5 Tips for Managing Anxiety in Pregnancy

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Anxiety in pregnancy is common. Women can face several worrisome factors, such as:

  • The health of their unborn child.
  • Their health.
  • Anticipation of labor and delivery.
  • Financial problems.
  • Juggling a job and pregnancy.
  • Other children at home.
  • Hormonal fluctuations.

Chronic anxiety can make sleep difficult and cause fluctuating emotions to worsen.

5 Tips for Managing Anxiety in Pregnancy

Pregnancy affects each woman differently. Some women are more prone to anxiety, especially with hormones fluctuating and uncertainties about the pregnancy, birth, and life with a newborn. To manage anxiety in pregnancy, you will need to make healthier choices and lifestyle changes. The goal is to feel calmer, peaceful, and accepted, so staying active and social is important for your physical and mental health.

The following are several tips for managing anxiety in pregnancy.

Stay active

Staying active will keep your joints and muscles flexible and strong. The body undergoes many changes during pregnancy, and the fluctuating hormones can leave you stiff and achy in certain areas. Walking is an effective exercise that most women can do throughout pregnancy.

Although you will need to make modifications, stretching, yoga, and some resistance training are generally safe. Exercise triggers the release of endorphins that will help smooth tense muscles and lower anxiety, leaving you much calmer and more relaxed.

Go to bed

Sleep is now more important than ever as the body needs enough to recharge and repair. Pregnancy hormones and a protruding belly can make sleep challenging. Try creating a bedtime routine to trigger that it is time to sleep. Take a warm shower or bath, drink a warm beverage, and settle into bed with a book an hour or so earlier. If your schedule permits, take a quick nap during the day.

Stick to healthy foods

Processed and junk foods and foods with added sugars can worsen anxiety symptoms. Aim for healthier fare such as lean protein, complex carbohydrates, fresh fruits and vegetables, and healthy fats.

Your physician may also suggest prenatal vitamins to ensure you receive adequate amounts. The vitamins and minerals found in whole foods and prenatal supplements can help you manage anxiety and boost your immune system, not to mention the health benefits to the baby.

Befriend the women at church

Isolation can aggravate anxiety symptoms and increase your risk of developing depression. If you belong to a church, seek a women’s group. This could be a mission group, women’s Bible study group, or mom’s group. If you do not have one at your church, look online for other women’s groups in your area. Feeling a sense of belonging and leaning on other mothers for support and encouragement will boost your confidence and mental health.

Know your limits

Now is not the time to hustle and push yourself beyond your limits, physically or mentally. Know when to slow down and respect what your body and mind can do this season. It may not be what you are used to, but that is all right. Accept that you are growing another human inside of you, and that takes energy. Set boundaries to protect your health from trying to do too much.

Christian counseling for anxiety in Newport Beach

Help is available for anxiety in pregnancy. Contact our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California to schedule a session with a Christian counselor in Newport Beach specializing in mental conditions during and after pregnancy. You can manage symptoms effectively while you wait for your sweet bundle of joy.

Photo:
“Pregnant Woman Reading”, Courtesy of Natalia Blauth, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License

Date Ideas for Couples in Newport Beach: What to Do When You Can’t Find Childcare

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If you’re a parent, you’re likely familiar with the feeling of burnout and overwhelm. Unfortunately, when we feel this way, intentional connections with our spouses often get buried under piles of laundry, to-do lists, and dirty dishes. Here are some creative date ideas for couples in Newport Beach who might be struggling to find childcare.

Date nights aren’t just a luxury; they are an investment in your relationship. Therapists often recommend weekly dedicated date nights for couples to solidify their relationship, rekindle the romance, and improve communication. While most parents would cherish some alone time, arranging childcare when you need it isn’t always straightforward.

Date Ideas for Couples in Newport Beach: Creative Childcare

Even if your trusted sitters aren’t available and you feel you’ve exhausted all options, don’t give up hope in finding responsible childcare. There are alternatives. Here are some innovative date ideas for couples in Newport Beach to consider.

Parents’ Night Out Programs

Check with local community centers, churches, dance studios, or gymnastics facilities. Many of them offer “Parents’ Night Out” programs where they provide childcare for a few hours at a reasonable rate. Here are some options for Parents Night Out in Orange County. While this option requires some planning and a modest budget, it can provide you with much-needed time alone with your spouse. As a bonus, your children may enjoy meeting new people and engaging in exciting activities.

