Unshelving Hope: Anxiety, Personal Development, and Summoning the Courage to Dream Again

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We don’t have to wait for a special time of year to generate the momentum to craft new goals. If we want to change a habit that supports our ultimate vision, we can resume our personal development journey from where we are with the Lord’s help. For additional guidance and support, Newport Beach Christian Counseling can provide the encouragement needed to help you stay on track with your goals.

The One who fashioned us has equipped us to do with Him what we otherwise couldn’t do on our own. Through the voice of Isaiah, a significant Old Testament prophet, God encourages us to forget the old. In difficulty and dry places, The Father promises that newness will suddenly emerge (Isaiah 43:18-19).

At some point, God’s people had to stop looking at the old and make room in their hearts and expect to encounter the Lord in fresh ways. It doesn’t appear only in the Old Testament, but also in the New, where Jesus taught about pouring new wine into old wineskins (Mark 2:22).

Sometimes, we seek new experiences, yet we cling to old mindsets that cannot reasonably support the growth and expansion of what is fresh and developing. To advance our personal development, we need the power of God to spark the change that begins internally and flows externally to people and places around us.

Everything left in our past (old wine) may not necessarily be “bad,” but loyalty to our experience over faithfulness to the new wine of the Holy Spirit will restrict what the Alpha and Omega desires to launch and complete in us.

We tend to attach fear and anxiety to the unknown. It isn’t that we won’t experience discomfort or occasional apprehension. Yet, we don’t have to be controlled by the spirit of fear.

Anxiety seeks to control what we don’t know by recycling intrusive thoughts and obsessions. However, embracing God’s power, love, and self-control transplants us from abiding in the restlessness and agitation that anxiety produces (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV). We can opt into different choices that surrender the illusion of control, by continually submitting our hearts, minds, and the details we don’t know to the all-knowing God who does.

We can form healthy habits of the heart that support the newness that God desires to produce in and through us. Sometimes, we become weary in the wilderness, that is, in between what we desire to see and where we started. Motivation itself isn’t often enough to create lasting change in our personal development. Thankfully, the Lord has placed resources at our disposal that provide enough structure to support a substantial dream.

Whether or not we use those tools directly with Him, on our own, or in partnership with others, the Holy Spirit remains present to guide us into our future and the fulfillment of promises.

Be Grateful

While we don’t live in the past, remembering what God has done arms us against despair. This encourages us and boosts our faith when anxiety’s dark clouds hover.

Creating a gratitude practice is an intentional action that refocuses us on God’s limitless ability, despite present circumstances. It has the added benefit of stilling worry and anxiety associated with the uncertainty. We might find ourselves tempted to complain, mutter words of doubt, or remain agitated in fear about what God hasn’t revealed, yet we must deliberately look up and ahead.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:21-23 ESV

Whatever God has planned is better than what remains in the past. The children of Israel murmured against Moses about the leeks and cucumbers they left in Egypt, but Canaan, their Promised Land was waiting. In their future, the land of milk and honey, a fruitful land, promised to be better than what they remembered about Egyptian captivity.

“‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the Lord Almighty.” Haggai 2:9 NIV

It could be easy to camp out on past failures or successes, no matter how good, but when we turn our face toward the future that the Lord has planned, it renews hope for encountering another facet of the Father’s heart. God doesn’t make empty promises, so if the Holy Spirit has instructed us to look up or ahead, there is not only grace for it but also something He wants us to be ready to see.

Be Open

When we begin walking toward our goals and incorporating new habits, our preparation demonstrates faith in Him over our fears and anxiety. We aim our efforts and attention, much like an arrow, to strike targets in the direction of our destiny.

Clearing mental and emotional clutter releases what served a previous environment or season but won’t work in the new setting. As we learn to live with a mind that’s opened to dream with God, a heart to desire with God, and hands to do with God, we carve a welcome space for the Lord to manifest His Will on the earth.

Not only will our personal development accelerate through the fruit of goals and improved habits, but we will experience a greater dimension of the God who exceeds and abounds beyond what we ask, think, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

Be Clear 

And the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:2-3 ESV

Write the vision that God has begun to script in your heart. Sit with the Holy Spirit to hear Him clearly, even as your dreams resurface. You don’t have to fear what you see, as God is the One who has populated your heart with its unique desires (Psalm 37:4). He has the power to bring them forward and into fruition. So, be bold and creative. Identify what you want to see evolve in your life and embrace the Lord’s timing to partner with Him as it unfolds.

Use this power of visualizing by creating pictures that support your brain’s capacity to think and your mind’s ability to envision. Connect words or images that illustrate your vision in a place where you can intentionally refer to it, consistently gathering inspiration and encouragement. This practical step reinforces faith in what seems impossible.

When you don’t feel inspired or hopeful, building a habit around visualizing God’s promise, aligns and applies Scripture’s power and principles to your prayers and plans. Acting in faith before you see manifestation cultivates spiritual sustainability and stirs the courage to keep dreaming with God in the wilderness and through the waiting.

Be Diligent

Anything worth having will require an investment, whether spiritual or practical. It is important that we not only spend time with the Lord, assessing what the work will require of us in our personal development journey (Luke 14:28). We must also receive the grace that will sustain and strengthen us as we apply our natural aptitudes and spiritual abilities to our current assignment.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, Colossians 3:23 NIV

Scripture admonishes us to work willingly with our hands and to do everything as unto the Lord. While we may be tempted to disengage when the process becomes difficult, we can invite the Holy Spirit to bring times of refreshing, rest and renew us in hope, and refuel us for Jesus’ ultimate and eternal purpose (Acts 3:19).

