Experience the Difference: What a Christian Life Coach Can Do For You

If you’ve come to this webpage, you are likely seeking care for unresolved wounds in your life, and if you’ve clicked on this article, you are probably searching for direction toward self-improvement in the hands of a coach who identifies with Christ.

With that in mind, I wanted to write to you about what you can expect from therapy, from life coaching, and especially from the subspecialty of Christian life coaching. I want to help you think through for yourself if the difference would be a noticeable enhancement in your journey.

What is therapy, and what is a Christian life coach?

First, let’s look at what these specialties are by definition and a few metaphors to further identify their typical look and function. Therapy, in the psychological world of healthcare, specifically refers to a professional-client relationship in which the professional delivers care that attends to the needs and mental wounds of the client.

The term “trauma” comes from the Greek for “wound,” and a therapist is in the field of mental wound care. Therapists share, teach, and model evidence-based, scientifically developed concepts and tools in a safe, positive, person-centered space and relationship.

In the metaphorical world of sports, a therapist may function like a physical therapist, helping the client recover from injuries suffered on the field so they can get cleared and back to their healthy athletic selves.

“Coach” was a word originally referring to a vehicle that would transport someone from one place to another. However, in the 1800s, it came to be used to refer to a professional who could help students through exams toward good grades. Now, a coach is widely recognized as a professional or amateur helper who helps bring students, athletes, clients, health patients, leaders, you name it, to higher functioning or personal enhancement in some area.

Metaphorically, a coach can be compared to a position-specific coach – such as a quarterback coach – who assists an athlete in refining movements, routines, or processes that enhance performance and skill. This support does not include addressing physical injuries, which remain the responsibility of a physical therapist.

The Christian Life Coach

But what about a Christian life coach? A Christian life coach can look at areas like business, nutrition, and career-finding just the same as a non-Christian life coach would, but the difference lies in their worldview and orientation to the client’s direction.

A Christian life coach may repurpose the skills and goals, reenvision the client’s sense of self in a new way, and point the client toward a somewhat dissimilar transformation process where goals and fulfillment are encountered in a Christian worldview.

A Christian life coach is like a quarterback coach (and therefore not a healer of injuries per se), but one that has an old, tested system for coaching the quarterback, who has different working premises of success, because that is the proven system in the coach’s mind for improving overall gameplay. To flesh that out, let’s take a look at a few more distinguishing characteristics of a Christian life coach.

A Christian life coach will draw wisdom from the Scriptures, prayer (both in and out of session), and incorporate spiritual disciplines and other effective coaching skills. Many Christian life coaches’ bio sections often use terminology like “help you with navigating” and “meeting you with compassion” through their coaching.

This highlights the humble approach of journeying alongside others in God’s world, drawing on the wisdom of scripture and spiritual practices, and sharing personal experiences of God’s faithfulness that have brought support and guidance in similar situations.

Non-Christian life coaches may use other phrases to describe themselves, such as “we will help you discover blind spots, re-examining old beliefs, and trying new things,” and (as to describe Tony Robbins – a huge figure in life coaching), “he set about gathering knowledge about success from the world’s best. He set out to help people become the best version of themselves, no matter their circumstances.”

A Christian life coach uses the Bible

So, one difference is the primacy of the Bible as source material that is elevated above other knowledge sources. Therefore, biblical life coaches will give the context of scripture verses that represent the thoughts and desires of God’s program for humanity to live fruitfully in this life. A Christian life coach who is worth their salt will endeavor to listen to their client’s heartfelt need and find applicable and contextually accurate verses that are God’s voice on the matter.

These scriptures may help clients find themselves in God’s design as valuable creations with a calling, clarifying the client’s identity in Christ, and encouraging them to pursue the Holy Spirit’s equipping and empowering role.

Clients will learn to set their values and passions in a creative and wider backdrop of right-sized, proper use of their gifts, and God’s presence here and now and forever forward as a promise of companionship and strength that He will always be faithful to carry out.

Prayer with a life coach can reveal areas of need, provide emotional grounding, and prepare clients to combine the truths of the Scriptures with the experience of the life coach, motivating them to act. Similarly, certain spiritual practices like fasting, solitude, generosity, and sabbath taking may be taught as a model of healthy life balance passed down from Old Testament heroes, from Jesus, and the early church.

Also, like a “Christian” quarterback coach, the Christian life coach may frame goals in ways that look less like elevating material success, fulfilling personal dreams, or aligning with an individual’s values and more like aligning with God’s will and calling, and promoting spiritual growth. As you can see, though these can overlap, in some ways, they can be qualitatively different.

Language used can also take on subtly different shades, which you may or may not like depending on your proclivity. Words like “surrendering,” “identity in Christ,” “God’s promises,” “providence,” and “control” may be more commonplace verbiage than in a secular life coaching session.

Also, decision-making processes and what makes them effective can have similarities and differences. A secular life coach (definition of secular being “present age minded”) may lean closer to scientific, deductive, even reductionistic models that start with a client’s logic and intuition and decide that a good decision will pay off when one can reasonably assume a good end or opportunity will arise from the decision.

