How to Manage Depression in a Relationship

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Depression takes its toll on a relationship. If your significant other suffers from depression, you may be no stranger to emotional distance, withdrawal, decreased libido, and mood swings. But depression is a mental condition and should be treated by a mental health professional, such as a Christian counselor in Newport Beach, California. There are things you can do to help your spouse and manage depression in a relationship.

Tips to Manage Depression in a Relationship

You can help manage depression in a relationship, but you will also want the help of a counselor to provide strategies and evidence-based methods. Remember, as you work with your spouse, that managing depression symptoms can take time, patience, and lifestyle changes.

Seek treatment together

Although it may be tempting to have your significant other attend counseling sessions on their own, and at times they must do so, consider attending couples counseling. The same counselor can preside over both. Through these sessions, you can learn how best to support your loved one while expressing how their depression affects you and the relationship. The counselor can also help establish boundaries and expectations within the relationship.

Keep communication open

Learn how to express your needs and wants and actively listen to your partner’s struggles. Depression is a mental condition, and they may not understand why they feel the way they do or how to manage the symptoms. Become a safe space for your loved one to confide, vent, and cry out to. Keep what they say confidential, even when they make you angry.

Do things together

Withdrawal and emotional unavailability are signs of depression in a relationship. Counteract this by including your partner in outings, movies, and discussions. Pay attention to when they seem to be drawing into themselves and away from the family. Everyone needs some alone time, but depression takes it to the extreme.

Taking your significant other’s personality into consideration, plan for romantic dates once a week or every other week. Plan inexpensive day trips to get away from family and home and bond with them.

Be supportive

Being supportive isn’t just listening to your partner. Being supportive also includes helping them to make healthy lifestyle choices to manage depression symptoms. For example, ultra-processed foods, alcohol, and drug use can exacerbate depression symptoms.

Help your loved one by offering to cook healthy dinners together, pack lunches, and get help for substance abuse. Some changes you may want to make together, such as limiting alcohol to one glass of wine a week.

Encourage exercise

Exercise promotes the release of feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine and decreases the stress hormone cortisol, which contributes to depression and anxiety. For a healthy body and mind, aim for 150 to 300 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise per week.

Speak to your family physician before starting any new exercise program. Once cleared, choose an activity you can do together. Maybe you lift weights at home, travel to the gym together, or jog in the park on the weekends. Find activities that you both enjoy and get excited about, and track your progress rather than focusing on the end goals.

Help create routines

Depression keeps people stuck. They lose motivation to do even the simplest tasks or activities they once enjoyed. Instilling a routine allows the person to operate on autopilot. The task gets accomplished, and the person can feel a sense of achievement.

For example, maybe have your loved one make the bed when they get dressed. Making the bed is a small task that many people overlook. However, when they make the bed, suddenly, the entire bedroom looks nicer, and they can check the task off their list. When they come home in the evening, they are greeted by a nice-looking and cozy bed. Try to keep routines short initially.

Take care of yourself

Don’t neglect your health during this time. Keep appointments, maintain personal hygiene, cultivate a positive mindset, and rely on God in this season. This, too, shall pass. God knows how challenging depression in a relationship can be. Call out to Him and ask Him to take control of the situation. Keep a watchful eye on your own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Christian Counseling for Depression in Newport Beach

Couples counseling in Newport Beach, California provides help for depression in a relationship. You can learn strategies to lessen the symptoms of depression and to rebuild the relationship. You will learn how to work together without compromising boundaries and reconnect emotionally and physically.

Contact our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to schedule a session with a couples counselor in Newport Beach, California to discuss how psychological methods can help with depression in a relationship.

Photo:
“Orange Flowers”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Is This Social Anxiety Disorder or My Personality?

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You might experience a quickening heart rate, feel sick to your stomach, or be dizzy. These are physiological symptoms that could come and go over weeks, months, or even years. How do you know if these  –  combined with your fears of meeting new people  –  are symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder or simply your personality?

Recognizing when symptoms may be related to Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is complex, and not something you should try to ascertain on your own. However, learning about SAD can help you determine your next right step.

What is social anxiety disorder?

Social Anxiety Disorder may be something that you or a loved one has and doesn’t understand. It’s a mental health disorder related to other anxiety disorders.

If you are afraid of joining new groups, meeting new people, or appearing on a stage of any kind, you may have Social Anxiety Disorder. But did you know that even some fear of everyday tasks, such as purchasing a product from a checkout clerk or at a kiosk, making a phone call, or raising your hand in class, can also be signals of Social Anxiety Disorder?

SAD impacts an estimated 7-10% of people in the world, and it often begins in childhood or adolescence. When a person is afraid to join people, groups, or get up in front of others, it may be because of SAD. People with SAD worry about being rejected, criticized, or judged for something they do or say.