Dates While the Kids Are Occupied

Don’t overlook prime opportunities for alone time with your partner. Dates don’t always have to be at night! Get creative with your schedules. Consider meeting your spouse during your lunch breaks or even taking an hour of vacation time to spend with your spouse while the kids are in school.

Dropping the little ones off at soccer practice? Instead of running errands or sitting on the sidelines, sneak away for a coffee with your mate. Rethink your schedule; you may have overlooked some date-time possibilities.

When your kids are little, put them in a stroller for a nice walk around the neighborhood. Give your kids a snack as a distraction and spend a moment chatting with your spouse.

Upscale Restaurants

Indulge in a worry-free dining experience by choosing an upscale restaurant that offers babysitting services. While this type of service may not be available in your hometown, exploring nearby metropolitan areas may lead you to the perfect spot. Enjoy a night out knowing that your children are being well-supervised, allowing you to savor the dining experience with your partner.

Sleepovers and Lock-ins

Explore options for elementary or middle-school-aged children. Some church youth groups organize “lock-ins” where the students stay overnight at the church to play games and enjoy snacks. Museums and community centers occasionally offer sleepover programs through their community outreach and educational initiatives. These options provide a fun and safe environment for kids while offering parents a chance to enjoy some alone time.

Work Out Together

Does your gym offer childcare? If so, plan a workout date with your spouse. If you’re accustomed to solo workouts, merge your routines and work out together while enjoying the perks of childcare services. After your workout, savor a healthy snack before picking up your kids. Not only are you prioritizing your health but enjoying quality time together.

At-Home Dates

An at-home date night can be a delightful way to spend quality time together with your spouse when getting a sitter is not an option. Here are some creative ways to create memorable experiences together.

Early Breakfast or Late Dinner

Make the most of your children’s sleep schedule by planning an early-morning breakfast date or late-night dinner. Get up before the sun rises and share the view and a quiet moment with your honey over a cup of coffee.

If you’re not a morning person, put the kids to bed early and share a relaxed late-night meal. Prepare as much as you can beforehand to avoid spending your precious time together cooking or order take-out from your favorite restaurant. Set the mood with candles and soft music. After the meal, dance together for a romantic end to your at-home date.

Let the Kids Be in Charge

Bring the charm of an upscale restaurant home by surprising your spouse with a homemade dinner. Keep the children entertained by involving them in meal preparation. Assign them tasks like setting the table or decorating it with freshly picked flowers. Create a handwritten menu or print one off the computer and allow your children to decorate.

Once your spouse has come home from work, dim the lights and let the date begin. Ask the children to act as hosts and teach them to lead your spouse to the special table. Order off your homemade menu (with only one available option) and allow the children to serve as your waitstaff. Show appreciation by tipping them with a little extra allowance or a trip to the ice cream parlor.

Home Theater

Unable to go to the theater because you have no sitter? Create a home theater experience by setting up a projector and big screen for the kids to watch a movie with headphones. Prepare their favorite snack for them to enjoy as they watch their movie.

Snuggle up in a different room with your partner and watch a favorite film together. Don’t forget to get an extra decadent snack to enjoy. This setup should keep the kids occupied long enough for you to enjoy some quality time together.

Indoor or Backyard Camping

Create an inviting space that will captivate your children. Surprise the kids with a blanket fort and indoor campsite filled with cozy things, new activities, and yummy snacks. Alternatively, set up a tent in the backyard to keep them entertained.

While the kids enjoy their new space, create a romantic setting for you and your spouse. Share a meal, a movie, or a delicious dessert and conversation. Conclude the evening with a family bonfire. If you want more alone time, wait until the kids are asleep and transform your backyard into a magical romantic oasis with fairy lights, soft music, and cozy blankets.

Invite Some Friends

If your children are old enough to entertain themselves with friends, consider inviting some of their buddies over to play. Plan a fun activity such as a scavenger hunt, backyard obstacle course, or a crafting corner. While they’re engaged with friends, take the opportunity to spend quality time with your spouse. Work on a puzzle together, play a game, or simply take a few moments to enjoy each other’s company.

Indulge for the Day

Occasionally, it’s okay to indulge in some things that are normally limited or forbidden. Keep your children occupied by allowing them to taste the forbidden fruit. If you typically restrict screen time, consider planning a FaceTime conversation with a cousin or friend. Set up a gaming system and check out new games from the library to let them have a little gaming fun.

