Topics Covered in Christian Marriage Counseling

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Christian marriage counseling is available before and during the marriage. However, many people don’t realize that you can receive counseling before a problem arises in the relationship.

For example, a few sessions of Christian marriage counseling can prepare you to manage conflict, defuse angry situations, and open lines of communication to keep your marriage from losing ground.

Of course, it’s never too late to seek help. If you believe your marriage needs help, consider contacting a marriage counselor today.

How Christian Marriage Counseling Differs

Christian marriage counseling differs from mainstream counseling. Counseling in a Christian setting (whether in person or virtual) is based on a combination of Biblical principles and evidence-based psychology methods. Since faith is the foundation of a Believer’s life, it is the foundation of their therapy.

Christian marriage counseling acknowledges that sin and its consequences contribute to many issues in relationships. The counselor leads the couple to recognize their sin and repent, allowing them to experience the cleansing that only God’s grace and mercy can provide. This turning away from sin and striving to lead a Christ-like life means a fresh start for the marriage.

Commonly Covered Topics in Christian Marriage Counseling

Christian marriage counseling covers many topics. Whether you want to be prepared for future challenges or need help with a specific issue, Christian counseling has the solution.

Seeking help early is key. If you feel something is wrong and you’ve discussed it with your spouse, you may need assistance from an unbiased third party. Unlike a friend or family member, a counselor can teach strategies and skills that will serve you and your marriage for years to come. Counseling is also a safe space to share intimate details without judgment or ridicule.

The following is a list of common topics covered in Christian marriage counseling.

Communication Problems

Many marital problems stem from miscommunication. Often, we mimic our parents in our own relationships. If we come from a household where the adults did not discuss matters or turned to anger or silence when there was a problem, we might do the same.

Effective communication skills open the door to discussing matters and fostering understanding. Even if you cannot agree with your spouse, or a resolution is not easily found, communication skills make it possible to keep those lines open.

Anger Management

Anger clouds our vision and makes it impossible to hear what others are saying. We become convinced that our way is the only right way, or we lash out at others by slamming doors, throwing things, or verbally or physically hurting others.

Anger is not a sin. But allowing anger to become uncontrollable is a sin. How you react during a situation can bring peace or destruction. The Bible speaks of anger: “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV) Anger management skills can help you work through your anger and remain calm, allowing you to discuss problems rationally.

onflict Resolution

You can avoid escalating conflict with a few strategies. Counseling can equip you with skills in clear communication, active listening, anger management, and identifying the underlying issues that contribute to the conflict. It may be necessary to compromise or seek the help of a third party to resolve the problem.

Learning how to address the problem early, rather than allowing hurt feelings to fester, will save you heartache in the future. It may not be possible to resolve a conflict overnight, but making progress will help you both sleep better.

Financial Issues

Financial stress can overwhelm a marriage. Whether you are living beyond your means, the cost of living has increased, or you have excessive spending, it can lead to conflict. Add to that the cost of groceries and gasoline, college and daycare, and you may find that you argue more about money than any other issue.

Gambling and excessive spending also cause relationship problems in the family. A Christian counselor can help you identify the root of the problem and guide you through steps toward resolution, including budgeting, getting back on track, and paying off debt.

Sexual Problems

Sexual problems can strain the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Erectile dysfunction, low libido, vaginal dryness, Peyronie’s disease, hormonal issues, or sexual disinterest can leave both parties feeling neglected, insecure, and emotionally hurt. In some cases, this can lead to physical or emotional affairs.

Whatever the reasons, counseling can help both parties build emotional intimacy as you work on solutions for physical intimacy. Counseling takes place in a safe space, either in a quiet office at the center or virtually from the comfort of your own home. You learn to build trust and rely on each other beyond sex.

Establishing Boundaries with Extended Family

You may need to establish boundaries with extended family members. Your parents, siblings, and in-laws mean well, but their unannounced arrivals and late-night phone calls may cause more harm than good in your marriage. The same goes for family members who tend to assert themselves in arguments between you and your spouse.

It takes a firm word to set boundaries with others, but your relationship with your spouse must come first. Depending on the person, you may need to tell people to call before coming over to your house or to stay out of your arguments with your spouse. Discuss with your spouse where to draw the line. You may need to consider counseling if your spouse disagrees with boundaries and it’s causing conflict in the relationship.

