9 Principles from the Bible to Enhance Your Married Life

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It should come as no surprise to anyone that the institution of marriage has fallen on hard times. The divorce rate has soared even among couples who would label themselves as “Christian” and even where divorce has not actually taken place, many marriages are unhappy, unhealthy, and unfulfilling.

A quick search through a local bookstore or online will turn up thousands of books on the subject of married life. Even after allowing for what could be termed the “celebrity factor” well-known people writing books on a topic because it’s fashionable one is still left with an overwhelming list of books and the unmistakable sense that many peoples’ marriages are in trouble.

God, the inventor of love and marriage, has much to say about love and marriage in the Bible. It has rightly been said that married life can be either a Heaven or a Hell on earth. Which one it is will depend on how well a couple is able to adopt God’s view of marriage and to put His principles into practice in their relationship.

What Does the Bible Say about Marriage?

Though there are many Bible verses for married couples, here are seven Bible verses about love and marriage to get you started.

Marriage was invented by God

And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.- Genesis 2:22

One of the first things that we notice about marriage is that it was invented by God. This may seem basic but it is such a profound truth that it has affected the history of mankind ever since creation.

It was God who created the first woman and God who brought her to the man. Marriage was God’s idea.

Marriage is a good thing

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. – Proverbs 18:22

In this verse, Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, tells us that finding a spouse is a good thing. This is a natural conclusion to be drawn when we understand that God invented marriage and that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).

Furthermore, Solomon tells us that one who finds a spouse “obtains favor from the Lord,” meaning that our spouse is a gift given to us by God Himself! Where two partners are striving to live lives pleasing to God, these things are true of marriage.

The bad news, of course, is that people and their relationships are not what they should be and couples often do not seek to live their lives according to God’s Word. However, the fault for this lies squarely at the feet of mankind and the corrupting power of its sin, not in the institution of marriage.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. – Proverbs 19:11

How often in your married life has your spouse done something to irritate you? Probably daily. How did you react? Did you let your anger loose and snap at them?

Again, Solomon tells us that being “slow to anger” displays good sense and this is nowhere more true than in married life. We shouldn’t let little things irritate us and when they do irritate us, it is to our glory to overlook them. How much more peaceful would our homes be if we were to put this principle into practice?

God hates infidelity

…the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant . . . guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. – Malachi 2:14-15

In this passage, we see God’s view of infidelity in marriage. Some translations actually prefer the word “treacherous” in place of “faithless” which rightly gives it a much more sinister and menacing tone.

We have developed an amazing range of words to soften this particular sin. We call it “having an affair,” “cheating,” “a fling,” “playing around,” etc. anything to avoid the force of the word adultery. God calls it “faithlessness” and points it out as a sin.

Because adultery strikes at the heart of the covenant relationship that was made before God that lies at the center of marriage, there is never any excuse or justification for it under any circumstances. It is always wrong, always a sin, no matter what. Period. End of story.

God hates divorce

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. – Matthew 5:31-32

In our time, divorce is available to anyone for any and every or even no reason and the reasons society invents are endless. “We just don’t love each other anymore,” “He says mean things to me,” “Our sex life has grown stale,” “All we do is argue all the time,” “I don’t feel fulfilled,” “It was time for a change,” or “We’re incompatible,” are just a few of the excuses that people give for seeking a divorce.

In this passage, however, Jesus narrows down the legitimate reasons for divorce to just one namely, infidelity. In 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul adds one other legitimate reason abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Any reasons other than these two are not biblical and are therefore sinful.

These are hard words to hear in a culture dominated by easy, no-fault divorce. But Jesus didn’t come to give us words that we want to hear He came to give us words that we need to hear. Other than for the exceptions mentioned above, God intends for marital issues to be worked through, not divorced over.

God loves forgiveness

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32

Every one of us are sinners and we sin against our spouse and against God every day. Though the primary reference is to the church, this passage has much broader applications for all of our relationships. The Apostle Paul teaches us that we are to be characterized by forgiveness in our relationships.

We are to not merely forgive in a grudging way (which is not really forgiveness at all), but to be “tenderhearted.” This means that our forgiveness is to be at hand, ready for when it is needed.

Why is our forgiveness of others so important? The rest of the verse tells us it is because we have been forgiven by God. If you are a follower of Christ, then you have no reason in the world not to forgive and every reason to forgive. After all, when Christ has forgiven you such a huge load of sin, how can you not forgive your spouse’s sins against you?

As Ruth Bell Graham has said, “A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. – Ephesians 5:25

In this verse, we read that husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. This is a tall order. Christ loved the church by sacrificially giving Himself to die for her. While, admittedly, most husbands will not be called on to die for their wives, they are nevertheless called to live sacrificially for her good.

In Ephesians 5:27, Paul reveals that marriage is a picture of Christ and His church. This makes the command for husbands to love their wives even more urgent. Imagine how many fewer divorces and how much greater marital harmony there would be if more husbands sacrificially loved their wives this way!