Next Steps

While you may have experienced a variety of challenges that shelved your hope, it is possible to overcome the anxiety that may have stalled your personal development. Seek counseling resources from Newport Beach Christian Counseling and schedule with a professional for the support you need.

The Lord may be awakening you now to engage with the reality of dreaming and doing with Him. Commit to meeting with your counselor so you can embrace the courage to dream and experience the fullness you were created to enjoy with the Lord.

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7 Ways to Cure Emotional Exhaustion

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Stress is a natural part of life. No matter how hard a person tries, it is almost impossible to avoid all stress. Social media and technology fuel our technologically advanced world; technology was meant to improve our lives and make things more efficient. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers tools and support to help you manage stress and find balance in this fast-paced, tech-driven world.

However, technology has allotted us so much time that we fit too much into our day and our minds get overly stimulated. Cell phones also add to our stress because we are constantly online and available. Whether scrolling through a social media feed, texting a friend, or looking at the Internet to find a bargain, our minds are constantly stimulated with information.

This stimulation causes cortisol levels to rise in our bodies, causing us undue stress and perhaps anxiety. Cortisol levels that are elevated for long periods can cause mental and emotional strain on our bodies. If you are on the go for too long without giving yourself adequate time for rest, you are vulnerable to emotional exhaustion. The symptoms of emotional exhaustion may be hard to pinpoint.

Some of the symptoms of emotional exhaustion can include (but not limited to):

  • Increased sadness.
  • Irritability.
  • Anxiety.
  • Inability to sleep.
  • Poor diet choices.
  • Failure to thrive in relationships.

Seven Means of Addressing Emotional Exhaustion

It is possible to cure emotional exhaustion. Here are some methods to consider:

Unplug from screens

The human body is made to lower its cortisol levels naturally. But it’s impossible to do that when our minds and bodies are stimulated by television, computers, and phone screens. Limit the amount of time you watch the screen. This adjustment may be a slight change in your lifestyle, but it could also mean a significant change in your health. A person may use their phone, computer, and television more often than they should and not even realize it.

A person’s eyes, ears, and brain were not made to receive information constantly. Just like your physical body, the brain needs rest. Limit screen time to work for an hour on the phone or television in the evening only. Unplug the rest of the time. If a person finds this problematic, they may be addicted to their screens.

Rest

Allow the body time to rest. Take sixty minutes each day when you normally look at a screen and get into a dark, cool room. Place a cold washcloth or sleep mask over your eyes. Listen to the sound of your breathing. Take deep breaths for sixty minutes. Try not to sleep (don’t fight it if you must sleep). Catching up on physical rest may be a way for your body to restore its cortisol levels.

Remove toxic people

Although this may be difficult, it may be time to take inventory of your friendships. Are there people in your life that drain you emotionally? These may be people who only reach out to you when they need something, take more than they give, or talk about you behind your back.

Start with social media. Go through your friends list and delete anyone who is not interacting with your social media feed. You may find you have extra friends on your list who are not friends.

Next, go through your phone and find people you contact often. Are they all people who you would consider friends? If a person is presented as a good friend, keep them. If a person has not been a good friend, delete them. Be honest if the person reaches out to you and asks why you have not contacted them.

Let them know the friendship is just not working out. You may get some backlash from the person who’s angry that you terminated the friendship but count the cost. You may not have lost much in the end.

Limit draining conversations

You may have some people in your life who would like to process their issues and pain with you. While this can be helpful, you can’t be everyone’s counselor. Draw boundaries and let a person know you cannot talk with them about their issues or pain anymore.

As a friend, you may be carrying their burden for them. But this is not healthy for you or the friendship. Tell a person they can tell you about their day or how they’re doing in ten minutes or less. Tell them that you’ll switch the subject to something more lighthearted. This is good for your emotional state because you won’t be carrying another person’s burden for them.

Work less

While this may not be ideal for everyone, if work stresses you out too much, find a way to work smarter, not harder. Is it necessary to work forty hours? Can you be more efficient so you’re not working so hard throughout the week?

Discover new ways to work less and enjoy life more. Work can give us a great sense of purpose and worth, but it also can be emotionally draining. The adrenal glands, which are the control center for stress and anxiety, can get overly taxed if overused for too long. The more time you spend on creative activities and friendships, the happier you’ll be.

Get creative

People were made to create. If you are creative, find a way to unlock that creative potential again. Find outlets that make you happy. For example, if you are not a painter but love to work with paint, find a paint-by-number kit or canvas that already has a picture on it. This creative solution will save you time from having to think of something to draw, but you also won’t have to worry about being perfect. The point is to be creative.

Connect with God

On the whole, Christians don’t spend nearly enough time with God. Due to an overly packed schedule, most Christians spend 20 minutes to 1/2 hour each day in time with the Lord. While this is important and a great start, strive to spend more time connecting with God. Go to a solitary place, get alone, and ask the Lord to speak.

Listen for God’s still, small voice. Listening to God’s voice and obeying Him throughout the day is an incredible skill that will grow you spiritually and allow you to replenish yourself emotionally.

The more time you spend with God, the more you’ll want to talk to Him about the issues in your life. This time with God may cause you to release grief through tears or rage. These are two great ways to release your emotions naturally.