Mental Disorders

Mental disorders can cause damage to the marriage as well as to other family members. The signs of a mental condition can leave lasting impressions on children or trigger a traumatic response in a spouse. Depending on the mental disorder, it can lead to neglect, abuse, or PTSD.

Help is readily available for mental health problems. The stigma once associated with mental disorders has slowly lifted, and millions of people seek help from mental health professionals. You don’t have to go through it alone, either. Most counseling centers encourage couples or family therapy to help a family member with a mental condition, as well as local or online support groups.

Addiction

Addiction in any form can tear a family apart, causing trust issues between husband and wife. Addiction can include alcohol, drugs, pornography, sex, gambling, tobacco/cigarettes, shopping, food, and internet/gaming. Any substance or action that you crave or find yourself acting on an impulse can be an addiction.

Some people cannot stop certain addictions immediately without supervised help. For example, a person with a heroin addiction will develop withdrawal symptoms after stopping the drug and will need to be closely monitored in a medical setting for any physical complications.

Other addictions, such as smoking or food/overeating, can be overcome by slowly making changes. Speak to a counselor about addiction and the best (and safest) way to manage symptoms and save your marriage.

Infidelity

Infidelity, adultery, affairs, and physical and emotional betrayal can end in divorce. The ramifications of this type of betrayal run deep. It can take years after an affair for a couple to make strides toward rebuilding their marriage. It is possible, but there are many painful obstacles to move past.

Christian counseling works with the couple to “fireproof” their marriage, to lean in closer to God, and to ask for His grace and mercy during this season. It is learning how to communicate and prioritize your spouse above all others. It’s about healing emotional wounds.

Christian Marriage Counseling in California

Looking for Christian marriage counseling in California. Contact us today to schedule an appointment with a Christian marriage counselor. Your counselor can meet with you in person or virtually at a time that fits your family’s needs. Call us today to get started.

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What You Should Know About Social Anxiety Disorder

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Whether you have always been prone to social anxiety or only recently developed the condition, you know the feelings of intense fear, worry, embarrassment, humiliation, or agitation that come with it. You may have had to bow out of social functions, such as a child’s high school graduation, a grandchild’s school play, or meeting friends at the movies.

Social anxiety disorder disrupts relationships and daily activities. The good news? You can overcome the symptoms of social anxiety.

What is social anxiety disorder?

Social anxiety disorder is a mental condition that encompasses intense fear and worry about social situations. It could be attending a concert, going out to eat at a restaurant, catching a movie at the theater, speaking in public, attending a Bible study, or just meeting friends for dinner and shopping. Someone with social anxiety can experience symptoms while thinking about the upcoming event.

Causes of Social Anxiety Disorder

There are various causes for social anxiety disorder:

  • Problems with neurotransmitters
  • Environmental factors
  • Trauma, abuse, or neglect
  • Family history or genetics
  • Bullying and other negative experiences

Social anxiety disorder impacts your ability to connect with others. It affects your ability to attend social functions for close friends and family, and even for yourself. Eventually, it becomes difficult to participate in regular services like church and going to work. Many people suffering from social anxiety disorder choose remote jobs, but this may only reinforce their isolation.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure Therapy

Psychology has come a long way with treatments for social anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Therapy are two of the most well-known and effective forms of therapy.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is used for a wide range of mental conditions, such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), bipolar disorder, phobias, panic disorders, and schizophrenia. Many people use CBT methods to change negative behaviors.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy addresses the cognitive triangle, which connects thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. For example, a negative thought can lead to an unwanted emotion, resulting in a negative behavior.

The triangle also works backward, as a bad habit (behavior) can lead to negative thoughts and emotions. CBT works to break the cycle by inserting and reframing thoughts and behaviors. Changing emotions first is typically challenging, so most CBT practitioners work on reframing thoughts and behaviors.

Exposure Therapy is a controlled exercise that gradually exposes you to social situations. A counselor typically sets the parameters and prepares you for the event. Depending on the severity of your social anxiety, your treatment may start with a five-minute stop at a small grocery store.

