Emotional Infidelity Uncovered: What Exactly is It, Why It Happens, and Steps to Repair Your Relationship

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Emotional infidelity is a relationship issue that is unfortunately becoming more and more common. The constant and convenient accessibility to others (whether people, chat rooms, social media accounts, or AI) makes it easy for partners to satisfy their unmet relationship needs online, sometimes even while lying in bed next to their partner.

Given the reality of our current society, monogamy can feel under attack now more than ever. It can feel like it’s harder to stay completely faithful in a marriage. But if your relationship has been betrayed by emotional infidelity, it is certainly possible for it to recover and prosper after emotional infidelity.

In this article, I will provide more clarity on defining emotional infidelity, why it occurs, and steps on how to recover your relationship. For the sake of reading ease, this article will use the terms relationship, couple, and marriage interchangeably.

Who I Am

Before proceeding, I would like to give you, the reader, a little context about me. My name is Kristy De Leon, and I am a doctorate-level licensed marriage and family therapist with a certification in sex and couples therapy. I have over twenty years of experience in the mental health field and have been with my husband for twenty-two years in total, of which we have been married for seventeen.

We have two neurodivergent sons in addition to my husband being a career fireman. All that to say, he and I have been through some real challenges. There have been dark moments in which I (and I’m sure he too) was unsure of whether our marriage would survive- yet through the grace of God and the commitment to our marital covenant, here we are still married and in love.

The commitment to the marital covenant is an important topic that will be revisited as part of the solution. I felt my background was important to share with you because if you are reading this article, you are most likely in a challenging season of your relationship.

Knowing that the writer has been through difficult seasons in her own relationship can hopefully help you feel seen along with learning realistic steps toward marital recovery. There is nothing worse than reading an article in hopes of finding comfort and solutions to only be left feeling the same or worse because the author only gave textbook unrealistic suggestions.

What is emotional infidelity?

So let’s dive in and define emotional infidelity. It is the act of a person going outside of their committed relationship to meet their emotional needs. Examples can range from engaging in flirtatious activities (whether texts, social messaging, or in-person gestures) to having deep conversations with someone other than their partner. Think of it as sharing emotional sides of oneself that truly should only be shared with one’s partner.

This means that emotional infidelity can be defined differently per person and relationship: what one couple would define as emotional infidelity, another couple would not. What is important to note here is that emotional infidelity does not have a one-size-fits-all definition, unlike sexual infidelity.

For some couples, liking or following social media accounts that have provocative images would be defined as emotional infidelity. For another couple, becoming close to a co-worker by sharing worries, dreams, or inside jokes would be seen as emotional infidelity. Regardless of the behavior being seen as “innocent,” if it pulls a person away from their partner and more importantly if the partner feels betrayed then it is emotional infidelity.

Reasons for Emotional Infidelity

Why does emotional infidelity occur? Similar to the definition, the reasons why it occurs vary from person to person and from couple to couple. Despite the reason, the common denominator is that there are emotional needs that are going unmet. Even though there have been multiple conversations and fights about the needs, they continue to go unmet.

Or worse, there is a complete lack of communication, and these needs continue to go unseen. Communication challenges are an issue that many couples face. Communicating one’s needs can be difficult. It’s risky, vulnerable, and opens the door to possible rejection and ridicule.

The reality is that most people have a hard time communicating vulnerable requests or statements. Therefore, most relationships do not have the communication foundations to have such vulnerable conversations. It becomes easier to avoid these conversations altogether and easier to get one’s emotional needs met elsewhere where there isn’t so much history, hurt, or negative emotions.

In addition to communication challenges, other factors can open the door to emotional infidelity, such as past hurts or betrayals, becoming emotionally or sexually bored in the relationship, feeling rejected by your partner, feeling your partner is emotionally unavailable, associating with others where emotional infidelity is common and accepted, feeling like you parenting your spouse or feeling like you are being parented by your spouse.

There can be multiple unhealthy relationship dynamics that can be co-occurring which can lead to infidelity. There can also be individual factors (such as traumas, unhealthy beliefs around relationships, etc.) that can contribute to existing unhealthy relationships increasing the likelihood of emotional infidelity.

Both partners contribute to emotional infidelity

Infidelity, whether emotional and/or sexual or any other type of relationship betrayal, does not exist in a vacuum. Meaning it is not a stand-alone thing that sprouted out of nowhere. With all the individuals and couples that I have counseled who are in search of infidelity recovery, it is typically a result of unhealthy relationship dynamics. Similar to addiction, infidelity is a systemic problem/relationship issue in which each partner has contributed in their own way to the issue.

I understand that statement can be really hard to read and process, especially if you are the one who was betrayed. Society would say “You don’t need this.”, “Walk away.”, or “Once a cheater always a cheater.” And without knowing your relationship nor the context in which the betrayal occurred, all those statements may hold some truth.

But what I can say is that for each couple who has courageously sat in front of me with the willingness to repair their relationship, each person eventually was able to not only recognize their contribution but more importantly was able to own their part.

At its core, a marriage relationship requires four components: sex, time, attention, and affection. Think of these as slices in a pie where each partner’s slices may look different. For example, for the husband the slice of time may be bigger than for the wife or the slice of affection may be bigger for the wife than it is for the husband. The size of these slices can change over time, during milestones, in times of stress, or just as a result of aging.

Although each spouse’s pie can look different, there is an overlap in that each person has the same four slices. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, it is pivotal for each partner to share when their slices change size; meaning the need has either increased or decreased for any of the four components.

I hope that this imagery can help you begin to understand the importance of having explicit conversations about the needs of each partner. These are continuous conversations that should be occurring throughout the life of the marriage. As we age our needs change and so do the needs of the relationship.

Repairing the Ruins

So how does a marriage repair itself after emotional infidelity? First, I want to affirm that overcoming this betrayal is possible. Second, I have a three-step process through which I lead couples who are recovering from any type of infidelity or betrayal. The three steps are as follows: crisis, insight, and vision.

Crisis Chances are, you may currently be in the crisis stage: you just found out, many different conflicting emotions overcome you, you may be in shock, or you may be exploring your options on whether to stay or leave (especially if this is not the first time). In the crisis phase, both partners are grappling to manage many different emotions.

Insight It’s not until the emotional dust settles that we can move toward the second phase of insight. Insight is a stage where each partner is able and willing to explore their own contribution to what happened in addition to gaining an understanding of their spouse’s choices and behaviors.

Vision In the last phase of vision, the couple co-creates a new definition of the monogamy agreement, and a new commitment to the covenant of marriage is made.

Keeping Covenant

The commitment to the covenant is at the core of sustaining a marriage regardless of the challenges. Keeping the commitment means showing up even when it’s hard, scary, or when you are hurt, tired, or not in the mood. It also means that there is an understanding and acceptance of the fallible human nature.

Thus, even though you and your partner have recommitted to the marital covenant, human nature will cause you and your partner to fail each other again at some point in some way. This is when and where we must grow our faith, strengthen our relationship with God, and practice our Christian morals and values with ourselves and our spouses.

Hope to Overcome Emotional Infidelity

I want to reiterate that a marriage can recover and prosper despite emotional infidelity. It will require creating a new healthy covenant that includes effective communication skills, healthy coping skills, and a different way of problem-solving – all things that are part of my therapeutic work with couples. In closing, Scripture reminds us that, “…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28).