Social Anxiety Disorder Symptoms

Symptoms of SAD may seem small at first. You don’t want to participate in group projects at school because you don’t want to be the nominated speaker. Your fear of reading aloud isn’t related to your inability to read; it’s because you don’t want your voice to be judged by classmates.

These symptoms can continue and increase throughout a person’s life. They can range from small to large, come and go depending on the situation, and vary in intensity from mild to severe.

A person with SAD may avoid public speaking, or they may avoid anything where they are asked to address someone they don’t know. This can severely disrupt their life, making it hard to find a career, learn in a traditional school setting, or accomplish basic tasks like purchasing groceries from the supermarket.

How to Tell If You Are Simply Shy

Sometimes, the symptoms of SAD are mild, so they’re chalked up to shyness. This can disturb a young person’s self-esteem because they may perceive that there is something deeply wrong with who they are.

Unfortunately, if your social anxiety disorder is mild, meaning you experience the same symptoms for at least six months, it may be that shyness is hard to distinguish. However, if your symptoms are manageable and they don’t disrupt your everyday life, you are likely someone whom others would characterize as shy.

The tendencies you struggle with can be overcome. Still, it is important to note, your propensity toward shyness doesn’t mean you are any less valuable as a person, though.

Research suggests that shyness isn’t something we’re born with. A sense of self begins to develop around the age of one and a half years old. Consider if you were born with a more sensitive temperament and the caregivers in your life were not understanding of that temperament.

This may have led you to develop lower self-esteem, feel unworthy of love, or believe that the only way to exist successfully in the world around you was to be loud and outgoing.

Sadly, these unhelpful messages are common among people who are shy and among people who have SAD. It’s essential to know that your fears, which contribute to both shyness and social anxiety disorder, stem from real emotions that need to be taken seriously and dealt with gently.

In general, if your symptoms persist for longer than a few weeks (typically, at least six months) and if they’re disrupting your everyday life routines and activities, we recommend consulting a counselor.

Being introverted may increase the likelihood that you will develop SAD, but it doesn’t have to. Psychologists encourage evaluations for anyone who perceives he or she may have SAD because of comorbidities that may be contributing factors, such as generalized anxiety or depression.

Social Anxiety Disorder Treatments

While a person with Social Anxiety Disorder is less likely to seek treatment, due to fear of being judged, it’s essential for a person’s healing. If what you perceive as your shyness persists over time and interrupts your daily life, you can’t discern if you have SAD without a psychotherapy evaluation.

Seeing a counselor in person or online can bring you peace of mind and mark the beginning of a full, varied life. Missing out on friendships, career opportunities, or trying new hobbies are all consistent consequences of someone’s fear getting in the way of their everyday life choices.

Several treatments show promise for social anxiety disorder. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is used to treat multiple mental health issues, and studies show its effectiveness is long-lasting. With CBT, someone with SAD may learn new ways to think about themselves and the world they’re afraid to engage with.

A standard CBT method for social anxiety disorder may help the person understand that some of his or her perceived judgments aren’t there. It can help him or her focus less on self and more on the genuine good found in others. CBT helps people learn new behaviors and beliefs, which impact how they view themselves and how they perceive others’ views of themselves.

Another treatment for SAD is exposure therapy, where a counselor helps someone progressively address and face what they’re afraid of. For example, consider someone with SAD who is particularly afraid of raising their hand (or being called on) in class. Exposure therapy would encourage tiny steps toward class participation. Over time, these small steps add up to overcoming the fear of that specific situation.

Another treatment that has proven helpful for people who have social anxiety disorder is acceptance and commitment therapy. This therapy, also known as ACT, focuses on the gentle acceptance of fearful thoughts so that they can be invited, acknowledged, and hopefully, overcome through small attempts to engage in anxiety-reducing behavior. Mindfulness practices are one example of how a person can grow to address their fear without letting it take hold.

How to Help a Friend or Loved One with Social Anxiety Disorder

Learning to see the real struggle behind a person’s disorder is paramount to accepting and loving them as they are. When we minimize or try to quickly dismiss a person’s fear, it communicates that they’re blowing things out of proportion or fearful for no reason. These behaviors and attitudes only confirm their belief that they are not enough or that their presence doesn’t matter.

Instead, remind yourself that SAD is a mental health condition, not a simple refusal to be part of what you may perceive as fun. It’s a condition that can be overcome, but it takes patience and taking small steps over time when someone is ready.

Other helpful practices to help you show respect for someone with SAD include:

Listen first You might think you understand or have a story about a time when you faced a fear. Try not to share it. Instead, ask questions with compassion and curiosity to show that you care and are genuinely interested in listening.