As you progress through treatment, the stops will become longer and contain more people. After every exercise, you will report your progress to the counselor and discuss what occurred, how you felt, and what thoughts went through your mind. If an outing did not work out as planned, you will discuss what could have gone better and regroup to try again.

The only way you can “fail” at therapy is if you do not put any effort in at all. The goal never changes, only the means change. If something doesn’t work the first time, your counselor will help you pivot to another strategy. You will notice that you will build confidence the more you follow CBT and exposure therapy methods.

Tips for Moving Past Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is an anxiety disorder, and you can overcome the symptoms. Often, making small changes can make a big difference over time. Practicing how to handle social situations will prepare you for the actual event.

Don’t underestimate the power of lifestyle. How you live can worsen anxiety symptoms. Be sure to initiate changes in your lifestyle for your physical and mental health.

Start with a few of the following suggestions:

  • Eat healthier meals
  • Eat at home more often to control ingredients
  • Avoid ultra-processed food, alcohol, nicotine, and drugs
  • Limit caffeine
  • Drink plenty of water
  • Exercise most days of the week
  • Take a brisk walk daily
  • Prioritize sleep hygiene
  • Care for your body
  • Enjoy a hobby
  • Call a friend or family member

As you progress through therapy, reconnect with old friends and form new friendships. Social connection is a wonderful way to lower stress, and we want you to experience that through overcoming social anxiety disorder.

Say positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are phrases that help to encourage and empower. The more you say these daily affirmations, the more you will believe them to be true. When you believe something, whether true or false, it becomes true for you.

For example, many people have false beliefs because of the words spoken to them during childhood. These beliefs are true for them only because it is what they choose to believe. If a woman is told she is unattractive her entire life, it doesn’t matter how many people tell her she is beautiful; she will not believe it until she changes how she thinks about it.

The following are examples of positive affirmations to help you through social anxiety:

  • I can do hard things
  • I am made in God’s image and likeness, and He is never afraid
  • This, too, shall pass
  • I am loved
  • I am accepted
  • I need not fear. My God is with me
  • I do my best, and God does the rest
  • It is well with my soul
  • I am safe
  • I am blessed and have favor with God
  • I am set apart for God’s purpose
  • I can do this. I will do this
  • I am at ease with other people
  • I will enjoy this moment

Some of the examples above can also be used as mantras during a stressful time. A mantra is a word or phrase you repeat to calm your mind and pull yourself back into the present moment. Try silently repeating, “I can do hard things,” in the middle of a crowd. Do you feel a mindset shift? Practice daily positive affirmations and mantras to see how they work for you.

Recognize triggers

You can develop social anxiety disorder later in life, especially if you have experienced trauma. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), the pandemic increased the prevalence of anxiety and depression by 25%. Many people still struggle with anxiety and social anxiety that began in 2020.

When you recognize your triggers, you can better prepare yourself for a social function. For example, you may experience symptoms when you agree to an event where you might be the speaker or have people’s attention.

Consider the following tips to help you prepare for a social outing:

  • Learn about the social function and your role there. Are you going to watch, or are you expected to participate?
  • Think about topic conversations. People love to talk about themselves, so practice active listening and ask questions. You can use the FORM method: ask about their family, occupation, recreation and hobbies, what motivates them, and what their passions are. They will like you because you are genuinely interested in their lives.
  • Wear comfortable clothing and, if allowed, bring someone with you for support. Decide in advance when to arrive and when to exit.
  • Visualize having fun.
  • Practice your affirmations and mantras.

If you can, start gradually exposing yourself to social situations. Maybe that means returning a book to the library by walking inside and saying hello instead of using the book drop. Or committing to a dinner out with friends for a chance to practice your new skills. Go slowly and reassess what worked and what didn’t. Then, do it again.

Help for Social Anxiety

Social anxiety disorder is treatable using a wide range of therapies. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a counselor to discuss therapies such as talk therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Exposure Therapy. We would love to get you back to enjoying social functions with your family and friends.

Photos:
“Family Dinner”, Courtesy of Curated Lifestyle, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Counseling”, Courtesy of Andrej Lišakov, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Morning Run”, Courtesy of Jenny Hill, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Cross”, Courtesy of Yannick Pulver, Unsplash.com, CC0 License