Take your issues to God and allow Him to carry them. The more comfortable you become spending time with God, the more you will be able to release the big emotions weighing you down. Just like on the cross, allow Jesus to carry your burdens with Him and intercede on your behalf. The act of giving up casting your cares to the Lord alone will help you replenish yourself through emotional exhaustion.

Next Steps

Emotional exhaustion is more common than people think. But by trying the suggestions above, you will do your physical body and spirit a great service and ensure your emotional state is as healthy as possible. These changes will help you become a better human being and a Christian.

Sometimes we need a counselor to help us see our way through emotional exhaustion and the causes of it. If you would like the help of one of our Christian counselors, don’t hesitate to contact Newport Beach Christian Counseling today.

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“Sad Man”, Courtesy of Ben White, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Overworked”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Hammocks”, Courtesy of Andika Christian, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Cross”, Courtesy of Aaron Burden, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Are Personality Tests Helpful?

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Understanding ourselves takes a lifetime. It requires introspection, insightful mentors, and constant change. Who we were as children bears similarities to who we were as teens, who we are as adults, and who we will be when we are elderly. There will also be many differences. Our experiences change us. Many just let it happen, but some take action (such as taking personality tests) to change themselves from the inside out, taking personal development seriously.

Using personality typing systems is one way to work on personal development and self-improvement. There are several out there, each offering features that help with different aspects of personal growth. Personality tests can be used to build self-awareness and empathy. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you explore these tools as part of your journey toward greater personal growth and understanding.

How are personality tests helpful?

In some ways, it can be like hacking yourself. As you learn about your personality’s strengths and weaknesses, you can use tools that best suit you. For example, if you understand that you are a morning or night person, you can choose the time of day to apply your energy effectively.

Different personality tests provide various types of insights. Let’s take a quick look at three popular personality tests.

Myers-Briggs

This personality test uses a system of contrasts to create sixteen distinct personality types. According to the primary website, “The Myers-Briggs framework consists of eight preferences organized into four pairs of opposites.

Your MBTI personality type represents your natural preferences in four important aspects of personality. We use all the preferences, but most people prefer one side of a preference pair more than the other, which accounts for the natural personality differences between people.”

By testing where your preferences fall, you develop a combination that explains how you interact with society. Your Myers-Briggs can change several times throughout your life. Coming back to it from time to time is a fascinating exercise in self-development.

The Enneagram

At a basic look, this personality test provides nine personality types for categorization. However, as any Enneagram coach will tell you, it is far more layered. There are wings and arrows; there are healthy, average, and unhealthy versions of every number, and there are many other details to explore when you learn about the Enneagram.

According to Enneagram coach Suzanne Stabile, “the Enneagram acts as a unique tool for understanding and explaining human behavior and the underlying motivations that drive behavior and the gifts we all have for the transformation of non-productive encounters with others.”

The Clifton Strengths

This test is often used for career purposes. The primary results are your top five strengths. You can leverage these strengths to increase your productivity and value in whatever your field of work. Leadership may use this test to determine how best to work with their team. According to the systems founder, Don Clifton, “Strengths science answers questions about what’s right with people rather than what’s wrong with them.”

If you want to find it, many, many other tests examine particular aspects of personality, worldview, and motivations. Just for fun, you can also take tests exploring what kind of animal you are, what castle matches your personality, or what historical figure you are most like.

Weaknesses

When self-improvement is the goal of taking personality tests, you can gain some great things: insights into your strengths and weaknesses, an understanding of your core values, and how other people are different from you. It can be valuable to help you with relationships, particularly when you know what someone else’s personality type is. You can build empathy by learning about how other people think and react.

It can be tempting to use personality tests to excuse bad behavior. No amount of tests will change who you are. It is entirely up to you to do the work of self-improvement, and personality tests should be a launching point rather than a final explanation.

Your faith also influences your personality. Always hold fast to the truth that no matter what these personality tests say, you are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image.

Personality Tests and Counseling

If you take a personality test, bring the results to counseling. Your counselor can help you use the information in a way that is beneficial to your personal development. They can combine what they know about you with that test to create a plan that helps you achieve your goals.

A counselor is a mentor who can help you use the tool of personality tests most effectively. Call Newport Beach Christian Counseling today to get started with your journey of self-improvement.

References:https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/myers-briggs-overview/

https://www.theenneagramjourney.org/the-enneagram

https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/253790/science-of-cliftonstrengths.aspx

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“Wild Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

 

The Benefits of Taking a Step Back

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When facing a challenge, many people think it is essential to face it head-on. Whether a problem at work, a fear you struggle with, an argument with a spouse, or even a medical crisis, there are aspects that you need to see to swiftly. However, very rarely, are these problems so urgent that you cannot take a step back to regroup. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can support you in finding the space and tools you need to effectively navigate challenges in your life.

You may feel the urge to take action immediately in order to get to the other side of the issue. You may even feel pressure from someone else to address the situation immediately. Whether the desire to work through the issue is internal, stemming from something within you, or external, stemming from someone or something else, it is beneficial to think about whether you need to handle the problem immediately.

This is especially important to consider if it is a long-term issue. These problems may be difficult to manage over extended periods of time. Doing so can cause additional stress, anxiety, anger, or burnout that prevents you from making good choices.

Taking a Step Back

Instead of pressing forward, pause and ask yourself some questions:

  • Does this problem need to be dealt with immediately?
  • Am I in danger? Is anyone else in danger?
  • Am I handling this well?
  • Would I benefit from extra time to think through things?
  • Do I need counsel from a trusted friend, pastor, or therapist?