You might also consider letting the kids play with those messy toys that usually require a lot of cleaning up and are typically tucked away. Find something out of the ordinary that they don’t usually get to interact with and schedule it for when you and your spouse want to have a quiet and uninterrupted date night at home.

What is the goal of date night?

Ideally, date night is a time for you to connect with your spouse in a meaningful way. It’s a time to set aside the stressors of life, make eye contact with one another, and talk. Some couples with kids struggle with the feeling that they have become co-parents versus partners. For some couples, I recommend setting aside conversations about parenting and instead engage one another in deeper, more intimate questions:

  • What have you been thinking about lately? What have you been feeling?
  • What’s a dream that you wish to fulfill?
  • Where are you with your faith currently? What is God teaching you right now?
  • Are there ways that we can be more intentional with one another and strengthen our connection?
  • What are some things that I can do to love you better in this season?

Is date night enough? Christian Couples Counseling in Newport Beach

While date night ideas for couples in Newport Beach are a wonderful way to strengthen your bond with your spouse, they may not address all your relationship issues.

If you and your spouse feel disconnected or want to work through specific challenges, consider scheduling an appointment with a Christian counselor in Newport Beach, California. Therapy can deepen your emotional connection, enhance or reignite physical intimacy, and resolve conflicts with the help of an impartial professional. Contact us today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling to learn more.

When it comes to nurturing and enriching your relationship, carving dedicated time in your busy schedule to focus on each other is crucial for a fulfilling relationship. Don’t let your lack of childcare hinder your relationship growth. Take the advice of most Christian therapists and view date night as a valuable tool to strengthen your connection.

Photos:
“Holding Hands”, Courtesy of mina6120, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Family on a Walk”, Courtesy of MabelAmber, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Coffee and Dessert”, Courtesy of StockSnap, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Dealing with Codependency in Friendships

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The book of Proverbs, which is one of the wisdom books in the Bible, has this to say about friendship:

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother – Proverbs 18:24, NIV

This book, and the rest of the Bible, has a lot more to say about friends and friendship, but there’s a sense in which this verse is a great summary of it all. Some friends will lead to ruin, and “ruin” may look like several different things, but there are other friends who are not only so reliable that they can be counted on more than your own relatives, but they also cause you to prosper.

There’s a lot that’s been written about friendship. One of the best reflections on friendship was produced by C. S. Lewis, and in The Four Loves, he has these two gems: “Friendship …is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…’”. He also wrote: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

It is possible to survive without friendships, but surely our lives are poorer for it. Friendships, as Lewis put it, give value to survival. They provide us with human connection, joy, and support. There are different kinds of friendships, differing in proximity and depth, but they also differ in how healthy they are. Some friendships are afflicted with unhealthy patterns such as codependency.

Friendships and Codependent Behavior

Codependency is an unhealthy dynamic that can attach itself to different kinds of relationships. This includes the parent-child relationship, romantic relationships, between siblings, coworkers, and friendships. Codependency involves a pattern of relying excessively on another person; this reliance can be both psychological and emotional, and it goes beyond the healthy interdependence that relationships ought to have.

The idea of codependency is typically associated with addiction. In that context, codependency describes the ways the partner or family members relate to their loved one who’s struggling with substance abuse. The partner or family members are overly involved in their loved one’s life, performing a rescuing function. The dynamic is skewed and unhealthy.

Codependency can also be used as a term to describe friendships and other relationships, especially where there is a significant imbalance of power and responsibility in the relationship. In a given relationship, the codependent dynamic is often rooted in early life experiences, like when a person grows up in a dysfunctional family and their needs are ignored or left unmet. These dynamics can be carried forward into other relationships.

In a friendship, two people may meet, and in one or both of their lives, they may have learned to put the needs of others above their own. There may also be a pattern of seeking acceptance from others and finding validation in how others perceive them. What this often translates into is a friend who has an unhealthy habit of self-sacrifice and neglecting their own well-being.

Identifying Codependency in Friendships

What’s the difference between codependency in friendships, and friendships where there is a healthy self-regard? A good friend is willing to sacrifice themselves on your behalf. After all, Jesus, who wants to call us a friend, died for us, the righteous one dying for ungodly people (Romans 5:6-8). However, unlike Jesus, a codependent friend is unable to say “no”, even when it’s detrimental to their own well-being. In other words, they don’t have healthy boundaries.