If you are looking for support in navigating emotional infidelity, please contact our reception team to schedule a free consultation today. Kristy De Leon offers traditional talk therapy sessions or couple intensives (that range between 3-4 hours) for busy couples who want to expedite the healing process.

Photo:
“Shattered Heart”, Courtesy of Isidore Decamon, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

5 Tips for Managing Anxiety in Pregnancy

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Anxiety in pregnancy is common. Women can face several worrisome factors, such as:

  • The health of their unborn child.
  • Their health.
  • Anticipation of labor and delivery.
  • Financial problems.
  • Juggling a job and pregnancy.
  • Other children at home.
  • Hormonal fluctuations.

Chronic anxiety can make sleep difficult and cause fluctuating emotions to worsen.

5 Tips for Managing Anxiety in Pregnancy

Pregnancy affects each woman differently. Some women are more prone to anxiety, especially with hormones fluctuating and uncertainties about the pregnancy, birth, and life with a newborn. To manage anxiety in pregnancy, you will need to make healthier choices and lifestyle changes. The goal is to feel calmer, peaceful, and accepted, so staying active and social is important for your physical and mental health.

The following are several tips for managing anxiety in pregnancy.

Stay active

Staying active will keep your joints and muscles flexible and strong. The body undergoes many changes during pregnancy, and the fluctuating hormones can leave you stiff and achy in certain areas. Walking is an effective exercise that most women can do throughout pregnancy.

Although you will need to make modifications, stretching, yoga, and some resistance training are generally safe. Exercise triggers the release of endorphins that will help smooth tense muscles and lower anxiety, leaving you much calmer and more relaxed.

Go to bed

Sleep is now more important than ever as the body needs enough to recharge and repair. Pregnancy hormones and a protruding belly can make sleep challenging. Try creating a bedtime routine to trigger that it is time to sleep. Take a warm shower or bath, drink a warm beverage, and settle into bed with a book an hour or so earlier. If your schedule permits, take a quick nap during the day.

Stick to healthy foods

Processed and junk foods and foods with added sugars can worsen anxiety symptoms. Aim for healthier fare such as lean protein, complex carbohydrates, fresh fruits and vegetables, and healthy fats.

Your physician may also suggest prenatal vitamins to ensure you receive adequate amounts. The vitamins and minerals found in whole foods and prenatal supplements can help you manage anxiety and boost your immune system, not to mention the health benefits to the baby.

Befriend the women at church

Isolation can aggravate anxiety symptoms and increase your risk of developing depression. If you belong to a church, seek a women’s group. This could be a mission group, women’s Bible study group, or mom’s group. If you do not have one at your church, look online for other women’s groups in your area. Feeling a sense of belonging and leaning on other mothers for support and encouragement will boost your confidence and mental health.

Know your limits

Now is not the time to hustle and push yourself beyond your limits, physically or mentally. Know when to slow down and respect what your body and mind can do this season. It may not be what you are used to, but that is all right. Accept that you are growing another human inside of you, and that takes energy. Set boundaries to protect your health from trying to do too much.

Christian counseling for anxiety in Newport Beach

Help is available for anxiety in pregnancy. Contact our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California to schedule a session with a Christian counselor in Newport Beach specializing in mental conditions during and after pregnancy. You can manage symptoms effectively while you wait for your sweet bundle of joy.

Photo:
“Pregnant Woman Reading”, Courtesy of Natalia Blauth, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Date Ideas for Couples in Newport Beach: What to Do When You Can’t Find Childcare

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If you’re a parent, you’re likely familiar with the feeling of burnout and overwhelm. Unfortunately, when we feel this way, intentional connections with our spouses often get buried under piles of laundry, to-do lists, and dirty dishes. Here are some creative date ideas for couples in Newport Beach who might be struggling to find childcare.

Date nights aren’t just a luxury; they are an investment in your relationship. Therapists often recommend weekly dedicated date nights for couples to solidify their relationship, rekindle the romance, and improve communication. While most parents would cherish some alone time, arranging childcare when you need it isn’t always straightforward.

Date Ideas for Couples in Newport Beach: Creative Childcare

Even if your trusted sitters aren’t available and you feel you’ve exhausted all options, don’t give up hope in finding responsible childcare. There are alternatives. Here are some innovative date ideas for couples in Newport Beach to consider.

Parents’ Night Out Programs

Check with local community centers, churches, dance studios, or gymnastics facilities. Many of them offer “Parents’ Night Out” programs where they provide childcare for a few hours at a reasonable rate. Here are some options for Parents Night Out in Orange County. While this option requires some planning and a modest budget, it can provide you with much-needed time alone with your spouse. As a bonus, your children may enjoy meeting new people and engaging in exciting activities.

Dates While the Kids Are Occupied

Don’t overlook prime opportunities for alone time with your partner. Dates don’t always have to be at night! Get creative with your schedules. Consider meeting your spouse during your lunch breaks or even taking an hour of vacation time to spend with your spouse while the kids are in school.

Dropping the little ones off at soccer practice? Instead of running errands or sitting on the sidelines, sneak away for a coffee with your mate. Rethink your schedule; you may have overlooked some date-time possibilities.

When your kids are little, put them in a stroller for a nice walk around the neighborhood. Give your kids a snack as a distraction and spend a moment chatting with your spouse.

Upscale Restaurants

Indulge in a worry-free dining experience by choosing an upscale restaurant that offers babysitting services. While this type of service may not be available in your hometown, exploring nearby metropolitan areas may lead you to the perfect spot. Enjoy a night out knowing that your children are being well-supervised, allowing you to savor the dining experience with your partner.

Sleepovers and Lock-ins

Explore options for elementary or middle-school-aged children. Some church youth groups organize “lock-ins” where the students stay overnight at the church to play games and enjoy snacks. Museums and community centers occasionally offer sleepover programs through their community outreach and educational initiatives. These options provide a fun and safe environment for kids while offering parents a chance to enjoy some alone time.

Work Out Together

Does your gym offer childcare? If so, plan a workout date with your spouse. If you’re accustomed to solo workouts, merge your routines and work out together while enjoying the perks of childcare services. After your workout, savor a healthy snack before picking up your kids. Not only are you prioritizing your health but enjoying quality time together.

At-Home Dates

An at-home date night can be a delightful way to spend quality time together with your spouse when getting a sitter is not an option. Here are some creative ways to create memorable experiences together.

Early Breakfast or Late Dinner

Make the most of your children’s sleep schedule by planning an early-morning breakfast date or late-night dinner. Get up before the sun rises and share the view and a quiet moment with your honey over a cup of coffee.

If you’re not a morning person, put the kids to bed early and share a relaxed late-night meal. Prepare as much as you can beforehand to avoid spending your precious time together cooking or order take-out from your favorite restaurant. Set the mood with candles and soft music. After the meal, dance together for a romantic end to your at-home date.

Let the Kids Be in Charge

Bring the charm of an upscale restaurant home by surprising your spouse with a homemade dinner. Keep the children entertained by involving them in meal preparation. Assign them tasks like setting the table or decorating it with freshly picked flowers. Create a handwritten menu or print one off the computer and allow your children to decorate.

Once your spouse has come home from work, dim the lights and let the date begin. Ask the children to act as hosts and teach them to lead your spouse to the special table. Order off your homemade menu (with only one available option) and allow the children to serve as your waitstaff. Show appreciation by tipping them with a little extra allowance or a trip to the ice cream parlor.