Answering these questions can help determine if you need to address the issue right away or if you have the ability to take a step back. If someone is in danger, including yourself, it is essential that you make changes to ensure everyone’s safety.

For example, if someone is hurting you, it is important to remove yourself from danger. Similarly, if your child is being bullied, you need to make sure your child is safe before taking a step back to evaluate further.

If you are doing your best to navigate a situation, but find that you are not functioning well, it may be time to step back. Indicators like stress, anxiety, short-temperedness, procrastination, avoidance, and anger are indicators that you need space and support in whatever you are facing.

As you consider your specific situation, you can determine when and how to take a step back. Options may include:

  • Taking a break from an argument
  • Taking a mental health day from school or work
  • Seeking counseling before addressing the issue further
  • Doing something that calms you
  • Practicing breathing exercises
  • Praying
  • Meditating

As you try these things, you will notice several benefits of taking a step back. They may not be immediate, but as you practice them, you can discover how helpful they can be.

Some noteworthy benefits that come with an intentional pause during a challenging situation include:

Seeing What’s Best for You

When you are close to a problem it can be hard to truly see what is best for you. Taking a step back can help you better understand the best path for you without the noise of other people’s opinions.

Taking Time to Heal

Struggling with conflict or crisis, whether personal, relational, or work related, generates countless opportunities for you to be hurt. The way someone treats you, the burden of prolonged stress, or the wounds of your past can leave you feeling vulnerable and broken. Taking a step back gives you time and space to heal.

Reflecting on Your Thoughts and Feelings

Sometimes something that starts small can spiral into a bigger issue. This happens frequently in many relationships. What started as a little disagreement can spiral into an intense argument or long-lasting grudge. This can make it particularly hard to truly consider your thoughts and feelings. Taking a step back gives you a chance to think. It allows you to look more objectively at how you feel.

Enjoying the Present Moment

People rarely take time to enjoy things when life feels hard. It is easy to worry about how to move forward or stress about what is to come. This prevents you from enjoying anything in the present. Taking a step back gives space to be present and find joy in what.

Seeing Another Perspective

People do not always see other perspectives when they are in the middle of a problem. It is easy to get stuck in your thinking, never considering things from another angle or thinking how another person may see the situation. When you take a step back, you can consider the problem from various angles. You can even ask God to help you do this.

Discovering Your Values

Identifying your values feels simple when you are not in the middle of a crisis, but things can change quickly when you are. It is easy for you to disregard the values you hold because you are busy trying to manage your overwhelming situation. Taking a step back gives an opportunity to look at what you value most and see how to move forward with that in mind.

Understanding the Bigger Picture

Rarely do people see the broad picture in the heat of a conflict. When a couple argues about doing the chores, it may seem like it is about laundry and mowing the lawn. In reality, it may be about something else. Perhaps one person is feeling overwhelmed with the demands on them. Maybe there are unmet expectations around chore sharing. Taking a step back can help people see what is actually beneath the surface.

Refocusing

It is always good to keep things in focus. In the middle of a crisis, it is easy to get hyper focused on certain things while losing focus of other things completely. Taking a step back will help you refocus on what is really happening and what is most important.

Finding Yourself

Problems have a way of making people lose themselves. Whether it is getting bogged down in a stressful work environment or drowning in the day to day of parenting, you can work so hard to get through a day that you lose track of your needs and feelings. When you take a step back you are available to rediscover the unique things that make you special.

Recharging

Struggle wears people out. It can make you tired, weary from trying to manage things or address the issue you are facing. You may notice it in other areas of your life. For example, when you are dealing with an issue at work, you may come home and snap at your roommate even though they did nothing wrong. Carrying problems is exhausting. Taking a step back is an effective way to recharge in order to return to your problem.

God Calls You to Step Back and Look to Him

Jesus instructs His people what to do when things feel hard. He wants you to come to Him. He promises hope and rest as you move forward.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)

You Do Not Need to Do This Alone

Taking a step back can be hard. As you face obstacles, the idea of not acting right away can be scary. Talking to a counselor can make the process easier. A trained counselor can help you better understand your situation, help you address any urgent needs, and guide you as you take a step back.

Having a person walk this road with you is incredibly helpful. Call our office at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to connect with a counselor with experience relating to your unique needs. A counselor will support you as you find the best way to move forward.

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Counseling and Help for Helping Professionals

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Being in the helping profession can be a fulfilling journey. These are the people who meet us at our most vulnerable times and offer to help. It can be a teacher in a class or a first responder coming to the scene of an accident. When we talk of those in the helping professions, they cover many categories. Below is a list of some of them:

  • Emergency services (First Responders, ambulance drivers, disaster relief workers, firefighters, police services)
  • Mental health and counseling services (Counselors, mental health advocates, psychologists)
  • Health Care Professionals (Nurses, doctors, EMTs, Midwives, etc.)
  • Non-Governmental Organization professionals
  • Social Services (Hospice workers, child welfare workers, domestic violence advocates)
  • Spiritual and Religious leaders (priests, Pastors, Rabbis, Imams)
  • Educational Services (Teachers, Lecturers, Professors, School Counselors)
  • Legal Services (Judges, Attorneys, Public Defenders, Mediators etc.)