Encourage second If your loved one expresses a desire to overcome their fears, start with understanding. There aren’t any quick and easy ways to wholeness when it comes to mental health disorders.

Collaborate third When your loved one decides he or she wants to work on the anxiety that’s held them back, ask if they’d like help to find a professional counselor or a CBT group that can give them resources and support. If they decline, that’s okay; ask what you can do to make them feel like you’re in their corner.

Don’t judge We’ve all had struggles in our lives, and mental health is no different than one of your challenges. Maybe you struggle to maintain a healthy fitness and eating routine, or maybe your spending habits need attention.

Try to remember that, unlike a simple tweak to a routine, a mental health condition needs specific, targeted therapy and can’t be unlearned by following someone on social media or making a lifestyle change. Judgments have no place in mental health.

When your loved one is ready, share the resources that you’ve seen – such as this article – that could lead to the discovery of a counselor who knows how to treat social anxiety disorder with patience and compassion. For more help and tools, contact our office today.

Photos:
“Friends”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Shy Dog”, Courtesy of DACHENGZI LIANG, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Relaxation”, Courtesy of Kosal Ley, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Counseling Session”, Courtesy of Hrant Khachatryan, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Signs of Anger Issues to Be Wary of

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Anger is one of those emotions that seems big, bold, brash, and hard to hide. That’s because in a lot of instances, when people feel and express their anger, that’s the form it takes. There are endless stories about anger gone wrong, whether at a family gathering like a wedding, Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or dustups between perfect strangers at a local buffet, restaurant, gas station, or parking lot. The internet sometimes seems to run on anger.

With anger so prominent in everyday situations, you’d think we’d be better at identifying it in ourselves and dealing effectively with it. There are sometimes subtle signs of anger that we either don’t take to be anger or that we ignore for various reasons. Detecting anger issues in your life can help to save your relationships and promote your well-being.

Where Anger Issues Come from

What exactly are anger issues? Being angry and expressing that anger doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anger issues. When a person has anger issues, it means that they struggle to control their anger, and that loss of control often has negative consequences in their life, some of them small, but some of them big. Anger has a dominating presence in that person’s life.

If you don’t work on any anger issues you may have, that can affect all areas of your life, including your work, your relationships, and your health. While anger issues are quite destructive, they can also feel like a normal part of one’s life, especially when they are part of longstanding patterns.

Some of the work of undoing anger issues is rooted in understanding where anger issues come from. This differs from person to person, as anger issues can stem from a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors, as these interact with the individual’s personality and temperament.

Anger issues may have a biological component. Some inherited traits and one’s temperament may contribute to anger issues. Experiencing changes or fluctuations in your hormone levels, such as your testosterone or cortisol levels, can influence your anger. Lastly, having imbalances in your brain chemistry can also affect whether and how you regulate your mood well.

Psychological factors such as mental health conditions, experiences of childhood trauma, and stress or frustration can all contribute to feelings of anger. Health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder can all have increased levels of anger and irritability as symptoms.

In terms of environmental factors that might play a role in anger, your family dynamics and upbringing can shape your behavior, including how you understand and relate to your anger. If you’re exposed to violence and anger, or the cultural and social norms you’re immersed in navigate anger in unhelpful ways, it can also contribute to anger issues. Anger may also become a problem if you find yourself in difficult life circumstances that trigger anger.

Apart from these main factors, other things that can trigger anger issues include struggling with medical issues like chronic pain or thyroid disorders, substance abuse, or sleep deprivation. These and other factors may lie under a problem with anger.

How Anger Can Upend Your Life

When you get angry, there is no telling where it’ll take you if you let it. Some things are good servants and poor masters, and anger is one of those things. Anger can upend your life in significant ways.

Along with this goes the idea, “Be angry and do not sin.” As a person who has come under the leadership of Christ and the support of the Spirit, anger is not essentially bad but can become so when not controlled and given the reins to steer your choices. Anger, in controlled usage, can draw attention to wrongdoing and urge the wrongdoers to change their ways (i.e., a picked-on person saying “you need to stop spitting spit wads at me because that is not okay”).

Anger in uncontrolled, sinful form can seek to attack, humiliate, or damage the wrongdoers and end situations altogether (i.e., a picked-on kid (or bully) punching or damaging or humiliating the other person).

Some of the ways unbridled anger can be disruptive in your life include:

Damaging relationships When you don’t manage your anger well, it can lead to frequent and deep conflict with the people in your life. Angry outbursts can strain relationships with others, and you may say things in anger that you later regret. If you’re an angry person, people may walk on eggshells around you or avoid you altogether, leading to social isolation.