Home Theater

Unable to go to the theater because you have no sitter? Create a home theater experience by setting up a projector and big screen for the kids to watch a movie with headphones. Prepare their favorite snack for them to enjoy as they watch their movie.

Snuggle up in a different room with your partner and watch a favorite film together. Don’t forget to get an extra decadent snack to enjoy. This setup should keep the kids occupied long enough for you to enjoy some quality time together.

Indoor or Backyard Camping

Create an inviting space that will captivate your children. Surprise the kids with a blanket fort and indoor campsite filled with cozy things, new activities, and yummy snacks. Alternatively, set up a tent in the backyard to keep them entertained.

While the kids enjoy their new space, create a romantic setting for you and your spouse. Share a meal, a movie, or a delicious dessert and conversation. Conclude the evening with a family bonfire. If you want more alone time, wait until the kids are asleep and transform your backyard into a magical romantic oasis with fairy lights, soft music, and cozy blankets.

Invite Some Friends

If your children are old enough to entertain themselves with friends, consider inviting some of their buddies over to play. Plan a fun activity such as a scavenger hunt, backyard obstacle course, or a crafting corner. While they’re engaged with friends, take the opportunity to spend quality time with your spouse. Work on a puzzle together, play a game, or simply take a few moments to enjoy each other’s company.

Indulge for the Day

Occasionally, it’s okay to indulge in some things that are normally limited or forbidden. Keep your children occupied by allowing them to taste the forbidden fruit. If you typically restrict screen time, consider planning a FaceTime conversation with a cousin or friend. Set up a gaming system and check out new games from the library to let them have a little gaming fun.

You might also consider letting the kids play with those messy toys that usually require a lot of cleaning up and are typically tucked away. Find something out of the ordinary that they don’t usually get to interact with and schedule it for when you and your spouse want to have a quiet and uninterrupted date night at home.

What is the goal of date night?

Ideally, date night is a time for you to connect with your spouse in a meaningful way. It’s a time to set aside the stressors of life, make eye contact with one another, and talk. Some couples with kids struggle with the feeling that they have become co-parents versus partners. For some couples, I recommend setting aside conversations about parenting and instead engage one another in deeper, more intimate questions:

  • What have you been thinking about lately? What have you been feeling?
  • What’s a dream that you wish to fulfill?
  • Where are you with your faith currently? What is God teaching you right now?
  • Are there ways that we can be more intentional with one another and strengthen our connection?
  • What are some things that I can do to love you better in this season?

Is date night enough? Christian Couples Counseling in Newport Beach

While date night ideas for couples in Newport Beach are a wonderful way to strengthen your bond with your spouse, they may not address all your relationship issues.

If you and your spouse feel disconnected or want to work through specific challenges, consider scheduling an appointment with a Christian counselor in Newport Beach, California. Therapy can deepen your emotional connection, enhance or reignite physical intimacy, and resolve conflicts with the help of an impartial professional. Contact us today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to learn more.

When it comes to nurturing and enriching your relationship, carving dedicated time in your busy schedule to focus on each other is crucial for a fulfilling relationship. Don’t let your lack of childcare hinder your relationship growth. Take the advice of most Christian therapists and view date night as a valuable tool to strengthen your connection.

Photos:
“Holding Hands”, Courtesy of mina6120, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Family on a Walk”, Courtesy of MabelAmber, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Coffee and Dessert”, Courtesy of StockSnap, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Dealing with Codependency in Friendships

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The book of Proverbs, which is one of the wisdom books in the Bible, has this to say about friendship:

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother – Proverbs 18:24, NIV

This book, and the rest of the Bible, has a lot more to say about friends and friendship, but there’s a sense in which this verse is a great summary of it all. Some friends will lead to ruin, and “ruin” may look like several different things, but there are other friends who are not only so reliable that they can be counted on more than your own relatives, but they also cause you to prosper.

There’s a lot that’s been written about friendship. One of the best reflections on friendship was produced by C. S. Lewis, and in The Four Loves, he has these two gems: “Friendship …is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…’”. He also wrote: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

It is possible to survive without friendships, but surely our lives are poorer for it. Friendships, as Lewis put it, give value to survival. They provide us with human connection, joy, and support. There are different kinds of friendships, differing in proximity and depth, but they also differ in how healthy they are. Some friendships are afflicted with unhealthy patterns such as codependency.

Friendships and Codependent Behavior

Codependency is an unhealthy dynamic that can attach itself to different kinds of relationships. This includes the parent-child relationship, romantic relationships, between siblings, coworkers, and friendships. Codependency involves a pattern of relying excessively on another person; this reliance can be both psychological and emotional, and it goes beyond the healthy interdependence that relationships ought to have.

The idea of codependency is typically associated with addiction. In that context, codependency describes the ways the partner or family members relate to their loved one who’s struggling with substance abuse. The partner or family members are overly involved in their loved one’s life, performing a rescuing function. The dynamic is skewed and unhealthy.

Codependency can also be used as a term to describe friendships and other relationships, especially where there is a significant imbalance of power and responsibility in the relationship. In a given relationship, the codependent dynamic is often rooted in early life experiences, like when a person grows up in a dysfunctional family and their needs are ignored or left unmet. These dynamics can be carried forward into other relationships.

In a friendship, two people may meet, and in one or both of their lives, they may have learned to put the needs of others above their own. There may also be a pattern of seeking acceptance from others and finding validation in how others perceive them. What this often translates into is a friend who has an unhealthy habit of self-sacrifice and neglecting their own well-being.

Identifying Codependency in Friendships

What’s the difference between codependency in friendships, and friendships where there is a healthy self-regard? A good friend is willing to sacrifice themselves on your behalf. After all, Jesus, who wants to call us a friend, died for us, the righteous one dying for ungodly people (Romans 5:6-8). However, unlike Jesus, a codependent friend is unable to say “no”, even when it’s detrimental to their own well-being. In other words, they don’t have healthy boundaries.

The lack of boundaries is one of the main things that can help you identify a codependent dynamic in a relationship. To address codependence in your friendship, you need to be able to identify it, whether you’re the codependent one, or the one who’s benefitting from this dynamic. Some of the signs to look out for include the following:

A lack of boundaries With codependency in friendships, personal boundaries are often blurred or non-existent. These boundaries include having your own opinions, demarcating things that you don’t want to get involved in or do, and being able to say “no” when something goes against your values.

Where there is a lack of boundaries, you can wind up feeling trapped in the relationship, unable to express your own needs or desires.

Excessive caretaking If you are a codependent friend, you’ll often assume the role of a caretaker over your friend. You may feel responsible for the other person’s happiness and well-being. To accomplish this happiness, you may put your friend’s needs above your own, even when it becomes detrimental to your well-being.

For instance, you may loan your friend money when you need it to pay your mortgage or car loan, putting your own credit and living situation in danger.

Resentment and controlling behavior Excessive caretaking can be a sign of codependency, and with that, there is also often resentment that takes root. When you don’t take care of your own needs, you wear yourself thin. The codependent person may be resentful toward the other person, and because they feel responsible for them, they often become controlling.

Fear of abandonment A person with codependent tendencies will often have an intense fear of being abandoned by others. This may be the result of past experiences. Having such a fear can lead to clingy behavior. They may go to great lengths to keep the friendship, even when it becomes decidedly toxic or unhealthy.