Though the work they do is valuable and serves a great need in society, it comes with unique challenges and stressors. Constantly being there for others can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. The impact of these stressors can have a huge impact if not addressed in time. Due to the nature of the work those in the helping profession do, they rarely think of themselves as the ones needing help. This is why organizations and companies that employ those in the helping professions need to have strong Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) available. These programs can provide essential support for individuals in the helping professions, ensuring they have access to resources like Newport Beach Christian Counseling to address their own emotional and mental health needs.

Common Stressors for Helping Professionals

These programs can assist with some of the stressors that come with helping professions like the ones below:

Burnout

Many in the helping professions must deal with high workloads with few staff and resources to help them out. The fact that they also work long hours at a time can contribute to burnout. This is when the body experiences extreme levels of deep exhaustion. Burnout is common for those who are in the helping professions.

Spillover into personal life

Trying to gain a balance between life and work can be difficult for those in the helping profession. Not only is it the long hours that hinder the ability to attend to other aspects of life, it’s just that the work can also be all-consuming. Struggling to “switch off” when one gets home is a common complaint. This can have a huge impact on the person’s relationships and general well-being.

Compassion Fatigue

Being in the profession of helping others can cause compassion fatigue. This is the impact that helping has on individuals. It can be emotional, mental, or physical. Compassion fatigue causes those who are going through it to be unwilling and unable to care for others. There is a level of disinterest in the welfare of others due to constant exposure to trauma and suffering.

Secondary or Vicarious Trauma

Vicarious trauma happens when those in the helping professions witness or hear about their client’s or patient’s trauma and they take it upon themselves. This is not voluntary but can manifest itself through intrusive thoughts or nightmares. Unfortunately, those in the helping professions are constantly being exposed to the trauma of others and sometimes without adequate support.

Grief and Loss

An unfortunate reality for those in the helping professions, especially those in the healthcare industry, is that they will experience the death of their patients. This can be emotionally challenging and lead to dealing with grief and loss constantly.

Mental Health Issues

PTSD, depression, and anxiety are some common mental health issues experienced by those in the helping professions. The work they do is emotionally taxing meaning without adequate support they could struggle mentally.

Physical Health problems

Physical health issues are a reality for those who work in the healthcare industry. During the COVID-19 pandemic, they were on the front line and therefore more at risk for contracting the virus themselves. Those in the health profession are also more at risk of physical harm as they carry and attend to those in distress.

Help For the Helpers

As essential as the work done by those in the helping professions is, questions need to be asked by organizations and society about what sort of help and support can be offered. Being in a helping profession means that there needs to be a huge emphasis on self-care, organizational support, and seeking professional help when needed.

Being able to take care of oneself is important when in the helping profession. This does not mean a person is being selfish but making sure that they are healthy enough to carry out their duties. Self-care can be achieved by taking care of the physical body, making sure one gets enough exercise, eats right, gets enough sleep, and seeking professional or medical help when they are not well. Taking time to be involved in one’s favorite hobbies and building relationships ensures that individuals are allowing themselves to unplug from their work and care for other aspects of their lives. Relationships are important as they provide the much-needed social support that those in the helping professions need. Being part of a loving and vibrant church community can offer these relationships and support.

A huge part of self-care is the ability for one to have boundaries. This must be both in their professional and personal world. Having boundaries will guard against being burnt out and suffering from compassion fatigue. As much as it is within one’s power, they might need to cut down on shifts at work or limit their church and family commitments so that they are not overstretched. Part of having boundaries can also come in the form of carving out time for prayer and meditation. This is the time one can give themselves to just be still, rest, and commune with God.

Organizational support is also important for those in the helping professions. This can come in the form of Employee Assistance Programs that cater to the unique needs of the profession. Companies and organizations can run seminars and training courses that address any of the risks that are posed. Organizations can also provide career counseling and coaching services to their employees, so they are kept up to date with the changes in their profession, thus reducing the risks of stress in the workplace. Personalized supervision and consultations can also be provided for employees so that they have superiors they can rely on to give direction and guidance.

Professional help for those in the helping professions can come in the form of psychological, psychiatric, or medical help. Due to the dangers posed on individuals due to the stressors they go through daily, access to the above should be made available. Those in the helping professions might struggle with PTSD, Vicarious Trauma, depression, anxiety, physical injuries, and grief. These require professional help. This is in the form of individual counseling, specialized trauma therapy, support groups, and medical and psychiatric interventions. Due to the high-stress nature of helping professionals, greater importance needs to be placed on supporting them and providing them with the necessary resources. Resources need to be available for those who might need regular medical check-ups due to the nature of their work.

All this does not mean that all those in the helping profession are struggling. Most of these challenges have been mitigated by organizations and companies that set up appropriate services for the welfare of their employees. With adequate support, it can be a fulfilling journey to be in any of these professions as long as individuals prioritize self-care and make use of the support structures available to them.

Reach Out for Support

Being in the helping profession can be isolating and sometimes difficult to deal with. If you find you are struggling because of your work and need help and guidance, please reach out to our offices at Newport Beach Christian Counseling. There are trained Therapists who are ready to provide a safe and confidential environment for you to work through any work-related concerns.

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How to Deal with Guilt and Not Feeling Good Enough

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Sometimes in life, you swing big, and you miss. That’s okay because without taking risks, we wouldn’t be able to accomplish meaningful things. When things don’t go the way you anticipate, however, it can be unhelpful to internalize that failure and tell yourself that you are a failure. Yes, we can fail, but at other times we succeed, and the risks we take pay off. Who you are as a person, and the value you possess goes far deeper than your failures, successes, or guilt.