A Christian life coach would similarly want a good ending to a decision, but what constitutes good for them may be defined only by what is godly (“No one is good but God alone.”). They will try to reverse engineer a good decision by first discerning God’s mindset on an issue through scripture and prayerful consideration. And then comes the question of how to create and maintain parameters that sustain good decision-making. We might call this accountability.

Accountability is thus grounded in the meaning-making structure that produces worthwhile goals. It then develops methods to help the client stay engaged and progress toward their goals, offering feedback and nudging the client back on track if they stray from their goals.

The Secular vs. the Christian Life Coach

This is where you may see a bigger difference between the secular and Christian orientations. The Christian life coach will nearly always believe in the objective nature of the meaning and truth of God’s world, and thus accountability has objective standards with which to weigh the client’s moves according to the Bible.

The secular life coach, will likely be agnostic or atheistic – at least, not faith based (which may be a whole other article to be written or researched if you are interested), will consider accountability as a concept grounded more on the client’s subjective will, desires to achieve or strive, or else be relaxed according to the client’s liking.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of similarities and differences, just the findings of one Christian therapist delving into the subject out of curiosity. I found myself using “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy” (developed by Steven Hayes), which I love and use often. It employs the discovery and commitment to deeply held values amid trials, pain, and the desire to avoid negativity as a pillar of its model for personal growth.

Integration

This posed an important question for me. If I use this theory with non-Christian, non-religious clients, who would almost all ascribe to beliefs or at least behaviors that reflect a subjective basis for meaning making, could I be catalyzing clients toward goals and behaviors that might ultimately separate them from a way of seeing life that needs God in it?

As I am slowly coming to believe that catalyzing clients’ awakening of old feelings and dreams about what brought them joy, a definition of identity, and a habit of moving forward in their life, can be useful and used by God as the client reawakens questions of who they were made to be.

Will those desires always neatly fit into prescribed Christian frameworks, let’s say, of healthy relationships, healthy recreation, and healthy work habits? No. But I believe that the question of what constitutes a purposeful life will eventually be used by God for growth and well-being in real life, with all of God’s tools and people working to inspire those who are not yet believers to consider the faith-filled, love-filled life God desires.

I am not a Christian life coach by training – the training and accreditation process for life coaching is different than traditional schooling processes for therapists or psychologists. However, there are programs and processes that life coaches can go through for greater specification and effectiveness. And you can and should always ask about that for your own benefit.

I love the godly promises-discovery process and the value defining process, and my therapy incorporates this to broaden healing (like the physical therapist healing the athletes torn hamstring) from past and present emotional and mental processing toward healing with value driven sights and plans built in (like a coach rooting you on the personal records and championships you desire).

Many (or at least, most) therapists will as well, by the way! But I just wanted to share that I love this stuff. Checking out and externally processing out my curiosities is part of my value system. Maybe that’s why I loved writing this piece. Dad joke beware.

Next Steps

If you’d like to start that journey of past, present, and future processing and growth with me, please feel free to reach out to reception at (949) 386-7178

Photos:
“Creating Plays”, Courtesy of Nguyen Thu Hoai, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Overcoming Fear of Mortality and Finding Peace

There are moments in life when we are reminded of the reality that the Lord speaks of in Genesis – “…dust you are, and to dust you will return” (Genesis 3:19, NIV). Life is precious and fragile, and having that awareness can help us appreciate it more, not only for ourselves but also for others. Carrying a genuine appreciation for life can help us not only be grateful for every breath but also see things from a better perspective.

Most things are good in moderation, but unhelpful when overdone. The awareness of how fragile life is can spill over into a fear of death, with different results for how a person approaches their daily activities and tasks. The fear of our mortality can be a challenging anxiety that can disrupt daily living and trap you in unfruitfulness. It is possible to overcome this fear and find peace.

Understanding the Fear of Mortality

It’s important to get this out of the way – you are going to die someday. That day is unknown to us, but the Lord, who knows the end from the beginning, knows every page written in our book (Psalm 139:16). The fact that you and I have an end can be an overwhelming reality, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s an occasion to trust in the goodness of God, who manages our times and our lives. It doesn’t have to overtake us like a looming shadow.

The fear of mortality is also known as ‘thanatophobia’, or the fear of death. This fear or anxiety is rooted in a keen awareness of the fact that life will inevitably end, and that awareness can range from subtle to a blaring and ever-present reality that intrudes into everyday life. It can linger in the quiet moments as you reflect on your day, or it can manifest as severe panic attacks or obsessive behaviors designed to help avoid thoughts of death.

The fear of mortality can become an overwhelming sense of dread that can disrupt a person’s ability to work, go to school, or have healthy relationships with others. It can lead to ongoing anxieties about one’s health or the health of loved ones, which can be stressful as well as challenging for others to cope with.

The Causes of Fear of Mortality

Why do people fear their mortality? There’s a real sense in which it’s good for us to be aware of our mortality. That primal instinct to stay alive can help you remain alert as you cross the street or drive home from work. In small doses, it’s helpful, but it can become debilitating if it’s given its head.