Need for approval Codependency will often leave a person with a strong need for approval and validation from others. A codependent person will often have an underdeveloped sense of self, and they feel important or valuable only insofar as other people around them accord them that value. They are often overly concerned with pleasing others and may feel worthless without their friend’s affirmation.

This is one of the reasons why a codependent person will stay in an unhealthy relationship, or why they will struggle to say “no” or to give valid criticism about their friend’s behavior – it may mean that their friend won’t give them the approval they crave, so it’s easier to just go with the flow.

Difficulty in decision-making Another sign of a codependent relationship is that a codependent individual might struggle to make decisions independently and rely heavily on their friend’s opinions and guidance.

Dealing with Codependency in Friendships

When it comes to dealing with codependency in a friendship, there are various strategies you can deploy to handle the situation. If you’re codependent, you don’t have to wait for your friends or loved ones to agree with you before you start making changes in your life. You can commit yourself and begin to consciously put in the hard work necessary to change things.

Some things you can do include the following:

Nurturing self-awareness You can begin by nurturing self-awareness about the patterns in your relationships. Pause and reflect on your behavior and motives in the friendship, especially around any self-sacrificial behavior.

Build your self-esteem You can work on building your self-esteem and self-worth from within. Take time to engage in activities that make you feel happy, competent, and confident. Remind yourself what Scripture says about you and why you’re valuable in the Lord’s eyes.

Set healthy boundaries It’s important that you set and communicate clear boundaries with others. Boundaries help to create a balanced relationship where you both feel respected and valued. Know that it’s okay for you to say “no” and to prioritize your own needs. It takes time, but nurture the understanding that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish but necessary for healthy relationships.

Foster independence One way to begin reversing codependency is to encourage yourself to make decisions independently. You can have your own opinions and interests, entirely separate from the things your friend is interested in.

Talk with your friend You should have open and honest communication with your friend, discussing your feelings and concerns about the dynamics of the relationship. You can both, in your own way, work together toward a healthier, more balanced relationship.

Let go In some instances, you need to let go of relationships. If your friend doesn’t want to honor your boundaries and right to say “no”, and if that friendship is causing more harm than good, then it might be time to reconsider its place in your life.

Seek professional help You don’t have to figure out how to do all this by yourself. You can make use of therapy or counseling to overcome codependency. Your counselor can walk with you to unpack and explore the underlying causes of your codependent behavior, and they can also provide you with effective strategies to develop a more secure sense of self and healthier relationships that are built on mutual respect. Contact our office today to learn more.

Photos:
“Proverbs”, Courtesy of Tim Wildsmith, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Talk to the Hand”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Sunset”, Courtesy of Harli Marten, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Let It Go”, Courtesy of Brett Jordan, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

5 Ways to Cope with Functioning Depression

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A person who is dealing with depression may find activities to be difficult, and even being fully productive at work or with other activities may be nearly impossible. However, many people who deal with functioning depression still feel this depression symptom but can function each day. A person who is suffering from depression can look on the outside as if they are doing well while on the inside, they are suffering.

It is essential to identify a person who is dealing with functional depression and help them cope with this illness so that they can thrive and become well-adjusted individuals when their depression has improved. Seeking support from a professional, at Newport Beach Christian Counseling , can play a key role in assisting individuals in managing their depression and finding healthy ways to cope.

5 Ways to Cope with Functioning Depression

Here are five ways to cope with functioning depression:

Keep a routine

A person who has a routine and is suffering from depression does not have to think about what comes next. A person with a routine will also feel safe and allow themselves to process the feelings they’re dealing with. Throwing something new at them that requires a lot of social interaction or faking emotions may not suit them at this time.

For example, a person who has established a routine but is invited to a surprise party for a friend may need support to attend. If that person gets a lot of stress from the situation they may find it challenging to cope.

People suffering from depression need to keep a good routine, especially at night, to help them sleep so they can wake up and deal with whatever comes. Drink a soothing beverage, watch a particular television show that makes you happy, avoid any stimulants like caffeine, and take time to read. Limit any violent or sad books, news, magazines, and music.

Because people do not have control over what comes on their TV screens, you need to limit your access. Find a particular show you enjoy. It could be a sitcom from years past or a current show. Limit the amount of violent content, gratuitous sexual content, or filthy language. Limit exposure to things that bring you down. Focus on the positive each day.

Do things you enjoy

It is also essential to spend time doing things you enjoy. Even for someone who has limited hobbies, find something you like. Create using drawing, painting, or other creative resources. Invest some money in learning something new. A person with functioning depression needs to have something that helps them feel more productive and move forward in life.

A person who is dealing with depression may feel stuck or feel like their life is not worth living. By having something new and something exciting to look forward to, a person with a vision may have fewer thoughts of hopelessness and more thoughts of anticipation for the future.

Plan your future

It is also essential for people with depression to plan their future. Where do you want to see your life in five years? Ten years? One year? Even if your main goal is to get rid of depression symptoms, find ways to be excited about the future even if you have to live with depression for the rest of your life.

A person dealing with functional depression needs to plan, but they may not have the strength or even the motivation to do it on their own. They need to find someone who can help them create short-term and long-term goals to help them achieve this. Short-term goals are the most difficult for some people; thinking ahead to the next day is difficult because there’s no passion or motivation.

You may see improvement in your symptoms as you begin to get into it, and your passion for life is reignited. Furthermore, planning long-term goals will help you see hope and a future for your life.

Living daily and hoping to make it through the day’s no way to live. However, a person with things to look forward to for years ahead will have more hope and passion for their lives. They’ll engage with those around them when they feel more hope and love.

Take time off

In some cases, people who are dealing with depression may need to take some time off from work and other responsibilities. The pressure from mounting responsibilities and having too much on your plate may be contributing to depression. Taking some time off to rest, reflect on life, and process any residual pain from previous problems may help you move forward in your battle with depression.

If finances allow, take some time to travel and see some new and exciting places. Sometimes, getting out of your old environment and going to a new place will help inspire you to get more excited about the life you’re leading. Engaging in activities you enjoy in a new place that allows you to explore new worlds might ignite your passion and excitement when you get home.

Although this is not a one-time fix for every case of depression, in some cases, a person who gets excited about doing things that they enjoy when exploring a new place can get a new lease on life.

Be open

Unfortunately, there is still a stigma surrounding people who have depression in any form. It is difficult for people to talk about their struggles, including mental health ones. Many Christians believe that depression is all in someone’s head or a figment of their imagination. However, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues are real issues that people deal with.

Due to chemical imbalances in the brain, many people deal with mental health issues without being able to express what they’re dealing with clearly. Being open and letting people know exactly how you’re feeling may help take the pressure off having to perform a certain way for people to like them.

If this is difficult for you, surround yourself with a small group of friends who are there for you. Build trust by engaging in a local church and participating with people. When you enter a small group, wait until you can discern who is a person you can trust regarding this information.

You may find people are way more understanding than you realize. Having a group of people who love you and want what’s best for you can make all the difference in your fight against depression.

Knowing that you have someone to reach out to when you’re struggling who will express that they will love and pray for you can do wonders for you when you feel like you’re alone. When you are surrounded by people who love you and are rooting for you, they can help you take charge of your life and do what it takes to heal yourself through treatment and medication.

Keeping mental health issues secret does not help anyone when it comes to the battle with depression. However, by bringing that issue into the light, you can see your value and recover your interest in activities and relationships.