Affecting your work life Anger can result in conflict with clients, coworkers, or supervisors, which may result in job loss. If it doesn’t get that far, anger can still impair your judgment by impairing your decision-making and problem-solving skills, impacting job performance. Unmanaged anger may also lead to accidents, injuries, and reckless behavior on the job, which endangers you and other people.

Impact on physical health When you’re angry, it’s a whole-body experience. Anger activates your fight-or-flight response, putting your body on high alert for threats. If you are angry a lot and if the anger is intense, that taxes your body. Chronic anger can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, and stomach issues like ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, and acid reflux.

Impact on mental health Just as anger affects your body, it also affects your mind. If your anger isn’t under control, it can contribute to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and feelings of guilt and shame. To cope with anger and its effects on one’s life, some people turn to substance abuse, which worsens the situation.

Legal and other consequences Anger can lead to bad decision-making, like assaulting other people or damaging property. This can result in legal action being taken against you, as well as being arrested and possibly convicted. Anger can also lead to financial problems, especially when the anger escalates and results in losing work or facing lawsuits for damage caused to people and property out of anger.

Uncontrolled anger can take a difficult situation and make it worse. This makes it all the more important to address anger issues to deal with life problems without worsening them or creating new ones.

Signs of Anger Issues

Can you tell when you’re getting angry? It’s possible to know yourself well enough to clock when you’re starting to get angry. For some, they feel their face flush or their ears start to burn. Perhaps your heart rate increases, and you get a sense of tunnel vision. Maybe you start talking quite fast and gesturing a lot. Or maybe you go quiet, and you clench your jaws and fists. Each of us has our unique reactions when we start to get angry.

Anger issues can manifest in different ways, and sometimes it’s possible to not even realize that one has a problem with anger. Here are some signs of anger issues to be wary of:

Irritability and mood swings One sign of anger issues is if you easily get annoyed or frustrated, even over small or inconsequential things, and you experience sudden shifts in your mood. If you are irritable or your mood shifts are deep and hard to get out of, that too could point to anger issues.

Sarcasm and passive-aggressive behavior Sometimes, people will express their anger in quieter, more indirect, and less confrontational ways. This includes using sarcasm, backhanded compliments, sulking, rolling your eyes, procrastinating, or other indirect expressions of anger.

Feeling tightness or tension in the body This occurs because you may be frequently clenching your jaws, fists, or tensing your shoulders, indicating pent-up anger or frustration.

Avoiding conflict or difficult conversations Another subtle sign that could point to anger issues is dodging hard discussions or situations that might lead to conflict, instead of addressing issues head-on. If you don’t want to have such discussions because you’re worried about your reaction, especially how you’ll react if you get angry, that could point to anger issues.

Procrastination or passive resistance Another sign of anger issues is when you put off tasks or responsibilities, or you do them begrudgingly to express your anger or frustration with a person or your circumstances.

Overreacting or being overly critical Instead of reacting in a measured way, responding in an excessive or over-the-top way to minor setbacks or mistakes could lead to anger issues. Additionally, if you’re overly critical of yourself or others, that could also be the result of anger issues.

Difficulty relaxing or calming down If, when you get angry, you struggle to unwind or relax, or to calm yourself down even in peaceful environments, that could indicate anger issues.

Substance abuse or addiction Using substances to cope with or numb feelings of anger or the consequences of actions taken in anger may point to anger issues.

Physical complaints Experiencing somatic symptoms such as frequent headaches, stomach issues, high blood pressure, or other physical complaints may be the result of stress and anger issues.

Difficulty apologizing or forgiving If you struggle to admit mistakes you’ve made, to apologize, or to forgive yourself or others, it may be the result of unresolved anger or resentment.

People experience anger differently, and these signs may well point to anger issues, but they may also be rooted in another cause. If you’re concerned about your own anger or that of someone you know, you must consider seeking help from a mental health professional to help you identify and address any anger issues.

Addressing Anger Issues in Your Life

Dealing with anger issues is a process that takes time and concerted effort. There may be habits you’ve accrued over the years that are at play, and it takes time to identify these and begin to unravel and replace them with newer, healthier habits.

You can begin working toward addressing anger issues by taking time to reflect on when and why you get angry. Being able to identify patterns and triggers is a helpful step in learning how your own anger works. Anger issues can also be addressed by improving your communication skills, which include listening well to others, being able to express yourself clearly, and setting healthy boundaries in your relationships.

You must nurture your own well-being, and that includes getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in regular exercise and activities that calm you and bring you joy. You can make use of creative expression to articulate your feelings, and you can seek professional help in the form of anger management classes and therapy to help you identify and shift negative and unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior.

To learn more about managing anger and to meet with one of the faith-based therapists at our location, call us today.

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“Fire”, Courtesy of Eric Sanman, Pexels.com, CC0 License