The lack of boundaries is one of the main things that can help you identify a codependent dynamic in a relationship. To address codependence in your friendship, you need to be able to identify it, whether you’re the codependent one, or the one who’s benefitting from this dynamic. Some of the signs to look out for include the following:

A lack of boundaries With codependency in friendships, personal boundaries are often blurred or non-existent. These boundaries include having your own opinions, demarcating things that you don’t want to get involved in or do, and being able to say “no” when something goes against your values.

Where there is a lack of boundaries, you can wind up feeling trapped in the relationship, unable to express your own needs or desires.

Excessive caretaking If you are a codependent friend, you’ll often assume the role of a caretaker over your friend. You may feel responsible for the other person’s happiness and well-being. To accomplish this happiness, you may put your friend’s needs above your own, even when it becomes detrimental to your well-being.

For instance, you may loan your friend money when you need it to pay your mortgage or car loan, putting your own credit and living situation in danger.

Resentment and controlling behavior Excessive caretaking can be a sign of codependency, and with that, there is also often resentment that takes root. When you don’t take care of your own needs, you wear yourself thin. The codependent person may be resentful toward the other person, and because they feel responsible for them, they often become controlling.

Fear of abandonment A person with codependent tendencies will often have an intense fear of being abandoned by others. This may be the result of past experiences. Having such a fear can lead to clingy behavior. They may go to great lengths to keep the friendship, even when it becomes decidedly toxic or unhealthy.

Need for approval Codependency will often leave a person with a strong need for approval and validation from others. A codependent person will often have an underdeveloped sense of self, and they feel important or valuable only insofar as other people around them accord them that value. They are often overly concerned with pleasing others and may feel worthless without their friend’s affirmation.

This is one of the reasons why a codependent person will stay in an unhealthy relationship, or why they will struggle to say “no” or to give valid criticism about their friend’s behavior – it may mean that their friend won’t give them the approval they crave, so it’s easier to just go with the flow.

Difficulty in decision-making Another sign of a codependent relationship is that a codependent individual might struggle to make decisions independently and rely heavily on their friend’s opinions and guidance.

Dealing with Codependency in Friendships

When it comes to dealing with codependency in a friendship, there are various strategies you can deploy to handle the situation. If you’re codependent, you don’t have to wait for your friends or loved ones to agree with you before you start making changes in your life. You can commit yourself and begin to consciously put in the hard work necessary to change things.

Some things you can do include the following:

Nurturing self-awareness You can begin by nurturing self-awareness about the patterns in your relationships. Pause and reflect on your behavior and motives in the friendship, especially around any self-sacrificial behavior.

Build your self-esteem You can work on building your self-esteem and self-worth from within. Take time to engage in activities that make you feel happy, competent, and confident. Remind yourself what Scripture says about you and why you’re valuable in the Lord’s eyes.

Set healthy boundaries It’s important that you set and communicate clear boundaries with others. Boundaries help to create a balanced relationship where you both feel respected and valued. Know that it’s okay for you to say “no” and to prioritize your own needs. It takes time, but nurture the understanding that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish but necessary for healthy relationships.

Foster independence One way to begin reversing codependency is to encourage yourself to make decisions independently. You can have your own opinions and interests, entirely separate from the things your friend is interested in.

Talk with your friend You should have open and honest communication with your friend, discussing your feelings and concerns about the dynamics of the relationship. You can both, in your own way, work together toward a healthier, more balanced relationship.

Let go In some instances, you need to let go of relationships. If your friend doesn’t want to honor your boundaries and right to say “no”, and if that friendship is causing more harm than good, then it might be time to reconsider its place in your life.

Seek professional help You don’t have to figure out how to do all this by yourself. You can make use of therapy or counseling to overcome codependency. Your counselor can walk with you to unpack and explore the underlying causes of your codependent behavior, and they can also provide you with effective strategies to develop a more secure sense of self and healthier relationships that are built on mutual respect. Contact our office today to learn more.

Photos:
“Proverbs”, Courtesy of Tim Wildsmith, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Talk to the Hand”, Courtesy of Getty Images, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Sunset”, Courtesy of Harli Marten, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Let It Go”, Courtesy of Brett Jordan, Unsplash.com, CC0 License