Guilt is a feeling of unease or unhappiness that settles on you when you feel that you’ve done something immoral or wrong. Persistent feelings of guilt can end up shaping how you perceive yourself. You can end up feeling as though you haven’t only done something wrong and feel bad about it, but that you yourself are bad. It’s important to know how best to deal with these feelings. Seeking guidance from a professional, such as Newport Beach Christian Counseling, can provide valuable insights and support to help manage guilt in a healthy way.

The roots of guilt and not feeling good enough

Feeling guilty and not feeling good enough often derive from the same root. When there is a standard of conduct that one has failed to attain, that sense of failure is what causes the unease or distress we often call guilt. That standard may be derived from one’s family, surrounding culture, or from one’s spiritual formation. Failing to meet that standard may also make one feel as though they aren’t good enough.

While a person can feel guilty or not good enough for various reasons, it’s also possible that they can feel these things unnecessarily or excessively. A person can irrationally feel responsible for something that is outside of their control, or that wasn’t their fault. This is known as false guilt.

This can be the result of:

  • Holding onto unattainable and unrealistic standards or expectations.
  • Taking on way too much responsibility for the actions of others.
  • Deeply internalizing unfair or unrealistic familial or societal expectations.
  • Misinterpreting a situation by mistaking or misattributing causes and effects.
  • Constant negative self-talk that induces a sense of guilt.
  • A lack of self-compassion.
  • Past traumatic experiences.

This can have many negative consequences in a person’s life such as self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and stunting personal growth. Thus, false guilt can create an unhealthy sense of self as well as affect a person’s mental and emotional health. Recognizing and addressing false and other forms of guilt helps promote well-being.

How to deal with guilt

Guilt has its place in our lives because it helps us be aware that we’ve done something that we shouldn’t have done, or not done something that we ought to have done. This gap between our actions and our ideals can drive us to act to rectify the deficiency. To address your guilt, the best way is to act, by seeking to undo what was done, to try and make amends, as well as to apologize for any harm caused.

Handling guilt can be difficult because it requires you to come face to face with your inability to meet a certain standard. There are healthy ways to deal with guilt, as well as unhealthy ways to address it. Some of the healthy ways to work through your feelings of guilt include the following:

Acknowledge your feelings

Instead of trying to pretend that you aren’t distressed or that there’s no reason to feel distressed, recognize and accept your guilt. Avoid either denying or suppressing your emotions, as this can only serve to prolong the process of addressing the root issues.

Identify the root cause

Take some time to reflect on the situation or action that’s the source of your guilt. You need to be honest with yourself about what could have led to your feelings of guilt.

Take responsibility

Guilt is often the result of having made a mistake and fallen short of certain expectations. If you’ve made a mistake, own up to it and apologize if necessary. If amends need to be made and can be made, then make them.

Practice self-compassion

Taking responsibility for your (in)action can be hard, but you can approach it with kindness and understanding toward yourself. We all make mistakes and fall short of our own standards and those of others, especially God’s standards (Romans 3:23, 6:23). However, you can deal with yourself truthfully and lovingly, just as you would a friend in a similar situation.

Learn from the experience

Instead of getting stuck in the feelings of guilt, you can use your guilt as a growth and learning opportunity. These situations can help you to pinpoint what you can do differently in the future. You can let go of any self-recrimination, as there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), and there’s no benefit to keep holding onto guilt that has been addressed already.

Move forward

Create a plan to help you move forward. This plan can help you avoid or prevent similar situations in the future, and as you pursue your plan you can be patient with yourself, recalling that it can be a long process.

Seek support

You don’t have to face challenging situations alone. Speak with a trusted loved one or talk to a mental health professional about your feelings of guilt. While guilt can be helpful in moderation, prompting personal growth and positive change, excessive guilt can be harmful to your well-being. If your feelings of guilt are overwhelming or persistent, seek help from a counselor.

Reach out for help

If you are ready to speak to a counselor about guilt, mistakes you feel you have made, unhealthy patterns, or anything that is keeping you from living freely, please reach out to Newport Beach Christian Counseling today. We can arrange an appointment with one of the qualified therapists in our practice. Take your first step toward living free of unhealthy guilt.

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6 Stress Eating Signs to Watch For

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Stress eating is more common now than ever with the accessibility of so much food. In the past, when convenience, prepackaged, and fast foods did not exist, people had to farm or purchase fresh foods and prepare those foods before consumption. Now, reaching for a bowl of candy or a bag of pretzels for temporary stress relief is easy. We often do not think twice about it.

As many as 27% of adults turn to this practice, according to the American Psychological Association. Of the people who reported stress eating, a whopping 34% identified the behavior as a habit.

Are you concerned about stress eating?

When we are stressed out, we eat mindlessly while not hungry. For example, you are up against a work deadline and know that you will not be able to pay your mortgage on time if you do not meet it. As the clock keeps ticking, you reach for candy or salty chips for temporary relief. When you meet the deadline, you feel a sudden surge of relief and decide to reward yourself with more food, such as ice cream.

Also known as emotional eating, it becomes a habit, and the brain treats the behavior as a reward. However, like any bad habit, you can resist, break the habit, and form new ones if you first acknowledge the negative behavior. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help guide you through this process, offering support and strategies for lasting change.

6 Stress Eating Signs

Are you unsure if you are engaging in stress-eating behavior?

The following are six stress eating signs to watch for. If these stress eating signs sound familiar, you can get help. Stress eating is a coping mechanism. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you find other ways to relieve stress without harming your health.