People fear their mortality for several reasons, including a fear of the unknown. Being uncertain of what happens after death is unsettling, and fear can creep in to fill the gaps in our knowledge, making the unknown a terrifying prospect. Additionally, because death is something that’s ultimately beyond our control, it challenges our need for safety and for predictable things. We fear death because it’s beyond our power to contain or control it.

We also develop a fear of mortality precisely because we have strong emotional ties to loved ones, and we fear being separated from them. When we face life and all it has to offer, reflecting on our lives, their purpose, and meaning, can also trigger a deep existential anxiety about our limitations amid the vastness of space and time.

The reasons that a person develops a fear of mortality include the following:

Personal experiences As a person ages, they become more aware that our life under the sun isn’t forever; it is impermanent. Experiencing the death or serious illness of a loved one or having a near-death encounter can all trigger fears about mortality and our limitations. Experiences of trauma, abuse, or neglect can also contribute to fears about mortality.

Societal and cultural factors Our culture is one that often keeps unpleasant topics like aging, sickness, and death at the back of our minds, and out of sight. While we’re inundated with violent or graphic content in our media and entertainment that almost glorifies death, serious reflections about it that are somber and reflective are often lacking. Our societal and cultural norms about death shape us, and they can lead to a deficient view of death that’s unhelpful.

Spiritual and other beliefs Just as our culture and society shape our beliefs about death, your spiritual beliefs also influence your fear of mortality. Fear of judgment, for instance, can make death feel frightening. Having questions about the meaning and aim of life can also leave a person feeling anxious about what it all means and where it’s all going. Having robust, gracious, and meaningful answers can be a counter to such fears.

Mental health A person’s overall mental health can contribute to fears about mortality. For instance, if you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, you’re more likely to fear your limitations and mortality than not. The fears can become magnified, even when they aren’t justified or rational.

These and other reasons and factors can interact with each other to produce a fear of mortality that manifests in different ways in people’s lives.

How Fear of Mortality Affects a Person

When a person is afraid of death, that fear can impact their life in various ways. While it can increase their appreciation of their lives and the lives of their loved ones and reprioritizing things, it can easily become something else. It can result in avoidance behaviors, for instance. This could include avoiding certain places or situations that arouse the fear, including talking about death, going to a funeral, or visiting a loved one in a hospital.

For others, it can result in being risk-averse. Some people take excessive caution, not wanting to risk that something might happen. Trying new things might also get taken off the menu, as that could be too risky. They might become preoccupied with health to address any and all issues, leading to constantly monitoring every health indicator and seeking medical attention for minor concerns.

The awareness of mortality can bring about an existential dread that can be difficult to push through to allow a person to function well in daily life. Having persistent thoughts and worries about death can be a heavy weight to bear, and all this can make forming and maintaining healthy relationships difficult. Being intimate and maintaining a strong emotional connection with loved ones can become harder, straining relationships.

Fear of mortality can be positive, helping you appreciate life and your loved ones. It can help you reevaluate your priorities for the better, helping you make changes to align your life with what matters most. However, as shown above, it can also affect your life in other negative ways, hindering your daily functioning.

Overcoming a Fear of Death

A fear of mortality can be highly disruptive to your life, preventing you from doing the business of living and enjoying all that the Lord has provided us with. The teacher in the book of Ecclesiastes says the following:

Remember him – before the silver cord is severed, and the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring, and the wheel broken at the well, and the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it
Ecclesiastes 12:6-7, NIV

The phrase ‘Remembering the Lord’ is full of rich meaning, but it entails reflecting on who God is, the nature of the world He created, and the role we have in it. Death is an enemy, an intruder into God’s good creation, but Jesus defeated death on the cross, and He rose again to new life. That resurrection is a ‘first fruits’, a glimpse into what the future holds for all who believe in Him, and also for the creation (1 Corinthians 15, Romans 8).

Remembering the Lord can help us begin reframing our understanding of death, but also what life is about. Using a holistic approach that combines biblical and Christian resources along with professional therapeutic tools, it’s possible to address the fear of mortality. Some of these tools include:

Reassurance from Scripture Passages like 1 Corinthians 15, Romans 8, John 11-12, Revelation 21-22, Philippians 1:18-26, 1 Thessalonians 4, and 2 Corinthians 5 all help believers reframe their understanding of life and death. God is sovereign over death, and the resurrection of Jesus changes absolutely everything. There is hope, even when it all seems dark and lifeless.

Prayer The Lord invites us to pray, to cast our anxieties on Him, and to trust that He can give us the peace we need. Instead of worrying, pray, turning your worries into requests and asking Him for His peace, which transcends understanding (Philippians 4:6-7; John 16:33).

Seeking help Professional help can be beneficial for identifying the source of fear. Through techniques like exposure therapy, it’s possible to become desensitized to the fear, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you to identify and reframe irrational thoughts about death. It’s possible to face your fear, living courageously and with deep peace. Reach out for help from a Christian counselor to find comfort and wisdom in dealing with your fear.

Photos:
“Sun Through Clouds”, Courtesy of Diego PH, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Hourglass”, Courtesy of Nathan Dumlao, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Stairs”, Courtesy of Joe Beck, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Cross”, Courtesy of Aaron Burden, Unsplash.com, CC0 License