Functioning with depression is never easy. However, with hope for your future, you can keep a steady routine, do things you enjoy, and find you can cope with your symptoms much more quickly than someone who does not.

For more information and to meet with me or another Christian counselor in California regarding your functioning depression symptoms, call our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling.

Photos:
“Admiring the View”, Courtesy of Noah Silliman, Unsplash.com, CC0 License;”Checklist”, Courtesy of Glenn Carstens-Peters, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Painter”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Watching the Water”, Courtesy of Muhammadh Saamy, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

The Faithful Family: Christian Counseling and Raising Godly Children

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Initially, when you find out that you are going to be a parent, there are millions of thoughts about how you want to raise your children and who you want them to become. You look down at their beautiful face and desire so much for them and their lives. As Christians, we have a desire to raise our children to know and love God more than anything else. If you’re seeking guidance in this journey, Newport Beach Christian Counseling can provide support and insight on nurturing your child’s faith and well-being.

But somewhere along the way, we are hit with the reality that there are a million demands on us as parents. We feel obligated to feed them the right foods, get them a great education, get them into sports or extracurricular activities, make sure that they are kind, develop screen time limits and chore charts, and the list goes on and on.

The priorities in parenting can easily be shifted but the truth remains the same. We must prioritize their walk with Jesus above everything else that is vying for their attention.

Where do we start?

Maybe your child won’t sleep through the night and you’re at a loss of how you’re going to find the time or energy to take your kids to church. Maybe your family is involved in many activities throughout the week, and you can’t find time for a family devotional or prayer. Or maybe you’re parenting teens who aren’t sure that they’re interested in this whole ‘God thing’ and you don’t know how to approach conversations with them.

Regardless of what stage of parenting you’re in, God is with you and desires to know you and to know your children. The task of raising Godly children doesn’t have to be quite so daunting if we take small effective steps.

Model your own faith

First, we must start by modeling our faith to our kids. This may be something that you’re doing already, and you don’t even realize it. When your children see you living out your own faith, they are more likely to desire to live out their own faith.

Research shows that parental religious practices significantly influence a child’s likelihood of adopting that same faith. If you’ve been struggling with your own spiritual disciplines, maybe attempt to integrate a small spiritual discipline into your daily life. Here are some potential practices to try:

Quiet time

Allow your children to witness you setting aside the other demands of life and choosing to quiet your mind with prayer and scripture reading at some point during the day. It doesn’t have to be first thing in the morning, it can be anytime.

Prayer first thing

Justin Whitmel Earley authored an incredible book called “Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms.” In this book, he discusses several different practices including a short kneeling prayer at the foot of your bed each morning before starting your day

Music

Playing worship music during the day in your home

Church

Making church attendance a priority for you and your family each week before sports or other commitments.

Notecards

Place notecards with scripture in different places throughout your home and car that you will see each day. Pause and read the verse with your kids when you have a quiet moment.

Loving others

Whether you work on forgiving family members who have hurt you, choosing another person’s needs before your own, or choosing selfless acts of love throughout your week, your children will see your intentional acts and recognize that your life is different.

Our children are watching us more than we think, and we must model our faith for them to witness. In the Daily Grace Gospel at Home magazine, Tiffany Dickerson states that “when we make these spiritual disciplines our priority, a natural overflow of discipleship occurs when our children witness our love for the Lord and others.”

Name what matters

The next step in raising godly children is working with the other adults in your home to ensure that your family’s priorities line up with your faith. It can be incredibly challenging to explain to your child or to their coach that church is more important than their little league game, but it sets a precedent for what you value as a family and how you prioritize your time.

These are those moments in parenting where we must put on the Christian perspective of eternity and realize that the habits that we develop now will matter for our children in the long run. Here are a few ways to align your family’s priorities with your Christian faith:

Set aside a weekly Sabbath

It doesn’t have to always be Sunday, but a good rule of thumb is twenty-four hours of rest, reflection, and connection away from the busyness of our everyday lives.

Find time to serve other people or families in need

This may mean spending a Saturday at a soup kitchen as a family, inviting family and friends into your home who may need support during a difficult season, or keeping care kits in your car for when you and your family see someone in need while you’re out and about.

Pray together as a family

It can feel like a miracle once you sit down with your children after a long day and get to eat dinner together, but I encourage you to pray to thank God for that time together.

Use discipline moments as an opportunity for discipleship

It is in the practical moments of disobedience that we can teach our children that we are sinners in need of a Savior. We can remind our children in these moments that only Jesus can make us whole.

Don’t be afraid of doubt

Lastly, I think it’s important to recognize that we are all a work in progress. God has started a great work in each one of us, including our children, and we must trust that He will carry us through to completion (Philippians 1:6). I see many parents become scared when their kids start asking questions about their faith or doubting God’s existence.

I encourage you to take a deep breath and trust that God loves your child even more than you do. The questioning that happens in our faith is part of our spiritual development and it’s important that we encourage and support our children through this process rather than use fear or punishment.

When your child is in a season of doubt, create space for them to ask any questions that might come up for them. As parents, it is easy to allow the anxieties of life to distract us from time with our kids. One of the most important parts of parenting is prioritizing one-on-one time with our kids.

Look them in the eye, put your phones down, and do something with them that they want to do each day. When you build that bond with your child, they are more likely to come to you when they have big questions or when they are experiencing doubt or confusion.

Thank goodness there is grace for all of us in this process! As a mom to four little ones myself, I am constantly struck by the weight of the world’s expectations. The truth is that we are all doing the best that we can, and Scripture reveals to us that God is fully in control.

We do not need to worry about messing up God’s plans for our children. As you read through this article, my prayer for you is that you feel equipped with some tools to try but that you don’t feel overwhelmed by a list of tasks.

In the same Daily Grace article, Tiffany Dickerson reminds us that “Jesus is the point of our discipleship. It does not have to be hard, filled with charts, graphs, and items on a list to check off. It simply needs to be intentional. As parents, we not only grow in our walk with the Lord, but we pray for clarity to see those moments when we can plant the seeds of the gospel in our children’s lives.”

Remember that God is with you in this process, turn to Him and allow Him to show you what your family and your children need to draw closer to Him.

Reach out for support to raise godly children

I believe that no matter where you are in your parenting journey, support and encouragement can be helpful. Family therapy with a Christian counselor can give you the tools and support you need to continue raising Godly children.

If you are in a place where you need support with your faith, individual counseling with a Christian counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling can be a helpful resource as well. Whether you are struggling at home, or you just want to grow deeper with God and your family, reach out to us today and we can connect you to a qualified family or individual therapist.

Photos:
“Girl Praying”, Courtesy of doungtepro, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Mother and Daughter”, Courtesy of StockSnap, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Mother and Daughters”, Courtesy of Pixabay, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Happy Family”, Courtesy of AlisaDyson, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

4 DBT Groups Used for Therapy in Newport Beach, California

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Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a cognitive behavioral treatment used for individuals with borderline personality disorder. This type of treatment focuses on balancing acceptance and change. The goal is to empower individuals by assisting them in gaining an understanding of managing their challenging emotions. DBT groups in Newport Beach, California provide the environment needed to learn skills to cope with challenges in everyday life. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can also offer valuable support for those seeking to integrate faith-based guidance alongside DBT to foster emotional and spiritual growth.

What is the purpose of DBT groups?