Love and respect

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. – Ephesians 5:33

Here we read that there is to be a mutual love-respect relationship between husbands and wives. The husband is commanded to love his wife “as himself” and the wife is to make sure to respect her husband.

It might be tempting to conclude that the husband somehow needs to learn to love himself before he can love his wife but that is absolutely not Paul’s point. On the contrary, the implication is that the husband already does love himself in that he does good to himself by nourishing and caring for himself. In the same way, he is to love his wife by nourishing her (physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc.) and caring for her.

Wives, on the other hand, are to respect their husbands. One of a husband’s greatest needs (relationally speaking) is to know that his wife respects him. It may be many wives’ greatest struggle to respect the man she married. She may love him, but respecting him may be hard.

None of this is to say that husbands don’t have to respect their wives, nor wives love their husbands. Rather, Paul tells husbands and wives what they most need to hear.

Don’t fight

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. – Philippians 2:14-15

It may be against the common wisdom to say that married couples should avoid arguing and fighting, but the common wisdom is not always wise. In this passage, Paul tells us to do all things “without grumbling and without disputing.”

This is not merely to retain marital harmony, though that certainly is in view. We are to maintain peaceful relationships because the society around us is watching. Paul tells us that we are to appear as “lights in the world” that show up in contrast to the “crooked and twisted generation” around us.

This is, of course, an ideal. Very few married couples are able to go through life without any arguing or fighting. However, even when they do, it is to be overcome and handled in a way that is pleasing to God.

Christian Marriage Counseling in Newport Beach

Does all of this strike you as idealistic and impossible to put into practice? That’s not surprising, because it is. As an unbeliever, you won’t have the power of the Holy Spirit to help you overcome your native sin and selfishness and so you will struggle to even accept that these things are necessary for your marriage.

Even if you are a believer who has the power of the indwelling Spirit of God to help, you will still struggle with the sin that remains in you even after you became a Christian. The sinful self always struggles to dominate the life of the Christian even though it is “on its way out,” so to speak.

Prayer, a necessary element of the Christian life, is a vital component to any marriage. Through prayer, we communicate our trials, struggles, and temptations to God, the only one who can truly help.

If you struggle to put these things into practice in your marriage, and you do not have a pastor available to help, try seeking out a Christian counselor to assist you in working through these things for your marriage.

A Christian counselor can come alongside you and share the joys and pains of living the married life before God. They can help you work through the problems or issues that might arise and be a neutral party in settling disputes.

May your marriage grow and prosper and may “God, the best maker of all marriages, Combine your hearts into one.” (William Shakespeare)

Photos:
“Holding Hands”, Courtesy of rawpixel.com, Pexels.com, CC0 License; “Follow Me,” courtesy of Yoann Boyer, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Trouble”, Courtesy of Nathan Dumlao, Unsplash.com; CC0 License; “Joyful Couple,” Courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

Christian Counseling for Effective Anger Management

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Anger is a powerful emotion that can cause us to behave very irrationally. When we fail to control or channel it constructively, it can also be exceedingly damaging both to us and those around us. However, not all anger manifests as emotional outbursts and violence.

Some people struggle with deep-rooted anger that is just constantly bubbling under the surface and is invisible to the naked eye. However, this is also very damaging to emotional and physical health, and will eventually lead to a massive outburst, or long-term issues, that will fail to be resolved until the underlying anger is taken care of.

So, while not all anger issues look the same from the outside, they each need dealing with effectively to ensure free living and healthy relationships and that’s where anger management therapy can come into play.

What is Anger Management Therapy All About?

Anger management therapy sessions can take place in a variety of settings. One of the most popular is to engage in therapy within a group. Indeed, it is possible to attain greater insight into your own anger when expressing your struggles in the presence of others who may be experiencing the same thing.

Simply acknowledging how you feel, and having others do the same, can be an extremely cathartic experience and may act as a springboard to dealing with your anger issues.

In addition, hearing from others who may be dealing with very similar struggles can be a great encouragement to those who feel they are alone and isolated in their difficulties. Knowing that others are battling the same issues can be incredibly energizing as you seek to address the problem and move into greater health.

Remember, you are never excluded from getting help for your anger issues. There are no “entry criteria” that you must meet in order to be accepted into a group therapy setting, for example. You also don’t need to be at a crisis point in order to seek out help.

Too often, people think that they only need anger management therapy if they are having regular outbursts of rage and are “out of control.” Of course, there may be people who need urgent intervention, but those who are struggling with consistently angry thoughts must also feel confident to reach out for help.

That being said, issues of anger may be varied in nature dependent upon age, situation and life stage. For example, a couple entering anger management therapy may find themselves dealing with unhealthy responses and reactions to each other which are making marriage increasingly unsustainable. However, a child with anger issues may be using the anger to mask an underlying issue, or because they are unable to adequately express their feelings or emotions.

When Should I Seek Anger Management Therapy?

Perhaps you can see that your anger is affecting those closest to you, or that your underlying issues are causing you to burst out in irrational behavior on a regular basis these could be clear indicators that it would be wise to seek out help in this area. If you feel as if your anger is growing uncontrollably, it could certainly be time to reach out to a counselling service for assistance.