Rapid weight gain.

Due to the intake of unnecessary calories, you may gain weight if you partake in the habit frequently. Some foods contribute to chronic inflammation, which can cause weight gain and a “puffy” appearance. Pay close attention to the types of foods you reach for in stress-eating mode.

Intense urges to eat.

When you are hungry, your stomach feels empty. Your stomach might growl, demanding food soon when you truly need it, and you will eat almost anything to nourish your body. However, stress eating operates on urges and impulses. The draw toward the food is almost tangible. The intensity grows, often for a specific type of food. When we give in to these cravings, we experience temporary stress relief.

Eating beyond full.

Stress eating is a behavior that happens mindlessly. When you consume high-fat or high-sodium foods, your brain rewards you with feel-good chemicals that temporarily relieve stress. Unfortunately, these fatty and salty foods can make it difficult to judge when your stomach is full.

When you eat while not hungry, the stomach does not send the same signal to the brain, alerting you that you are reaching fullness. Eating beyond full regularly can lead to digestive issues, stomach upset, and acid reflux.

Hiding your eating episodes.

Are you embarrassed by your stress-eating episodes? Do you hide the evidence? Do you feel ashamed when you count the wrappers tossed into the trashcan? If you hide your stress-eating episodes because of shame and guilt, reach out to a counselor for help. Eating should never make you feel shame. Hunger is a natural response, but the urges from stress eating can develop into a bad habit that can be broken.

Yo-yo dieting.

If stress eating is something that happens regularly, then you might also diet frequently. This yo-yo dieting (strict dieting followed by stress eating and then resumed dieting) does more harm than good. Many times, your body will crave avoided foods while stressed. It is better to live with an 80/20 mindset. Eat healthy 80% of the time and allow yourself treats 20% of the time. This might help diminish the yearning for “forbidden” foods.

Preoccupied with food.

Preoccupation with food is another sign. It is mentally unhealthy if you always seem worried about your next meal or snack, whether you can get what you want, especially if you are stressed. Note: this preoccupation with food stems from an overabundance and an obsession. If you do not have adequate food at home to feed you and your family, reach out for help.

Break the hold food has over you.

Has your stress eating become a habit? Are you experiencing the negative effects of emotional eating? Contact our office today to schedule a session with a counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California, who can help you take the proper steps to break free from it.

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Building Self-Esteem One Choice at a Time

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Building self-esteem and increasing confidence starts with making the right choices at the right time. When we consistently make productive choices and act on them, we see a boost in our confidence and how we think about ourselves.

No longer do we believe the nonsense that we are not smart enough, attractive enough, or productive enough to get things done. We learn how to set goals and follow through, one choice at a time. Building self-esteem is a natural result of following through. Newport Beach Christian Counseling supports this journey by helping individuals cultivate confidence and resilience.

Building self-esteem and making better decisions

Since our thoughts influence our emotions and behaviors, learning to discern between a poor choice and a beneficial one can help with building self-esteem. We will not always make the right decisions. However, that is a part of life and should be treated as a learning experience.

Try the following tips for building self-esteem and making better choices.

Learn from others’ mistakes

The easiest way to make better choices is to learn from other’s mistakes. If you can learn the lesson from watching others, you can possibly avoid pain and heartache.

For example, if your father was obese due to uncontrollable eating patterns and suffered a heart attack at a young age, you may be at a higher risk of gaining weight and suffering a heart attack or stroke. You may want to learn how to watch your portions and engage in activities that will lower your risk. If you follow in the same footsteps, you might suffer the same fate or worse.

Many people remember the lessons they learned watching their parents and other family members and vow not to repeat those mistakes. However, sometimes these behaviors are ingrained in us and we repeat them anyway, despite our best intentions. A counselor can help you learn to break generational behaviors and addictions.

Learn the lessons from your past choices

Have you ever repeated a decision as if you still have not learned the lesson? We probably all have at one time or another. You may make the same choice if your emotions get in the way of logic, or if you cannot think of a better choice.

For example, you might take back a spouse after they had an affair, only to have them do it again a decade later. Although logic may tell you that this is a behavioral pattern in them, you may allow your feelings for them to override the decision to leave and instead, take them back again.

Try to identify the same type of choices and ask yourself if this is a pattern. Is it a pattern of your behavior or the behavior of someone else? If you make a different choice this time, how will it boost your self-esteem?

Pause and think long-term before making a decision

Before making an impulsive decision or behavior, ask yourself about the long-term consequences.

For example, it might seem like a good idea at the time to cheat on a final exam to earn a certification. However, what would be the long-term consequence? What is the worst thing that could happen? Perhaps the school has a program that tracks the exams and notifies the administration of potential cheating.

What if they disqualify you from the program and do not allow you to earn the certification? What if they report your actions to the next program you apply to? Would the derailment of your dream career be worth cheating on an exam?

You can apply these “worst-case scenarios” to any choice. You may find that a specific choice ends up being in your favor. Perhaps your company offers you a relocation package to a new city. The worst-case scenario is that you are miles away from your family. But, you may weigh the pros and cons and decide that the move will benefit your family far more and you can always make plans to video call and visit your family throughout the year.

Check in with your emotions

Emotions are fickle. When we cannot control our feelings, we may act impulsively and make poor decisions that can lead to lower self-esteem. Before making a monumental decision, take stock of your emotions.

