Single Women Over Fifty Ask, “Will I Ever Get Married?”
By the time you hit the age of fifty, you’ve picked up a few truths. You know which coffee brands are worth the extra dollar, and you’ve figured out how to pay your own bills. You may even love sleeping in the middle of the bed without apology. But sometimes there’s still this small quiet question that bubbles up when things get still enough. You wonder if you will ever get married or even fall in love?
Statistically speaking, the odds aren’t in your favor. If you’re a woman who has never been married and you’re over the age of fifty, the data puts your chances of marrying somewhere around 5-10%, depending on where you live and a few other factors. It’s not zero, of course, but it’s not a high probability either.
And yet you still desire to find the love of your life.
Those statistics don’t tell the whole story. They don’t know you or what is possible, especially when you seek the help of God. God sees the desires of your heart, even the ones that you’re too afraid to admit to other people. He doesn’t shame you for wanting love. Remember, it was His idea in the first place.
But you’ve probably already prayed that God would bring the right husband into your life, right? Maybe you’ve been praying for a long time, and now you’re tired. Not tired of trusting God or praying, of course, but of waiting, and that is a perfectly normal reaction.
It’s normal to grow tired of timidly walking into events alone or cringing from well-meaning comments about whether you’re dating. And it can be exhausting pretending that you don’t care that there is no significant other in your life, when you still long for a wedding band on your finger.
Weariness is not an indication of your lack of faith in God or His perfect plan. But it is a type of grief for what you think you’re missing out on, even if it’s mixed with a healthy dose of hope that life won’t always look the way it does now. God understands these complex, sometimes contradictory emotions. He knows the ache of being misunderstood and what loneliness feels like.
Your weariness may be partly due to the lies you tell yourself. You might not even realize it, but over time, it’s easy to internalize messages that aim to convince you that something is intrinsically wrong with you. “If only I had been prettier, thinner, more outgoing, then maybe someone would have picked me up by now.” Lies like that have a way of planting seeds that develop deep emotional roots.
Therapy can benefit you by giving you a platform to sort through the confusion and help to uproot those painful and sinister lies. A Christian therapist can give you an outlet to say the things out loud that have been trapped in your mind. Therapy can give you the tools to sort through the sadness, frustration, and even the shame that sometimes tag along with prolonged singleness.
It’s okay to still want to be chosen, even if you’re in your fifties or older. Love at your age might look a bit different than if it had come earlier in life. But maybe that’s a good thing. With age comes less need for performance and pretending to be something you’re not. There is less time wasted because by the time people hit their fifties, they begin to know exactly what they want and what they will no longer endure.
One significantly positive difference is that you’re not trying to build a life from scratch but inviting someone into a life you’ve already worked hard to establish.
Yes, the odds might not be in your favor if you’re seeking love after fifty, but that doesn’t mean that, with God’s guidance, it won’t happen. And what if it doesn’t? Then you’ll be okay too, because God’s love is not short nor confined to your plans.
What should you do while you wait? Stop. You stop waiting. Stop waiting to live life as a part of a marriage and make the most of your singleness right now. Go to the party, even if you’re going alone. Make space in your life for people who matter and get connected to a healthy church family who can be there with you through life’s ups and downs.
Just because you stop waiting, doesn’t mean you stop hoping. Don’t put your life on hold. Live fully while leaving an extra seat at the dinner table. Because you never know when God may do something beautiful and send someone to you at a most unexpected time.
If someone does walk in? Great. If not, you are still building a beautiful, meaningful, and connected life. One that isn’t defined by whether you wear a ring, but by the way that you choose to love yourself, others, and most importantly, God. Your best years are not behind you, nor were they wasted on singleness. Some of the best moments might still be ahead, whether you’re married or not.
If you would like to learn how a Christian therapist can help you navigate singleness after fifty, contact our office today.
Resources:
https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/eickmeyer-age-variation-first-marriage-rate-1990-2017-fp-19-05.html
Photo:
“A woman standing”, Courtesy of Roberta Sant’Anna, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
The fear of mortality is also known as ‘thanatophobia’, or the fear of death. This fear or anxiety is rooted in a keen awareness of the fact that life will inevitably end, and that awareness can range from subtle to a blaring and ever-present reality that intrudes into everyday life. It can linger in the quiet moments as you reflect on your day, or it can manifest as severe panic attacks or obsessive behaviors designed to help avoid thoughts of death.
Personal experiences As a person ages, they become more aware that our life under the sun isn’t forever; it is impermanent. Experiencing the death or serious illness of a loved one or having a near-death encounter can all trigger fears about mortality and our limitations. Experiences of trauma, abuse, or neglect can also contribute to fears about mortality.
For others, it can result in being risk-averse. Some people take excessive caution, not wanting to risk that something might happen. Trying new things might also get taken off the menu, as that could be too risky. They might become preoccupied with health to address any and all issues, leading to constantly monitoring every health indicator and seeking medical attention for minor concerns.
Reassurance from Scripture Passages like 1 Corinthians 15, Romans 8, John 11-12, Revelation 21-22, Philippians 1:18-26, 1 Thessalonians 4, and 2 Corinthians 5 all help believers reframe their understanding of life and death. God is sovereign over death, and the resurrection of Jesus changes absolutely everything. There is hope, even when it all seems dark and lifeless.