Grieving and Making Use of Prayers of Lament

Grief and loss come to us all at one point or another in our lives. In those moments, we can find ourselves struggling and without the words to express the deep and complicated emotions and thoughts we’re experiencing. Holding your grief and honoring that experience on one hand, while holding onto trust and hope in the other, can be difficult. This is where prayers of lament can be helpful.

When you’re grieving, you are trying to process loss in your life. Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s important to allow yourself the time and space to grieve. Using the prayers of lament from Scripture is one way to process and express your grief.

The various causes of grief

Loss can happen in a variety of ways. We often think of death, but it applies to many things. We form emotional attachments to other people, things, and places, and they become part of our everyday life. You could even say that they help shape who we are, and so when we lose those things, it affects us in profound ways. These connections and attachments can be broken or disrupted in numerous ways.

The kinds of loss that can induce grief include the loss of a relationship through the death of a loved one, a bad breakup, or a divorce. Loss also occurs when you experience significant failure, a cherished dream gets shattered, or when a loved or deeply respected person betrays you or lets you down. When you move away from your childhood home or the community that has nurtured you, that can also fuel a sense of loss.

Grief can come in various guises, and it is connected to the loss you’ve experienced. For instance, if you lose a loved one due to a natural disaster, an accident, or through some form of violence, which can lead to trauma and traumatic grief.

This type of grief involves losses that happen under horrific or unpredictable circumstances. Grief can also be anticipatory, in that the loss hasn’t yet occurred, but the feelings of loss and grief set in, in anticipation of loss. Grief can thus be complicated.

Allowing prayers of lament to be part of your grief

The process of grieving is unique to each person, and how they make sense of their loss won’t look the same as it does for another person. You may have heard of the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages don’t delineate a straightforward process that runs in order, and when you get to the other side of it, you’re done grieving. Rather, it indicates the kinds of emotions you may experience along the way.

Scripture offers many prayers to address grief in its many forms. One of the kinds of prayers in the Bible is lament. This sort of prayer can be helpful when a person is grieving. A lament is an honest, raw expression of our sorrows that’s directed toward God. It is an expression of your pain and a way to mourn loss. A sizable portion of the Psalms is made up of laments in various contexts.

Many people who follow Jesus assume that they can or should only pray happy prayers, or prayers that are full of hope. This often means that in practice they feel the need to suppress feelings of angst, sorrow, pain, distress, anger, depression, and more. Jesus, while He was on the cross, quoted from one of the Psalms of lament, Psalm 22, when he said, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22:1, Matthew 27:46, NIV).

It’s okay for a believer to feel sorrow and grief, to experience a sense of abandonment. Jesus, and the rest of the Psalms, show us the way. Those feelings can be directed at God and addressed to Him. The Lord is big enough to handle our most complex and painful emotions and experiences. The Psalms show us how to hold our grief and thankfulness in tension, as in Psalms 13, for instance:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?… But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. – Psalm 13:1-2, 5-6, NIV

You can tell God how you honestly feel, knowing that the heavenly Father welcomes you and wants to hear from His children. This is one Psalm, but we don’t know how long it took David to move from the emotions of the first verses to the utterances of hope and gratitude in the last verses. It can take time. You don’t have to rush toward expressing gratitude, but you can trust that you’ll get there. In the meantime, you can be honest with God about your grief.

Reaching for help

The psalms of lament can help to give us the language as well as permission to take our grief to God. Likewise, you can also talk with a grief counselor in Newport Beach, California, who can help you to process your grief and make sense of your experiences. Reach out to our office today at Newport Beach Christian Counseling in California and we will schedule an appointment for you with a qualified therapist in Newport Beach who will help you to cope with your loss.