The goal of DBT group therapy is not to work through feelings as a group. It is to help individuals learn new skills needed to approach difficult emotional situations. DBT group is a place to get encouragement and support while acquiring the skills needed, but the focus isn’t just for that purpose. The only time personal details are shared is if the individual wants to share. There are skills to be learned and homework that will help you use the tools you are given.

The four DBT groups

There are four training areas for DBT group therapy. The group sessions are approximately 24 weeks long and last for about two and a half hours. Each one will provide specific skills needed.

Distress Tolerance skills will aid in learning to cope with stressful situations without behaving in ways that will exacerbate them. The individual will also learn to accept that there are some situations that a person cannot change. When things are difficult but nothing can be changed, it is important to know how to effectively cope with the feelings until they pass. The key will be to address the situation when those feelings have subsided.

Mindfulness skills will teach awareness of the surroundings and how the person can be present in the moment. When a person is mindful it means they are paying attention to the present moment with intention. Mindfulness is not meditation. In DBT mindfulness is learning to pay attention to the immediate moment. It is a way of addressing changes in mindless actions or habits. This can also help with worry and depression.

Interpersonal effectiveness teaches skills focused on communication, boundaries, and healthy relationships. These skills are geared toward teaching individuals how to approach the many relationships of a healthy lifestyle. It will lead them through the skills needed to maintain work, family, and romantic relationships. This will also develop the skills necessary for interacting with difficult people.

Emotion regulation will help the person recognize and understand emotions and how to change those that are challenging. Sometimes emotions can be confusing. It helps to know how to decrease the pain of some emotions. This will also help the person to feel as though they have some degree of control over the hard emotions. The person learns that it is a choice in how to react to the emotions they face.

Benefits of DBT groups

Several positive changes can result from DBT group therapy.

  • Learning a new skill set to face challenging situations.
  • Acceptance that some circumstances cannot be changed.
  • Learning how to work with others constructively.
  • Identifying harmful behavior patterns and knowing how to adjust to healthier ones.
  • The ability to alter from negative thinking to positive thinking.
  • Learning new and healthy ways to cope with stress.
  • Becoming more effective at communication skills.

Next steps for finding DBT groups in Newport Beach

DBT groups in Newport Beach, California are a great tool for those individuals who need a healthy understanding of how to manage emotions that stem from borderline personality disorder. Every person has the choice to make changes to how they react to situations. Through DBT groups in Newport Beach, these skills are taught in a way that will cultivate a healthy lifestyle. If you would like more information about DBT groups in Newport Beach, contact us today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California and we can connect you to a Christian counselor in Newport Beach.

A tranquil heart is life to the body, But passion is rottenness to the bones. – Proverbs 14:30, NASB

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“Flowers”, Courtesy of Anastasiya Romanova, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Unshelving Hope: Anxiety, Personal Development, and Summoning the Courage to Dream Again

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We don’t have to wait for a special time of year to generate the momentum to craft new goals. If we want to change a habit that supports our ultimate vision, we can resume our personal development journey from where we are with the Lord’s help. For additional guidance and support, Newport Beach Christian Counseling can provide the encouragement needed to help you stay on track with your goals.

The One who fashioned us has equipped us to do with Him what we otherwise couldn’t do on our own. Through the voice of Isaiah, a significant Old Testament prophet, God encourages us to forget the old. In difficulty and dry places, The Father promises that newness will suddenly emerge (Isaiah 43:18-19).

At some point, God’s people had to stop looking at the old and make room in their hearts and expect to encounter the Lord in fresh ways. It doesn’t appear only in the Old Testament, but also in the New, where Jesus taught about pouring new wine into old wineskins (Mark 2:22).

Sometimes, we seek new experiences, yet we cling to old mindsets that cannot reasonably support the growth and expansion of what is fresh and developing. To advance our personal development, we need the power of God to spark the change that begins internally and flows externally to people and places around us.

Everything left in our past (old wine) may not necessarily be “bad,” but loyalty to our experience over faithfulness to the new wine of the Holy Spirit will restrict what the Alpha and Omega desires to launch and complete in us.

We tend to attach fear and anxiety to the unknown. It isn’t that we won’t experience discomfort or occasional apprehension. Yet, we don’t have to be controlled by the spirit of fear.

Anxiety seeks to control what we don’t know by recycling intrusive thoughts and obsessions. However, embracing God’s power, love, and self-control transplants us from abiding in the restlessness and agitation that anxiety produces (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV). We can opt into different choices that surrender the illusion of control, by continually submitting our hearts, minds, and the details we don’t know to the all-knowing God who does.

We can form healthy habits of the heart that support the newness that God desires to produce in and through us. Sometimes, we become weary in the wilderness, that is, in between what we desire to see and where we started. Motivation itself isn’t often enough to create lasting change in our personal development. Thankfully, the Lord has placed resources at our disposal that provide enough structure to support a substantial dream.

Whether or not we use those tools directly with Him, on our own, or in partnership with others, the Holy Spirit remains present to guide us into our future and the fulfillment of promises.

Be Grateful

While we don’t live in the past, remembering what God has done arms us against despair. This encourages us and boosts our faith when anxiety’s dark clouds hover.

Creating a gratitude practice is an intentional action that refocuses us on God’s limitless ability, despite present circumstances. It has the added benefit of stilling worry and anxiety associated with the uncertainty. We might find ourselves tempted to complain, mutter words of doubt, or remain agitated in fear about what God hasn’t revealed, yet we must deliberately look up and ahead.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:21-23 ESV

Whatever God has planned is better than what remains in the past. The children of Israel murmured against Moses about the leeks and cucumbers they left in Egypt, but Canaan, their Promised Land was waiting. In their future, the land of milk and honey, a fruitful land, promised to be better than what they remembered about Egyptian captivity.

“‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the Lord Almighty.” Haggai 2:9 NIV

It could be easy to camp out on past failures or successes, no matter how good, but when we turn our face toward the future that the Lord has planned, it renews hope for encountering another facet of the Father’s heart. God doesn’t make empty promises, so if the Holy Spirit has instructed us to look up or ahead, there is not only grace for it but also something He wants us to be ready to see.

Be Open

When we begin walking toward our goals and incorporating new habits, our preparation demonstrates faith in Him over our fears and anxiety. We aim our efforts and attention, much like an arrow, to strike targets in the direction of our destiny.

Clearing mental and emotional clutter releases what served a previous environment or season but won’t work in the new setting. As we learn to live with a mind that’s opened to dream with God, a heart to desire with God, and hands to do with God, we carve a welcome space for the Lord to manifest His Will on the earth.

Not only will our personal development accelerate through the fruit of goals and improved habits, but we will experience a greater dimension of the God who exceeds and abounds beyond what we ask, think, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

Be Clear 

And the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:2-3 ESV

Write the vision that God has begun to script in your heart. Sit with the Holy Spirit to hear Him clearly, even as your dreams resurface. You don’t have to fear what you see, as God is the One who has populated your heart with its unique desires (Psalm 37:4). He has the power to bring them forward and into fruition. So, be bold and creative. Identify what you want to see evolve in your life and embrace the Lord’s timing to partner with Him as it unfolds.

Use this power of visualizing by creating pictures that support your brain’s capacity to think and your mind’s ability to envision. Connect words or images that illustrate your vision in a place where you can intentionally refer to it, consistently gathering inspiration and encouragement. This practical step reinforces faith in what seems impossible.