Often times, there are underpinned emotions related to anger, such as sadness, frustration, and deep-rooted pain. Expressing anger is a common way of pasting over these feelings. However, true freedom will only be found when the root cause is identified and thoroughly dealt with through the appropriate form of therapy.

It can be difficult to recognize the anger issues that might be plaguing your life and relationships. If you have experienced anger for a number of years, it may be almost impossible to identify the behaviors without expert help.

While you might be blind to it, others may see the evidence of the unresolved issues in your life that are causing unrelenting anger to develop. It is worth listening to those closest to you with regards to your behavior, though this can sometimes be difficult to hear!

Often times, people deal with anger in unhealthy ways, even attempting to numb their feelings with certain addictive behaviors. This can also become very detrimental to the person and their close relationships all the more reason to deal with the root issues.

As Christians, we also believe that anger is something that can be wildly corrosive to the spiritual life of an individual. Indeed, the unhealthy habit of harboring anger against others is also addressed in the Scriptures.

Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. – Ephesians 4:26

The Bible also instructs us to be “slow to anger,” which can be incredibly difficult to achieve if we are harboring deep-seated issues that are evoking an angry response within us. It’s like a bottle of soda being shaken up and down eventually, the top is going to blow off!

As Christians, we should have our anger in check at all times. Of course, there are things in this world which may cause you to feel “righteous anger” of some kind, but this is not the most common type of rage that people struggle with.

God wants us to be peace-filled human beings who are slow to get angry with others, and therapy may be a good avenue through which to access this greater freedom.

Anger Management for Kids

Children who are experiencing serious anger issues are often suffering from underlying mental health problems. A few examples of these may be conduct disorder, disruptive mood regulation disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and adjustment disorder.

As such, anger management therapy may be very beneficial to them as they figure out the root of the problems they are having with their emotional health. Often times, anger issues in children will lead them to act out in certain ways through starting fights, being disobedient, fighting against authority or even damaging property.

It is often a good idea for children to start therapy in a family setting so that siblings or parents are given the opportunity to gain some basic insight into the person’s behavior, what is behind it and how to react to it. It is also important for families to address this issue before the behavior gets out of control and becomes damaging for the person and those around them.

Of course, kids who have been diagnosed with specific anger issues may benefit greatly from therapy that seeks to address how to deal with and understand the behavior. However, other children, such as those who have experienced trauma or neglect, may find themselves in the midst of complex anger about their life experiences and may feel as if they are without any way of processing their thoughts and emotions.

Anger management therapy can be a highly effective treatment and can function well as a preventative measure to deal with anger-induced behavior before it spirals out of control.

What are Some Key Anger Management Techniques?

Certain anger management techniques may be utilized before the person begins to exhibit the damaging behaviors, and some may be drawn upon once the anger has begun to manifest itself. However, all forms of anger management are geared towards helping people understand their feelings and change their reactions.

One way of tackling anger is to really get to the root of what is triggering such a visceral emotional response. Some triggers may be more avoidable than you think, and may simply require a bit of extra forethought.

For example, if you find yourself getting uncontrollably angry at other road users when you are stuck in traffic and late for work, you might consider leaving thirty minutes earlier. This way, the stress trigger of being late for work is eradicated, and you are therefore less likely to get angry at fellow motorists and thus less likely to cause an accident.

If your anger is constantly directed towards those close to you, it might be worth looking at the state of your interpersonal communication.

Anger between individuals is often caused by misunderstanding and an inability to communicate with clarity. As such, it can be incredibly beneficial to define the lines of communication and ensure that you are addressing the person in a clear and concise manner.

Sometimes, it is simply a matter of taking a few moments to ask a couple of simple questions such as, “I am not sure I quite understood what you said, could you say that again?” or “I think I heard you, but I am not sure what you mean by that. Could you explain it a bit further for me?”

Often, if these conversations are done correctly and in a calm manner, any building anger will dissipate and you will save yourself a huge amount of stress!

Sometimes, however, situations in our lives which are out of our control may cause a spike in unavoidable anger. At these times, it is important to have an emotional toolbox to draw upon in response. It is about figuring out what works for you: listening to your favorite music, playing some sport, going for a walk or talking with a friend.

Some of these things may work for certain individuals and not for others. The goal is to find the things that work for you and help melt away the anger!

Anger is a very normal human emotion. However, if left untamed, it can become incredibly destructive and damaging both to yourself and the people around you. As such, anger management techniques, administered by a trained therapist, can offer help that could be absolutely life-changing.

So, if you are struggling with a perpetual sense of anger and frustration that is affecting your life in a significant way, make sure to book an appointment with a therapist who specializes in anger management, and begin your journey into a new sense of freedom and joy!

Photos:
“Campfire”, Courtesy of Volha Krayeva, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Catch me”, Courtesy of Noah Buscher, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Angry Enough to Kill”, Courtesy of WenPHotos, Pixabay.com, CC0 License; “Overlook”, Courtesy of Mc7000, Pixabay.com, CC0 License