Pre-marital Counseling Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do”

According to Scripture, marriage is the very first human relationship created by God. Jesus spoke of marriage according to the Old Testament as being one man and one woman united into one flesh. The Apostle Paul exhorted husbands and wives to love, respect, and submit to one another, doing so in reverence to Christ.

The Bible places much emphasis on the institution of marriage as the fundamental relationship in a household. Choosing to enter into this union is both an exciting and sobering time of life.

Pre-Marital Counseling Questions

This article considers several important pre-marital counseling questions that can be asked to give due consideration to the life-changing step you’re about to take by getting married.

These pre-marital counseling questions can be addressed in premarital counseling to help process some of the most important issues related to the decision to get married.

Always remember that two of the most vital considerations in the decision to get married are emotional and spiritual compatibility.

Is this God’s Calling for Me?

Not everyone is destined for marriage. This lifelong commitment comes with responsibilities, privileges, and inherent limitations. Am I truly called to this for life? Can I commit to oneness with my spouse in a partnership that includes physical, emotional, and spiritual components?

Does the future look bright when I consider the two of us moving forward together? Is this person someone I can submit to in the way Scripture discusses, deferring my preferences and making sacrifices for them?

Do Our Personalities Mesh Well?

Do we have complementary personalities, and do we accept each other as we are? Is being around this person enjoyable, and do I find them likable at a basic level? Do we understand each other’s senses of humor?

Also, consider whether you feel emotionally safe enough to be vulnerable with your partner, to speak even unpleasant truths in love. Consider whether you both have the freedom to confront one another in love.

Physical attraction must be considered as well, along with your baseline of common interests and hobbies, and how well you can share a workload together.

What Are We Bringing into Marriage?

The past must be considered in light of how it will affect your future marriage relationship. (See Exodus 20:5-6.) Habitual sins that have not been repented of, or emotional healing that has not taken place, can lead to a repetition of harmful patterns.

Consider the wounds, losses, ways of reacting to the world around you, besetting sins, and expectations that you bring to the relationship. Think about how you and your partner have worked through (or have not worked through) any current issues or past realities. It’s also vital to discuss your families of origin and backgrounds and how they will affect your marriage.

How Do We Communicate?

Are we able to understand and communicate with each other well (James 1:19-20)? When conflict arises, or hurt feelings happen, how do we resolve those things (Ephesians 4:26)?

Are We Spiritually Compatible?

Are we partners in our belief systems? When it comes to my relationship with God, how does this person affect that? Do I feel encouraged to become closer to God, or is it viewed as something incidental or unimportant? Do we pray together and encourage each other to put God first? Do we inspire one another to grow in our faith?

Do We Agree Financially?

Have we discussed our beliefs about managing finances and budgeting (1 Timothy 6:6-10, 17)? How will we merge our finances and manage our spending vs. saving habits?

What Do Others Think?

Do our families, friends, and/or church families affirm our relationship and decision to marry (Ephesians 4:15)? Do we have a support system in place?

Are We Emotionally Mature Enough for Marriage?

Do we display personal and individual emotional maturity (Galatians 5:22-23)? Can we both self-regulate our feelings? Do I view myself as responsible for my own emotions and struggles, and does my partner?

Are we honest and transparent with one another? Do I truly trust this person based on what they’ve done to earn that trust? Do they keep their word and tell the truth? Do either of us struggle with an addiction to anything? If we’ve had these struggles in the past, have we sought help and healing in a way that has allowed for restoration and growth?

Christian Counseling to Prepare for Marriage

If you would like a helpful structure in which to navigate these premarital issues, consider whether Christian counseling might be a valuable resource for you and your future spouse. A Christian counselor shares a similar worldview and value system and is a licensed professional who can guide you through these pre-marital counseling questions and help you discern your readiness for marriage.