When you don’t feel inspired or hopeful, building a habit around visualizing God’s promise, aligns and applies Scripture’s power and principles to your prayers and plans. Acting in faith before you see manifestation cultivates spiritual sustainability and stirs the courage to keep dreaming with God in the wilderness and through the waiting.

Be Diligent

Anything worth having will require an investment, whether spiritual or practical. It is important that we not only spend time with the Lord, assessing what the work will require of us in our personal development journey (Luke 14:28). We must also receive the grace that will sustain and strengthen us as we apply our natural aptitudes and spiritual abilities to our current assignment.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, Colossians 3:23 NIV

Scripture admonishes us to work willingly with our hands and to do everything as unto the Lord. While we may be tempted to disengage when the process becomes difficult, we can invite the Holy Spirit to bring times of refreshing, rest and renew us in hope, and refuel us for Jesus’ ultimate and eternal purpose (Acts 3:19).

Next Steps

While you may have experienced a variety of challenges that shelved your hope, it is possible to overcome the anxiety that may have stalled your personal development. Seek counseling resources from Newport Beach Christian Counseling and schedule with a professional for the support you need.

The Lord may be awakening you now to engage with the reality of dreaming and doing with Him. Commit to meeting with your counselor so you can embrace the courage to dream and experience the fullness you were created to enjoy with the Lord.

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Anxiety in the Bible: Why We Worry and How to Overcome It

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Our bodies are designed to respond to threats and potential threats to our well-being. If you happen to be biking on a wilderness trail and come across a rattlesnake, your body will respond instinctively before you fully process what’s happening. It’s good that the response is automatic because many situations call for a split-second response.

While this ability to respond to threats and dangers is helpful, it can also work against us. It’s one thing for your fight-or-flight response to kick in when you’re faced with a fast-moving car or a deadly snake, and another when you’re on a first date or responding to a question asked in a meeting or classroom. At those times, feeling anxious can be a disservice. For those seeking support in managing such anxiety, Newport Beach Christian Counseling can offer guidance and strategies to help navigate these moments.

How Anxiety Affects Us

When you feel anxious, that affects your mind, body, emotions, and spirit. This is a reciprocal relationship because these other things can also affect whether you feel anxious or not. For instance, if you haven’t had a good night’s rest, or you’ve had a lot of coffee, it affects your emotional regulation, and caffeine can make you more anxious.

Anxiety has a physiological effect on a person. That’s a way of saying that it changes how your body functions, and how you experience the world around you. Anxiety can also affect your life as a Christian in several ways. Physically, anxiety can lead to shortness of breath, trembling, shaking, heart palpitations, sweating, tension headaches and muscle pain, insomnia and fatigue, stomach problems, or feeling lightheaded.

These physical effects can feel uncomfortable in the moment, and they can be compounded by the emotional effects of anxiety. Anxiety can make you have mood swings and become more emotionally reactive. Your anxiety can also negatively affect your self-esteem, making you more sensitive to stress. It’s common for anxiety to make you feel restless and on edge.

Anxiety also affects your mind. While activating the fight-or-flight response boosts your ability to respond to physical threats, it can also make it harder to think and process things rationally. People who feel anxious will often report feeling like they’re spinning their mental wheels, but not really going anywhere. Anxiety will leave you with racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, and issues such as forgetfulness.

Other mental effects of anxiety include the fact that it may distort clear thinking. Sometimes anxiety leads to large leaps of logic. You may become fixated on the worst-case scenarios, in a cognitive distortion called catastrophizing. Anxiety may also result in nightmares and intrusive thoughts, leaving you on edge and hypervigilant about possible threats.

Anxiety can thus leave you feeling emotionally distressed, and not thinking clearly, and it can also strain your body in the long term. However, these aren’t the only ways that anxiety can affect you. Anxiety can also affect you spiritually. It can make spiritual disciplines like prayer, worship, or reading Scripture feel either empty or somewhat forced. You might also feel guilty or ashamed of being anxious, presuming it means you lack faith.

Not only does anxiety possibly induce feelings of shame and guilt, but it can also leave you experiencing doubt concerning whether God is in control, whether He loves you, or is present with you in your circumstances. Anxiety can leave you feeling spiritually inadequate.

Anxiety in the Bible

There are many reasons why we worry. We live in a world that’s filled with uncertainties, and dangers do exist. The Bible is a collection of stories, poems, and letters, written by people but guided by God’s Spirit. It deals with human realities, describing everyday situations that you or I could find ourselves in. We can find our experiences reflected there, and we can expect the Lord to speak clearly through it to guide us.

There are many expressions of anxiety in Scripture, by people who find themselves facing war, being betrayed by loved ones, or facing uncertainty about their safety and well-being. David’s thoughts trouble him and he is distraught because of what his enemies are saying (Psalm 55:1-5, NIV). Moses is dismayed and anxious about being called to lead God’s people (Exodus 3-4). Martha is anxious about being a good host to Jesus (Luke 10:38-42).

Anxiety is a common human experience. It occurs in any situation you can think of. Anxiety, fear, and worry are so common that many verses address them. The call to not be afraid or anxious echoes through many passages of the Bible precisely because we are so prone to these things. The Lord tells the Israelites to “fear not” and “be not dismayed” (Isaiah 41:10, ESV), and Jesus says, “Do not be anxious” (Matthew 6:25, ESV).

Scripture offers many encouragements and reminders to help us deal with our anxieties. Yes, our circumstances may seem uncertain, but God cares for us. Jesus reminds His followers about God’s care for all His creation, including us, and that is why we ought not to be anxious (Matthew 6:25-34). Instead of carrying them ourselves, we are to cast our anxieties on God because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7, ESV).

Instead of relying on our own strength and wisdom, we are called to trust in God. One Psalm says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright.” (Psalm 20:7-8, ESV) God, as the one who has all things in His hands, and who sees the end from the beginning, is more trustworthy than anything or anyone else, including ourselves (Proverbs 3:5-6).

One of the more famous passages about anxiety comes from the letter the apostle Paul wrote to the Christians in the city of Philippi. Paul, who was writing from jail, wanted to encourage them to remain steadfast in the Lord, and for them to imitate models of faithfulness. He instructs them on how to deal with their anxieties, saying:

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus – Philippians 4:5-7, ESV

Instead of being anxious, the believer should take the things that are causing concern and pray about them to God. The Lord’s promised response is to guard the believer’s heart and mind, securing their sense of peace in Christ Jesus.

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety can be overcome using several effective strategies. There are ways of coping with anxiety, managing it, and bringing it under control. As anxiety can be caused by a variety of factors, and affects you in different ways, using several complementary strategies may be the most effective way to address it.

Some of the strategies you can implement to handle anxiety in your life include the following:

Exercise

Getting regular exercise can help to reduce your levels of stress as well as make you feel good. Exercise can also give you a way to focus on something other than your anxious thoughts and worries.

Self–expression

Anxiety can eat you up inside if you keep it bottled up. That’s one reason praying about your anxieties makes a difference. Putting your anxieties into words helps you to start getting a handle on them. Sometimes you gain a clearer picture of what’s at the root. By placing it before the Lord and leaving it to Him, it gives room for Him to give you comfort and peace.

Other forms of self-expression that can help you deal with anxiety include journaling, and using art. When you journal, you can also gain a deeper awareness of patterns. Also, you can record your prayers and reflections on Scripture and how the Lord has answered your prayers.