Are you feeling desperate, hurt, sad, or angry? Are you tired or hungry? Is your anxiety calling the shots? It can be difficult to make a proper choice when your emotions seem overwhelming. Instead, reach out to a counselor or close friend and explain the situation. They may be able to help you detach from your emotions to make an informed decision.

Getting help

Do you struggle with your confidence and feelings of self-worth? A counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you with building self-esteem, taking control of your behaviors, and defeating intrusive thoughts. Contact our office today to schedule a session with a counselor in Newport Beach, California.

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5 Ideas for Christian Life Coaching

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Christian life coaching can sometimes sound very general. While you may know you want to make changes, it can be hard to know how to do that in a meaningful way. A Christian life coach can help you deepen your faith, overcome challenges, and live a more Christ-centered life. Newport Beach Christian Counseling offers coaching services that provide personalized guidance to help you reach your goals.

5 Ways Christian Life Coaching Can Help You

Spiritual growth and discipleship

This focus in Christian life coaching aims to help you grow in your relationship with God. This is done by deepening your understanding of the Bible and developing a more intimate prayer life. Coaching sessions can explore different forms of prayer, offer help for studying Scripture, and discuss how to apply biblical principles to your everyday life.

Identity in Christ

Focusing on your identity in Christ in Christian life coaching revolves around helping you understand and embrace your identity as a child of God. You and your coach may have discussions on self-worth, discovering God’s purpose for your life, and overcoming feelings of inadequacy. This is all done by focusing on a solid foundation in Christ.

Faith and decision-making

Decision-making and walking in faith can leave many people stuck, especially when they face something difficult. Coaching for faith and decision-making will help you align your decisions with your faith and values. This can include guidance in making major life choices, such as career changes, relationships, and lifestyle changes. To accomplish this, you will seek God’s guidance and wisdom through prayer and discernment.

Relationships

Relationships are a core part of who people are and how they go through each day. This Christian life coaching explores how to maintain healthy, Christ-centered relationships with family, friends, and significant others. Coaching sessions can cover topics such as forgiveness, communication, setting boundaries, and navigating conflicts to help you grow in your relationships while upholding Christian principles.

Purpose and mission

Christians often seek a deeper purpose in their life. Coaching for purpose and mission will help you discover and pursue your God-given purpose and mission in life. With your coach, you will explore your unique gifts and talents, how to set goals that align with your purpose, and find ways to serve others so you can make a positive impact in your community.

Finding a Christian life coach

While some people seek out a life coach, it is important to find someone who is appropriately trained to guide you in these areas. A Christian counselor can help you with all of these things. They are trained to discuss sensitive topics as well as share strategies and accountability for change.

As you consider what you need, think about these focus areas. Which ones resonate the most with you? Consider rating each one in terms of importance in your life. Do you need more help understanding your identity or do you need help with your relationships? No matter what you face, a counselor can help.

Your needs and journey are unique. These coaching ideas can be tailored to your specific needs and goals. As you meet with your counselor, you will work together to develop a plan that works for you.

To get started or learn more, our online directory of counselors here at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California. The Christian counselors in Newport Beach will work with you to develop a therapy schedule that works for you. Christian life coaching aims to help you draw closer to God, live authentically, and fulfill your God-given potential.

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What the Bible Says about Change

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Life is not stagnant; it is full of change. Throughout your life, you will have different jobs, churches, houses, cars, and relationships. There will be changes you choose to make as well as changes that are outside of your control. Newport Beach Christian Counseling can help you navigate these transitions with wisdom and support.

Learning to develop a healthy mindset around change can help prevent anxiety around changes in your life. Holding fast to the truth will help you work through change trusting in God. Here are Bible verses that can help you through life’s changes.

God is constant

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever. – Isaiah 40:8, NIV

God promises that he will not change the way that everything else in the world changes. As the Creator of the world, he is outside of the limitations that exist within the world. No change is beyond his scope.

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. – Deuteronomy 7:9, NIV

God exists outside of time. He sees the bigger picture that we cannot see. Marveling at the greatness of God is a practical way to practice trusting that he cares for you.

Hold plans loosely

​​To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. – Proverbs 16:1-3, NIV

You can make all kinds of plans, but there is no guarantee that they will succeed. Make a practice of entrusting your plans to God and seeking him in prayer when you make plans.

You may be called to enact change

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” – Esther 4:14, NIV

There may be things in the world that you want to see changed, and God may be calling you to start the process of change. To enact justice, and care for the needs of the community, you may need to lead the change for good. Hopefully, you will not be under the threat of death that Esther was. Look to her for inspiration to stand up for what is right, even when things seem scary.

You may need to change your mind

Then a voice told him, “Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.” “Surely not, Lord!” Peter replied. “I have never eaten anything impure or unclean.” The voice spoke to him a second time, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.”

This happened three times, and immediately the sheet was taken back to heaven. Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right. – Acts 10:14-16, 34-35, NIV

Peter was a devout Jewish man. Yet after witnessing the death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ, he was required to change his mind about a lot of religious rules with which he grew up. We sometimes need to make similar changes about our beliefs.

That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. – Ephesians 4:20-24, NIV

Living life with God is living a life called to change. You are changing the habits of contempt, cruelty, and selfishness, for a life of compassion, generosity, and humility.

The change that happens within your heart and mind is slow, and you may not see the results you desire as quickly as you would like. Yet over time, God promises ”that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6, NIV)

If you need additional help navigating life’s changes, consult with a compassionate Christian counselor at Newport Beach Christian Counseling today.

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