.

As you go through this back and forth, you get the experience of having control over your body. It reminds you that you can be present in the prevailing moment without becoming a slave to the feelings.

Christian Counseling for Anxiety

Gaining control over your anxiety symptoms is possible. If you would like help in overcoming your anxiety, feel free to give us a call. We would be happy to meet with you to help you experience the freedom and peace you desire.

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