Meditating on Scripture

If you allow it, Scripture can reshape the way you see things, including yourself and your circumstances. Meditating on Scriptures like Psalm 23, Psalm 46:1-3, or Matthew 6:25-34 can help to calm you, remind you of how the Lord is with you, and how there is no real reason to fear or worry.

As you meditate on Scripture, you can remind yourself of certain truths, and also reframe your experiences. There are stories of Bible heroes being anxious, so you’re not alone. You’ll also encounter the Lord’s strength being perfected in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) and come to an understanding that anxiety doesn’t define you. You can keep moving forward despite being anxious.

Relaxation techniques and self–care

Other forms of self-care aside from exercise include ensuring that you get good sleep, as this helps you with emotional regulation. Take breaks, as that helps you to reduce stress and avoid being emotionally reactive.

Some relaxation techniques you can implement to reduce anxiety include deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. The latter helps to reduce muscle tension, which can be an effect of anxiety, and the former can help calm you down in the event you find yourself feeling anxious.

Seek help

Anxiety can be overwhelming, and it can isolate you. You don’t have to deal with it alone. You can share what you’re going through with mature and trusted believers or seek professional help from a Christian counselor. Through talk therapy, and with medication where that’s helpful and prescribed by a doctor, you can bring your anxiety under control.

Anxiety doesn’t have to define you, and it certainly doesn’t disqualify you from a deep and fulfilling relationship with the Lord. Reach out to Newport Beach Christian Counseling today if you would like to talk to a Christian counselor to work through your struggles. We have appointments ready with trained Christian therapists in our practice.

Photos:
“Stressed”, Courtesy of Uday Mittal, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Stressed”, Courtesy of Christian Erfurt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Faith Over Fear”, Courtesy of Sincerely Media, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Studying the Word”, Courtesy of Rachel Strong, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

 

7 Ways to Cure Emotional Exhaustion

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Stress is a natural part of life. No matter how hard a person tries, it is almost impossible to avoid all stress. Social media and technology fuel our technologically advanced world; technology was meant to improve our lives and make things more efficient. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers tools and support to help you manage stress and find balance in this fast-paced, tech-driven world.

However, technology has allotted us so much time that we fit too much into our day and our minds get overly stimulated. Cell phones also add to our stress because we are constantly online and available. Whether scrolling through a social media feed, texting a friend, or looking at the Internet to find a bargain, our minds are constantly stimulated with information.

This stimulation causes cortisol levels to rise in our bodies, causing us undue stress and perhaps anxiety. Cortisol levels that are elevated for long periods can cause mental and emotional strain on our bodies. If you are on the go for too long without giving yourself adequate time for rest, you are vulnerable to emotional exhaustion. The symptoms of emotional exhaustion may be hard to pinpoint.

Some of the symptoms of emotional exhaustion can include (but not limited to):

  • Increased sadness.
  • Irritability.
  • Anxiety.
  • Inability to sleep.
  • Poor diet choices.
  • Failure to thrive in relationships.

Seven Means of Addressing Emotional Exhaustion

It is possible to cure emotional exhaustion. Here are some methods to consider:

Unplug from screens

The human body is made to lower its cortisol levels naturally. But it’s impossible to do that when our minds and bodies are stimulated by television, computers, and phone screens. Limit the amount of time you watch the screen. This adjustment may be a slight change in your lifestyle, but it could also mean a significant change in your health. A person may use their phone, computer, and television more often than they should and not even realize it.

A person’s eyes, ears, and brain were not made to receive information constantly. Just like your physical body, the brain needs rest. Limit screen time to work for an hour on the phone or television in the evening only. Unplug the rest of the time. If a person finds this problematic, they may be addicted to their screens.

Rest

Allow the body time to rest. Take sixty minutes each day when you normally look at a screen and get into a dark, cool room. Place a cold washcloth or sleep mask over your eyes. Listen to the sound of your breathing. Take deep breaths for sixty minutes. Try not to sleep (don’t fight it if you must sleep). Catching up on physical rest may be a way for your body to restore its cortisol levels.

Remove toxic people

Although this may be difficult, it may be time to take inventory of your friendships. Are there people in your life that drain you emotionally? These may be people who only reach out to you when they need something, take more than they give, or talk about you behind your back.

Start with social media. Go through your friends list and delete anyone who is not interacting with your social media feed. You may find you have extra friends on your list who are not friends.

Next, go through your phone and find people you contact often. Are they all people who you would consider friends? If a person is presented as a good friend, keep them. If a person has not been a good friend, delete them. Be honest if the person reaches out to you and asks why you have not contacted them.

Let them know the friendship is just not working out. You may get some backlash from the person who’s angry that you terminated the friendship but count the cost. You may not have lost much in the end.

Limit draining conversations

You may have some people in your life who would like to process their issues and pain with you. While this can be helpful, you can’t be everyone’s counselor. Draw boundaries and let a person know you cannot talk with them about their issues or pain anymore.

As a friend, you may be carrying their burden for them. But this is not healthy for you or the friendship. Tell a person they can tell you about their day or how they’re doing in ten minutes or less. Tell them that you’ll switch the subject to something more lighthearted. This is good for your emotional state because you won’t be carrying another person’s burden for them.

Work less

While this may not be ideal for everyone, if work stresses you out too much, find a way to work smarter, not harder. Is it necessary to work forty hours? Can you be more efficient so you’re not working so hard throughout the week?

Discover new ways to work less and enjoy life more. Work can give us a great sense of purpose and worth, but it also can be emotionally draining. The adrenal glands, which are the control center for stress and anxiety, can get overly taxed if overused for too long. The more time you spend on creative activities and friendships, the happier you’ll be.

Get creative

People were made to create. If you are creative, find a way to unlock that creative potential again. Find outlets that make you happy. For example, if you are not a painter but love to work with paint, find a paint-by-number kit or canvas that already has a picture on it. This creative solution will save you time from having to think of something to draw, but you also won’t have to worry about being perfect. The point is to be creative.

Connect with God

On the whole, Christians don’t spend nearly enough time with God. Due to an overly packed schedule, most Christians spend 20 minutes to 1/2 hour each day in time with the Lord. While this is important and a great start, strive to spend more time connecting with God. Go to a solitary place, get alone, and ask the Lord to speak.

Listen for God’s still, small voice. Listening to God’s voice and obeying Him throughout the day is an incredible skill that will grow you spiritually and allow you to replenish yourself emotionally.

The more time you spend with God, the more you’ll want to talk to Him about the issues in your life. This time with God may cause you to release grief through tears or rage. These are two great ways to release your emotions naturally.

Take your issues to God and allow Him to carry them. The more comfortable you become spending time with God, the more you will be able to release the big emotions weighing you down. Just like on the cross, allow Jesus to carry your burdens with Him and intercede on your behalf. The act of giving up casting your cares to the Lord alone will help you replenish yourself through emotional exhaustion.

Next Steps

Emotional exhaustion is more common than people think. But by trying the suggestions above, you will do your physical body and spirit a great service and ensure your emotional state is as healthy as possible. These changes will help you become a better human being and a Christian.

Sometimes we need a counselor to help us see our way through emotional exhaustion and the causes of it. If you would like the help of one of our Christian counselors, don’t hesitate to contact Newport Beach Christian Counseling today.

Photos:
“Sad Man”, Courtesy of Ben White, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Overworked”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Hammocks”, Courtesy of Andika Christian, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Cross”, Courtesy of Aaron Burden, Unsplash.com, CC0 License